#haellen

ARR (August 2020)

by now i had actually met my main friendgroup and they were all starting to get into FFXIV. it was free. one of our other friends was picking it up. and everyone else was like "yeah why not" and i got hit with an unironic sales pitch. because i hate MMO's and i was refusing to even try it because and i quote (myself) "I've tried every other MMO what's gonna be different about this one?"

so yeah i was a fucking idiot lmao. Haellen orestes was born sometime between the 20th to the 31st of august. the earliest screenshot i can find i'm not using cause it looks a w f u l and is really dark and hard to see. so i'm using this one that was taken a little bit later with crime tools with one of my good old friends. that's their highlander on the right. and on the left is baby haellen (or scaellen as i like to call her)

HW (September 2020)

Bnuuy haellen was born shortly after i bought the game (which was a little bit after prae/castrum) and i swapped over to viera. because FF12 was one of my favourite games and my first real exposure to deep diving into a games lore and world building. and i happened to love viera. bnuuy haellen was quite different to haellen now. she was a lot more flirty. a little bit horny, and also not as (physically) strong. she was a science and magic lady in canon despite me playing dragoon and drk in HW. I didn't really have a good idea of how i wanted her character to be yet so i was still experimenting with looks. glams. and hair. i was also still REALLY enjoying the game at the time. especially after i nearly dropped it during the post ARR pre HW slog. the music and story got so much better and i was suddenly super invested in the game. i was also starting to finally meet some more people who played the game and got into communities and FC's

Stormblood (January 2021)

bnuuy haellen was starting to take shape. i had a solid idea for her and knew what i wanted to do with her character for RP purposes. aloof, flirty, friendly, and completely oblivious to actual romance advances. i believe by now i had also fully integrated into being part of a small FC where i made some good friends (who i am no longer friends with due to reasons i'm gonna keep private. No need to air dirty laundry)

Late Shadowbringers (May 2021)

Well the bnuuy is starting to look a little more like a haellen now. And she was starting to BE a little bit more like a haellen too!, kinda reserved, very smart, friendly in a flirty way, and can also kick the shit out of you. by now this was when i started to meet one of my now good good very close friends (an understatement) and was starting to get into the meat of the game. i started gposing less and started doing actual content and playing other classes. as well as doing things like maps, on content extremes. and even dabbled on the idea of tackling an ultimate and finding a team for that (Spoiler. i never did lol) but i was starting to grow tired of being a viera. not because of the lack of hats or the fact everyone was a viera... but because of people being INCREDIBLY HORNY to random strangers on the internet. i've neve recieved so many out of pocket ERP requests before then and hooboy i was growing tired of it...

July 2021 (Endgame shadowbringers)

Well now who is this beautiful woman? this was when haellen began to TRULY become who she is now. stronk. independent. incredibly smart. will punch you. and also (at this time) composer and enjoyer of music. By now i had met all the friends i had made in XIV and was starting to take a break. i was getting burned out on doing high tier content and was starting to not enjoy the game as much. So i started to go back to casual stuff. including levelling classes! (baby bard as pictured here) and the horny in game messages died down completely! because no one cares about hyurs! [quiet sobbing]

by now i was also completely infatuated with nero. and at this time in the old writing it was a little bit of unrequited love. this was pre fan-fic writing so i was just creating l o r e (bonus pic because it made me chuckle but i have no context to give it since it was taken shortly after the other)

Endwalker (December 2021)

By this point i was deep into my casual content. i was still joining for maps but i was mostly doing older content i missed out on that could be done easily. and older mount farming, as well as getting deeper into RP and starting to dabble with the idea of writing a fanfic. this is also when haellen became as she is now. simultaniously the smartest person in the room, and also the dumbest. reserved in public, stronk asf, and back to being blonde!. this was also when i really started to become... More myself. its really funny that endwalker specifically has such a close place in my heart not because it touched me deeply (it did) but because i also went through several self realisation phases. it was a tough year and i did a lot of soul searching and found a lot of answers to questions i had, not all were good. But they all were for the better.

you may recognise that highlander in the backgrounder too, my good good friend ivarr. we'll come back to him

Post endwalker (march 2022)

Babies first modded gposes! that is the haellen i feel most people will recognise. my poor laptop could NOT handle the game at all and it turned into a portable heater, but i was enjoying trying out modded gposes. especially the lovely calfskin jacket replacer i found. and also by this point haellen was the haellen you know today

THE OPHELIA ARC BEGINS (June 2022)

I was a little deeper into writing fanfic now, going from roleplay to solo writing was a little difficult. and that's when i wanted to experiment with some different races, thus ophelia was born. she quickly became her own thing instead of "Elf haellen" and HOO BOY IF ONLY I KNEW HOW MUCH THIS ELF WOULD GET STUCK IN MY HEAD... and if only i knew how much this game would help me again through a dark time

Island sanctuary (August 2022)

Fun fact. i was homeless during this period! By this point i was starting to get into doing more modded stuff for gposing. Including shaders and modded outfits. I was trying my best to not turn into a modbeast because i actually really like the vanilla aesthetic

Return of the bnuuy (january 2023)

With crime tools. I revived the bnuuy haellen as her own existence, an AU if you will. and the brainrot began, and oh BOY i have so many unfinished and unpublished writings from this time. and also by this point i had become kinda content with my existence in FFXIV

Intermission (January 25th 2023)

THIS IMAGE HAUNTS ME IN MY SLEEP (affectionate) ivarr elbow dropping forchenault my beloved

anyway this kinda got away from me. the post i was tagged in was super short and nice and then going back and looking through all my stuff i was like "OH MAN A LOT HAPPENED BETWEEN 2020 AND 2024 HOLY SHIT" and uh... Well its gotten so far away from me we're having an intermission for me to apologise for this being SO DAMN LONG and also a little personal... i like going through memory lane and it gets me a little introspective, and even if this gets hit with the too long didn't read. I've enjoyed going through my back log and seeing all my memories. and remembering the times i've had and how much this game helped me through times. the rest of 2023 was (very thankfully) uneventful. partway through the year i finally joined tumblr and finally got a house (its very awful! in hindsight this should not have been celebrated! help :D) the ophelia arc continued to the point where i'm debating if i put more time into haellen or ophelia, and i got the confidence to be more myself, and put my writing out there for people to view

Now (28th of december, 2024)

And now? well. I'm hopelessly in love with these two absolute goobs (Warning: do not call ophelia a goob. she is wanted for several crimes against humanity)

and i'm doing much better. both in my relationship with FFXIV. mentally. and... well not physically i really need to work on that. but i'm in less pain than i was before!. And more importantly i'm excited to play dawntrail eventually, when i have the money to lol... I also need to fix haellen cause ugh my girl does not look like my girl H E L P

Tagged by @otherworldseekers thank you for inadvertantly putting me down the memory rabbit hole and i apologise if you read through this for how much i blabbed on about my journey lol

i almost don't want to tag anyone cause i don't want to condemn people to read through this. its so fucking long and i yap and blab so much about stuff that i really feel like doesn't matter but also is kinda integral to my experience to this game and why its so close to my heart?