#hakuteikenn

[[ THAT WAS MY GUESS okay uwub ]]

hakuteikenn:

      The openness of the training field was not lost on the Kuchiki, nor was his sense of self preservation wherever it was due. There was only so much thrill that could be taken in the reckless abandon of rebellion before the levee tipped and brought them both into danger, after all. Any one person could by chance pass by and bear witness to the fraternization of the two highest ranking officers in the division. And so, when Renji panted against his spit-damp lips and shifted a knee to press between his thighs, Byakuya knew that, if he were to succumb to this weakness, he ought to do it in a manner that did not create the problems they were seeking to avoid.

      The kiss broke with a gasp -his own- and he shifted his weight, feeling the purposeful press of his lieutenant’s knee against the beginnings of his own arousal. Nimble fingers twisted through snarls of red hair, feeling the dampness of his own palm against the texture, and the hand resting on Renji’s hip slipped to fall away. He could feel the beat of his own pulse against his throat, feel the prickle of sweat between his shoulders and the undeniable want for Renji coiling low in the pit of his stomach, but to act on such reasons- here of all places- would be to act the fool.

       Still panting softly, Byakuya dragged his lips across his lieutenant’s cheek, drawing both his hands forwards to rest against the front of his kosode. If he closed his eyes, he could clearly picture what lay beneath, but he did not. Now was not the time. Here was not the place.

         But if not here, then where?

        Really, in any sensible circumstance, this revelation should have brought their activities to an end. Renji’s quarters were not exactly high on the Kuchiki’s list of places to conduct such fraternization, and his own were a distance away- a distance that, even with the use of shunpo, ran the risk of bringing clarity in the event that this passion died down. As much as he knew that would be a good thing, he didn’t want this to end. He wanted Renji, and he knew well and truly that he’d gain no peace of mind until he’d gotten him.

       Which, unfortunately, left only one place that his addled mind could consider. And so, as his lips pressed to the side of that angled jaw, Byakuya wrapped his fingers into the coarse material of his lieutenant’s uniform and tugged him forwards.

        "Follow me.“

        It was no suggestion. His words, spoken soft and low in the scarce distance between them, were nothing short of authoritative. The hands on Renji’s kosode gave no room to consider. And without even waiting for a verbal response, completely confident in the obedience of his lieutenant, he stepped back, turned on his heel, and led the way through the Sixth’s barracks towards his office.

   Was this really happening? Was he really going to go through this gain? He’d just more or les goten over the pain of rejection. This was not to happen again. He’d said. It was a mistake. Was it so easy for him to just push aside what he’d declared before? Not to mention Renji’s feelings.. Certainly he must have realized what their conversation about the subject of their.. Intimacies had brought about in his lieutenant. He could not imagine his Captain to be so blind..

   Yet still.. He was following. Hands pulled at his uniform, a soft command was spoken and as though tied and pulled with strings, his feet moved, and he obeyed. Still short of breath from their sudden make-out session, he felt his shoulder blades pull away from the punching bag, cold taking the place of the pressure that had been there before. The darkness had brought a chill. Renji did not realize at first just where Byakuya was leading them. Not only because he was following like a dazed sheep, but because his mind kept trying to battle itself. He shouldn’t. He’d only get hurt again.. He should listen to Yumichika’s advice. --I have the right to say no.. But.. I don’t want to.. I want him. Ah, what am  thinking, he won’t have you the way you want him. He just wants to fuck you.. And yet.. Is that a bad thing?--

   Once he came out of his musings and actually took the time to see where he was going, he almost caught his breath in his throat. This was.. He couldn’t be serious, could he? “Taichou--” But his question died on his tongue when he was all but dragged along towards his captain’s office. The same office that they had had that conversation. The same office where Byakuya had told him they should just forget it ever happened. And he was pulled inside without pause or consideration, an when he heard the lock click he knew that Byakuya was damn well serious about this.

   Byakuya had an air of urgency around him, like he was scared that if he did not immediately do this, he were to implode. Or maybe, Renji thought idly, he was just scared that he’d come to his senses.. Well.. Honestly, Renji felt no remorse when he finally moved and grabbed Byakuya’s wrists, pushing him against the door he’d just locked and muffling any words he may have wanted to say with an aggressive kiss.

   If he wanted to play this game again, then Renji was not about to keep him from feeling bad about his actions in the morning. Because if he knew him at all, then he damn well would. Maybe that was bitter, and maybe it was a weak sort of revenge from someone that could do nothing against his superior, whom he had real, toxic feelings for. Gods, did it hurt to kiss him, touch him, pretend. And yet it also felt like a treat that you give a child so it will stop from whining. It felt like he was that child, kept calm and placated and hopeful. He was aware of how much of a mistake this was, yet still he kissed him and pressed himself against his captain with fervor.

Renji had not expected of his captain that he’d know his birthday. That he’d remember such a silly festivity that wasn’t even necessarily real for him, since he hadn’t technically been born here. He would not have held a grudge had Byakuya not said anything. Even though they’d started engaging in intimacies this past year, and this was his first birthday in this position. Still.. He’d expected nothing. 

But now his heart jumped, and he half turned when addressed. A smile finding its way onto his lips when Byakuya wished him a happy birthday. He wouldn’t think too much of it. It was only a courtesy after all.

           It was impossible to miss the fact that he was currently lying in his lieutenant’s bed. Everything smelt like Renji, and even as Byakuya turned his cheek to press against the mattress, he found himself wondering why he hadn’t simply left yet. It was commonplace, after all, for one to leave the other when they were done. They didn’t share sleeping space, nor did they run the risk of being spotted leaving each other’s quarters in the early hours of the morning. 

          And yet, it would be so easy to stay here. He was so warm, and comfortable despite the unease still drawing his shoulders taught. A sleepy weight had descended upon him, doubled by the exhaustion of their intimate relations, and the Kuchik found, with every passing moment, that the idea of getting up and getting dressed seemed more and more incomprehensible. 

          It would be so easy to fall asleep here and blame the tiredness. 

          And, in fact, Byakuya was sure he would have, had the sudden brush of fingers against his spine not reminded him of where, exactly, he had been about to sleep. 

          He couldn’t. 

          What Byakuya was sure was supposed to be a comforting, or even intimate ( albeit casual ) touch, did nothing but jar the captain back into an uncomfortable state of wakefulness with the dawning realization that he’d been about to spend the night in his lieutenant’s quarters, in his lieutenant’s bed.

          There was such thing as moments of weakness, but this was becoming ridiculous. 

           With a heavy sigh, he pushed himself up, resting his weight on his elbow and giving himself a moment to berate himself for his foolishness before moving to sit on the side of the bed. He was allowing this to go too far. He needed to be on his way before he did something regretful. 

Renji should have known his actions would jolt Byakuya's mind back into defense. And he supposes he did, but had been too close to unconsciousness to really stop his movements. He'd only reminded his captain of where he was. He might as well have actually asked him to spend the night. He is quite certain that this would have the same effect. A cat jumping three feet high and back from his paws suddenly touching water.

His hand drops motionless onto the mattress when Byakuya moves and sits up, away from his fingertips. Renji doesn't care to move his arm from laying straight across his bed, as though reaching for his flighty lover. He's sleepy, and frankly the idea of trying to get Byakuya to stay seems one of a fool. Not to mention that his brain would not allow him to think up any arguments for this turn of events anyway. He just sighs and watches his captain's back, illuminated only by the pale moonlight through his bedroom window. A reflection of a reflection, he muses to himself. The moon reflects the sunlight to seem aglow, and Byakuya's skin seemed to be giving off a pale light of its own.

His eyes are hooded, pupils large, rimmed by a dark amber in the limited light. He doesn't expect Byakuya to say anything when he gathers his clothes and leaves. He rarely does. So he makes an effort, moving his sluggish body to roll onto his back, watching the ceiling instead.

He'd almost slept here.

He doesn't feel any lonelier. Nor does he feel less lonely either. He just feels hurt. They were actually having a sort of worthwhile conversation before, weren't they? Then again, maybe that'd been part of the problem. Renji purses his lips and folds his hands behind his head. He wished Byakuya would stay. He wished very hard and felt stupid for it afterwards. Things weren't going to change.. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe this was like Yumichika said; pointless.

hakuteikenn:

He stepped closer when eager hands prompted him to, rough as they were when they wound into the back of his haori. He could feel the tightness of Renji’s knuckles, the pressure where they threatened to tear the fabric as the lieutenant drew him in with as much heat and savage intensity as the first time. Brazen teeth sank into his lower lip with enough pressure to bring the heat of pleasure where pain should have stood, and he hissed, stepping forwards with more force than necessary to shove the broad planes of Renji’s back against the battered punching bag he’d been skinning his knuckles against not two minutes before. His hand found its way into the thick mess of Renji’s ponytail, tugging his head to the side in order to deepen the kiss while his free hand busied itself with re-marking the bruises that had no doubt faded from the skin of his lieutenant’s hip.

This was what he had been craving. This- this heat. This savage abandon. The way Renji responded exactly like before, with tongue and teeth and white-knuckled grips against clothes all too eager to be shed. He had thought about this far too often- had unwittingly let it plague his mind during more waking and sleeping hours than he would have deemed proper. Captains didn’t think about the heat of their lieutenant’s bodies, after all. They didn’t think of the way the salt of their skin tasted when teeth grazed over the arch of a tattooed shoulder. They didn’t think of the way back muscles shifted beneath tanned skin broken by the dark lines of ink and the pale rise of long-healed scars. They didn’t think of the moans, the gasps, the shudders drawn from kiss bruised lips nor the broken sound of his name pleaded like a prayer between them.

Except that he did.

Byakuya did think of such things. He thought of Renji. Thought of the arch of his spine and the red of his hair spilled across white sheets like blood. Thought of bruises in the vague shape of hands marking the jut of sharp hips. Thought of the heat, the sex, and the way that it was over, now. That his mistake was done. That Renji was a danger to him just as he was a danger to Renji.

It had seemed that sharing a bed with Renji had been more trouble than it had been worth, and yet, here he was, shamelessly succumbing to the desire to do it all again. Had he not made the conscious decision to be done with this? That once was enough- more than enough- to sate desire while not allowing this to get out of hand?

Once was a mistake. Twice was a lesson unlearned, it seemed.

Renji, much like his captain, and to his own chagrin, had found himself thinking things that could only be labeled ‘uncouth’ and 'perverted’ about his captain. He’d thought about his hands pulling him closer by his hips, the sound of skin against skin and the way teeth and lips had spelled his name across his spine. Loveless as it had been, it had been good. And besides his very unashamed sexuality and infatuation with the man, there was a very base desire his captain was currently speaking to, more so than the well-trained and disciplined lieutenant that was in there somewhere as well.

He might have pushed away. Might have let his anger overrule all else and stalk off and leave them both to remember this as a mistake prevented. But he couldn’t. Even if he so wished he could, even if he mulled it over in his mind while his captain was tearing away at his lips and his own fingers were grabbing the cloth over the small of his back in desperate attempt at more leverage, a tighter closeness between the hardness of their bodies,if that was at all possible. Renji had long since learned the differences between bedding a man and a woman, and while both were good in their own right, there was nothing much like a struggle of tongues and the griping at angled figures with as much strength as your own person to push back. Especially when anger bubbled close at the surface. Anger at himself as much as the companion.

While he felt Byakuya pull and squeeze at his hip, and his head was pulled in a more favourable position, even through his lingering desire to defy, he groaned against his captain’s lips, wrestling his tongue and once again biting sharply at his lip. He felt the beaten up punching bag press between his shoulderblades, and pulled at Byakuya, feeling his warm weight against him as he seemed to press forward and into the kiss. If he hadn’t been the one to initiate the sudden bout of passion -or whatever this was- Renji would have thought the act not at all comely and he had no doubt that had roles been reversed, Byakuya would not have accepted him.

I should not either.

He berated himself, aware he should know better, even as his knee moved to press against Kuchiki Byakuya’s groin. Desire combined with anger was dangerous, and the hands wound into fabric curled further digging into the skin beneath. Renji had little regard for where they were. It being as late there was barely a soul left out in the street, and the division had become vacant of anyone but the two of them for some hours. Even so, fact remained they were in plain sight. But, bitterly, Renji almost wished someone would come by and see, if only to see the look on his captain’s face. Knowing that it was more his fault than anyone else’s.

He had been nothing but patient with the man. Managed to bite his tongue like a good subordinate would, even through what Yumichika kept telling him was basically abuse of power. Renji’s arguments of love did nothing to placate his friend, of course.. And in this moment, he supposed he actually agreed with him.

“What is wrong with you?!”

He was bursting at the seams from keeping his feelings in so long and now there was no stopping him, even when the little voice in the back of his mind told him he could lose everything. He should tone it down. Be respectful.. He just couldn’t anymore.

That was true, but the fact remained that, without the action of sex, idling around the other in such a naked, vulnerable state came far too close to intimacy for the Kuchiki’s tastes. He felt more…exposed now, under the drawn sheets, than he did when they were shedding clothes between heated, open mouthed kisses and frantic, groping hands.

His fingers twisted into the covers before loosening barely a moment later, as though he’d had to remind himself at the last second to remain nonchalant and aloof in the other’s presence. To keep his wits about him while trying not to convey just how much he needed to be alone right now. To sleep in a bed that was his without the constant hum of questions and thoughts and concerns about this. This- relationship- that he’d humoured to the point of allowing the man to sleep beside him like a lover.

He was getting in too deep. This had already gone far beyond what he’d originally intended, and to see Renji so casual about his own nakedness in a place that belonged to Byakuya made the Rokubantai captain distinctively uncomfortable.

“Regardless,” he tutted, fingers fidgeting with a loose thread on the hem of the sheet. “Some of us understand modesty.”

Ah. Sometimes.. Byakuya was horribly easy to read. Which said something, considering the man's reputation for having a steel will and mind. Unbreachable so they say. Still, his dismay and discomfort were easy to detect when you payed attention to the details. The way his hands were fidgeting, his eyes never resting on one thing for long. Renji grimaced as he observed, ever nude, having pushed himself upright to begin collecting pieces of his uniform.

Of course it hurts, to be shooed out like this, kind of like a cheap prostitute, or perhaps a mistake. Definitely a mistake. Made over and over again without regard for the consequences for anyone taking part. Namely and foremost; Renji's feelings. Every time he thought he may be getting a little bit closer to getting Byakuya to open up. Or perhaps at least let him sleep in his bed til morning, it was only common courtesy, which Byakuya did not seem to know or care for.

Renji managed to find his hakama and slipped it on, if only to calm Byakuya's obvious uneasiness with his lieutenant's birthday suit. As he scoured around the room to look for the remaining pieces of his uniform he found himself pausing. Amber eyes gliding over the tops of cabinets and sidetables. Byakuya's bedroom was eerily empty. You couldn't read anything about the man from his room, just as his face, it was mostly neutral. Renji walked by a cupboard, letting his fingers slide along the dark wooden top as he made his way to where he thought he saw his kosode thrown in a balled up mess into a corner.