#halal relationship

I've been calling him even though I know he won't solve the problem, all I wanted was for him to listen to me and say its okay you know,

But I've been calling over an hour now and all I get is referred to his voicemail, what did I expect after he broke up with me

So I called my bff but she said she was busy right now she'll call later. I desperately want to get this off my chest, so I called my mother but she said she was cooking, we'll talk over dinner. I called dad he was in a meeting so he couldn't talk, I tried talking to my sister but then her baby was crying profusely, I guess she fell down again since she's been learning how to sit.

After all series of rejection, I just felt no one loves me and no is even willing to listen to me. As i took my phone and scrolled through Instagram, I saw a verse that make me felt that it was directed to me, It went like this:

"And your lord says, call on me and; I'll answer you" Qur'an (40:60)

Wow! it felt like it was the first time I ever read the verse in my life. Immediately I wanted to cried my pains but a voice in my head reminded me "how are you going to face him when you knew obviously that He asked you to refrain from that?" At that moment words couldn't described the guilty and regret I felt instantly, but then my conscience reminded me that my Lord is Most forgiving and Most merciful. So I did my sujood immediately and cried my eyes out, I told Him about everything and I apologized for not going to Him earlier, for had I gone since I won't have felt rejection I felt from calling everyone, for had I obeyed Him right from time, I wouldn't have found myself in this situation.

The miracle and beauty of sujood was as soon as I raised my head of the floor the tears stop and the pain stopped, I felt more at ease, it was as if the pains were lifted off me. I felt I was heard, it was the best conversation that I've ever engaged in.

That evening when mom called me out in the dinning room during dinner and asked me about what I wanted to tell her, I smiled and told her I got what I wanted. A few days later, dad informed me about a marriage proposal for me.

Duhai, engkau yang murung saat ini. Jangan sedih, karena ia yang engkau cinta enggan membalas. Jangan sedih, karena ia yang engkau cinta menggeleng saat engkau ingin bersama. Jangan sedih, karena ia yang engkau cinta berkata tidak saat engkau ingin menjalin ikatan saat ini dengannya.

Duhai, engkau yang berharga, kelak engkau akan sadar dan bersyukur bahagia. Ia enggan bukan karena tak suka, tapi sesederhana tak ingin engkau menangis pilu saat dihisab di alam sana. Ia enggan bukan karena tak cinta, tapi sesederhana tak ingin engkau dibebani dosa hubungan yang tak pada tempatnya. Ia enggan bukan karena tak ada desir asmara, tapi sesederhana tak ingin kata mesra berakhir lara saat engkau diminta pertanggungjawabanmu di dunia.

Duhai, engkau yang disayang Allah...

Berbahagialah, engkau dijaga sedemikian indahnya.

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Bandung, Maret 2015

Arien Kartika