So this is part one out of idk but I hope you enjoy, startin’ this blog off right with some intense angst? I’m still learning about tumblr & fic language so don’t mind me. Anyways, enjoy! :) [sidenote: part two is coming soon!]
T/W: angst?
Word count: 1172
Masterlist
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“You’re leaving?” Anthony barged into my dressing room while we were both offstage for a quick scene.
“Ant, it’s not set in stone yet, I don’t even know if I’m going to-”
“And you didn’t even bother to tell me?” He looked absolutely infuriated.
“I was going to tell you when-”
“When? Two days before? When were you planning on telling me?” His voice was raised and the tension in the air was thick.
I sat there, defeated.
“Huh, Y/N? When were you going to tell me? Were you going to tell me at all?”
“Yes, Dammit Anthony! It was just an idea! I don’t even know if I am or not! Jesus, you act like everything in my life needs to be approved by you! Newsflash, I’m my own person!” I yelled back, maybe a little too loud.
“Were you even thinking about anyone else but yourself? You’re so-”
“I’m so what? What else can you possibly say that could make me feel even further from you than I am right now?” My eyes burned from holding in tears but I refused to cry.
“You know what? I’m done. Go ahead and leave. See if I care.” He turned around and slammed the door on his way out.
A fuse went out in my brain leading to an explosion in my heart.
I lost him. I lost Anthony Ramos. I lost the love of my life.
–
A week passed by and Anthony wasn’t talking to me at all.
He wouldn’t even look at me when I passed by or when we did scenes together and it was making my job a hundred times harder.
I had portrayed Eliza as a swing for the past two days since Pippa was out cold and on voice rest and the scenes with Anthony were insufferable. He did amazing at acting like nothing happened on stage but his eyes had some kind of a glaze over it. Whenever he had to look at me, there was something steaming in the back of his mind. The worst part of the whole thing was during his death scene when I went to touch him and he flinched. He couldn’t even bare my touch.
Everything about the show became draining and I no longer felt as if I held a place.
“Lin?” I tapped on his dressing room.
“Y/N! You did wonderful tonight! Thank you for swinging in for Pippa, you play a great Eliza, even I thought those tears were real. Mind blowing performance.” He praised me as he reached out for a hug, which I reciprocated.
“I think.. I think I made my decision.” I fumbled with my shirt.
“Oh, what is it? I support you one-hundred percent either way.” He shot me a reassuring look.
“I think I’m going to leave.”
-
Word had gotten around fast, and I had multiple interviews and magazine articles out about it. The last two weeks were such a blur. I had started to pack already and I had my goodbye party, to which Anthony did not accompany.
Before I knew it we were done taking the cast picture and it was time for my final bow.
“Thank you so much.” I said as tears ran down my face and Lin patted me on the shoulder after I had bowed one last time. The feeling was surreal. I never thought I’d ever be saying goodbye to Hamilton but it was time. The moment you feel your job sucking the life out of you instead of putting it in you, is when it’s time to stop and I guess in that sense it was a smart move, but the idiotic and worst part of it all was that I was leaving based on a stupid argument.
If Anthony just told me to stay, I would tell Lin it was all a mistake and I’d stay. If Anthony just talked to me, I’d stay. But seeing him, performing with him, hearing him sing, was too painful to even try. My heart was freshly broken and I needed the wound to air out.
“Thank you all.” I said once more before the lights dimmed and I walked off stage, one last time.
When we all got backstage, everyone enveloped me into a hug.
A chorus of different sentimental sayings was said as I looked around to see if Anthony was in the hug.
He wasn’t.
“Alright guys, I’m gonna go change out of this costume for the last time. I’ll come back out after.” I smiled, tears still running down my face.
I changed out of my outfit for the last time and changed into my clothes. I stared at the costume on the hangers for a good ten seconds before I started bawling. I heard a knock and murmured a small ‘come in.’
Part of me wished it was Anthony coming in to tell me to stay, that he needed me here, that he couldn’t let me go.
“Aw, Y/N, it’s okay.” Instead of Anthony, it was Daveed who pulled me into a hug.
“I’m going to miss all of this so much. I’m so sorry I’m leaving all of you. Fuck-”
“Y/N, we’re happy for you. Just promise me you’ll kick ass wherever you’ll end up. And keep in touch.” He smiled and pulled out of the hug before we headed down to see everyone.
I took pictures with seemed like everyone and everything. I started to load everything into my car that had been in my dressing room. I stared at my side of the dressing room and how empty it was. I admired the walls as I remembered everything that happened within them. All the memories, all the good times, all the bad times, they all happened in this very room. I sighed and turned off the light and walked around the rest of the theatre.
Finally, it was time for my final goodbye.
I took a deep breath before knocking.
“Come in.” His voice still had the same effect on me.
“Hey,” My voice was shaky and weak, “I came to say goodbye.” He still wouldn’t look me in the eye. I waited for a response only for my hopes to fall short.
“Well, I’m sorry for all the inconveniences I’ve caused. Maybe this place will have a better swing than me.” I cracked a light joke to hide the fact that I was starting to break in front of him.
“Okay well, I have to run, um, I gotta get all my stuff back to my place. Goodnight.” I started to head out the door.
“Y/N,” My heart skipped a beat. That was the first time he said my name in two weeks. I turned around instantly, hoping he would tell me to stay. I needed him to tell me to stay.
“Goodbye.” He said quietly before turning back to whatever he was doing. I could’ve sworn I heard his voice crack in hesitation but there was no use.
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A/N: my first imagine! This was requested by @phangirldil2022. It’s written in a modern setting. Enjoy!
“Y/N, you look tired. Come to bed.”
“Trust me, John. I’m just fine. If anyone should be sleeping, it’s you.” You didn’t even bother to look up from your laptop as you rapidly pressed the keys, hoping John would quit interrupting you.
“I can tell you’re tired.”
“Oh yeah? How can you tell.”
“Well first, you’re cockiest when you’re lacking sleep. And you’re not spinning your wedding ring around your finger. And the only time you don’t do that is when you’re too tired to. So yes, I can tell you need sleep.”
“Touché.” Saying that didn’t help your case, because it was pretty cocky.
“What are you writing now?” He walked over to your desk, and you could see his fitted khakis from the corner of your eye.
“What do you think? It’s another book in progress.” You were a children’s book author, so you spent your days writing whimsical tales as John wrote nation-changing documents and declarations.
“But what kind of book? What kind of magical world are you sending these young minds to?” John crouched down to look you in the eyes. He knew that you couldn’t get enough of his beautiful brown orbs.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You replied sassily, shutting your laptop closed and getting up.
“Yes I would. That’s why I’m asking.” He wrapped his strong arm around your hips, pulling you in to plant a soft kiss on your cheek. You let a small giggle escape your lips, as he scooped you up and carried you out of your office. “So,” John began to speak as he carried you towards your shared room. “Can you tell me more about this magical world.”
“Well,” you started speaking of young children who go out on wild adventures and meet princesses and pirates and uncover mysteries. As he continued up the stairs, you let your head rest on his shoulder and you weren’t even sure whether you were still talking or if you trailed off into inaudible murmurs.
When you opened your eyes, you were lying in bed with Laurens at your side. He was looking back and was smiling, listening to all the nonsense. You began to close them again when you could hear your husband whisper, “Goodnight, darling.”
