#hanfee

but I ran to the people who’d take

take and take

until I’m rotted and dead

and now they’ve planted rot in my heart

pain in my body

despair, helplessness, and a deep longing to go back and change it all

I’d change so much but I keep telling myself,

look forward

push forward

excel forward

and I’m trying so hard

but my trying doesn’t seem to match those around me

my trying appears as laziness,

as procrastination,

as shyness & lack of confidence

I know how they perceive me

I know all too well

Have they felt?

Have they felt the cultural, religious roots that I come from?

Have they felt the shock of what I witnessed?

Do they see how much I try?

I don’t blame myself for falling into that cage

Somewhere that,

I’m used but —