#hardchoices

My Lady,

I will not tell you what to do, only that which I believe and that which I will do.  Firstly, I release you from the oath I made your Lord-brother.  Do as thou wilt, for my promise was not a declaration of expectation, merely a hope for reciprocation.  I knew that you were young and might yet harbor a passion for exploration - I do not judge you, who can?  After all, I know that I am a hard man to Love, much less join at the yoke.

It is true that my hope was that this exercise in personal restraint might inspire trust enough to count for comfort in the bones.  I believe in the old ways, so forgive me my friend, for this must have been an experience the like of nightmares.  A dream-like-drowning, where waking arrives in the first starved-breaths of the surface only to find despair at the sight of an endless horizon.  

And while that is not how I feel, I too am vexed.  Having found myself again utterly out-of-depth and grasping for answers I cannot even tease for reason in your words.  Perhaps I have failed you, but like the draft of a great hall, I cannot discern the fault in which it comes.

Now having read your letter time and again, permit me dear Lady to confirm a worry outlined from within.  You have indeed been a burden.  Though one I willfully bore in the pursuit of truth between us.  For I choose what burdens I shoulder and for what cause, I discern to-what cart I am yoked and the way in which it goes.  I chose you in the drawing of our season and considered the burden a joy.  Therefore I lose you from this yoke and wish you the best of sweet-comforts, in what-so-ever manner you choose to enjoy them.  However, let there be no confusion, I lack the faith for further pursuit and have no further will or desire to court you for the purposes of marriage.  This may arrive upon your heart with the weight of a flagstone and for that I am sick with sorrow.  Nevertheless, there must be no confusion, no shifting-shades of gray.  Lest you dwell upon hope one way to only find another in me.  I am sorry, but I cannot give you that which you seek.

Lastly, these implications sewn throughout your letter unveil a certain darkness the likes I wish not to believe at all.  Long shadows, cast at the feet of corporate friendships.  These shadows will haunt my faith with them if I permit it.  Therefore, I must ask you to keep these moments unto yourself.  You do not owe me an account and I do not mean to purchase one.  If I am betrayed, I will know it when it comes.  There will be misery enough for that day unto itself and I need-not steepen a bitter tincture before its season.  Lest at the last, my betrayer change their hearts and I know not for the obsessions of my wrath.

Farewell sweet Acasia and until we find ourselves again in right-season.  I have been honored by your company and forever changed by our entanglement.  And while this chapter closes in the shadows of corporate betrayal, you have given me perspective enough to believe that I might have known the Love of a woman - if only for a moment.  I will never forget you and may you find that which you are so earnestly searching for.

Your Honored Servant, ~Rhys Valtieri

My Lord Ravenwing,

I write you this evening still filthy from a day’s work and heavy of heart for this solemn news.  The Lady Acasia has implicated members of my sister’s house in a duplicitous coupe for her attention.  Regardless of the veracity of these claims, she is no longer comfortable with the classic-arrangement of our budding courtship.  I gather from a quite-difficult letter penned by her hand that it is her wish to seek the proximal comforts of physical companionship among the flesh on offer amidst my sister’s things.  I have -in this short season- come to regard your judgement for quality standards.  Therefore I assure you that through the course of this courtship, I have kept my word to you and will keep it still in prudence and respect.

Per the promise I made to you, I have returned her to your care, unassailed and with heart intact.  For by her admission she seeks after better company.  I am not her Lord, that I should forbid her - verily I say to you that I am Lord of none and only a master of one.

Therefore, I have chosen to accept her proposal and make my way in your midst as I had intended before this entangling began a gilded face and nothing more.  I have written her to confront these notions with as much clarity as I can master from myself.  Therefore please forgive me any vagary and ask not after clarity. for her confidence is still mine to keep.

Thus, I duly confess to having managed myself with fairness and respect in regards to your sister and her company.  I have carried myself in observation of the old-ways, nigh irreproachable and gentlemanly in demeanor until this very hour.  Nevertheless, if there is reason to insist upon the finding of fault in my way - I will not require the searching just to find.  I am no stranger to consequences and you are -for all your true greatness- still a man.  A better man perhaps, though still a man and subject to such things as men are.  So believe me my Lord when I tell you that I know my place and you are wise to put me from your mind, for I am beneath you like the boards at your feet.  Lest you make some reason to elevate me I would surely fade, only mistaken for dross against the sterling reputation of your House and Lordship.

Farewell my Lord and may only that which is good come unto you and always.

Your Humble Servant, Rhys Valtieri