the internet support group for people that hate people.

okay, firstly, can we unpack that i don’t hate people? i don’t really hate anything. well, there’s lot of terrible things that i should probably say i hate, but i just meant it’s a very strong word, i suppose, though it’s certainly accurate to say that i’m an introvert with immense social anxiety, so interacting with people is an unpleasant experience for me—but it’s a weird catchphrase that i find strangely aggressive. anyway, here i am your self diagnosed agony uncle dan, which is a title both ironic and appropriate as i’m certainly in a lot of agony mentally, but also i am not your mother’s brother. but regardless, here i am promising to read your emails and respond to your teen problems, which is a strange phrase as who is to say that just because someone is a teen that their problems are less valid than anyone else’s? but here we are in a society that just conditions us to generalise and trivialise these things and so i will give you my full attention as you are giving me yours. but i have no idea why you are looking at me like that or why you’re asking what’s really in this mug, okay, i am just trying to stay hydrated and mind my own business.

it is probably water and definitely not wine. i am not jesus performing miracles here. no, i am merely a highly flawed individual that for some reason is burdened and privileged with the responsibility of managing the emotions of millions of people anonymously online. and even if i’m just there to have a good time and express myself, i can’t help but to try and help—which is definitely a bad idea, for the record, as i am in no way a trained professional with any qualifications to give advice, so please don’t actually listen to anything i say or sue me (but i will at least try to reply to as many as i can).

but as i stare into the deep abyss of my inbox, which after so many years has amassed hundreds of thousands of emails, i make eye contact with my own reflection in the cold glare of my monitor and contemplate that every unread email could potentially be another human on this small planet emphatically pouring out their heart and soul in confidence that perhaps i have something to say; or if not just to be included in what they must perceive to be a welcoming community enclave amongst the desolate landscape of the internet, which i was never prepared for on my journey to make a casually entertaining advice series in which i find myself underestimating the infinite pain of our universe.

and yet, for every moment of sincerity there, there will be a sly attempt from another stranger of someone trying to trick or traumatise me, hoping that moment will be captured forever in an entertaining video for them. but who is to say what this series is meant to be or who it is for, as it is not belonging to me, or even about what i contribute, but merely the reflection of a million souls carrying out in their own ways? and i must be humbled that no matter how high or low i ever consider myself, that anyone would wish for me to support them and so i must say thank you and be thankful that on the terrifying place of existence and society that we call the internet, there are people that no matter how they feel about people, they want to be supported and a part of a group and such will be my legacy. thank you.

‪dan: UGH yikes how EMBARRASSING!‬