#hashtags.

Nor a relationship diary. You do not need to write a status like. YOU'RE A LIAR, I HATE YOU ECETERA #f.U OMG UR A PIECE OF SHIT.

In which Los Angeles stands in for ... Camden?

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Katherine St Asaph: I'd just like to point out for everyone the timely lyric "I'm Kurt Cobain, but I just couldn't do it." Also: "I'm a changed man now / Chris Brown." I'd review the song, but it's just a desperate plea to be the next Tinie Tempah, sent to everyone but Labrinth. [2]

Anthony Easton: At least when Cobain killed himself, he made signifcant work, and did not conflate cheap pop culture drops with more difficult topics--cheap, easy, lazy and badly constructed.  [0]

Alex Ostroff: Has there been a more classless line penned than the one that establishes Dappy's perseverance by means of contrast with Kurt Cobain? Perhaps the one about becoming a Prince and locking Kate Middleton in a dungeon so that he can bang Pippa. His other models are Chris Brown, Marty McFly, Michael Caine and Richard Branson. That all this can be crammed into what's ostensibly a motivational anthem is jaw-dropping. The cry of "I'm doing me!" hearkens back to Fuckin' Drake, but the last minute key change is too mawkish, and even he wouldn't stoop to some of these [3]

Jer Fairall: He hashtags like a hipster rapper, but the sentiment is pure underdog sports movie, all gospel choirs, and facile boy-band vocals and Inspirational uplift about having the "heart of a winner."  Go figure that for every fleeting nod to The King's Speech, Michael Caine and (I think) the Middletons, this Brit takes American pop culture as his reference point at least as often; Chris Brown, Kurt Cobain and Back To The Future all get name-checked here, but the implicit points of origin are the Rocky films (but just the parts where he wins) and "I Believe I Can Fly."  Don't let the accent and the ambitions towards monarchy fool you, this is pure Americorn through and through. [4]

Jonathan Bogart: Sometimes I feel bad about beating up on popular British crossover hip-hop for not being as good as the best of the American variety, but then I come across something like this and every pugnacious angry-colonial instinct comes raging back. Seriously, Britain? You know you're just embarrassing yourself, right? [2]

Alfred Soto: He feels Chris Brown's pain? Wait -- "and" he's been "through it." Although he's got the "heart of a winner," he can still "recognize [him]self" through the Eminem-meets-Jason-Derulo arrangement. Best, he mumbles something that sounds like "putting paprika" on his "spinal cord." What an awful lot of signifiers to live up to, not to mention an arrest record. [3]

Brad Shoup: I'm thankful TMS salted the cliffview pomposity with that weedy synth. Dappy spits in a stage whisper and sings with a suggestion of patois, at least until the execrable choir-supported key change. "Victimized by the public," he says! Out loud. The song's topped the charts, which must be Britain's way of apologizing. Adding points for "I'm a changed man now/Chris Brown" because I like to reward bravery. [5]

Edward Okulicz: I can think of at least a dozen songs about the idea of having no regrets, and I can say for certain that this is easily the worst one. Such bloody-mindedness, too, because nearly every line would be a regret for an artist with talent, discernment or the slightest capacity for self-reflection or shame. [0]