#halfsandwich

I can relate to most of the characters in different ways, but what I really connected with was Hagumi’s existentialism at her canvas (not the prolific genius aspect because I’m nowhere near that level, just the existentialism).

Looking back at the events around the time of Sept 11 and my mistakes that semester which included the painting class that I was attending the morning of that event, if I could tell myself that what I was doing was A-OK and to stop questioning myself so much, probably I wouldn’t have skipped that final and got the B or higher that the prof said I was probably going to get. The large oil painting that I was working on was actually cool going by my memory, but at the time, I didn’t think it was good enough at all and just stashed it away and the only other person who ever saw it was my mom when she found it there. She asked me about it and I said to throw it away. I kinda regret that decision.

I say kinda because as much as I’d rather not refer to this, I will: God is the God of second chances as Veggie Tales says. I currently have the funds right now to find the materials to create something even better at the same large scale or larger. The only prob right now that’s getting in the way is my self doubt. Even after He has clearly guided me to successfully accomplishing notable things that I never thought I could do (one being finally getting a driver’s license in my 20s, long story) and leading me through prayer that I know that I couldn’t have prayed without His Spirit because I decided that I gave up a long time ago, here I continue questioning the evidence of His mercy and grace. Maybe I’m more questioning the timing and conditions, but I know that’s perfectly ridiculous.