Hey there Hazel! I've found myself in a bit of a..predicament. Recently, I decided to revisit the new account of a writer whose old account I'm currently following only to realize that I had been blocked on their new account. Confused by this, I sent them a message pointing it out and apologizing in case I did something to upset them (i.e spam liking since they are one of the few authors I've come across to not exactly be fond of that, and I've been guilty of such in the past) but then I realized I had only interacted with their new account once, which made me even more bewildered. So I decided to ask what another author may have thought about this and they said that it may have been because I have a "blank blog" and that I shouldn't reach out to anyone to ask why I've been blocked (keeping in mind, I never did ask why. Just apologized.) because it can make someone uncomfortable and they "don't owe me an explanation for protecting their own space" which I completely understand. It is never EVER my intention to make anyone uncomfortable.
I had not the faintest clue that a blank blog can be seen as..offensive somehow? In reality, I had been building the courage to start reblogging and even possibly writing one day, but I've been moving at my own pace since I'm a generally nervous person in almost everything I do. Just recently I've been quite proud of myself for being able to send in asks/messages without being as nervous as the first time (I was an nervous wreck that time) but now because of this situation, I feel like I've moved 10 steps back. I've been overthinking this for almost the entire day and it's honestly extremely overwhelming since on one hand "wow, I can be blocked for a blank blog?" And the other "wow, now I've upset 2 of my favorite writers".
This has been weighing so heavy on my mind that truly, I feel quite deterred from interacting with anyone because of it but I want to keep trying since one day, I would like people to read my stories and I wouldn't want reblogs or anything in return, just to know that people are content with my writing. You are the only person that I've thought about reaching out to since you're so understanding and give amazing feedback and I hope to be as mature as you one day(once I get past my anxiousness).
TLDR: In case of anyone being in the same boat as me, do you have any advice on publicly writing and handling the anxiety that comes with putting out that first piece? I'm deeply sorry for the ramble and hope I was as clear and concise as possible. (And as you can see this whole thing was exhausting to the point that I'm not bothering with any anonymity)
This got a little long so read more below the cut! (Also I'm on mobile so I'm not gonna italics below... because ...work)
I can't imagine the confusion of returning to check out an author you love only to find out they've blocked you. Especially if you aren't sure what happened to cause the block.
So you've asked a question here, but your comments are of a different issue so I wanna answer both
There are so many reasons why a blog might block another. I've seen all sorts of rules posted, so I want to explain some perspectives as to why. --
Don't spam like :: some people get overwhelmed by notifications, others believe it'll lead them to being shadowbanned (this isn't true, idk why people think that), lastly - and in my opinion the most important - likes do nothing for creators. They are nice, but they don't help creators get their work seen
I know you said your working up the courage to reblog and interact, so think about your blog as a little scrapbook that you want to save and look at later. That's what Tumblr is.
Creators need your reblogs or their posts die. That's it, that's how Tumblr works.
Ageless and blank blogs :: these are more comfort level for creators. They are different person to person. Ageless is scary for adult vs minor interactions, and blank blogs are often bots (spam accounts) - so some blogs block all of them
My advice is make your blog your home before you go out into the world..it's your safe space, your happy place, so make it how you want!
DNI/BYF :: DNI (do not interact), BYF (before you follow) are great things to check out when first encountering a blog. It'll outline the rules of the author and it's possible you did something on that list that they didn't like (it can be hard to know, so check for those before interacting)
These are just a few reasons why, and I know it doesn't tell you what happened but maybe it'll bring a little background.
I'll also say that while people are allowed to set their rules, of course, still I'm sorry you were treated the way you were when figuring out why. No wonder your nervous to interact with people. Some of the interactions I've seen are ... Kinda not nice.
You're always welcome here to practice and grow more comfortable! I'm happy to help and encourage you!!
As for your second question, honestly, you just have to go for it!! If you've written something and you love it, you have to rip off the band-aid and post it.
See how it goes and learn from everything around you. I made plenty of mistakes when I first started so ask if you get lost, be open to feedback if you've made an error, and stick to your values ā„ļøā„ļø
Check out my pinned post on my blog for some writing blog 101 guides if you want more info!! And reach out if you need something.
Here's another thing, if those blogs are not going to give you a chance, there are others that will and who want you to succeed. Shrine bright firekeeper, you got this š„š„
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I just read one of your imagines with child where y/n is struggling with mental health. And man the idea of the dirty kitchen hit me hard because when Iām having a hard time mentally itās the first thing that I struggle with. Taking care of the house and myself, and it really hit me close to home because nobody has ever helped me with it before. Next time it happens maybe Iāll just have to imagine Childe is there to help:)
itās very true that when you are struggling even the things most would consider simple are almost impossible to do. you have only a few bits of energy and you have to choose waking up, eating something, or even taking a shower but really your brain can only power one of those things -- itās debilitating and can cause even more frustration if your already feeling guiltyĀ
Iāll be honest, sometimes I imagine my favorite is there with me when Iām doing something unfun. Perhaps i am brushing our teeth and he comes in and smiles at me, or Iām doing the dishes and I imagine him wrapping his arms around me for a moment -- itās not only a distraction but itās also a motivator
like lately, Iāve been feeling pretty meh, but I finally got up and cleaned my house! look at me go, and even though iām not happy with how long it took I feel much better in this space - it looks and smells so cleanĀ
so do what you need and if imagining childe is there to help is going to get you through then GO FOR IT!! Hazel approves (this life is hard enough, letās imagine our husbands are there to make it easier)Ā
also -- I know a lot of people sayĀ āitās okay if you canāt x,y,zā and that is true in doses - what I will tell you is your body needs certain things and that yeah, brushing your teeth isnāt going to solve your depression but it can keep you healthy, drinking water isnāt going to make you smile yet it keeps your body going, eating something like an apple wonāt cure you but it will absolutely give you some vitamins you need -- so if you canāt do all of them in one day - try some here and thereĀ
tldr: i love you and so does your fav, and if imagining them with you helps then go for it; please drink some water and eat something and, if you have the energy, try one more thing today and leave the next thing for tomorrow - you are important, donāt give up on yourself <3Ā
Can I ramble about something that's been on my mind recently?
I don't have many friends but I've noticed that with one particular friend I'm *always* the one messaging/starting conversations with them first. I enjoy talking to them and they always respond and we've had a few fun conversations but.. I feel like I'm annoying them by being the one to message first. So I wait for them to talk to me and they never do. They've said they rarely start conversations due to pretty bad social anxiety which is exactly what I have but I honestly don't know if it's because they're anxious or if they're just not interested in being my friend.
I hate this because recently I've started getting back into a game I kinda wanna play with them but now I'm worries that if I ask them to play something anymore they'll probably just think I'm being annoying.
I just kinda wish more friends reached out to me first. If it wasn't me reaching out to my friends I feel like I'd have none.
And idk how to bring this up with my friend either. Idk how to say "hey could you message me first sometimes I feel like you don't really care about talking to me much" without sounding horrible.
Ugh idk it's just frustrating me a bit š sorry
- š±
Hello! So, first off, you sound like a wonderful friend who tries very, very hard! The effort you put in is not going unnoticed - and to feel the way you are isnāt fun at all. I hate that you have to go through this worry
Ā -- so, this leads me to the second thing! I have an extreme amount of empathy for you.Ā The reason being because,Ā I am your friend.Ā
(more below the cut - not italicized because long posts like that make my eyes hurt)Ā
The way you describe your friend, itās me. I donāt message people first often. I will 100% respond if someone messages me (even if it takes me a while), and I will participate in the conversation until it ends but I am very bad at messaging first. Point being :: i have a looooow social energy bar (or Iām busy, like really busy)Ā
hereās the thing about being *that friend. I never, like never never, think someone is annoying by reaching out to me. In fact, if you message me and I consider you someone in my tight circle, oh BOY am I happy to hear from you! I get so excited :) (even if itās a small message, a quick something, a link to a pretty picture - iām pumped!) -- if they respond to you, they choose to and want to talk to you so trust them just as much as they trust you to stick around (they might also worry that you will one day want to leave them because of the way they socialize - my best friends and I talk like once a month but we are always there for each other - itās just the way we communicate)Ā
another thing about *that friend - I can literally have a conversation for days. In fact, Iāve been talking to someone about the same thing for like 3 days and weāve only message each other like ten times about it lol -- weāve found comfort and security in being low maintenance for each other (the conversation never dies between us and we always pick it up as if we had been talking all day)Ā
lastly, you should talk to your friend. just have a conversation about the way you feel. be honest - let them know youāre worried about annoying them, ask them if they donāt mind you being the one to reach out first AND AND AND when they reach out to you first, get super excited about it !! use emojis, get hype - let them know how awesome it was that they messaged you and Iām sure they will do it again (so be excited again!)Ā
the other thing is that, *that friend has to be aware they are what I callĀ ālow maintenanceā and try to give a little bit every now and then. As soon as I get a spark of social energy, I reach out to my friends I havenāt talked to in a few days (or hours sometimes llol) and just let them know iām there, iām thinking about them, I care about them. Itās because I worry about always being reached out too and never reaching out -- relationships are give and take, and I have to give sometimes too (but I learned that over many years)
Maintaining a relationship isnāt always about having long long long conversations, sometimes it can be as simple asĀ āi saw this thing and wanted to show youā -- that can be equally as powerful :)Ā
donāt give up on your self or *that friend -- if they are anything like me, they value that interaction so much, you just might not get to see how much <3Ā
hope you're doing well (and you didn't hear this from me but if you want to buy another pretty travel journal and its within your budget, you should buy it :D. indulge in the happiness you can find in life!)
so i have a question (you don't need to feel pressured to answer though, it's a bit tricky, and I'd hate it if my question made you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable)
how does one maintain relationships?
i know that relationships require efforts from both parties and its like a pingpong game of give and take. applying that knowledge, though, is another story. i think i'm decent at the beginning, but u have a problem when it comes to replying to people. sometimes i see thier messages and can't help but postpone it to a time where i feel like i have the social energy to reply. this might seem normal but it usually ends with me awkwardly replying to a message weeks later as i completely forgot about it in the first place. I know not everyone has a large social battery, but mine is like at a constant state of 5% before battery finishes or something like that.
again, i hope this question doesn't bother you, and if it does, you're free to simply ignore it hazel! thank you for your presence and have a nice week!
I can definitelyĀ offer some empathy here - plus idk if Iām the best person to answer since I also am very bad at social interactions, get drained easily, and have a lot of anxiety about annoying people (itās why you donāt see me post my thoughts much and itās why my friends donāt hear from me for days -- i always start a message and then back out because of self-doubt)Ā
what I will say is thatĀ relationships are hard - they take work and commitment to ensure they are going to last, especiallyĀ near the beginning - but there are a few things we can do to help usĀ
when you get that burst of energy to talk to people, reach out! send some messages, start a quick conversation. Interactions donāt have to take hours, they can take a few minutes and it shows you are still here and want to stay connected - this also helps if you are always on the receiving ends of messages (I am like this too, Iām much better at responding than initiating, but I have to remind myself friendships are two ways, like you said)Ā
send images to people or things you know they will like - I send tiktoks I think are funny or sweet, artwork I think they will like, announcements of things, and even snips of works iām making (there is something so powerful about a message that saysĀ āi saw this and thought of you!ā)Ā
even when your energy is low - open the message you get and answer with an emoji or a gif (you donāt have to stretch out the convo but letting them know you are there can be good)Ā
let your friends know that it might take you a while to respond sometimes - especially if itās mental health related! being open in your communication is better than them not knowing what is going on
mostly, be kind to yourself -- not everyone gets their energy from interacting with people; sometimes you have to disappearĀ for a few hours or a few days and thatās okay. If they are your friends they will be exited to hear from you no matter how frequently you interact (I love my friends dearly and when I see a message from them I get so excited!)Ā
Itās nice to have people to chat with and, well my friend, perhaps you really only need one or two good friends in your life! some people can handle 25+ and others can handle 1 or 2 - find those friends that will accept you good and bad, they are out there and they are rooting for you!
I talked to my friend and asked them how they feel about me always messaging first and asked if I'm annoying them and they said that they don't mind it at all and said they've never found me annoying!
:DDD
That was definitely a relief to hear š
Thanks for the advice and message also, it really helped me see it from their perspective a little more and also helped give me the confidence to talk to them about this. I really appreciate it :D
- š±
thatās awesome :) -- itās a relief to just share your feelings and get it out into the open, though I totally know how scary it is to try. to know your friend really does enjoy talking to you is such aĀ powerful feeling!Ā
i try to look at things without malicious intent, sometimes our brains misunderstand and just like weād tell our favorite characters to ask a question, we have to do that too! (arenāt brains annoying T>T)
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i seriously appreciate the fact that you didnt delete my ask-- let alone all the comforting words you'd said. i'm at home nowā i'd sent the ask in when i was in the ERā and feeling much better. i'm so mentally strained, though.
it turns out a lot of people cared when they found out i was in the ER-- a lot or people who i hadn't talked to in years. i guess i thought they'd forgotten me.
i cannot express how grateful i am for your words, i felt so much better reading them and for the first time in a long time reassured.
hazel, you are genuinely one of the best people i've come across, online or not. thank you so much. š
and those videos were lovely! they really cheered me up :(
hello again, happy to hear from you :) -- itās good to hear you are feeling better, the ER can take a lot out of anyone but it sounds like you not only are doing alright, you also have some people who wanted to check on youĀ
while I might not fully understand everything you are going through, I do hope my words can stick with you for a while, especially if they brought you some comfort all ready <3Ā
-- keep moving forward, your future is waiting for youĀ
Hey Hazel! Sorry if this is odd or a downer, but I've just been struggling with myself like before the Pandemic I was out and about, barely home, caffeinated and active. During the Pandemic I guess I didn't notice how I started gaining more weight since I was overwhelmed at the transition and my uni decided to drown us in more works thinking they could access students 24/7 gsgxhsz. Anyway, do you think the genshin boys would still or could(?) idk, love someone like me? Esp Xiao :(((
hey there friend. this got a bit long so --- under the cut!
First, I want to reassure you that what the world has gone through is not the norm; it was and still is stressful - people are recovering or just accepting this as a new normal and, if you are in a country where a large portion of the population is fed up and ignoring science, then itās even more stressful -- so to add on extra schoolwork toĀ ācompensateā orĀ ādistractā really wasnāt the best solution to helping the mass acclimate to isolation and worry
second, you are still around and pushing through -- sure you might have some extra anxiety or stress (that isnāt a detriment to who you are, itās a bi-product of events we canāt control and if youāve found ways to cope or handle it then those skills are valuable!) If I could lift you up when you have tripped I would, so I only hope you have found ways to do that on your own and Iāll root for you as you move forwardĀ
third, you havenāt changed -- emotions and energy might be harder to access but deep down you are still in there. that person you see in your past is still in there and when your environment can change to support you again youāll find them <3Ā
lastly, could someone love you - YES! you are still worthy of love, you can still find it and be accepted by someone; xiao in particular is a person who cares about those around him. He might not show it all the time but heād help you when you needed it, heād be next to you, challenge you, remind you that you are still in there - youāve always been in there --Ā
so donāt give up on yourself and donāt let this pandemic take more from you; it may have taken some of your years because it was safer to stay inside, but you have sooooo many left!! there are lots of things to do activity wise while still being safe -- parks, rivers, hiking trails, open-air shopping malls, patios (just to name a few)Ā
you havenāt gone anywhere lovely. the you that made you smile is still there and if you canāt see them let your friends and others remind you - we see you <3Ā
