he is shaking. he’s shaking and staring at marti, and he’s certain that he hasn’t been talking. ❝ it’s because i’m nervous. you’re so beautiful, of course i’m shaking. ❞ they both know it’s not this, it’s something else, some horrible darkness in his brain. ❝ you’re just so beautiful. ❞ his hands are visibly shaky as he reaches out to take marti’s, and hopefully it will help him. his fingers close a bit too tight around marti’s hands, but it’s like a lifeline. but he can’t look marti in the eye, not when his chest is tight and his heart is unsteady, and he can’t say what’s wrong, but something is wrong and he’s just -- afraid. ❝ i have the most beautiful boy in the world in my room, of course i’m nervous. of course i’m shaking. ❞ there had been other thoughts for the night, there had been the thought to kiss marti until they fall asleep, there had been the plan to talk to marti about -- about the way that the streetlight falls through nico’s window and falls onto the floor, or talk about something, anything, but the way his eyes are a bit too tired, a bit too sad. all he wants, right now, is for marti to hold him close, but he’s afraid to ask.