#haschanged

               “ NO , THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN . I’D need proof before believing that . ”

MOODBOARD ;; REGINA MILLS / @haschanged

      ‘  Hey, listen  –––  ’   A small smile plays on his lips, comforting hands coming to get a hold of hers as he catches her gaze.  ‘  If you want to stay here with Henry and help him figure this whole thing out, we can stay. I don’t mind.  ’  He could see it in her eyes that’s what she wanted; he spotted it the moment they got there and she’d caught sight of Henry.  ‘  I’ll stay by your side no matter what. Emma and Hook will take good care of the town while we’re gone, it won’t be a problem. You just need to say the word and we don’t get that magic bean ride.  ’

Okay so here i am going to be the epitome of “aww couple goals.” anyways here i go. so i’ve only had romantic feelings for one person. i mean sure i had crushes and went out with a few  men but no one every really kept my attention for long. but then i met kara and it kinda just felt like my world stopped? idk its hard to describe it the feeling of falling in love with someone. but basically when we weren’t talking it just kinda felt like a part of my soul was missing? and this was before we even got together.

so we met on tumblr 6 days after i made my first rp blog (i don’t count my actual first one since that was like two days of my life) anyways. since we were the only ship in our tiny little fandom it was just obvious that we would have to rp. and i was nervous bc 1) i was new at this whole thing and still getting more comfortable with my writing and writing together & 2) holy fuck we were going to ship with each other that might mean writing smut. which i def wasn’t comfortable with initially and i think i kept putting it off? but i was a nineteen year old virgin at the time… the only sex i had been exposed to was the ones i read in fanfic…. but kara helped me break out of my shell (we’re still not together in this story yet. that’ll get there)

basically we just clicked really well and spent hours plotting and talking and i was happier than i had been in a while (i was also going through some issues and whatnot) we just met at the perfect time in my life when i most needed someone. (also funny story, i had decided to stop online dating just a few weeks before because i was hating all of the ones who i met/went on dates with). i kinda just added to my depression because i just never thought i’d meet anyone.

so a few weeks after we met she had proposed some pokemon au for our muses and i fucking sobbed. like legitimately sobbed and didnt reply right away. i felt like a disappointment bc i couldnt give her this plot and it was in that moment that i realized my feelings for her went deeper than any platonic ones. i spent the next couple weeks debating my feelings and talking to one of my friends i had made on the site. flash forward to july 29 (a day i remember well bc its my brothers bday + our anniversary anyways)… we hadn’t talked all day and i cried again because i thought she suddenly stopped liking me or whatever (told you i was going through a lot of mental shit back then), and i just wanted to get my feelings out in a vague post about kara. so my tumblr friend encouraged me to write a letter to her. i didn’t have to send it to her but i just needed to get it out.

so i did. i wrote what i was feeling and why i did some of the things i did (i used to get up in the mornings to text her so she wouldnt have to ride the bus alone… and it was summer… i loved my sleep but it was more important for her to have someone to talk to). once i finished the letter, i posted it knowing she had gotten offline. but then i told her i wrote a letter that told someone i liked them, not saying it was about her bc i didn’t know if she had feelings for me or not… and she got online to read it, hoping that the letter was about her (and it was very obviously about her and she could tell if she had read it, but i never wanted her to. i was going to delete it when i went to bed).