#harricole

GET REKT LAUREN AM I LAUGHING AM I CRYING #notsorry

i’m literally writing a section of the response right now because i cannot handle anything.

1. Into You by Ariana Grandea little bit dangerous / but baby that’s how i want it / a little less conversation and a little more touch my body / ‘cause i’m so into you, into you, into yougot everyone watchin’ us / so baby let’s keep it secret / a little bit scandalous / but baby don’t let them see it / a little less conversation and a little more touch my body / ‘cause i’m so into you, into you, into you

2. Young God by Halsey

he says ‘oh baby girl you know we’re gonna be legend / i’m the king and your the queen and we will stumble through heaven’

but do you feel like a young god? / you know the two of us are just young gods

he says ‘ oh baby girl don’t get cut on my edges / i’m the king of everything and you know my tongue is a weapon’

3. Bloodstream by Stateless

i think i might have inhaled you / i can feel you behind my eyes / you’ve gotten into my bloodstream / i can feel you flowing in me

4. Bedroom Hymns by Florence + the Machine

you had jesus on your breath / and i caught him in mine / sweating our confessions / the undone and the divine

‘cause this is his body / this is his love / such selfish prayers and i can’t get enough

i’m not here looking for absolution / ‘cause i found myself an old solution

5. You and Me by You+Me

you and me were always with each other / before we knew the other was ever there / you and me we belong together / just like a breath needs the air

i told you if you called i would come a runnin’ / across the highs, the lows, and the in between / you and me we’ve got two minds that think as one / and our hearts march to the same beat

they say everything it happens for a reason / you can be flawed enough / but perfect for a person / someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / guiding your direction when you’re riding through the dark

“I never loved you.”

Nicole couldn’t help but laugh at that statement as she finished putting on the diamond earrings that Lex had given her for their fifth anniversary.

“Oh, darling, you think I didn’t know that?” She said, glancing at him over her shoulder and raising an eyebrow. “And what’s more, whatever gave you the idea that I ever loved you? This wasn’t a marriage of love, my darling. This was a business transaction. I thought you knew that…”

Lex Porter’s teeth grated against each other as he tossed back another tumbler full of whiskey. His tie was still undone and his jacket hung on him like he was playing with his father’s closet instead of his own. Part of Nicole wondered how much of being married to her had contributed to him becoming a walking skeleton.

Most of her really didn’t give a shit.

“Now, if you’re done playing around with worries that are impossible to fix… We’re going to be late for Harry’s wedding.”

“Right. Because I’m so eager to watch your brother marry Valerie Connors.”

“You and me both, Porter.”

Nicole sat up in bed like a shot, covered in a sheen of cold sweat and her heart beating a thousand beats a second. Wide blue eyes whipped across the room to confirm that indeed she still was in her father’s mansion and that indeed it had all been a dream. And yet…

The girl quickly pulled on one of her silk robes and ran along the darkened hallways as if more than just terror was nipping at her heels. With a practiced hand Nicole twisted the doorknob and padded towards the four-poster bed. She gulped mouthfuls of air as trembling hands reached out to shake the shoulder of her sleeping brother.

“Harry? Harry… Wake up… Please…”

Slowly the dark-haired man shifted in his sleep, turning to look and see who it was that had awoken him. Yet in the instant he recognized the silver-gold figure in front of him, Harry sat up and reached a hand out to her.

“Nic? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“You love me, don’t you?” Nicole blurted out quickly, trying to keep her voice from cracking. “You love me and you’ll never leave me and you’ll take me far away from this place before you let anyone take me away from you, right?”

Harry’s face contorted in concern and something like heartbreak before taking his sister’s hand and pulling her down onto the bed next to him. She nestled quickly into the crook of his arm, curling up into the protective aura of his body.

Lex had left minutes ago.

It had almost felt like he was fleeing the Ackerman house after dinner.  Not that Nicole blamed him after the disgusting display of groveling and pandering that Frederick had displayed in his horrid attempt to curry favor with the Porter prince. He’d been angry that Lex had not elected to stay for a whiskey and cigar, of course. And certainly had determined it had all been Nicole’s fault. He’d screamed at her for not doing more for their family. For not wearing something more provocative, for not encouraging him more. 

In his own words: “I made you beautiful enough to make men want you more than anything in the world. And you can’t even keep that sex fiend of a Porter interested in you. What fucking use are you then, huh? If you know what’s good for you, you best run after Porter and give him a good reminding of why he’d picked a slut like you in the first place.” Frederick had paused, glancing between Nicole and her brother, a smug smile twisting on his lips. “Or would you rather I send Harry after him? He’s due for another business trip in any case. Perhaps to Russia this time. It’ll be good for him to learn how to deal with the Soviets…”

She’d folded in an instant.

Harry had turned and left the room then. Nicole hadn’t blamed him either. She’d seen the way his jaw had set, the clenching of his fist. If he’d stayed, she was certain he’d have killed their father right there in the middle of foyer. Nicole could almost see their father’s blood staining the white marble, pooling in a ruby red halo. But now was not the time. What use would killing Frederick be? It wouldn’t release her from her cage.  She’d left soon afterwards as well.

Luckily for Nicole, Lex hadn’t gotten quite that far. Nor had it taken much convincing to lure him back to the Ackerman mansion, up the marble staircase and into the darkness of her bed. Perhaps it was a pact with the devil, but at least this way…

At least this way she would get to keep Harry by her side for one day more.

Lex had left hours ago.

He’d pressed an absent and almost reluctant kiss to her cheek before fleeing into the night and Nicole had come to stand out here on her patio, dead eyes staring out across the city. Distantly she wondered how far the drop was from the second story.

She had heard Harry coming up behind her long before he’d spoken. They’d stood there in silence, in the half-dark of the twilight, only the sound of crickets chirping filling the space between them. Only after the quiet had become cloying had he said the words. Nicole could feel the pain in them, the venom and the anger that was held so tenuously at bay finally spitting out of him in every syllable.

“The thought of you with him makes me sick, Nic…”

“I know…” She replied softly, voice barely above a whisper as she turned to look at Harry, seeing the dark circles around his eyes, the sway in his body that suggested he’d tried to tamper down the roiling rage inside of him with a bottle or two of whatever liquor he could get his hands on. (Sometimes Nicole wished she had that same luxury.) The girl let out a gentle sigh and stepped closer to her brother, taking his bloodied hands in her own and pressing gentle kisses to his knuckles.

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, Harry…” Nicole breathed; for once glad for how the darkness and her long blonde tresses shielded her face from his view, hiding the salt-shimmering tracks upon her cheeks. If only it was enough to hide how her dress was still rumpled—Lex’s mark still upon her body. She hadn’t had the strength to even change after he’d left. The guilt pressed further and further down upon her heart. “It makes me sick to be near him.”

He stiffened a little at her touch. He always did. Angry at himself for the rage in his heart. Angry at himself for not saving her, for not protecting her better. Her perfect, precious tin soldier.

Yet how could he rage at them—at Lex and Frederick—when it was her that hadn’t been strong enough? When she was the one that caused him all this pain?

“I make myself sick, Harry. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Slowly she trailed her hands up his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and burying her face into his shoulder as she whispered how sorry she was over and over again.

The tears only began to flow again once she felt Harry’s arms tentatively wrap around her waist, one hand gently pressing against the back of her head and the deep baritone of his voice rumbled in her ear, murmuring soft words back to her.

And yet Nicole couldn’t help the fear that had crawled its way into her heart: Lex may have left long ago, but… how long until Harry followed in his footsteps? How many nights like this, how many times would Harry fend off the anger in his heart before deciding she wasn’t worth the pain and leave as well?

Commonly, Nicole thought to herself, most brides were meant to be happy on their wedding days. After months of planning and waiting and compromising, they’d walk down the aisle in their lovely white dress and begin a new life with someone they had been waiting for their whole lives. It was meant to be joyous. A new beginning. Yet, instead, there was nothing but a black hole churning in her stomach.

“How’d we let it get this far?” She sighed, feeling almost cheated when her reflection gave no response in return. At least the girl in the mirror looked the part. Beautiful designer gown dripping with lace and pearls, golden tresses pulled back and curled to perfection before trailing down her back, an airy veil settled upon the crown of her head and a bouquet of white roses clasped in white-knuckled hands–she was perfect.

The thought sent a sad laugh rippling through Nicole as she looked away from her reflection and down into the flowers she suddenly felt like tearing to pieces. “Perfect bride… Just wrong groom.”

As if by cue, a gentle rapping signaled the entrance of the one man who had been weighing heavily on her mind all morning. Harry had begun to speak before even looking up from the door handle, but the words caught in his throat as each turned to look at the other.Both were frozen in space, a deep-seeded ache flowing over them as the tender realization that in another time and place, this could have been their day. She could have been in this dress for him. He could have been barred from this room, tradition demanding that he not see her until the very last moment.