🍸+ "Ever regret it? The werewolf thing." (drinks with liz whee)
Mead glows like honeyed blood in the hearthlight and pours down his throat with the ease, soothing the aches in his joints. His hand is heavy around the cup, his knuckles pale and scarred, thick like knotted rope.
The question lands like an axe sunk into bogwood. Not sharp, but deep. It is asked with the half-lidded irreverence of one who has never seen their own shadow grow claws.
Farkas, moon-sick brother of the Circle, lifts his head. He does not answer immediately, not because he is thinking, precisely, but rather because he is feeling. The room is close, stuffed with smoke and the scent of wet stone. The fire sputters and, outside, the snow scratches against the window like something trying to get in.
When he speaks, his voice is a low growl, slurred not with stupidity, but with liquor and weight:
“Don’t need regrets.” A pause. He sniffs, nose wrinkling like a beast catching wind of prey or rot. “It’s power. It makes me fast. Strong. Gets the job done.”
He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. There is dried blood beneath his blunt fingernails and, in the dim, his eyes glimmer like mercury. Not clever, not cunning. Instead they house something that breathes heavier, deeper, than what lies beneath the skin of man. He does not remember the first transformation, only the after. The split ribs of a sabre cat, the feel of its heart clenched like a fruit in his palm, its blood thick on his tongue.
It is not shame. It has never been shame.
“I like not thinking,” he says at last. Softer now, almost distant. “When it takes me, there are no ‘what ifs’. Just hunger. Just the kill. It’s clean. Simple.”
There is silence now, the kind that collects in crypts and unmade beds. He watches the fire peel itself apart. Then, as though catching the scent of something he hadn’t noticed before, Farkas shifts. He sits forward. Heavy, sudden.
“Why’re you asking? You think I should hate it?”
He snorts, but it isn’t amusement. His voice is rising now, ragged at the edges like a sword notched from overuse.
“You wouldn’t ask Vilkas that. You wouldn’t ask Kodlak.”
Shadows catch on his frame like pelts. The beast is always beneath, pacing, pacing, even when mead makes everything swim and blur at the edges. Or maybe that’s just the question, circling him like horkers around blood on the ice. He doesn’t regret it.
His lips pull back from his teeth. Not a smile.
“Stupid question,” he mutters darkly.