FUCKING INSANE: The Guy Bonnet Officiel channel on Youtube didn't post shit IN 5 MONTHS!!! (satire)

To the anon who uploaded 10/11 of Moun Miejour... when will you return? To the anon who just changed the PFP a month ago but didn't upload anything, when will you return, dammit! And dare you say: "The videos got region-blocked", I didn't see a trace of it! A slience so loud, a whole classroom would be deafened!

Poorly-written chant aside, for some unspeakable reason THE Guy Bonnet Officiel channel hasn't uploaded anything in 5 months!!! 5 months, and barely any activity (except maybe PFP change a month ago) and it makes my blood boil.

I have been watching the channel extensively, obsessively (unemployed... because i'm a schoolgirl) over the past few months... and I realized... THEY ARE THE KING, THE QUEEN OF GHOSTING!!!

Exhibit A to Z: Poor Lucinkaa getting ghosted

"sous peu", they said. SOUS PEU. If they said "shortly", then they should've at least posted it in 1-2 months! IT'S BEEN 4 MONTHS!!! The fan is waiting for you, anon. We are waiting for you, anon.

Please SPILL THE DAMN TEAAAAA and give us: - The lyrics of Moun Miejour - more videos - THE 11TH TRACK Just please bro do something 🙃🙃🙃

AND THUS: This is the end of my short post :-) I have no intentions to stalk, harass or bully anon. I just wanted to call out their inactivity LOL

Also:

I really like this pfp actually... except I've seen variations of this picture at least 12 times already. It's a 1983 picture taken SOMEWHERE in Munich, right???

Nº1: Best Guy Bonnet song? (Youtube-available version)

Sometimes Marie-Blanche and Vivreeeeeee isn't good enough, so you search for Guy Bonnet songs over and over and over... Jeez, no good songs! Don't worry, I have a list of songs you would really, really want to listen on loop until your ear gives up and your sanity is drained.

This is sorted by decades, except the 2000s and the 2010s cuz the 2000s suck and the 2010s is just re-recording of older songs. If any songs from this list gets taken down, then I will give you a new link or an archive of the song. I will also give out comments about the songs and my personal rating (1 to 10).

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1960s: Avant de te trouver (1968)

Comment: The A-side suckkkk. The B-side however, is great. Avant de te trouver is basically Guy being a wimpy boy for 2 minutes and 37 seconds (don't blame me, I don't speak French!). This was recorded in the La Source era so you'll probably see the same face on the La Source music sheet. Better clothing is possible.

Rating: 7.5/10, because I don't like the strings.

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1970s: - Moun Miejour (1976) - Sian pancaro mort (1979)

Comment: You are not a real Guy Bonnet fan if you have never heard of Moun Miejour. And you are not a Bonnetologist if you listen to Moun Miejour on loop (see Nº2). Moun Miejour is THE SONG of the Provençal revival and honestly? It's not good, and not bad either. It's the unofficial baby's first Provençal album, after all.

Rating: 8.75/10, because "Oh, Moun Miejour !" is stuck into my head and I don't know what to do...

For Sian pancaro mort, you have to choose. (oh bloody hell!)

Version 1: The potato quality version recorded in 1979 (cut short)

Version 2: The better, remastered version of 1996 (full length)

Comment: We are certainly not dead yet! This track is actually really nice, really dance-able, you could say. Except to dance to this song, you have to breakdance in 1.25x speed. This song was quite the fast-paced song, like the other 1979 track we got to hear (Fau te boulega), except it's nicer because Guy didn't yell at me and I didn't hear flute.

Rating: 9/10. No notes.

Oh and French honorable mention: La Pluie C'est la Vie (1975)

Lowkey better than the A-side, BUT I don't like this type of song. Too cheery for my type of songs.

Rating: 6/10, because rain is not life.

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1980s: - Un signe d'amour (1983) - C'était Raimu (1985)

Note: Unfortunately, the 80s category is very lesser, like very lesser. If I were to include the library tracks (which I didn't), La Bestio (from the April Orchestra Vol. 38 album) would've swept everything! So, to give you the commercial experience, I chose these 2 tracks. But you might say: "Oh, kiktty, Un signe d'amour is the B-side of Vivre! That doesn't count-" SHUT THE FUCK UP. I didn't say I won't be including B-sides of Eurovision tracks!

Comment: This... this song is about... a sign of love. Marie-Blanche left Guy and now he saw a sign of love. Maybe from a woman named Régine, perhaps? Anyways, it's a ballad. Decent. I don't speak French so I can't say what the lyrics mean, but maybe the opposite of Vivre? Instead of dying to a firing squad, the man married the woman- okay, I'm derailing. But this song is decent.

Rating: 7.3/10, because saxophones aren't my favorite instruments.

Comment: It's about Raimu, who was an actor... and an actor I didn't know until I stumbled into this song. It's a nice synth-pop song, certainly a nice Raimu tribute, although I've always wondered what Magali 85 sounds like. Overall, a nice song about a local legend I've never heard of.

Rating: 8.5/10, because cheesy synth-pop goodness.

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1990s: Les étoiles (1991)

Comment: This song is very sad midnight-esque. So sad, Guy's voice sounds desperate. So sad, I can hear the cicadas even though they aren't in the track. So sad, I feel like a sad clown. This was based on the Letters from My Windmill (Les Lettres De Mon Moulin) short stories collection by Alphonse Daudet, whom I've never heard, and whose collection I've also never heard of. Les étoiles... more like Les étoiles déprimées (haha shitty joke).

Rating: 8.75/10, because I'm sad.

Honorable mention: The entire Les lettres de mon moulin en chansons album. THE ENTIRE ALBUM. (had to link to Spotify for this one for the sake of convenience, but it's on Youtube)

Honestly, it's so good I kinda want to gatekeep it. But I can't. Because I just told you about the album. So now, I will force you to listen to the whole album muhehehe >:-) No, but seriously, this is actually so good.

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Nº2: How to become a Bonnetologist

But first, we must answer the question: What is a Bonnetologist? - A Bonnetologist... is a term I made up. (shockers!) - It's used to describe people who are obsessed with Guy Bonnet to the point of no return. No, Timmy, we don't just kiss pictures of Guy Bonnet, we do extensive research about Guy as well. A Bonnetologist is willingly spending their time/money on Guy Bonnet and Guy Bonnet only. So... we're basically people who needed a vacation to Marseille and a ticket to touch grass. L + ratio + bozo + cry about it.

A Bonnetologist has high standards. For example:

"Wow, this picture looks valuable! It must've taken you a long time to find that! This is great, actually!" No, it isn't. This picture is availble on Wikipedia. Go home and cry to a plank of wood. I also thought this is valuable, since it's NOS' property.

However...

...this image is 12 karat gold, because it took some time to find the image (it came from the Gala website btw). Though, some search engine (ahem DuckDuckGo ahem) can see this image, so if you use the search engine, it's not that valuable, isn't it?

But...

...this is diamond. This image came from an Provençal magazine (Sceaux), and the people who doesn't know how to booleen (it's easy, btw) might not find this. And even if you do booleen, it's not easy cuz you have to search pages and pages and you have to look carefully. So... this is it. This is diamond, boys.

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"HOW DO I BECOME A BONNETOLOGIST HOW DO I BECOME A BONNETOLOGIST HOW DO I BECOME A BONNETOLOGIST-"

Oh god, CALM DOWN!

To become a Certified Bonnetologist, you have to master the art of: - Being fucking angry because someone got Guy's birthdate wrong - Booleen operators - Going to Soulseek and beg that there will be Lou desmama (no there isn't stop daydreaming) - Window-shopping, PNG-stealing - Speaking "bonjour", which rhymes with "miejour". - Begging the day when the Guy Bonnet Officiel channel starts uploading Guy Bonnet 1979 (no there isn't stop daydreaming) - Shitposting - Not touching grass, but instead concrete and regret.

But... in reality, the Bonnetologist fandom is welcome to anyone, from beginners to experts, from young kids to old people (which seems to be most of the fandom), and especially Citizens of the World, because there are too many French people.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit lazy on actually starting a general server for the Bonnetologist fandom... which is too small to even be a fandom anyway, so who cares much? Instead of focusing in a fandom, I'd rather focus on a small yet dedicated group of people, because these people are easier to manage.

You don't need a ton of trivia, such as family facts, funni experiences or the most middle-age existential crisis stories. Too much can actually make you too obsessive, and you'll end up looking like a stalker. Yes, you can know his wife and sons' names but I don't think knowing his wife entire family tree and his house address in 1978 isn't a good idea. Not even I know it.

Anyone can enter the Bonnetologist fandom. As long as you're nice and not a tryhard or an obsessive stalker, you are welcome.

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Nº3: Guy Bonnet is massively underrated and no one believes me at all!!!!

This man: - went to Eurovision TWICE as a performer, ONCE as a songwriter and almost replaced Serge Lama's lame ballad in 1971 (but some people might say "Guy's songs are also lame") - sang in Provençal for over 40 years until his retirement in 2020 (but purists might say "Guy's exploiting the language") - has a wife and 2 sons (the bare minimum) - has a life (unlike toxic Reddit people and Discord mods) - possbly went to Japan- "wait, WHEN???"

Based on this Le Sisteron Journal snippet, you can see in the last line it said: "Italy, Austria, Japan" so I can confirm he went to Japan I guess. He probably said "私は日本が好きです。" or similar. Anyways, continue: - is probably the unofficial embassador of Avignon behind Mireille Mathieu - wrote songs for NAMES like Mireille Mathieu, Sylvie Vartan, Franck Fernandel, and Massilia Sound System - could probably speak 3 languages minimum - loves his Provence (and his wife) more than anything else - owns a DX7 - is secretly living the life of a record executive - released a lot, and I mean a lot of albums in Provençal, most well-known being Moun Miejour - won a Floridan Bronze Medal in 1984 and a Floridan Sliver Medal in 2014, a Prix Raoul-Breton in 1970 and a Nicolas Saboly Prize in 2004 - got sampled by Jorja Smith and gang for Jorja's song, Blue Lights (which blew up) - is living the dream and the nightmare simultaneously - and so many more...

Guy Bonnet is the GOAT of Provençal music, hon hon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) --------------------------

France 1983

'Vivre' (Living), performed by Guy Bonnet. Composer: Guy Bonnet. Lyrics: Fulbert Cant.

Repeating the song title over and over again does not make for a challenging song. 'Vivre' does start off all smokey Parisian cafe and a chase down the cobbled back streets of the French capital. It rapidly turns into the sort of farce where everybody ends up running through multiple doors with the mournful sound of Bonnet in the background.

It all sounds rather creepy. While it might have a relativly fast pace, this French number is closer to a dirge than should be comfortable.

Setting the whole thing at a piano doesn't allow the presentation to compensate. The eighties are rarely kind to people in public life when it comes to attire, but the stylist who pushed the  Timmy Mallett look... ouch. Bonnet should have taken him aside and demanded a decent suit and a set of contact lenses.

This one is not doing it for me in any department.

France 1970

'Marie-Blanche', performed by Guy Bonnet. Composer: Guy Bonnet. Lyrics: André-Pierre Dousset.

We're having a spirited discussion on 'Marie-Blanche'. When you listen to the song, is Bonnet walking alone through the back streets of Paris, is he on the French Riviera walking opposite lines of cafes full of couples looking on wistfully, or is he on a bridge over the Seine, under the moonlight?

What we can agree on is that this son is very very French. And that's a good thing. It's a song that has matured well, that sounds classical and effortless, that stirs the heart, and clearly spins a story with the listener emotions.

Either that or it's Dick Van Dyke's song to his children from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'... but in French. Take your pick.