#hammett

It was nearing 2:30 in the morning. You were on all fours. James was ramming into your sore and swollen pussy from behind, pistoning his hips in and out of you at a dizzying rate. His hands were pressed on top of your hands, his chest against your back. His face was pressed into your neck, leaving small kisses, bites, and he was inhaling your scent. You had been in this position for god knows how long.

-

It had all come about after the S&M show. James had walked off stage and into his dressing room and saw you standing there, waiting for him. Everything had started off innocent, telling him how amazing the show was, telling him he did great, and telling him how proud you were. 

Then, on the way home, his hand was firmly planted on your upper thigh; and he was silent, listening to you as you spoke about your day before the show. He loved hearing you talk, your rambling always seemed to comfort him in so many ways that he couldn’t explain. Though, at the moment, he was completely concentrating on the highway, tuning into your sentences when he was on a stretch of road. He had only really perked up when you mentioned your friend’s family.

“Oh, and don’t forget, I have to babysit my friend’s kids tomorrow,” you said, placing your hand on top of his. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. How many kids does she have now?” James asks as he pulls into the driveway, then into the garage, of your shared home. 

“Three kids. Two girls, one boy,” you reply, unbuckling your seatbelt. You step out of the car, grabbing your belongings, walking to the door where James is already fishing in his pocket for the key. 

He manages to fish out the key and unlock the door, allowing you to step in first, following behind, then shutting the door, locking it again. You both take off your shoes, then your coats, hanging them up. James places his keys in the small tray that lays on the table beside the door, you hang up your purse. 

You walk to yours and James’s shared room, heading for the bathroom to begin to take off your clothes for a shower; James follows you. He stares at you, carefully watching your every movement. “What?” You laugh, turning to face him completely. 

“Nothing, nothing. Just… thinking,” He says with a smile.

“Thinking? About what?” You step closer, and he places his hands on your hips.

“Well, most of your friends have kids, Lars has his kid, and I was thinking that… maybe it’s time for us to start our own family,” he says as his thumbs rub against your hipbone. He leans in for a gentle kiss, and you reciprocate it. James had wanted kids with you from the day you two got married, and you were aware. You were actually glad that he had brought it up first, believing that you would be too embarrassed to ask him if he was ready to start trying. Though, you had to admit, you had gotten hella baby fever lately. 

“Yeah? You think it’s time for us to start trying?” You throw your arms around his neck. He nods eagerly, his eyes beaming into yours. “Wanna try tonight?”

Those words made him lose it. His hands trailed down to your ass, squeezing the soft, clothed flesh. “Yes,” he groaned, picking you up, and walking to the bed. 

-

That was how it had all started. By your best guess, you two had been fucking for three hours. Your cum was mixed with his, acting as lube as he kept pistoning out of you. “Oh, god, Jamie,” your voice was hoarse from the vigorous sex. “J-James… James, I’m so close,” you said, whining slightly when you felt his head move away from your neck. He sat up straight, grabbing the back of your neck, pushing your head into the pillow as his other hand worked on your clit.

“Yeah? Fuck, baby, cum on my cock,” his voice sent a chill down your spine. “Want me to breed you? Want me to put my baby in you?” 

James himself was close, too. It would make it his third time cumming in you tonight. He felt his balls tighten and raise, and he pulled out of you, the hand that was on your neck going to squeeze his balls to stop him from cumming before you. You whined at the lack of James’s cock, but that whine quickly turned into a moan as he slammed back into you. His thumb was still rubbing your clit, increasing the pace as his hips began to move faster. “I want to see you pregnant, with my baby. You’re going to incubate my seed; and give me as many babies as I want, aren’t you?” 

“Yes… Yes. I want it. I want your cum, I want your baby,” you whine, voice slightly muffled by the pillow. Drool spilled out of your mouth and onto the sheets, practically cock drunk at this point.

“You’re going to be so full with my cum,. You’re going to look so fucking hot with my seed dripping out of you. Gonna be so hot when you’re round with my baby,” he spanks your ass, thrusting one final thrust, flicking your clit.

“James… James! I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” Your walls spasmed and clenched around his rigid cock, pulling him in deeper, urging him to cum in you again, to breed you with his seed. 

His hips began to stutter, his balls raising and tightening as he came inside you. “Fuuckk…” he threw his head back, mouth lolling open. You turned your head slightly to look at him, pussy clenching again at the sight. 

He rocks his hips slightly, making sure you got all of his cum in you, and he collapses on top of you. He kisses your shoulder. “You did so good for me, baby.”

You both catch your breath, completely coming down from your highs. He slowly pulls out of you, flipping you onto your back, then laying down beside you. He pulls you close to him. His hands glide over your skin, and he plants kisses all over your face. “You’re so perfect,” he whispers against your lips, his hands trailing down to your cunt, slowly pushing two fingers inside you.

Your eyes open wide, your own hands going to his wrist. “James! What are you doing?” You laugh.

“Like you pity me!” He slammed his fist down on the kitchen table, the sound rattling through me. His eyes were wild, bloodshot. “You think you’re better than me, don’t you? Sitting here safe while I’m out there every damn night, killing myself for this band, for everyone. And for what?" He paused before coming up close to me. His now pointed finger poking harshly into my chest "Don’t you dare try to fix me,” he spat, swaying slightly, the bottle still dangling from his other hand. His lip curled into a bitter sneer.

“I wasn’t”

“Yes, you were,” he snapped, cutting me off. His voice was jagged, ugly. “You sit there with your doe eyes, acting like you’re some saint who can pull me back from the edge. But you’re not. You’re nothing.”

The words landed like a slap, but he didn’t stop. His chest heaved, his eyes burning with drunken fury.

“You think I need you? You think you’re special? God, you’re pathetic.” He let out a laugh that wasn’t a laugh at all, more like a snarl. “You’re just convenient. Someone to crawl into bed with when the noise in my head won’t stop. You’re not saving me, sweetheart you’re distracting me. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

My throat closed, but he was relentless.

“And you know the worst part?” His eyes found mine, hard and mean. “One day I’ll wake up sober, and I won’t even remember why I ever touched you.”

The silence afterward was unbearable, thick with the weight of everything he’d just shattered. My hands trembled, but I didn’t move, didn’t speak. He turned, stumbled toward the bedroom, and slammed the door so hard the walls shook, leaving me alone with the echo of his cruelty.

The morning light was cruel and unforgiving. He sat on the edge of the sofa, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. When I stepped into the room, he looked up, and for the first time in all the years I’d known him, his eyes held something close to fear.

“I don’t even know how to look at you right now,” he whispered, voice cracked and low. “Because if I look too long, I’ll see my father staring back at me.”

I opened my mouth, but he shook his head sharply, almost flinching.

“Don’t please, just… let me say this.” His hands raked through his hair, trembling. “Last night what I said to you I meant none of it. Not one fucking word. But the second it left my mouth, it was like I was fourteen again, listening to him tear my mum apart, piece by piece. The venom, the cruelty Christ, I sounded just like him.”

His breath hitched. He pressed the heel of his palm to his eye as though trying to grind the memory away.

“I swore I’d never be him,” he choked out. “I swore it. And then I opened my mouth and there he was. His voice. His rage. His poison. And I put it in you.”

He looked up at me then, broken, raw.

“I don’t deserve you. Not after that. If you walk away right now, I won’t stop you. I’ll let you go. Because the one thing worse than becoming him… is turning you into her.”

The silence cracked with his sob unsteady, jagged, too proud to exist except in front of me.

“I’m begging you, sweetheart,” he whispered, voice wrecked. “Please believe me when I say you’re the only good thing I’ve ever had. And if I ever lose you because of the man I become, I don’t think I’ll survive it.”

I swallowed hard, my throat burning. My anger from last night was still there, simmering faintly, but it cracked under the sight of him now shattered, trembling, terrified of himself.

“Don’t you dare compare me to her,” I whispered, my voice shaking as I stepped closer. His head snapped up, confusion flickering through his grief. “And don’t you dare compare yourself to him. You are not your father.”

He opened his mouth, but I shook my head and crouched in front of him, forcing him to see me, really see me.

“You hurt me, yes. What you said it cut deeper than I can even put into words. And if it had come from anyone else, I’d never forgive it. But watching you now…” I reached for his hands, prising them from his face even as he resisted, “…watching you fight so hard not to become him it breaks me, Kirk. Because I know you’re nothing like him. You’ve built your whole life trying to be better, and you are. You already are.”

Tears blurred my vision, but I didn’t care. “I’ll never fully understand what you went through. The kind of pain your dad carved into you and your mum it’s something I’ll never be able to touch. But I want to help carry it now, with you. I want to be the one who pulls you back when those ghosts try to drag you under.”

His chest shook with a quiet sob, and I cupped his face, forcing his eyes on mine.

“I’m not walking away,” I breathed. “Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. You don’t get to push me into her place and punish yourself for his sins. I’m here. With you. Always.”