#h7 posts

Lucas: *taking off his pants to use as a rope to hold them to the pipe on the ceiling* Addi, come here.

Addison: Why are you taking off your pants?

Lucas: You got a better idea?

Addison: I'm still trying to figure out yours!

Kenny and Dean: [Already hanging from their pants on the pipe above]

Kenny: It’s obvious Addison. He’s going to use his pants as a rope.

Dean: Yeah, it’s pretty straight forward.

Lucas: See they get it!

Kenny: Honestly, for someone so invested in communication and psychology I don’t understand how you couldn’t get that Addison.

Five: *cracking his knuckles* Manslaughter it is.

Bren: Five…why is that your go to?

Dean: Who are we calling?

Five: I'd call [Reader], but I'd feel safer in jail than telling her what happened.

Viktoria: Good point. Who do we call then?

Lucas: We can call Luther!

Bren: No. We’d call him and you’d talk to him and fully forget to mention we’re in jail.

Dean: Diego…?

Five: Would immediately tell Reader what happened.

Addison: What about Allison or Vanya?

Viktoria: They left town for their “sister’s weekend” yesterday.

Kenny: We could call Klaus.

Five: What? Klaus? No way.

[5 minutes later]

Five: Hey Klaus. Can you come pick my friends and I up from jail?

Klaus: Sure, but why are you in jail?

H7: *in pajamas sitting in front of the TV*

Dean: Shhh! We just finished Blue's Clues and Team Umizoomi is up next!

Diego: [sitting down on the couch] This is ridiculous. How can you like this? It's for babies!

*30 minutes later*

Dean: No one's taking this shit in broad daylight!

*outside the factory*

Criminal: We're taking this stuff in broad daylight.

Reader: Hey some guys over there are taking stuff in broad daylight

Dean: WHAT?!

Viktoria: [shouting] Hey! Stop taking that stuff!

Criminal: No!

Oh it's not a dumb question and sure I can totally explain it! So it's referencing something that isn't in the story but is more of just a personal timeless headcanon that I like to think about from time to time.

So what it is, is that the H7 being so into the Umbrella Academy like to go back from time to time and read or watch old interviews from when the whole group was together. Addison's presentation concept comes from a more specific version of this headcanon where the H7 watch an old TV interview the group had where the the interviewer playfully asked if anyone in the academy had any crushes and some of them, (Luther, Allison, Five) had noticeable reactions to the question.

Addison: [eyeing up Lucas like he’s a whole meal]

Kenny: Addi, please...it is 9:30 am. We are at breakfast.

Addison: Shut up Mr. “Seven Dating Apps At Once”. I am a grown woman, I do what I want.

Bren: No, Reader is a grown woman. You are a horny 18 year old.

Addison: Yeah so is she!

Reader: Actually with all the time travel I’m not exactly sure how old I am. It’s somewhere between like 18 and 33 probably.

Five: Where’s the body?

Dean: Wait, no. Let me explain.

Reader: You don’t need to explain, it was probably justified but it’s best if we handle it.

Hargreeves: [standing up from the table] We’ll help.

Dean: Guys, no. It’s for a paper for my criminal justice course.

Hargreeves: [slowly sitting back down] Pfft..we totally knew that

Reader: Burn the body until it’s all ash, mix it with cat litter and dispose of it as the cat uses it.

Five: Freeze the body and then put it through a wood-chipper then slowly feed it to a pond of koi or catfish.