#har rambles

Thank you @happilylovingchaos for tagging me! You tagged me over on my 911ls blog, but I wanted to do this on my music blog since I want to start using it more. I also don't use YouTube music (except for when my Spotify breaks) so I'm going to share 10 songs from my On Repeat playlist!

Let You Fade - Linkin Park

Look To Windward - Sleep Token

Apologies - Three Days Grace

Violent Nature - I Prevail

All Hope Is Gone - Slipknot

Higher Place - Malevolence

Hurricane - Thrice

Bend The Clock - Dream Theater

Prière Pour Rester Belle - Barbara Pravi

Gifted Every Strength - Loathe

Tagging: @misscatholmes @tousazimuts @tommykinard @transmurderbug @heartstringsduet @lemonlyman-dotcom @paperstorm @bonheur-cafe @denizoid @everlastingday @ladyknight1512 @ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @herefortarlos @eclectic-sassycoweyes @carlos-tk @guardian-angle22

Carlos reassuring TK vs TK reassuring Carlos

I believe this scene will come at the end of 5x09, and mark the end of this massive chase of justice. Carlos is finally going to find some closure and relief when he looks up from his father's grave and realizes that he has a life right there in front of him.....waiting for him.

We got Tarlos in this one!!!

Hello lovely people, and welcome back to my monthly rec lists. You know the drill by now!

Sorry it took me a few extra days to put this together, but I'm so excited to share some of my favorite fics from this month! There were also a few fics I wanted to read and didn't get the chance to, so hopefully you'll see those in the April list.

---

Oneshots

Cataclysm - @heartstringsduet

So much to say about this one! Michelle has truly created a masterpiece here. If you're thinking it's just another pwp, it's so much more than that. This is a fic about love, about how TK and Carlos love each other in the most vulnerable ways. It's so poetic in the way it describes every emotion and sensation, it takes great care with these characters, and it so beautifully written that it will probably make you cry. I don't think I've read a fic that describes love in its rawest forms better than this one. So yeah, it's not just sex. It's a love letter. And it's a gorgeous fic.

Telling You Anyway - @goodways

This fic requires tissues. Anything surrounding the Soulmates Scene™ is already going to make me an emotional wreck, so when you add Shannon's incredible writing on top of that I never stood a chance! The writing here is absolutely beautiful, and this 4x16 coda perfectly balances emotion and TK and Carlos being so in love that it hurts. The ending was especially heartwrenching...but the tears are worth the read because this fic will make you feel just as overwhelmed as the original soulmates scene did.

When You're Here, You're Family - @lemonlyman-dotcom

I love the beautiful chaos of this found family so much! I thought this fic was so sweet and funny. It involves sentimental wedding gifts, as well as a bit of a gift card mishap. I think it is now an official fandom HC that Marjan would love a restaurant enough that all of her friends unknowingly give her the same gift card. Also, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that the title is the Olive Garden slogan. I was just watching tv today and an ad came on for Olive Garden, and I went "wait, that's Lemon's fic!"

In The Garden Of Evil, Honey - @mikibwrites

Y'all.....this fic was so good! The universe is so carefully and thoughtfully crafted for the length of this fic, and I was instantly pulled in. I love the dynamic of TK and Carlos being hunters and working together while also protecting each other. It's so fun, and also intense too. The end had me holding my breath! No spoilers, but this fic is definitely worth a read even if you're like me and not typically into these type of AUs.

Meetings And Partings - @paperstorm

God, this fic is incredible. It might be a tough read, but it's absolutely worth it. It's bittersweet, dealing both with the loss of Owen, and with the strength of the love that still exists between everyone else even after so much time has passed. He brought them all together and now they get to come together and celebrate that, and him. It's sad at times, but also beautiful! I also love getting to explore all of the possibilities regarding what all of their futures might look like, and I definitely enjoyed Andie's take on that here.

Everything You Pray For - @theghostofashton

I always love fics that focus more on the beautiful friendships in this show. Carlos and Marjan can relate to each other in so many ways, and while the show itself focused more on the overall group dynamics, I love when fics expand on that and touch on the ways individual characters can see and understand each other. I just think it's so wonderful that we still have so much more to explore with all of the potential this show left us with, and this fic does an excellent job at exploring the dynamic between Marjan and Carlos when it comes to their upbringings and relationships with their parents.

Snowed In - @chicgeekgirl89

Some good ole sick fic in beautiful, snowy Colorado, with some absolutely precious Jonah moments and lovely hurt/comfort all around! Despite the fact that Carlos is sick in this one, this fic feels like a warm hug on a cold winter's evening. I love how TK doesn’t do anything halfway, especially when it comes to worrying and taking care of his husband! I also love how Jonah is written here. He's a kid who's curious and perceptive, and he clearly takes after both TK and Carlos in many ways. This is a wonderful read if you're looking for some TK, Carlos and Jonah vibes as well as TK and Carlos getting their alone time in, even in less than ideal circumstances.

The One Where The Dogist Meets Buttercup - @firstprince-history-huh

This fic is so fun! Diti takes such a cool concept and turns it into something beautiful here with the idea of Owen and Buttercup meeting a stranger and Owen telling them their story. It's so sweet, and I love to think about all of the adventures Owen and Buttercup would be getting up to back up in New York.

Absolutely Wrecks People - @heartstringsduet

This was more than a fic to me. Michelle has gifted us with magic once again, and while reading this, I thought a lot about my own experiences with depression and felt a connection to TK as a character that I never had before now. And isn't that the beauty of fic? I feel more than just sad for the angst surrounding TK in this fic, I feel seen. I feel relief in having the privilege to read such a gorgeously written fic that details some of the more grueling aspects of our mental health in ways that I'm sure many of us can relate to. It's certainly a rough one, and not one for everyone, but this fic is something that is so raw, and so reflective, that it's worth sitting down and letting that wave of emotions crash over you.

Holding On To Your Final Breath - @morganaspendragonss

The angst in this one is not for the faint of heart! It's so achingly beautiful to think about a universe where TK and Carlos were together during push, and maybe it was necessary for them to be apart in order for TK to fight his way back. In this fic, the result is devestating, so I definitely warn you that this fic will give you a damn good cry if that's what you're looking for.

Chaptered Fics

Wild Pitch - @ironheartwriter

I'm loving this fic so far! The enemies to lovers dynamic is a classic, but Lana does such a good job at making that tension so tangible between TK and Carlos. You can practically feel the anger and (mostly sexual) frustration in every interaction! I also love this universe with them being roomates, and I love the teasing in TK and Mateo's friendship, too. It's still early on, but I can't wait to read more of this story!

This fic is currently ongoing.

I'm Way Too Good At Bad Decisions - @emsprovisions

This fic sucked me in right from the start! It has the charm and intrigue of an alternative meeting AU while also maintaining the awkward (and hot) hookups that we all know and love with Tarlos. They don't know what they're doing, but they know they can't stay away from each other. They're confused and down bad all at once and that makes me even more excited to see where this fic goes from here! I also love this art by @heartstringsduet because I am obsessed with their spring break atttire!

This fic is currently ongoing.

The Sounds Of Summer - @everlastingday

I absolutely adored this AU idea from the first moment Bee mentioned it, and now after having read the first chapter, I'm even more excited about this fic! I love the bickering between TK and Carlos, and y'all know the one thing I love more than a good, classic enemies to lovers fic is a music AU! The world of orchestra is so fascinating to me, and now even more so! I already feel like I've been sucked into this world, and now I want to learn even more about the ins and outs of orchestra, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this story goes!

This fic is currently ongoing.

Living On A Fault Line - @strandnreyes

If you're craving some solid angst, I definitely recommend checking this fic out! It's a very rough and realistic glance at how a serious injury would affect Carlos' mental health, as well as his relationship with TK. It also touches on the fear brought on by not knowing exactly when or how the healing process will go. Reading this fic actually reminds me a lot of another fic Jen wrote, Come What May, I'll Still Stay, which is another fic that does such a good job at showing the darker side of leaning too heavily on the job and the toll that takes on TK and Carlos.

This fic is currently ongoing.

The Lone Ranger - @rangersoup

Returning from the February rec list: This just keeps getting better! I am deeply intrenched in this mystery of who is going after Carlos, and it's also unique in that we get to explore all of this from Sam's perspective. It's equal parts angsty and mysterious, and the writing is so good! I feel even more immersed in this universe with every chapter. I can't wait to see where this one goes!

This fic is currently ongoing.

The Widow's Bite - @henrygrass

Returning from the February rec list: This fic is absolutely brilliant. There's really no better word to use for it. The writing is stunning, especially during certain scenes that were so immersive and overwhelming, and so beautifully captured that I had to stop reading to catch my breath at times. This is such a fantastic balance of angst, whump, mystery, and joy. It explores new relationships, old cases, and everything that comes with adjusting to a new family in more ways than one, all in less than ideal circumstances. I don't want to reveal too many spoilers here, so all I will say is that if you want to have your breath stolen away the same way I did, then you need to read this fic.

This fic is now complete.

You're Still The One - @strandnreyes

Returning from the February rec list: I loved this fic! It's such a lovely rendition of a Sweet Home Alabama style AU, with a story that Jen made into her own. That made for a lot of lovely surprises, even though this movie is a classic favorite of mine. If you love exes to lovers, small town AUs, and some good old-fashioned oblivious boys realizing they're still in love, run don't walk and go read this fic!

This fic is now complete.

Somewhere In A Song - @paperstorm

Returning from the February rec list: By now I think everyone knows how much I am obsessed with this AU, but it deserves repeating! Sure, I'm a sucker for any music AUs, but this fic pulled me into such a fascinating world with carefully chosen lyrics, emotional moments both on and off statge, and everything even down to the styles of music and the interactions with the crowd was an absolute blast for me to analyze after every chapter. Andie clearly put a lot of love into this fic, and it shows!

Hello everyone! I wanted to do a bit of a "WIP checkup" in which I share a snippet from all of my wips and update you on how they're going.

This is a queued post. I am currently away on vacation and I will look at all of your posts when I get back!

---

Sports Fic

Title: "the memories we leave behind"

“What are they doing?” Jonah can hardly contain his excitement as he grips the seatback in front of him, giggling as he points down towards the skaters on the ice. They look so small from where they're sitting up in the nosebleeds, but the distance doesn't seem to matter to Jonah, who is seemingly entranced by the game he barely knows anything about. There's a huge smile on his face as he watches every face off, every line change, every shot, clearly trying to decipher everything that's happening. “They're trying to get the puck in the net,” TK explains, pointing to where the New York Rangers are currently swarming the Dallas Stars like bees, their offense fluid and fast paced – as is the nature of the game. “We're rooting against the green team. Remember?”

This fic is a bit on and off again at the moment, but I'm still enjoying writing it! I have no prediction for when it might be finished as it is not a priority at the moment. This snippet is brought to you by a new scene I added, inspired by this headcanon.

Spicy Fic

"Do you want me to take care of you now, my love?" Carlos’ voice drips with adoration, smooth as he speaks slowly, carefully, and commandingly. There's a hint of teasing in his tone that he keeps a tight hold on, always waiting for TK to guide him and tell him what he needs. They don't always do this with the pretense of sex, and tonight certainly wasn't a night where TK was having anything that would even resemble a horny thought, but he feels so light inside of his own body. His blood flows through his veins like honey, desire simmering beneath the surface, but not with purpose. There's no ache. No rush. No need. But TK thinks about these ropes coming off before he can fully silence the darkness, he hears the way Carlos' voice dips and feels the way his body reacts on instinct, and he decides that it doesn't matter. He doesn't just want to hide away in freefall. He wants to float. He wants to feel everything that is good and right and wonderful, and Carlos is clearly willing to help him do that.

This fic still has an incredibly loose outline, but it is my first venture into writing a D/S dynamic and I'm just kind of going with the flow for this one. I hope to finish this one soon, especially since @heartstringsduet has been my biggest cheerleader for this fic and has been giving me endless motivation!

Detective AU / Murder Mystery Fic

The bullpen is smaller than he's used to. The absence of the New York City chaos cycling in and out of the room is evident. The ever-present, steady stream of chaos keeping the building alive on an unstable fuel is muted and mellow in comparison, reflecting the nature of the state of Texas. Slower, calmer – even in its capital city. TK thinks he might just like it here after all.

This one is regrettably, extremely slow moving. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself for this one because it's an idea I've had for years, and I want to take my time with this. It's definitely overwhelming, and there's no chance of me finishing this in any less than a few months, but I think it will all be worth it in the end!

Super Secret Angsty Fic

Title: "sinking in slow motion"

He attempts to look again, and a sharp pain pierces through his skull like a sleek blade, barely noticeable until it hits him all at once and he has to let his head fall back against the concrete again, wincing at the sudden movement.

It’s no use. He isn’t going to be able to treat himself down here. He runs through the checklist in his head, skipping over what he can’t do and focusing on what he can.

Keep pressure on the wound. Check. Slow down your breathing. Check. Check your heart rate. TK lifts two trembling fingers to the pulse point on his neck, undoubtedly smearing some of his own blood against his skin as he presses down.

Fast, but steady. Check.

This fic is brought to you by The Angst Train, aka the collaboration I'm doing with @certifiedflower and @neversleepuntilfive 👀 who I have immensely enjoyed working with. I'm so excited to finish this and share it with you all for @911lonestarangstweek at the end of the month!

Therapy Fic

“Hey, babe,” TK greets him, his voice faltering when he catches a glimpse of the laptop Carlos so ungraciously tossed to the side when he walked through the door. “What are you reading?” “Nothing,” Carlos says, immediately realizing how unconvincing he sounds. He avoids TK's knowing gaze as he stares towards the ground. TK slowly comes towards him and sits next to him on the couch, close enough to be there, but putting enough distance between them so that Carlos can decide whether or not he wants to have TK in his space right now. “Well that wasn't suspicious at all.”

I admittedly have not worked on this one in a while. I can't even remember if I've shared this snippet before. I don't think I have, but if I did I apologize. I'll get back to this one once I get some of these other wips finished.

S1 Carlos Fic

Images of the man who laid in his bed for the first time, his silver medallion stark against his heaving chest – a symbol of his family from before, begin circling Carlos’ mind as he slowly digests the gravity of such a revelation. He isn't as close with his own father as TK is with Owen, but he couldn't even imagine the pit in his stomach that would open up if he were to learn that his dad had cancer. “I'm sorry, TK,” is all he can think to say. He knows it can't help much, but he hopes it's enough. He hopes he can offer some sense of peace for someone who's gaze he can't seem to escape, his eyes brimming with tears that threaten to fall, Carlos’ dim porch light reflecting off of shimmering green oceans. TK looks about as lost as Carlos feels, his weary figure standing against the backdrop of the night sky and empty streets. His vulnerability is vast, and Carlos aches to protect it.

This fic is also low priority, and since it is essentially a collection of moments throughout season 1, this one is probably going to take me a while to write.