#happybithday?

This is definitely 34.

Another year. Wiser, tougher, stronger? I’d love to hope and believe that this year would have be different.

BUT...

The only thing I did differently this year was not make a birthday post. Because I truly didn't care who reached out to send me birthday wishes. I always say every year that this day means absolutely nothing to me. Unfortunately, that's a lie. Because as humans, of course we want the notoriety, the attention, and the acknowledgment that our subconscious desires.

This year, I went with it.

And believe me when I say this... very few remembered.

And I'm not holding anyone accountable for that.

The ones who actually love and care to remember, did. And many of the people I would have never expected to reach out did. I'm absolutely grateful for them, because they were the ones I've always held dearest to my heart and soul. The people who would, and will, forever be with me.

I'm not angry. Nor am I upset with the people I assumed would remember but didn't.

I'm just realizing that life goes on.

Some people you try to make feel completely special, welcomed, loved, and worthy simply won't give you that same energy in return. And that's okay. Maybe they need it more than I do.

And I will never hold that against them.

But what will always hurt me the most is that on a day that's supposed to be "mine," all I can think about is you.

Every call. Every message. Hoping/Wishing for it to be you.

And not only was I thinking about you, l’d like to believe the universe was too. The post I happened to scroll past. The song that randomly shuffled through my playlist. Everything felt like it was

"giving me signs" of you.

All that mattered to me was you.

Silly of me to think that, because in actuality...

My mother.

My grandparents.

My sister.

My brothers.

My niece and nephews.

My father.

And the true friends I call family...

Actually do matter.

I love you, and I always will.

But damn... I need to start caring about what my reality actually is.

Came into this world on a Tuesday. 34 years later, here we are... on a Tuesday. While Drake once was turnt up.. on a Tuesday,