#haidie

Dear E,

It's not awkward to say that anymore lately. I don't know. Maybe because it doesn't have to be awkward in the first place anyway. I just want you to know, however you can read this, even if it's impossible, that I'm full of regret. Ever since you lettered me, I haven't been disconnected with the conscience and the memories we shared. I have let you suffer for almost two years. Without knowing. Without ever feeling guilty until these past couple of days.

Right now you I deeply want you to know that I am very sorry for the things I did, and the things I didn't do. I want you to know that you remind me of the sunset. That the definition of regret is letting you go. That I wonder what you have been doing when I'm doing nothing. That you have been in my dreams lately. That I realized how bitchy I may have looked like to you and you keep defending me against your reasoning. That you are The One That Got Away in my playlist. That I still have feelings for you even if I fell hard for someone else after us.

I want you to know that. I want you to not push me away. It hurts a lot. I am hurt.

I want you to know that not because I want you to come for me again. Not because I want you to feel what I feel. I don't want to be selfish to you ever again after your long years of suffering. I want you to know that because I'd like you to be you again towards me. Not the one who pushes me away. Not the one who doesn't care that I am sorry.

I know I may sound selfish but I want you to read between the lines.

This is me,