#hamlet weekend

like okay first of all, show was amazing, but that is not The Encounter and it will not be the subject of this scream

we were in the lobby stressing, and then he was the first cast member out, kara saw him first, went “there he is!” to us, and we all took turns shoving one another to the front of the group because no one wanted to go first

he stopped to talk to two other dudes and we stood there awkwardly just waiting. at one point he glanced over and I offered a tepid smile

he left the two dudes because he said he wanted to go smoke and kara was like “hey can we have a sec”

and then was like “we don’t want to keep you from having a cigarette” and he was like “I really want one” in an endearing self-deprecating way

sharpie was produced when kara asked him to sign the thing

HE ASKED HER NAME. SHOOK HER HAND. REPEATED HER NAME BACK. but with a short-a rather than a long one

THEN I SAID MY NAME. SHOOK HIS HAND. HE REPEATED MY NAME BACK TO ME. CORRECTLY, EVEN. this is no shade on the above kara name, it’s just that most people hear “emily” or something when I tell them my name so like i’M IMPRESS

steph, allison, and kaitie have confirmed that this happened to them as well but ngl I straight up blacked out and I have no memory of that because I was... dying. we shook hands. we made eye contact. HE MADE A LOT OF EYE CONTACT

HE ASKED OUR NAMES RIGHT OFF THE BAT ?? THAT WAS SO POLITE ????? HE WAS SO NICE u guyz

he asked where we were from and we said Boston and I also said “and she’s from Australia” re: Kaitie

he was very impressed that Kaitie came all the way from Australia for the show. I don’t think we disavowed him of this notion or mentioned that she’s here for school? oops

but he was also impressed that we came from Boston and like. it’s not far, dude, it’s fine.

he also asked how long we were here???? and I was like “just the weekend!” bUT WHY. WERE YOU JUST BEING POLITE? SUCH SMALL TALK he was so nice

he asked if we enjoyed the show. I have no memory of answering this question. I was too busy attempting to remember how to use the english language. kara says that she said “you’re why we bought the tickets” and I’m told he was given other answers that we enjoyed it but I don’t know

Steph has just informed me that he asked “do you really like theater” and Steph said “we’re really big Shakespeare fans” and I have honest to god no memory of this. at all. I was legit just staring at his face and trying to make words happen

I took an eternity to make my mouth move to say “we’re..... ah, we’re all...... big fans of your other work. we actually all met because we’re big fans of boardwalk” [I definitely only said “boardwalk” and I’m embarrassed that he knows I’m on first name basis with his TV show]

BUT HE SMILED AT THAT AND SEEMED PLEASED TO HEAR THIS

we asked for a picture and found a guy who was willing to do that

uNDER HER BREATH, kara goes “I’m going to explode” and he goes “WHAT, WHY” ALL CONCERNED and kara was like “because we’re really big fans”

AND THEN WE TOOK A PICTURE AND UM???? I think we thanked him and ...... honestly no one remembers what happened at that point, because I think it was too much and we collectively blacked out

anyway he left and some random person was like “oh I’m from boston too!” and was asking us very detailed questions about our lives and I was like “you don’t understand. I cannot stand here and talk to you. I need to go into the street and scream. my legs are shaking”

the theater was SO TINY we were in the back row closest to the door and we were 25 feet away from the OPPOSITE BACK CORNER of the stage

like we were, MAXIMUM, 15 feet away from the front row

everyone was. so good. keegan-michael key is the funniest human alive and SO VERY HANDSY like i expected horatio to be all over hamlet but he was hanging off anatol in half the scenes they had together and he was protectively hovering around gayle rankin in all the scenes horatio and ophelia had, especially in act 4. oscar isaac is a v. good hamlet and was. very pantsless. very often. peter friedman had me having far more positive feelings towards polonius than i'm used to feeling and richard coster brought a v. interesting degree of sleaze to claudius that worked............. really well................ and i hate myself for loving it ANYWAY

special shout out to kmk for, again, being THE FUNNIEST HUMAN ALIVE like holy shit the two scenes with the ghost were genuinely some of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life and that PALED in comparison to the shenanigans he whipped out during the play-within-a-play

[they had pretty much the whole cast except hamlet and polonius double-cast as the theater troupe, so picture keegan performing a FIVE MINUTE LONG death scene in the most hilarious way possible while anatol sat behind him and covered his face and tried to keep up the Disappointed Troupe Leader expression he had on but having to cover his face so hopefully no one would notice him LOSING HIS SHIT at keegan flopping around on a table. it was fucking amazing.]

also ophelia gets her own bullet point because. she is the only one who had a scene that made me well up. gayle played her a LOT angrier in act 4 than i get the feeling is standard, and it worked REALLY well for me so kudos to her for that and also everything else

i've never seen A Real Live Shakespeare and i don't know that any other staging is gonna live up to this one. they used the space in really interesting ways, there were relatively minimal props or stage dressings? but they were. really cool. polonius' funeral, ophelia's drowning, and her funeral were genuinely some of the most interesting choices i think they could've made, and they worked PERFECTLY. bonus points for there being literal actual mud on stage for anatol and oscar to wrestle in. literally the visual of my dreams. favorite scene all time the rest of the play can go home give anatol a fucking tony for the sheer ANGUISH in the scream he let out during hamlet's shitty self-centered monologue. "forty thousand brothers" i'm gonna kick ur fuckin head in myself you ASSHOLE HAMLET

AND NOW. TIME TO GUSH. ABOUT ANATOL. he was so fucking GOOD you guys like i hope he gets SO much attention for this because he fucking DESERVES it, from the most adorable sibling interactions with gayle in act 1 to the aforementioned butcher-knife-bull-rushing at claudius to the grave fight with hamlet it was. a lot. it was a lot and i'm proud of him and i straight up spaced out pretty much every time he was on stage but anyone else was talking because

uh

guys

he's so ripped

like we knew this from pictures and stuff but we didn't KNOW

he is fucking SHREDDED and he was wearing THE TIGHTEST JEANS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE and i would like to thank god and also jesus because i'm dead now

and i wanna hit the gym. it was THAT IMPRESSIVE.

she had a snack and was telling her friend “I got the multigrain so they’re healthy! You know, like I can taste the multigrain!”

proceeded to spend an hour on the phone with her gremlin child

the gremlin child was eating peas. this was remarked upon about 3746 times during their conversation, usually every five minutes at minimum

I seriously cannot stress to you how many times they talked about these peas

“I’m going to dye my hair. It’s dark brown now, but I’m going to dye it light brown. Not like, light brown, but light brown.”

She used to dye her hair but she stopped because her husband liked it natural

“But then he said, ‘Honey, how about light brown?’ So I’m going to dye it light brown.”

“I should just dye it blonde! I know he’d like that”

“He’s emotionally r*tarded” [SORRY SHE JUST SAID THIS WHILE I WAS TYPING AND KARA AND I JUST. LOOKED AT EACH OTHER]

back to her hair though: “I’m going to get it cut, but not a lot, because it’s already too short.” [it is not... remotely short, fyi]

no honestly though the way straight women talk about their husbands making these choices for them in like... those “oh yeah, you know!” voices as though this is just.... completely normal and acceptable? h o r r i f y i ng

Started loudly playing Unsteady from her phone for the whole train to hear. While I was on the phone with my boss trying to resolve an issue

Five straight minutes of bYE, I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU and really really loud kissy noises. A truly truly absurd volume of kissy noises, at an incredible frequency and volume. For such a duration

“Yeah I’m gonna hang out with all my ~celebrity friends” in that tone that’s supposed to be self-deprecating but is clearly a humblebrag

Her friend is talking right now and I realize... this is the first time I’ve heard the friend say anything. This poor friend is just listening.

We’ve been on this train for two and a half hours and this is the first time I’ve heard the friend say anything other than those “I’m listening” filler sounds and words

Oh goody. Cold sores. My favorite topic

“The type of humans he used to date... not stellar human beings” regarding HER HUSBAND’S EXES hooboy

"I hate to say it, but he was actually my rebound” again re: husband

This story of how she and her husband met and got together is the longest get together story I’ve ever heard. I don’t know how long they’ve been married but you would think all of this happened last weekend SUCH IS THE LEVEL OF EXCRUCIATING DETAIL SHE IS RETELLING. I think I know the name of every man she’s ever dated now

I feel so bad for this friend because I’m LITERALLY ONLY HEARING her making listening noises while this woman  goes on... and on....... and on............... and on. telling the story of her life. in painful, painful detail.

this is getting long so I’m gonna end it here but WE STILL HAVE TWO MORE HOURS ON THIS TRAIN AND THIS WOMAN IS STILL TALKING ABOUT HERSELF, AD INFINITUM, TO HER POOR STUCK FRIEND, who honestly... she’s not making the “I’m bored please stop” listening noises. they’re genuine listening noises. but I still feel bad.