#hamgelicamonth

How long had it been since he last held her? Angelica had so many valid points, now that he thought about it. If he didn’t have time to think about it before, to put his pride aside and listen to what she had to say. he surely did now.

He thought back, recalling how attentive she was to him, despite his own inattentiveness. Alexander admired that. How even though he was lacking, she was always there. Making him coffee to assure he’d get through the day, trying to convince him to go to bed at a reasonable hour. He wished he hadn’t been so wrapped up in his work to see that. She was always too good to him. Why couldn’t he see that before?

“Christ Ang, I can’t pay attention to you all the time! Do you have to be so fucking needy?!,”

Careless words. Alexander wished to take back the sentence he said. He wished he hadn’t hurt her like he did. If he could take them back, he would in a heartbeat.

“Then allow me to leave so you can continue to ignore me like you have for the past three weeks”

And like that, she was gone, and Alexander was at a loss for words.

“Oh, hi Alex,” The voice of her younger sister Eliza pulled him from his thoughts. She was leaning against the doorway to her apartment with a puzzled look dancing along her features.

“Hi Eliza, is Angelica here?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Her best days will be some of my worst,”

“I just... really need to talk to her,” A conflicted look flashed across her face. She sighed.

“Alright, come in. Wait on the couch,”

Alexander walked into the apartment, glancing around as he took a set. Eliza disappeared down a hallway. Maybe she was happier now, without him. Maybe she was living happily. But still, Alexander had to get these words out. His last selfish indulgence, his last chance to get the last word in with her.

“She finally met a man who’s gonna put her first,”

Alexander recalled a moment two days ago. She had been out with Aaron Burr. He saw her from across the street, and he could feel his spirit deflate just a little bit more as his mind went to the worst case scenario. He wouldn’t blame Angelica if she had become interested in Burr. He was likable, mature, patient, laid-back, just an all-around type of guy people would be attracted to. As much as Alexander hated to admit it, it felt like he was the better man for Angelica.

“While I’m wide awake she has no trouble sleeping, cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, oh,”

“Hey...” her voice was a lot softer, a little scratchier than usual. There were faint dark circles under her eyes, her dark brown curls noticeably wet. But to Alex, she was just as breathtaking as she would be with a face full of makeup and a dress. She was beautiful in all of her ways.

Alexander looked at her, a bit in shock. He expected her to greet him coldly, or demand to for him to leave. But she wasn’t. She sat there, playing with her fingers, a nervous tick he picked up on. Was she really as better off as he had assumed? Alex was even more restless now without her, but it looked like she had gotten no sleep at all. 

“Hey...” he replied. It was strange. He had prepared what he was going to say, he was prepared to even beg. But right now, he was at a loss for words.

“What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?!”

He tentatively reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. It was something she often did when he got angry or upset. She was always able to calm him down. In a way, she brought out the better parts of him. She was the better part of him. His friends often agreed, Alexander always seemed to be at his best when Angelica was with him. 

Her fingers reluctantly wrapped around his hand.

“Angelica...” he began, she was silent for once. It was strange. Foreign. But maybe even a little necessary. Maybe the silence was just enough to force himself to find the words. “I’m sorry,” he said in one breath. As if a heavy weight was lifted off of his chest and he could breathe again. “And I know I’m shit with apologies and this is the least eloquent I’ve ever been but I needed to say it,” he added, squeezing her hand. He stared at his hand, still tentatively interlocked with hers. He took a shaky breath. She didn’t speak, he felt an impending doom wash over his features.

“What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up but you’re okay?!,”

He felt her rest her head on his shoulder. She swallowed hard. He released his hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

“I was an asshole. And you had every right to be angry at me,” he muttered softly, staring ahead. Angelica let out a weak chuckle. “Y’know, I’ve never been this bad at apologies,” Alex muttered, cracking a small smile. “I just... really don’t know what to say, I think you get the gist though,” he muttered softly.

“I’m fallin’ to pieces, yeah, I’m fallin’ to pieces,”

“I wish I didn’t walk out like that,” Angelica muttered quietly. “I wanted to go back so bad,” she admitted. Alexander rubbed her shoulders lightly. 

“I mean I kinda deserved it...” he muttered softly. His grip tightened a little. “Just... don’t leave me like that again okay? I know I’m really difficult at times but please... don’t leave like that,” he sighed.

Angelica nodded, kissing his cheek briefly.

“Yeah... I won’t,” She replied with a slight nod. Alexander gave her a crooked smile.

“Oh and one more thing,”

“Yeah?”