6.12.2023

I'm drowning again, though unlike Piggy, pictured above, there is no one to lovingly hang me up to dry.

We got back from my work trip (we all went this time) on Friday and the meltdowns have been incredibly frequent since then. Today is the first day I haven't had the kids with me in two weeks.

Our dog got into the trash yesterday which means that now my husband has another project ahead of him to make our trash dog proof even when it's within his reach and we have to vacuum and shampoo our carpet because naturally, the dog dragged all of our trash there instead of keeping it on the kitchen linoleum where it would be easy to clean up. He is, of course, acting wounded that we dare be even a little bit grumpy at him about this. I continue to grow more resentful of having to take care of him, which makes me feel enormously guilty considering that I love him and it's not the dog's fault that we introduced children into our lives.

Also, of course, today is the day that our 14 year old Prius decides to act up and this time it's not the battery but some other thing that needs to be investigated. So more work for the husband, piled up in front of all the other house projects he wanted to finish before officially resuming work. Much as he enjoys being a house husband, he does need to actually finish his goddessdamned PhD, after which point he is more than welcome to resume being a house husband/home maker if he so chooses.

Since we just got back from a trip we still have to finish unpacking, there's a fuckton of laundry that needs folding, our house is a cluttered mess that we're painfully slowly trying to organize and create systems for (I'm excited that the bookshelf/cabinet combos for our bedroom will be arriving soon, so the books we're moving will finally have a home other than the stairs and our bedroom floor), medical bills still haunting us, and a bunch of life admin stuff that keep piling up. And that's to say nothing of the fact that I haven't managed to cook a dinner for us in like, months.

And I haven't watered the plants in forever.

And all the stuff I just listed above is just surviving, that includes absolutely nothing about any of my hobbies or striving for more at work or my volunteering (which is perhaps a pathway to other work and so even more important than just a hobby), NOTHING.

5.31.2023

Another day of no full childcare, though my oldest is at preschool. Luckily my project is winding down and I just need to do a few things to close it out before the company meet up next week. Speaking of which, I need to do a few things for that trip, including rent a car, figure out our route and stops, and fill out some paperwork. And figure out my schedule once we're there.

To do

Work:

Finish ship review

Code

Postmortem

Figure out next project

Meet up schedule

Rent car

Meet up paperwork?

Route/stop

Personal:

Grocery delivery order

Schedule well child appointment

Appointment

Paperwork for camp

Fold laundry

Cook dinner

Declutter stuff

Manicure

5.26.2023

I've been feeling kind of shit health wise recently but it's nothing chronic so this pain will one day soon end. Combination of an unmedicated period (can't wait to get back on the pill!!!) and a cold I cought from my preschooler on top of my usual back/neck pain that I still haven't scheduled physical therapy for.

My period will be done in a week and I start my pills again next cycle. The cold will go away in a couple days too. I will schedule physical therapy and start exercising regularly again since my body breaks at the first sign of lower intensity.

My work project is winding down and the company meet up is soon so I need to rent a car for that and figure out our route there. I still need to do my expense reports to get reimbursed for some of my Tokyo trip expenses. And a mountain of person admin stuff and medical bills to deal with. And the house is a mess.