#hate me.

(Mostly to Shadowvanilla shippers or Hollysugar shippers.)

Just say you hate me.

I get it. i can understand why.

I ship straight ships.

I’m disgusting.

I’m an idiot.

I should like things you should like.

I should agree with what you say.

after all.

November 23nd, 2009. The day after My World came out. It was a Monday, and I was getting ready for school. I used to turn on AMTV and listen to music as I did so. I remember, I had just turned it on when One Time came on. I had absolutely no idea who this kid was. I honestly didn't pronounce his last name right for quite a few months, lol. I was 12, to be 13 in two days. I was a very unhappy child. I never knew why, until I started self harm. I thought I was being bullied, but I never realized until now, that I was my own bully. I didn't have a bad life, but I was always sad or angry, or something. 

But anyway, I fell in love with his voice as soon as I heard, "aye, aye, aye, Imma tell you one time." Everytime I heard his name, or heard his songs on the radio, I would smile so big.

As I got older, I'm 16 now, My self harm and self hatred got worse. I can remember, a few times, I was so close to suicide. I would be listening to music and one of his songs would show up, or he'd pop up on the tv, like he knew I was hurting or something. 

Now this is when I actually started to get bullied. I got bullied for liking him. I got judged for liking the boy who saved my life. I didn't care. They didn't know the impact he had on my life.

I'm much stronger now. I no longer self harm. I'll admit, the thoughts of suicide never went away, but my urge to do so has. and guess what? I still love him. I still love Justin Drew Bieber. I'm 100% aware of what he's done. I'm 100% aware that it's NOT okay. I'm not going to pull a "he's only human!" card. He's got some problems he needs to sort out as well. But i dont care. He's stuck with me through the rough times in my life, I think I owe him that much. 

Please, tell me that it's just a phase. Please, tell me that he's going to dissappear from the world in a few years. Tell me that he's a jackass, that he's just a little prick that deserves to be killed. 

But don't expect me not to stick up for him.