#halfblood!reader

luke castellan looked different than you remembered him. older, sadder. his hair sat in messy waves a top of his head. the scar across his face seemed sharper, more defined, like time decided to carve it in deeper. his armor, scuffed and dull, looked more like something he threw on in a hurry than the polished silver of a half-blood hero.

but more than anything, he looked like a stranger. the boy you knew was gone. replaced by a soldier.

when his eyes fell on you, his first instinct wasn't to open his arms, like he used to, but draw his sword. that stung.

his eyes narrowed when he watched you do the same. like he hadn't actually expected you to fight him.

"don't look at me like this" you said when you met him in the middle. he huffed, unimpressed. "i wasn't the one who started this"

"no" luke shook his head. his eyes wandered over you body. you hair had grown and there was blood on your hands and face. blood that wasn't your own. "you look different"

you shrugged the comment off like it meant nothing coming from him. it didn't. "that happens when someone you knew all your life joins a madman and tries to destroy everything we stood for"

"what did we stand for?" luke was angry now. "our parents? did we stand for them? while they couldn't be bothered to care for us?"

"this isn't about our parents, luke"

"it isn't?" he spat, not believing one word. "because i can remember you crying in the middle of night about why your father was not paying attention to you in the slightest. you hated him, because he didn't love you--"

"shut your mouth" you interrupted, moving your sword foward fast. luke met it with his own.

"you want to fight me?" he growled.

"i'm not fighting you" you bit back, pushing against the sword in your hand. "i'm fighting whatever is left of the boy i knew. you're not him. you could never be him."

"oh grow up" luke hissed, pulling his sword back. you stumbled forward, just barely catching your balance. "i also had to"

"that's what we're calling it now?" you sword hit his with a bang. metal clashing against metal. "betraying the people that always stood with you has nothing to do with growing up"

he laughed humorlessly. "i did what i had to do" he hit your sword back with such force, it flew out of your hand. it landed a few meters behind you.

“then kill me,” you spat. “if this is who you are now—finish it.”

luke didn’t move. then, with a clatter, he dropped his own sword too.

"i'm not here to kill you" his voice was quieter and sounded more bitter than he had probably intended. "let's sort this out like we used to"

you scoffed. "you act like i'm the one who needs to grow up" your hand wept away the blood dropping from your arm. "but who of us is still stuck at camp, huh?"

"this has nothing to do with camp"

"it has everything to do with camp" you screamed in anger. "when will you finally realize that you haven't become some great martyrer that fights the gods? you're just a cowardly boy with daddy issues."

you could see the pain in his eyes — not from the words themselves, but because they came from someone he once trusted, someone who mattered.

"you're not some hero" you shook your head. "and at some point, you're gonna die. alone and sad and with no one left in the world that loves you"

luke's scream of rage made your blood boil. he ran forward and pushed you against the half fallen stone wall behind you. your back hurt from the force he had used and for a short second you really were back at camp, pressed up against a tree with luke's fists resting next to your head.

this time, his fists were pushing against your shoulder so hard, you could already feel the bruises forming.

this wasn't luke.

this wasn't luke.

when would you finally realize it?

you pulled up your leg, landing your knee right in his stomach. his hold on you faltered for just a second. enough for you to push against him, effectively freeing yourself.

"we were a team" you screamed, as you landed a fist first into his chest and then right at the side of his face. "you had everything, but you acted like no one was on your side"

"no one was on my side!" he spat back, holding your wrist, before you could hit him again. a small amount of blood dropped from his mouth. it matched the blood on your fist perfectly. "not before i became powerful, not before i proved that i was not gonna sit still anymore"

he pushed you back, pushing his foot behind your own, so you stumbled and fell backwards. he was on top of you in a second.

"i was on your side!" you screamed up at him. "we were all on your side. what our parents did--"

"what did they do?" luke interrupted in anger, pressing your wrists down hard on the ground beside your head. "when annabeth was on her own, trying to survive. when i needed my father and begged for his attention. when thalia died." he recounted breathlessly. "where were they, huh? they did nothing. they left us to fend for ouselves. they forced us to be their soldiers before we even got the chance to be children"

tears streamed down the side of your face.

"is that who you want to become?" luke spat, one of his own tears dripping onto your cheek. you closed your eyes. "one of the powerful gods? who sends children to war and walks over their bodies like they never meant to be more than puppets?"

you opened your eyes, looking up at him. he was so caught up in his anger about the gods, he didn't notice how you moved your hip. then suddenly, you moved your hand, freeing your left wrist from his grip.

you pulled the knife from the side of your hip so quickly, luke had no time to react, before you had cut his arm.

he shrieked back, a mix of surprise and hurt on his face. you grabbed his injured arm and twisted your body, using his momentum against him. with a grunt, you slammed him down onto his back and straddled him, your knees pinning his sides, your knife pressed firmly to his throat.

"and what is it you're doing?" you retorted. "you're fighting a war against your own people. maybe you're not fighting for the gods anymore, but it's gonna come to the same result, won't it?"

luke screamed, trying to push you off his body. you strength didn't falter, as you pressed your knife closer. he stopped moving, knowing well enough that one wrong move could mean his end.

"dead children, luke" you spat mercilessly. "sacrifice for either the gods or kronos. but what does it matter? what difference does it make?"

"i tried to make a difference" he cried, his voice was strained, but he wasn't done arguing with you. "i wanted them to feel inferior for once"

"you did the opposite of what you wanted" you shook your head. "they send us to war anyway. only now against you. they don't care about us, luke."

"they will care when kronos makes them pay"

"they aren't the ones that will have to pay once kronos rises. don't you realize that?" you screamed helplessly. "we lose either way, luke. your father might know you name now, but he won't be the one to mourn you as soon as you're gone"

luke didn't say anything. he just stared up at you, the only person he ever loved. still loved.

"we were a team, luke" you reminded again, the pain in your words hitting both of you deep in your chests. worse than a sword could have.

"you used to be everything i had. before the gods, before camp. and now you've become someone i can barely look at" the knife in your hold shook. you moved it back a little, there were a few drops of blood on luke's neck from where it had pressed against it, but no actual cut. "i loved you, luke"

"loved?" luke repeated. his voice sounded devastated and you wondered why he was actually surprised that the love you had held for him was far gone now. "loved?" he repeated once more.

you were missing the words to answer him.

the look of hurt in his eyes was too much for you. how dare he? after everthing he had done. to your friends. to camp. to you. he was not the one that was allowed to feel hurt.

"you left me" you muttered, voice hoarse and near giving up. "you forgot about me, while you were still with me. what could i have meant to you, when you still decided to go through with this?"

"stop" luke growled, his anger rising up again at your words. "i love you"

"no, luke" you wanted this to hurt him. you wanted him to feel everything as deeply as you did ever since he had left you and betrayed everything you had stood for.

together once. alone now.

"this is not love. this is selfishness"

he roared as he threw you off him. the knife clattered out of your halt and in the middle of the two of you. it sat, awaiting for one of you to grab it and bring an end to this fight.

neither of you moved. you both sat across from each other, panting silently.

"i did all of this for you"

"don't try to make me the reason for this" you spat angrily. "i won't be the reason we were send to fight, to try and win a war we had lost from the start." you shook your head, tears dropping down your cheeks, mixing with the blood on the rest of your body.

"a war without a victor is still a war. a god without a son is still a god. and a boy who'll die for the wrong cause is still just a boy" your heart felt like it was breaking off piece by piece inside you as you mumbled the words to him. "you will die in that armor, stained by the blood of innocent children. you will make no difference, luke. you will only make it worse"

"you don't know that" he yelled back. sweat dripped from his hair and ran down the side of his face. this fight was going on for too long.

you had to bring an end to this while you still could.

"i tried to make them see" luke went on. "and whatever you might think, i did it for us. children like you and me, that will stay up at night and wonder why their parents don't love them." he scoffed. "how can you still be on their side? will ares tend to your wounds after you went to war for him? will he thank you? will he care?"

"i'm not naiive. i know he won't" you eyed the knife between you. luke noticed your gaze and leaned forward. "that's why i'm not fighting for him. i'm fighting for the children that will come after me. and for the ones that are already here. i won't let them be sacrificed, because you wanted to be a martyrer. they won't die in a war like we might."

"you're ready to die for ares?" luke spat, moving even closer to the knife. you mirrored his movement.

"not for him, luke" you repeated. "for them"

then everything happened all at once. too fast for either of you to really recount what had happened in the span of mere seconds.

for a short moment, luke's eyes had wandered across the battle field. he looked at the fallen soldiers, the fallen children. then at the ones that were still standing. you had meant all of them. you were ready to let whatever happen to you, if you could at least save one of them.

luke could never bring himself to hate you. not when you were kinder than anyone deserved.

the gods didn't deserve you. he himself didn't deserve you. but he had had you once.

a hand gripped the knife between the both of you, making quick use of it. but not in the way it was supposed to be handled.

finally everything came to an end.

luke had been the one to take hold of the knife. but instead of hurting or killing you, he had thrown it away.

at the same time, you had grabbed his sword and forced him onto the ground in front of you.

"i'm sorry it had to come to this" you said, your voice softer now. because you were not talking to him, but the version before, the one that would've never faced you if it had come to a war. the one that would've stood next to you, fighting together. "goodbye, luke castellan"

his sword hit the dirt next to him as you threw it away and went to get ahold of your own.

"you're not gonna kill me" he muttered, as the realization set in.

"i refuse to kill any more children for the gods" you said, your back turned to him. "even if that child is you. once kronos gets what he wants, he’ll do it himself. i don’t need to.”

luke's head sank. he had thought your reason to spare his life would be an entire different one. he had hoped.

"i hope this was worth it" you said, looking at him for one last time. his mouth was bloody, the hit you had landed taking it's toll. his eyes, still stubborn, still burning with rage, looked at you with so much hurt, you wondered if he ever thought about the end this might have.

"i hope you feel like a hero the day you're buried in a mass grave" you counted on. luke looked down at your words. they hit him just like you had intended.

"and i hope when you die you finally understand that you became just another of their nameless sacrifices. because in your head, kronos might be inevitable and the only way, but in the end he's even less human than the gods." you turned around to leave him.

it was time to go. time to stop waiting for the boy who wasn’t coming back. to bury the ghost with your own hands. he was already gone.

and you were finally letting him die.

"you don't understand the bigger picture" luke screamed after your retreating form.