Sarah propped herself up on her elbows. âSo you really didnât have any friends before me?â
Max scratched their jaw. âI mean, I tried. When I was younger, I had a ton of friends. They were just the type of people who didnât want to be friends with me.â
Rolling onto her back, Sarah asked, âWhat do you mean?â
Max flopped over onto their stomach. âWell, I would talk to them and they would respond with one word answers, leaving me to fill up the world between us. Iâd try to show them things I thought were cool and theyâd just ignore me.â They licked their lips. âBasically, I did all the interacting and they just nodded vaguely at the sidelines.â
Shoving up to their knees, they laughed. The sound fell flat, hollow. âOne time I stopped talking to them. You know? Treat them how they treated me and they.â Max frowned. âThey didnât care. They let me vanish out of their lives like I was never there in the first place. They never checked in. They never asked if everything was alright. If there was a reason, Iâd stopped. They didnât care. After a couple weeks, I realized they never did.
âAfter that I kinda gave up on the whole idea of friendship,â they said, rocking backwards. They hit the bed with a sharp sigh.
Sarah rolled onto her side, propped her cheek up on her hand. âBecause of one failed attempt?â
âBecause of three failed attempts,â Max corrected. âFrom the moment I started kindergarten to middle school. I spent my last year at Maglenâs in solitary. Realized it was a lot better for me. Didnât have to spend my time waiting for a bunch of morons to pick up the phone and just fucking speak to me. And not about themselves. God!â Max pressed their hands to their face.âI donât even think they ever asked me anything about myself. I told them things about me but they never asked. They donât probably didnât even fucking pay attention. But god forbid we donât have a three hour long conversation about thier lives and their personal bullshit.âÂ
Sarah fell back over. She glanced down to her toes and curved her hands over her stomach.âThat sucks.â
Max shrugged, dropping their hands to their throat. âI got used to it.â
Sarah glanced at them out of the corner of her eye. Her gaze lingered on Maxâs hands. âYou mean you got suicidal.â
âMore suicidal,â they corrected. âI was already pitting right into it before them. They were just a helpful catalyst that eased the process along.â
Sarah sighed deeply. âI guess I should be grateful then. You developing a penchant for depressed miserable asshole-ry is pretty much what led to us being friends. If you were a decent person, I doubt weâd hang out.â Max snorted. Sarah grinned. Rubbing her thumb over her jaw, she went on, âBut I guess it wouldâve been better to not have to wait that long for someone to like you as a person.â
Max nodded and closed thier eyes. âWhy you?â
For a moment, Sarah was quiet. Like she didnât know why. Like it was some cosmic pull that tugged her over to them. Finally, she exhaled deeply. âI dunno. You looked miserable and sad but when I mentioned you, everyone got all defensive and upset. They said you were rude. That you didnât have any friends because you were mean, because you hurt people. And I thought, okay, maybe you were just racist.â
Max let out a choked laugh. They rolled over to their side. âWhat?â
âWell, come on, my friend group was full of black girls, Max. And you looked white enough to maybe be a racist.â Sarah laughed. âBut then you gave that long-winded speech on why you were not white and it didnât matter what people thought of you, they couldnât take away your genealogy and how you were entitled to your background no matter how you looked on the outside and fuck all the asshole who thought otherwise and...â She smiled soft. âI thought, okay, maybe not.
âAnd people got so mad at you over that speech and I didnât really get it and then I-â She sat up. â-I realized that... maybe you werenât a dick because you were a dick but because people treated you like crap for whatever reason.â She scratched the top of her head. âGranted, I now know you are a dick because thatâs how you are but... itâs not totally your fault. You can be nice.â She cocked her head a little. âWhen people are good to you.â
Max stared at her softly. Slow, they inched up, dragging their knees to their chest. âTheyâd accept you back if you dropped me, you know.â
âI know,â Sarah said. âBut I like you more than I liked them so.â She smiled ruefully, a familiar, happy gleam in her eyes. âIâm happy.â
Max nodded slowly and looked down at their feet. Warmth bloomed in the pit of their stomach, curling low and soft in a way that they hadnât experience in a long time. Swallowing thickly, they glanced up at Sarah and all her amazingness and smiled quiet. âIâm happy too.â
















