Author: hauntedjaeger

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Gen

Summary: They have just made it through the syllabus and started on actual instruction when, with twenty-five minutes left, the fire alarm goes off. “Probably a drill,” says Mercedes. “Not on the first day,” Vidal counters. “Some clown pulled the alarm.” “Or some clown set a fire,” Mercedes says, cheerfully. Nile sighs before she can stop herself. “I wasn’t planning on dying today, and I’d rather not,” she mutters in English. Isidra snorts, packing away her things. “You millennials and your gallows humor.” Nile lets herself laugh at that, but not as long as she’d like to. 

Author: hauntedjaeger

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Nile Freeman/OFC

Summary: On her layover in Munich, she stops in the ladies’. She’s washing her hands when someone pulls up at the next sink, and says, “Corporal Freeman?” Forcing herself to breathe slow, raise her head slow, she looks. The sight of desert camo takes her right out of the bathroom, back to the heat and the buzz of flies swarming to her own blood.

Author: hauntedjaeger

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Gen

Summary: “My oath,” Andy says, uncapping the bottle. Nile sits up straighter, hands on her knees. Whatever this is, much like the mine, it goes back a long way. “Upon my final death, I bequeath Andronika to Nile Freeman, to donate to whichsoever institution--” “The Art Institute of Chicago.” “To the Art Institute of Chicago,” Andy echoes, “so that my breasts may be culturally appreciated in perpetuity.” She tips the bottle and lets out three drops. As they fall to the stone floor, Joe and Nicky rap their knuckles on the nearest pieces of metal: the other lantern for Nicky, the oxidized helmet for Joe. One rap for each drop. In another time, they might have struck their swords on shields.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU REC’D LESSONS I AM VERY BLUSHING

Heist Family Hijinks because what else do I think about these days.

Chuck and Mako are on the couch (more accurately, Mako is sprawled on the couch and Chuck is using most of her body as a pillow) some Friday night between jobs when her phone buzzes on the nightstand behind her head.  It buzzes with two new messages before she has it in her hand.  Chuck makes a noise when she has to put the phone in front of his face to read the texts.

“What’s the boy toy want now?” Chuck asks.

Mako flicks Chuck on the cheek since her legs are too trapped to kick him.  “‘Help,’” she reads, “‘Please come get me’ and ‘wHY ARE THEY SO NICE THEY’RE ON TO SOMETHING I CAN FEEL IT PLZ HELP.’  He’s fine.”

“Did you tell him not to go bake cookies at Mum’s?”

“Repeatedly.  Vanessa’s come into town early this year, too.”

Chuck pretends to gag.  “Christ she and Tamsin are gonna be all over each other.”

“Exactly.”  Mako’s phone buzzes again.  “And I quote, ‘ALL OF YOUR AUNTS ARE BEING OVERLY SUGGESTIVE TO EACH OTHER AND POSSIBLY ALSO TO ME, I AM VERY CONFUSED, PLEASE COME RESCUE ME I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS, THIS IS A LOT.’”

Chuck snorts.  “Are you gonna text him back?”

“ok but why doesn’t hawke get to talk to the LI after they get…”

When Anders is the LI there is one self-deprecating line about this thing that happened that is LITERALLY WHAT HE FEARS MOST IN LIFE?? Sighhhh, BioWare.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! let’s skirt over the potential for trauma in LIs bc they don’t have enough past trauma already, right?

YOU. KEEP TALKING.

STACKER, A KNIGHT GOING FROM ONE TOURNAMENT TO THE NEXT, FINDING MAKO ON THE ROADSIDE IN FRANCE AND SHE DREAMS OF BEING A KNIGHT BUT KNIGHTHOOD WAS NOT MEANT FOR LITTLE GIRLS WHOSE PARENTS WERE ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT ROYALTY

BUT HE HELPS HER ANYWAY, TRAINS HER IN THE SWORD AND IN JOUSTING UNTIL SHE’S BETTER THAN ANY NOBLEMAN HE’S COME UP AGAINST IN THE LISTS.

MAKO AS A NEW KIND OF NOBLEMAN, ONE WHO DOESN’T RAISE TAXES FIVE TIMES JUST TO HOST A TOURNAMENT, ONE WHO BELIEVES IN THINGS LIKE COURTLY LOVE AND CHIVALRY AND THE ABILITY TO CHANGE ONE’S STARS.  PRINCE EDWARD STILL COMING DOWN TO THE STOCKADES TO PUT THE WEIGHT OF THE ROYAL CROWN BEHIND HER.

SHE SEES RALEIGH IN THE STANDS AND NOBLEMEN AND -WOMEN HAVE SOUGHT HIS FAVOR FAR AND WIDE FOR THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLE MADE HIS BEAUTY ANY GREATER THAN IT ALREADY WAS IS THE WAY HE MANAGED TO COME BACK FROM HIS BROTHER’S TRAGIC AND UNTIMELY DEATH (AS ALWAYS, BEAUTY ALLOWS PEOPLE TO FORGIVE ONE OF THINGS THAT MIGHT NOT OTHERWISE BE FORGOTTEN [MAKO NEVER FORGETS ANYTHING]).

ok, so what you’re saying is....rami malek. broody rami malek. with silver hair in a conor oberst hair cut. and FULL. BODY. TATS.