#hatred.

i have this horrible little quirk to my anxiety where if i feel like im disappointing someone i like, whether it be through communicating boundaries, prioritizing my own ideas over theirs, or just oversleeping an event of any kind, it sends me into a spiral of overthinking and terror and misery that is genuinely 10x worse than any other form of anxiety ive ever experienced.

It doesnt even happen instantly, the communicating is easy. But as soon as i say the words, or send the message, my brain just starts overheating. and it frequently gets to the point where literally nothing the other person could possibly say would stop the spiral, its just too fast and deep. its not even easy to predict, because the feelings just bubble out of nowhere!

and its kinda terrible because most of these conversations are supposed to be about the other person, or for fun, or just not a big deal. but they just send me directly into a panic attack anyway and suddenly the problem is my own maladjustedness. and i dont want that, they shouldnt have to deal with the anxiety i caused myself just by Talking! so i just close off completely instead, until i finally work up the courage to start talking again, or resolve to just ghost the person involved.

found a shirt 4 you to wear