#rawpoetry

right where he placed it

And the love we had

And the love we made

I want it back

Sweet nothings

In my ear

Quiet mornings

By the lake

But you were never there

With me on those days

You were thinking of her

my baggage was as heavy

as heavy as you made it be.

You put it on a weighing scale

and said,

“Look. Look.

It’s heavy.”

I looked.

I looked.

And now it is.

I was hoping

we would share the load,

for I was ready

to hold yours too.

But you made additions

while I made divisions.

You bought a car.

While I bought a home.

How do I let go?

How do I carry this again?

Do I wait for you blindly

under the night sky?

Do I diffuse into life

during the day?

Should I let go?

It’s been a while.

Will this lessen if you leave?

Somehow, it only keeps adding.

And now my baggage

sinks

me

to the ground.

I was wrong. Fuck the other person. Scream it out. Write it down. Bleed it into art. Cry if it hits you.

Stumble. Break your stride. Just don’t stay down.

but I ran to the people who’d take

take and take

until I’m rotted and dead

and now they’ve planted rot in my heart

pain in my body

despair, helplessness, and a deep longing to go back and change it all

I’d change so much but I keep telling myself,

look forward

push forward

excel forward

and I’m trying so hard

but my trying doesn’t seem to match those around me

my trying appears as laziness,

as procrastination,

as shyness & lack of confidence

I know how they perceive me

I know all too well

Have they felt?

Have they felt the cultural, religious roots that I come from?

Have they felt the shock of what I witnessed?

Do they see how much I try?

I don’t blame myself for falling into that cage

Somewhere that,

I’m used but —

if you look close enough

the lines spill secrets