Part 1 of Lance losing a leg and having more in common with Shiro than he ever thought possible
This was supposed to be just one part, but it’s going to be a few so, buckle in? Plus, let’s be real I wanted to write this so I could write Shiro and Lance bonding which will def be like 100% of part 2.
~
His leg is not where it is supposed to be.
That is the first thing that registers within Lance's mind as he wakes up in a world of white, his left leg far lighter than his right.
His memory is foggy at best, unable to tell him why he is where he is. Why his left foot doesn't feel the way it did before.
He thinks maybe it isn't there anymore.
He doesn't truly register it for a moment. His blue eyes are dull, pointed up at the ceiling and his hand leans down to wrap around what is left of his leg.
His hand is shaky and trembling as it slides down his hip. His hand stops quickly, cupping the stump that ended mid-thigh. His knee, calf, ankle, toes, they aren't there.
It becomes real.
The grief is heavy as it enters his system, clogging his pores. Tears make a sheen over his eyes and he hangs his head. He tries to hold it in but sobs are quick to make their way through his throat and out of his mouth, he is unable to halt the terrible sounds of grief.
He sobs in earnest, mourning as if he's lost a friend and not just a limb. It's a weird feeling, being so attached to something you never gave much thought to before.
Entitlement to something uncertain.
A comforting weight drops onto his shoulder, "Lance? Hermano?" the voice is soft.
Lance looks at Hunk through blurry vision and sniffles, "Hunk."
He's sure he looks wrecked because Hunks expression shatters and, next thing he knows, Lance is being wrapped up in a bear hug. It's the warmest hug he's ever had, but it's also the saddest.
Hunk rubs his back as he sobs, his large hands smoothing his hospital gown down.
"It's okay," Hunk mumbles, his own voice heavy with thickened tears, "It's going to be okay, hermano."
Lance's wails are loud and grieving, he doesn't believe Hunks words. How can he?
Nobody needs a leg that can't stand on its own.
Hunk is his rock, he holds Lance through the worst of his pain and grief.
He vaguely remembers him holding him as he bled out, too, ever reliable.
Lance still doesn't let go as his sobs quiet, but Hunk doesn't ask him to, he just rubs his hair gently and whispers calming words into his hair, telling him it will be okay.
Everything will be okay.
~
Hunk doesn't know how long he sits there rubbing his friend's back long after he's fallen asleep, he just knows his face is itchy with dried tears that had dripped silently down his cheeks.
His heart has never known the ache it feels now. He's never understood the pain he sees every time Keith looks as Shiro's arm, the guilt and remorse every time Shiro rubs its stiffness away before now.
He selfishly thinks his hurt is worse. He had to hold his best friend as he bled out, dying in his arms. He had to live in that moment knowing that even if Lance survived the horrific ordeal, he would never return to the way he was before. He will never be the same.
He hopes he's proven wrong.
There's a light knock on the open door and Hunk shifts gently to peer around the curtain. Shiro smiles softly, if not a bit awkwardly, "Can I come in?"
Hunk purses his lips and nods. Shiro walks in, his eyes going to Lance near immediately, a sympathetic pain on his face. He sits on the edge of the bed, quietly observing the way Lance curls in Hunk's arms. "How is he?"
"Not good," Hunk admits, his eyes shining.
His answer gives Shiro a sad twist of lips. Shiro puts a hand, his flesh hand, on Hunk's arm, "He's going to be okay. Pidge is making him a prosthetic as we speak. He'll get used to it like I-"
"He isn't you," Hunk cuts sharply in his eyes lock on the crown of Lance's head. His stomach twists in guilt, a heaviness settles. He mouthes over an apology, but it doesn't make itself known. His lips clamp shut and his eyes shoot down.
Shiro gives him a sad smile, "It's okay. This is hard on everyone. And...and it's going to continue to be hard but Lance isn't going through this alone."
No, Hunk thinks, he won't be alone, he won't have to suffer alone like-
"Like you," Hunk can't help to say. He checks Shiro's expression, but it hasn't changed.
"Like me," Shiro agrees in a soft tone. "He won't be alone, we'll all be there to help him adjust."
Hunk rubs the side of Lance's cheek gently. "You'll be more help than I will be." Hunk's heart pangs at the thought, but he knows it's true; none of them understand what Lance is going through as Shiro does.
"You being there for him will be enough, trust me."
Hunk wants to.
~
His healing is slow and sluggish, even with the help of a healing pod. Pidge comes in a few times to measure every bit of his existing leg along with the remaining stump on the other. She barely looks at him, her shoulders heavy with guilt and determination to right a wrong that she believes has been committed. Lance wants to reassure her but doesn't have the energy to. Doesn't really know what it is she thinks she did.
Lance hasn't seen Allura though Coran comes in often, even when he doesn't have to check Lance's injury, but he isn't surprised, he's sure she's busy looking for a new paladin.
For the good of the universe, he tries not to be bitter.
Shiro, Keith, and Hunk are the most frequent of his visitors. Hunk isn't a surprise, but Keith and Shiro had been an unexpected addition to his daily routine.
Hunk smiles as he walks in, a steaming bowl of something that smells heavenly in his hands as Shiro and Keith walk in behind him. Shiro waves quietly and moves to sit in a chair at his bedside as Hunk lifts the bowl onto Lance's tray. Keith just stands in the corner, staring at his feet.
"It's supposed to be sort of like pea soup but...not with pees?" Hunk says with a small chuckle, his smile only dimming a bit when Lance doesn't make a move to smile with him, his eyes staring down into the bowl despondently.
Lance robotically lifts the spoon from the soup and dips it back in, blowing on the hot liquid for a second before putting it in his mouth. It doesn't taste like much, but he doesn't know if that's his fault.
Hunk sits opposite to Shiro and starts rambling about something that Lance isn't in the mind to pay any attention to, all of his energy in feeding himself and nourishing his broken body. The others seem to be enjoying whatever he's saying though, as Shiro laughs and Keith seems, at the very least, engaged.
Lance lets himself zone out as his hand brings soup to his lips over and over until he has emptied the whole bowl, his stomach full of warmth.
Hunk takes the bowl away and says he's going to be right back after he puts it away. Keith follows and Lance thinks it's for lack of better things to do.
Lance moves his head to stare out of the window. Shiro stands, "Have you rubbed your leg today?"
Lance shakes his head and doesn't look down as Shiro removes the blanket from his stump. The healing pod sped up the healing process enough that his leg didn't need to be bandaged so Shiro only had to unwrap the brace Coran had fitted him with before digging his fingers into the ridged, deformed skin.
Shiro's hands are magic as they eased the tense muscle underneath his skin and rid him of his phantom pain. Lance lets his eyes slipped closed as he appreciates Shiro's ministrations, appreciates that Shiro doesn't require him to converse.
Shiro understands, and for that, Lance is grateful.
~
Lance feels somewhat optimistic the day Pidge comes in with his new prosthetic.
Only Shiro and Coran are present as per his requests, and Pidge still doesn't so much as look at him as she explains how she made his new leg.
She doesn't look happy as she presents him with his beacon of hope.
"Shay lent me some Balmerian crystal to power it, so it should work fine for a long time without needing to be replaced completely. I added a compartment or two on the sides where he can store weapons or other things during missions," Pidge says, running a hand down the shiny blue and silver plating.
"How durable is it?" Coran inquires, pinching his goatee between two fingers.
"It's made of tougher stuff than Shiro's arm is, actually. I picked up some of the minerals from Lrn when we visited and I decided to keep it around and now it'll be Lance's leg, so..." Pidge trails off.
"Then I guess we should get Lance set up with it as soon as we can," Shiro smiles at Lance and Lance weakly smiles back. Shiro's smile broadens and he pats Lance's shoulder.
"That sounds wonderful. Are you ready, my boy?" Coran asks.
"As I'll ever be," Lance says uncertainly, staring down at the handcrafted prosthetic that would soon hold him up.
Metal would meet-- replace flesh and Lance would earn to walk on a limb he couldn't feel.
Shiro gently jostles his shoulder, "Coran is going to put you to sleep now, we'll all be here when you wake up."
"Hunk?" Lance asks as Coran sits at his side with a needle.
"Sure," Shiro agrees softly, "he'll be here, too."
This time when Lance drifts off, he has hope.
~
Lance awakens slowly, his eyes opening to Hunk's smiling face. "Hey, buddy, how do you feel?"
Lance groggily shifts his head to the side, seeing Shiro and, just behind him, Keith. Coran is at the foot of his bed. "How do you feel, my boy? Tip top?" he asks.
Lance pulls himself up on weak arms and shifts until his back is against his pillows, wincing as his stump stings. Then he notices. His leg is heavy, heavier than his right but not unbearably so, and it occurs to him that there's something there now.
Lance looks at Hunk, his eyes wide, "My leg?"
"Do you want to see?" Shiro asks, his metal hand resting over his new prosthetic. Lance swallows and nods.
Shiro pulls back the blanket and Lance is amazed at the sight of the two legs together. His right is mocha-colored and covered in bright white and pink scars, a stark comparison to the gleaming metal that covered the left, accented with blues that match his eyes.
They're both the exact same size and length, crafted with a delicate precision that makes Lance's heart warm, knowing that Pidge must've spent hours upon hours perfecting this for him, even the bolts that hold metal plates down are customized with the Voltron insignia painted in blue.
He starts getting teary-eyed, he can't help it. He sniffs hard, "Where's Pidge?"
Hunk and Shiro share a glance, hesitant, and it's Keith that answers, "Sleeping. She hasn't gotten very much."
Lance nods slowly, a small smile etching onto his lips, "It's--really nice." His brow furrows.
"But it's a lot?" Shiro guesses.
Lance hums. It is a lot. Just under than a month ago he had two flesh legs and now...now he was missing the scar he got when his younger sister bit his knee during one of her games of 'Shark attack,' and the scar he got the first time he crashed his bike when he was seven. He can almost see the outlines where the scars would be on his flesh leg, and he feels loss.
They were all gone, and he fears that if he spends enough time in space, his memory will disappear too.
"Are you okay?" Hunk asks in concern. Lance doesn't answer.
"Can everyone give us a moment?" Shiro asks kindly. The three look hesitant but nod and leave, letting the door fall shut behind them.
"What's going through your mind?" Shiros asks softly.
Lance's opens his mouth, a lie on his tongue, but he pauses, looking into Shiro's eyes. His jaws shut. This is Shiro, he reminds himself, he understands.
"It's flawless," Lance says in a hoarse whisper, finally letting his hand roam over the smooth metal.
Shiro's brow creases, but he looks like he understands and it's a relief. "Just because the blemishes and imperfections are gone doesn't mean that they never existed in the first place, Lance."
"I know, but...I don't know when I'll get to go home and I feel like if I don't have them, then..." Lance's throat becomes clogged with tears.
Shiros firmly grips the hand that has started to clench itself around his leg, "You will go home, Lance. All of us will, one day. But this leg doesn't have to be anything more than just the thing you use to stand on. Your memories are always going to be yours, this leg will never change that."
Lance nods weakly but doesn't feel convinced.
Shiros sees this and continues, "I know what you're going through, Lance, but it won't be this way forever. Tomorrow you'll take your first steps on this leg and the rest will only get easier."
Lance meets Shiro's eyes, lip quivering, "Promise?"
Shiro pulls him in for a hug, "I promise."
~
Pidge isn't present when Lance takes his first steps, but he doesn't expect her to be, he understands how hard she's worked for him and hopes she's resting well.
Shiro's hand is steady on his arm as he puts his feet flat on the ground, taking a deep, nervouse breath."You ready buddy?" Hunk asks from his right.
Lance stares down at his feet, brown and silver, and nods.
"Alright, take it slowly," Shiro says, gently supporting his arm as he starts to lean up.
Coran is watching him carefully as he stands, watching for any problems or signs of pain.
Lance leans heavily on Shiro as he straightens, bracing his arm against his chest. He's shaky, but he's standing. Slowly, he comes more into himself and supports his weight completely on his own legs. He rotates his hips and makes a face, "Feels weird."
Shiro chuckles, "It takes some getting used to."
"Slowly take a step towards me," Coran says, his expression lighter as he sees Lance able to stand on his own without so much as a flinch.
This time, Lance holds tightly both Shiro and Hunk as he lifts his flesh foot, letting all of his weight rest on his prosthetic.
His foot falls without incident and he bends the prosthetic as effortlessly as his real leg, dropping it down in front of the other. A grin splits his face as his friends cheer.
"You've done it, my boy!" Coran cries with a happy smile.
He hears a sniffle to his left and notices that Hunk is crying, but not a sad cry. Even Shiro has a tear in his eye as he looks down at Lance with pride.
Hopelessness has blossomed into the ability to change and overcome.
"Where's Pidge?" Lance asks.
"In her room, I think, but maybe you should-" Hunk is cut off abruptly when Lance pulls away from him, taking a few small but steady steps away.
Shiro follows with him with a look of fond exasperation and catches him when he stumbles in the doorway. "Be careful."
Hunk and Coran follow, Hunk nervously but Coran ecstatically, ready to brace his back if he falls forward.
"It really is amazing you're able to walk so soon," Hunk says in wonder.
"The healing pod sped up his recovery enough that his muscles haven't atrophied with his time in bed," Shiro says.
"I love alien technology," Hunk says with an earnest, happy sigh. Lance can't help but agree.
Lance tells the others he wants to talk to Pidge alone, thinking back to how Pidge had been acting around him as of late and unable to help thinking that it is partially his fault, and they agree albeit hesitantly.
So he is left by himself in front of her door. He knocks and, without any other warning, the door slides open to reveal a bleary-eyed Pidge. Lance frowns, "I thought you were resting?"
Pidge's eyes widen, "Uh-" she pauses, her eyes roving around as if looking for an escape, "-should you be up right now?"
"Yes," Lance replies slowly, "can we talk?"
Lance can see Pidge swallow, "No, that's probably not-"
"Please?" Lance says, "I probably shouldn't be standing on this leg."
Her eyes flash down to said leg in an instant, grimacing at its wobbliness. She doesn't look happy about it, but she waves him in.
He hisses through his teeth as he gently sits on her short bed. She takes a seat at her desk, her eyes cast to her hands clutched between her knees, a look Lance has gotten used to seeing on her face.
"So," Lance starts, "what've you been doing?"
Pidge chews her lips for a second, pondering. She shakes her head, "Why are you here?"
Right to the chase, then.
Lance frowns, his left hand moving to absently scratch at the hard surface of his leg. Pidge's eyes follow the motion. "You haven't--I mean...are you okay?"
Pidge's head lifts, surprise clear in her wide eyes. She doesn't say anything, and Lance takes that as a sign that he should continue.
"It's just--I know I haven't exactly been...present... but I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome or-"Lance cuts his rambling off abruptly, looking at Pidge from underneath his eyelashes.
Pidge just looks more confused, 'What?"
Lance doesn't understand and tilts his head to the side, hoping she continues without verbal prompting.
Pidge's lips twist uncertainly and she casts her eyes to the side, "You didn't do anything."
"Then why?" Lance asks. He feels like he knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, like an inkling.
Pidge's fists clench in her lap and then she says, in a voice so quiet, "It's my fault."
"What?" Lance looks at her with wide, confused eyes. "Pidge it wasn't-"
"It was," Pidge hisses. Her eyes are glassy as she says, "It was, Lance. It could've been prevented and...and it's all my fault."
"Pidge... no one could've..." Lance trails off as his throat clogs itself, he tries to control himself and his thoughts. "...it wasn't any of our faults; we couldn't have predicted it." But I wish we could've. I know we all do.
Pidge shakes her head jerkily, her head hanging so her bangs fall in front of her eyes. Lance can see tears dripping down her face. "I saw the soldier. I saw him but there was too much going on and I didn't see what was in his hand and-" she's cut off by a sob. She moves her hand over her mouth and looks up at lance, grief-stricken, "-I'm so sorry."
Lance moves before he thinks about it, carefully and slowly dropping down to one knee before pulling Pidge in for a hug, "It isn't your fault."
Pidge sobs, loud and ugly as she clutches at him like he might disappear. Lance feels her tears dripping down his neck and, before he knows it, his hands are shaking as they wrap around her back and his eyes are leaking the embodiment of his own sadness down his cheeks.
Lance shushes her shakily, "It's okay, it's okay Pidge, mi hermana."
"It's not," Pidge sobs, "It isn't okay and I'm sorry."
Lance starts to gently rock her, "It's not your fault, Pidgey, I don't blame you."
"You should," Pidge insists.
"No," Lance says gently, sniffling. "I should blame the Galra who did this to me, not you. You didn't do anything but give me the ability to stand on my own again. You didn't do anything short of amazing."
Pidge shakes her head, "I had to. I couldn't deal with...I did this to you." Her words are punctuated by another wracking sob.
Lance leans back and uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe underneath her eyes. Hse gives her a small smile, "I love you, Pidge. You wouldn't do this to me."
Her face is crumpled as she nods shakily, not fully understanding but accepting. Lance pulls her back into his arms and he holds her for a long time.
He realizes that he is not the only one who needs to heal.
(Part 2)Â (Full work on Ao3)
