All my life i have been waiting for death to come. I cut myself to feel satisfaction. My blood is my life. It is what was keeping me alive. My heart as well but let's not get technical. I'm trying to make mushy feelings in death. Back to it. Plenty of times I could have just made more cuts at once. Larger one. Deeper ones. Then I would slowly watch the blood drain out of me. My death wasn't like that. I took a chance putting those matches in the gas tank. I knew I wouldn't live after that. I promised my mother that I would stay safe. But I ended up going out the way she did. Suicide. Like mother like daughter you can say. Well like mother like children.
Death feels nice. It's what I've ever wanted. I would be joining Moira,Harlen,Harlan,Jamie,Ames,Chirre,Fliss,Zamara,and all my other friends who have perished. As I float I feel everything that I have ever felt in life. Hatred,happiness,and love to name a few. Most of all love.
I feel like my life has been fulfilled. I got a great job at a young age. Had some influence in the Capitol with my designs. I had that dark phase that most teenagers go through. I danced,did drugs,had sex,and lived! I had 18 years worth of experiences. It's not a lot of years but most people don't do what I have done. They don't go through what I had to go through. I saw my mothers body hanging. I saw Jamie get crushed by a steam roller. I got pinned down by one of the hottest men I have ever seen. Sure I bit him and he almost killed me afterwards but I don't care! I bit a game maker that's not what most people are able to do and live the next day. I got word that my best friend helped my brother kill himself. But most of all I found love. I feel like if it were not for The Hunger Games then I would have been the one to propose to Chirre. I can see it now. We would go to the town center where we first danced. We would sway to the silent music. In the middle of the dance I would bend down to tie my shoe. One knee would touch the ground and I would smile up at Chirre. A blush would spread across his face as he slowly realized what I was doing. I would take his hand in both of mine and laugh. "My lovely Chirre I do not have a ring. I know this is unconventional but I am not a normal person. What I love most about us is that we are different. The shy boy with the big family and the outspoken girl who has lived a life of pain. Chirre Talem you took me out of my deepest place. You showed me a sort of happiness that I have never dreamed of. We both learned from each other. Grown together as well. Would you honor me by being my husband?" I would say. His hand would start to sweat and shake. I would kiss his knuckles next. Words would be lost from him so he would nod. It would take him a moment to be sure of himself. That's when he would say yes with confidence and pull me up. We would kiss in that same spot. The spot where we first met and never imagined ending up together like this. It will also be the spot where we start our future together as fiancés. After we marry then we would discuss children. I would refuse time and time again. But because of one night I would end up pregnant with twins. They would be perfectly healthy baby girls named Jamie and Moira. I would raise them and let them watch the games because they need to be prepared. When the girls hit the age of 10 I would be pregnant again. With twins...I would be so pissed. Having to carry two children at once?! This time they would be fraternal. One boy and one girl. Her name would be Lura and his name would be Harlen. Chirre and I would have made good parents. He would show them happiness and love while I would toughen them up so they weren't wimps. But I would also be the best mother that I could be. I would never leave my family alone. We would not be free of the horrors which are The Hunger Games. It would be a difficult life but we would get through it because we have each other.
Finally the floating stops. There is light all around me as well as 3 people. My mother,Harlen,and Chirre. I sit up and look around at all of them. The people in this world that I loved the most. There are only 3 words that I can say to describe how I feel at this moment.
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Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn || One Shot
As I linger in the blazing city a parachute floats down for me. 10 matches and a message from a person named C. Who is C? Reminds me of Chirre. Thank you whoever that was. Now I have 18 matches in a city already on fire. Classic...looks like I'll just have to make the fire bigger. My name is Haven but everyone calls me the girl from 6. And I am going to burn down the world.
I'm only 18 years old but my list of regrets and mistakes can challenge that of someone twice my age. One thing I will never regret is meeting Chirre. But now he's gone. My lovely Chirre is dead. His body broken and burning. But at least I got his killer. Funny how they both died in a similar way. Except Elijah exploded as well. That was fun to say the least. I killed both District 2 tributes. It feels nice to say. But back to Chirre. Most people say that we will find love when we stop searching for it. I guess in a way I was searching for someone who would accept me. I was just doing it with my body instead of mind. With Chirre it was different. Nearly killing me during our second meeting. You know what's great about Chirre and I? Out love was accidental. Neither of us had any intentions of taking this further. But I guess that's what happens when you let people into your life. If they have a purpose then they will stay. He certainly did have a purpose. He turned Haven the Grave into someone who smiles. Chirre taught me the true type of love. He showed me how to take my weaknesses and make them strengths. He never doubted me. He always saw me as someone who I didn't see when I looked in the mirror. Chirre was the light in a very dark place. He was my light. But now it has gone out. With him gone I have nothing keeping me from being my old self. Haven the Grave is returning. In a city lit up in flames no less. I will miss him indeed. But death is no stranger to my life. Getting up and moving on is the best path. I can mourn in my grave.
Buildings are destroyed. Fire is spreading. There is no where else to run but toward my enemies. I've seen this in previous games. They are trying to force us together. They want a fight to happen. Did they enjoy the show?
I head east then north up a street then I turn right. There's a building to my right. Another building...more troubles. The tremors running throughout the arena are not good at all. But I need shelter for now. At least to bandage up my wound.
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There's always that moment in time when you unknowingly disappear from view. Well for me anyway. I made my mark back home in District 6. After my mother died I was that girl who has the mother who killed herself. After that I became the girl with the brother who is a murderer. Then I became the young girl who got the spot that everyone wanted. After that I was the girl with the morphling brother. The girl with the bad attitude. The one who thinks she is above the law. The one with the knife. The one we should all stay away from. I was never known as Haven. A bad title followed me everywhere until I ceased to exist to these people. I liked it that way when I wasn't known. There are times when I miss being called Haven the Grave. I belonged in a group. We were all outcasts so there was never an odd one out. No one ever tired of each other because we were all the same. Our stories never got old. There was always something that kept us on our toes. As an outcast it was an unwritten rule. Do not push away your family. That push will be the one that sends them to an early death.
Haven the Grave was who I became when I was there. They said I was always her. Again with the people seeing things that I cannot. Underneath the city streets is where we lived and ran wild. Compare it to rats because it pretty much is true. There were more than a handful of people who carried diseases and spread it around. We skirted from tunnel to tunnel. There were times when we would visit the surface. It was always at night. Haven the Grave and her trusty companions ran throughout the city streets. We hid in the shadows of buildings. Sidestepped peace keepers like they were simply insects.
There's something else about Haven the Grave that not many people know. On a rooftop one night in the city it was just Haven and Ames. Ames was the teacher and the risk taker. The teacher who went too far with his student that same night. Haven the Grave had taken more than just a liking to Ames. It was not a secret to him. Ames wanted to live on the edge so that's exactly what he did. He sat on the edge of the rooftop while Haven stood back. It's not safe she said. She warned him but he didn't care. Ames only had one goal for that night. He told Haven that he knew how she felt. But the only way to prove her love was to save him. It clicked in her mind what he meant. She told him that she wouldn't do it. He thought she was bluffing. Slowly Ames started to slide off the edge all while saying "Haven if you love me then you will save me." She ran toward him and repeatedly yelled at him to stop. Ames cared not. He was sitting at the very edge now. "Come on sweet Haven come on and save me. In 3,2,1" Ames slid off the edge and Haven got there just in time to grab his arm. Haven could not hold his weight for much longer so she tried to pull him up. Ames said "You foolish little weak bitch. You will never belong anywhere. No one can ever love you. I will never love you. Luckily you saved me. Too bad you couldn't save your mother and that crushed boy. Not to mention your fuck head of a brother." Haven the Grave was in shock. She knew Ames didn't care about her but she never knew that this is what he truly thought. She stopped trying to pull him up. With one look into Ames' eyes Haven the Grave said "I guess I am weak." She let go of his arm and pried his hand off of her. The last thing she saw in his eyes was fear. That was before he fell down to his death. The peacekeepers were alerted but all Haven did was cry. She told the peace keepers the truth when they arrived. He slid off the edge but she was too weak to save him. Haven the Grave blamed herself for her moms death. She was the cause of the steam roller incident. Now she was partly responsible for the death of Ames. He scarred Haven the Grave. She will never forget. Pent up anger for the first man she loved. That was the day when she wanted to fully become a shadow.
I remember it like it was yesterday. 2 1/2 deaths on my hands. I am a bad person with redeemable qualities. But the one question here was how do I step out of the shadow that I have become. Private Training is soon then the interviews. I'm going to have to mash Haven the Grave with the person that Tallulah saw today. The shadows will have to disappear. My stone walls will have to break down. The world has to see me as Haven Finch. There is no more time for titles.
