⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ finally posting this monster oh my god. this was meant to be a <1k word oneshot, but turned into a full-on fic. excuse me and my indulgences, i just have daddy issues and am in love with lee heeseung. 

⤷ 💌 i edited this a ton and added like 1000 words cuz i needed more hehe so enjoy!

——

You cursed under your breath as your shopping bags began to slip through your fingers. From your hip, Hana fussed unhappily, tiny hands clawing at your face as you struggled to adjust your grip on her.

“S’cuse me,” A woman said, giving you an annoyed glance as she stepped around you. The others behind you made sounds of frustration as you struggled to wrangle your babbling child and groceries out of the store’s entrance.

“Would you mind getting out of the way?” A man asked impatiently as one of your bags slipped.

“I’m sorry,” You said, face burning with embarrassment.

Hana began to cry, her tiny body impossibly strong as she twisted in your arms, trying to escape your grasp.

“Jesus Christ,” He muttered, pushing past you.

You bit your lip, hair falling in your face to hide the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Everything was so hard. Ever since your ex had moved out, you’d had no one to help you.

No one to stay up with Hana when she was fussy, no one to entertain her so you could sneak a quick shower in, no one to get groceries while you washed, and fed, and tended to her.

Your parents were a state away, your friends busy with work or travel—none with kids of their own. No one who understood what you were going through. Standing in the doorway of the grocery store, you felt, for the first time since Hana's father left, the true gravity of how alone you both were.

Another exasperated sigh came from behind you as Hana began to cry in earnest, her shrill voice piercing the air of the store.

“Should’ve left her at home with dad,” An older woman said, tsking as she stepped around you. “New moms these days, thinking they can do it all on their own. That kind of attitude kills marriages, you know."

You opened your mouth to defend yourself—to tell her that you couldn't kill a marriage that didn't exist, to even just curse back at her—when the paper bag you’d managed to hold onto split open, the contents spilling out onto the floor.

“For fuck’s sake,” A man said, shoving past you. His shoulder caught yours, knocking you off balance.

Hana’s weight threw you off-kilter, and you stumbled to the ground, holding her tiny wriggling body to your chest.

You wanted to cry.

Beside you, someone stooped to the ground, hastily grabbing the groceries that had fallen out of your bag. You looked up, the apology already forming on your mouth. As your eyes landed on them, the words died in your mouth. 

Heeseung.

Your heart skipped. 

He didn’t say anything as he gathered the rest of your things, giving you a hand up. His eyes were glued to the squirming toddler in your arms. 

With your groceries collected, you were able to step to the side, Heeseung’s hand still on your arm. The customers who’d gathered behind you filed past, one man glaring at you as he did. 

“Finally,” He muttered. 

Heeseung’s head snapped in his direction. “Fuck off,” He shot back. Then, looking from Hana to you, he chuckled nervously. “Sorry.”

You were speechless.

How long had it been since you’d seen him? Three years? Three years since he boarded the jet that had carried him out of your life forever. 

You remembered it like it was yesterday—ENHYPEN was going on tour, he wasn't sure when he'd be back, or when he'd have time for you again. The group had just started to take off. This was the big break, he’d said. The one that would start the rest of his life.

Going with him was out of the question. Long distance was brutal. Fans were possessive of their favorite members, and a girlfriend was a risk that management couldn't afford. It took all but a few hours for him to be cut from your life. Gone. Erased. Entirely. 

And now, here he was. Lee Heeseung, the great heartbreak of your life, standing in the middle of your friendly neighborhood grocery store, eyes darting back and forth between you and the one-year-old clinging to your hip. 

Hana made a noise, reaching a hand out at him curiously. He glanced at her, his expression softening. He smiled as he leaned forward, cooing gently while she fiddled with the earring that dangled from his ear.

Your chest tightened.

“Here,” He said, taking the bags from your hands. “Where did you park?”

——

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” Heeseung said quietly as he put the last of your things into your car.

He looked just as you remembered him—tall, handsome, soft-faced, and even softer-voiced. He carried a bag of his own, full of items that sent you back to your school days with him—glossy packages of instant ramen, cling-wrapped kimbap, and those energy drinks he always liked.

You tore your eyes from them, trying to shake the memories of late nights in his dorm from your mind.

“No,” You said, meeting his eyes. God, his eyes. Just as deep and intense as you remembered them. “I should be thanking you. Back there,” You gestured awkwardly, “I was… It’s been a long day.”

His eyes darted to Hana again. You could practically see the question forming on his lips, but he was still the Heeseung you knew, far too polite to outright ask.

“Hana,” You said, smiling at the pink-faced toddler in your backseat. "She's one," You added quickly, watching for his reaction.

He nodded, his expression conflicted, like he was working through his thoughts. “I didn’t know…” He said slowly, looking back at you.

“I know. I… didn’t want you to,” You admitted. “You had a lot going on."

His face dropped. “Y/n, I want you to know, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know,” You said simply, looking down. “You had a life to live. Dreams to chase.” You smiled at him, genuine, although something deep in your heart had begun to ache, starting the moment you’d locked eyes with him. “I was always proud of you for going."

“I shouldn’t have left like that. I know you wanted me to go, and I’m glad I did, but I…” His fingers toyed with the strings of his bag nervously. “…I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.”

You shook your head, pushing the memories away. “Don’t worry about it. Water under the bridge.”

From the car, Hana began to cry again. It was well past her dinnertime, which meant she’d be inconsolable until you got her home and into her high chair, which was… still broken.

You bit back a curse, remembering that you’d needed to run to the store to replace it today. A week of trying to feed her without it had proven nearly impossible. Especially now that you were alone.

You turned back to Heeseung, trying not to feel disappointed that reality was sweeping you two apart again. What was that phrase? Right person, wrong time? Well, this was two for two.

“Anyways," You said. "Thank you. Seriously. I was losing it in there.”

“You headed home now?” He asked, looking between you, as if trying to keep the conversation going. Hanna was bawling, fists clenched angrily.

You nodded, pulling a snack pack from your bag and tearing it open, hoping it’d be enough to satiate her until you got home. If you could get her fed, maybe you’d have time to take care of all the other things that were piled on your to-do list.

There were dishes waiting for you, and sticky counters, and laundry. So much laundry. The light in your room had gone out and needed replacing, but you barely had enough time to sleep there, let alone perform a maintenance job on it.

You sighed out a tired laugh, rubbing your face with your hand. “Um, yeah. She needs to be fed and put to sleep, and there’s some housework stuff. You know, never a boring day,” You joked half-heartedly.

Heeseung hummed. Then, hesitantly, asked, "Where’s her dad?”

The question knocked the wind out of you.

He gazed at you curiously, a hint of concern in his eyes. It made your stomach twist uncomfortably. This was the one thing you didn’t want coming up.

The baby? Sure. Your embarrassing moment in the store? Fine. Even the state of your hair and clothes, covered in stains and baby powder and spit-up, whatever.

But the fact that you were alone, that the person you’d chosen to father your child was nowhere to be found, that stung in the back of your throat. Nothing had changed. You were still the one being left behind. 

Heeseung read the look on your face. “Oh,” He said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay.” You cut him off, not sure if you could take the awkwardness of this conversation any longer. “But, yeah, I should go. I have… a lot to do at home. Everything’s on her schedule these days.”

“Can I help?”

You felt your breath catch for a second time. “What?” You laughed nervously.

Heeseung nodded at your groceries and at the squawking baby in the back seat. “Can I help you? We’re on break. Been doing pretty much nothing but sitting around the house, gaming all day. I’ll come over.”

“Heeseung…” You started, images of your messy baby-proofed home springing to mind. As if he needed to see any more of the disheveled single mom life. “You don’t have to do that, really, you’ve helped enough—”

“Y/n, we've known each other for a long time. I can tell you’re up to your neck right now. I want to help,” He said earnestly. “Will you let me?”

You held your breath, searching his face for some clue as to what this meant for you two. Ten minutes ago, you had no idea he was even back home. And now... he was asking for a step back into your life.

The inside of your cheek stung as you chewed on it. Finally, you sighed. "What the hell. Fine. Here, let me write down my address for you."

There, at the corners of his eyes, you caught it. That glimpse of joy in his expression, of hope. It confused the fuck out of you, but you just waved to him, climbing into your car and wondering what this meant for you.

——

It was practically impossible to walk across your house without tripping over one of the toys that littered the ground. There were dishes all over the kitchen counters, soup stains on the wall behind Hana’s highchair where she'd thrown her spoon, dirty laundry spilling out of your closet and across the floor.

Heeseung didn't seem to care at all.

In fact, the only thing he seemed to care about was your daughter. Her small fists, the rosy color of her cheeks, the bubbling sound of her laughter. You'd known Heeseung liked kids—you'd talked about having them once—but what you didn't know was how much they loved him.

He and Hana hit it off immediately, faster than you'd ever seen her take to anyone before.

Without a high chair, you’d been struggling to find the best way to keep her stationary long enough to feed her. Heeseung, however, only propped her on his leg, one hand around her stomach, the other holding her plastic pink Hello Kitty spoon.

It was like magic.

No crying, no spitting. No throwing or hitting. You watched in wonder as she sat there, hands resting on his forearm. The perfect little angel you always bragged about back in full swing.

Her preoccupation with him gave you a chance to not only make her dinner, but get her pajamas out and set up her bath for later. It was the most you'd managed to get done in a single hour in weeks.

Having Heeseung there wasn’t just helpful, it was... overwhelming. His presence filled your senses—the smell of his cologne intermingled with Hana's baby lotion, the feeling of him moving around the kitchen behind you, his voice mixing with her giggling nonsense in the living room.

It was intoxicating. It was dangerous. Because part of you wished—had always wished—desperately and against all reason, that this was what your everyday looked like.

You tried to dissuade that wish as you bent over the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water and dirty dishes. Heeseung came in from the dining room, holding Hana's little bowl and matching spoon in one hand, her bib in the other.

"All done," He said, placing them on the counter. "Finished the whole thing." He sounded proud. It made your chest tighten.

"That girl sure can eat," You said lightly, grabbing the dishes and submerging them under water.

"Mmm, just like her mom, then," He joked.

Being there with him, joking with him, it stirred something in you. Something you'd spent a long time trying to forget. Your throat closed as he came up behind you, dry hand sliding over your soapy one.

"What—" You started, but he was already pulling the bowl from your hands, nudging you out of the way.

"I got this. Go finish up with her."

You pressed your lips into a thin line, ignoring the fluttering sensation that crawled up your throat. He was helping, just like he said he would. It was meaningless.

Still, the feeling of his palm on the back of your hand had your heart stuttering.

In the solitude of the bathroom, you rested your chin on your hand, watching as Hana dunked her plastic horse under the soapy bathwater. She held it up to you, babbling through the bubbles on your face.

You sighed. "What d'you think? Should we let him stick around?"

She slammed her horse back into the water with a squeal, sending water over the edge of the tub.

“Yeah,” You muttered, half to yourself. “That’s what I thought.”

You looked over at yourself in the mirror, leaned against the edge of the bathtub, your clothes and hair damp from your daughter’s splashing. So different from the girl that Heeseung had left behind all those years ago. The one he once swore he’d come back for.

You felt childish for even remembering that. Everything was different now. He could have anything he wanted. The girls around him were exactly what you weren’t, what you’d stopped being the moment you found out you were pregnant. They might have been your age, but they weren't saddled with motherhood.

You, on the other hand, would never be able to escape it again.

All anyone seemed to talk about with you was the baby. How old she was now, if she’d started talking yet, how well-behaved she was.

Even running into Heeseung, the first thing he looked at was her. It was like watching yourself fade from existence, all trace of what once made you you vanishing into nothingness. 

You weren’t fun. You weren’t spontaneous. Not anymore. Motherhood had drained you of all that youthful vitality Heeseung had once loved so much about you. You felt bland. Boring. Nothing to call your own except for your daughter, who seemed to be the most interesting part of your life nowadays. 

Looking at Hana now, you knew there was no way that Heeseung was going to make a permanent return to your life, not when there was a child involved.

And yet.

And yet, Heeseung was still around when you were done with Hana’s bath. 

He’d finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. He’d put the rest of your groceries away and tossed all of Hana’s toys back in their bin. He even took the trash out, and was offering to fix the light in your room when you stopped him.

“Are you gonna make me kick you out?” You said, hands on your hips.

The corners of his mouth quirked, his brow lifting. “You really are someone’s mom, huh?”

“Heeseung.”

“Come on,” He laughed, “I’m already here, I might as well fix it. You really want me to go?”

No, of course you didn’t. Of course, you wanted him to stay and help you with your light, and fix your leaky shower head, and make your daughter laugh herself all the way to sleep.

Of course, you wanted him to find a million other things to help you with, and to let you keep imagining what life would be like if he were to be there. To really, truly be there.

What, were you supposed to say no to all that?

By the time the sun finally dipped below the horizon, Hana was dozing off in Heeseung’s arms, her cheek flat against his shoulder.

You watched from the kitchen doorway, unable to tear your eyes away from the sight of them. He swayed slightly, bouncing up and down with a hand to her back.

No one held her like that. Not even her dad. He’d wanted almost nothing to do with her. The diapers, the crying, the mess. He’d decided enough was enough before she was even born. But Heeseung…

“She’s incredible,” He said, glancing back at you. His face was soft, shoulders relaxed. It looked almost like she was as comforting to him as he was to her, with her hand wrapped around the fabric of his shirt.

Your throat was tight. “She is. Takes after me, you know,” You joked, trying to ease the effect that this scene was having on you. Your face was warm.

He chuckled, pursing his lips as she stirred gently. After a moment, he said, “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

You leaned against the doorframe. “It wasn’t something I wanted you to hear from someone else.”

“Yeah,” He said. “Still.”

Still.

He finally looked up at you, and you saw it—how much he was holding back. How hard this was hitting him, all at once. Sure, it had been a long time, but the emotions on his face were like a second language to you. You could read them in your sleep.

“I’m not asking for anything,” You said quickly, maybe too quickly. “I’m not—bringing you here because I want something from you.”

“I know,” He said. But he kept holding Hana anyway, and when you laid her down in her room for the night, he was still in the living room, waiting for you.

“You do all this on your own?” He asked, keeping his voice low.

“Every day.”

“You’re amazing,” He whispered.

“Thanks,” You laughed.

He followed you into the kitchen. “I always knew you’d be a good mom.”

The comment sent a jolt of electricity through you.

“What?”

“Yeah, didn’t I ever tell you that?”

You stared at him. “No.”

“I’m sure I did.”

“I think I’d remember if you did. So, no.”

He flashed that smile, the one that used to make you weak in the knees. Still made you weak in the knees. “Then I was an idiot.”

You scoffed, eyeing him skeptically. “Whatever. My house is a mess, and I have literally no social life. Look at me, I’m covered in baby food, and I’m not even the one who fed the baby.”

“Yeah, well,” He shrugged, that stupid smile on his face. “You make anything look good.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re making fun of me.”

He gasped. “What? No, I’m just a very supportive friend who happens to know that you manage to make everything look sexy, even being covered in baby food.”

Friend.

“Heeseung.” You used to be the love of my life. 

“What!” He grinned. “You’re the one who keeps blushing.”

“I am not blushing.”

He shook his head as he laughed, the sound light and pure. “I missed you. God, I missed you a lot.”

You tensed.

“That first year of tour was hell,” He reminisced, leaning back against your counter. “We hardly slept, or ate, or got any moments to ourselves. It was just go, go, go. All day, every day.” He glanced at you. “But being away from you was by far the worst part.”

“Whatever,” You said quietly. There was a lump in the back of your throat.

He hovered as you finished putting the dry dishes away in your cupboard. “It was hard without you there. You know, you’re the reason I debuted in the first place. Because you believed in me.”

Did you ever believe in me? You wanted to ask. Lingering resentment was seeping from the back of your mind, coloring those happy memories a shade darker. How was it so easy for you to leave me?

“It was hard looking out for everyone without you there,” He chuckled. “You always made that part easier. That’s how I know.” 

“Know what?” You said, eyes on the plates in your hands. 

“That you’d make a good mom. You were already halfway there with me.”

You froze. “Heeseung,” You said slowly, “Don’t.”

“What? I’m just saying—”

“No, you’re not. You’re flirting.”

He gave you a lopsided smile. “Is that illegal now?”

You stared at him. “We can’t do this.”

His smile faltered, just slightly. Enough that you knew he’d heard the part you didn’t say aloud: Not again. I can’t do this again.

“I’m not trying to mess anything up,” He said quietly.

“But you do, Heeseung. You walk in, and you smile, and she adores you, and then what? You go back to your life, and we’re left here pretending this never happened? I’ve been there, done that, okay? And I can’t— I won’t let it happen again.”

He opened his mouth, but no answer came.

“Look, I get it. You were gone for a long time. Being back home carries a lot of weight, I’m sure. But you can’t…” You looked at him, chest aching. “You can’t just come in here and make me feel like nothing’s changed when it has. I mean, look around. I have a kid now. I can’t— I’m not like you. Not anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, a look of hurt flashing behind his eyes.  

You ran your hand over your hair anxiously. It was late, you were exhausted, and you were letting your emotions get the better of you. You knew you should stop talking and just send him home, but you couldn’t.

“You have your whole life ahead of you,” You said. “You get to pack up and travel the world, do whatever you want, meet whoever you want. I don’t. That ended for me the second I had her.”

“Y/n,” He frowned, but you cut him off.

“I thought…” Tears pricked behind your eyes. “I thought that maybe things would just be a little different. That I’d still get to—” You caught your breath, the weight of everything you’d gone through rising suddenly, knocking the breath from your lungs. “And then it ended all over again. When her dad left.” 

You saw the way his face hardened, a look you hadn’t seen in years. Hurt. Angry. Protective. 

“I’m alone, Heeseung,” You whispered. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s not! You have me—”

“Then where were you!?”

His face fell. You didn’t want him to see you cry, but you were dangerously close. Being near him, seeing that god forsaken look in his eyes, like he was angry with himself, it killed you. 

“I didn’t know,” He said quietly. “If I had—”

“You would have, what? Cancelled your tour? Come racing home to help your ex with some other guy’s baby? That’s not true and you know it.” 

“I would have found a way to be there for you.”

“Really? You could have called. Once, even. You could have checked up on me, but you didn’t. You packed your things and you left. That’s all anyone ever does, is pack up and disappear.”

“Don’t, y/n. It’s not the same thing. I never would have left you with our kid like that,” He said seriously.

Our kid. The words seemed to burrow into your chest, curling up around the part of you that was still so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. 

“No,” You said bitterly, wiping your eyes roughly with your sleeve. “You just left me. Not as big a deal, right?”

He flinched, those big, sad eyes of his wincing painfully.

You knew it wasn’t fair. You knew you were being cruel now, prodding a wound that was clearly still open in both of you, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted, just once, for someone to tell you that you were worth fighting for, that the way he and Hana’s dad had both abandoned you wasn’t your fault. That you weren’t defective. Disposable. 

Heeseung held your gaze, brows creased. “I deserved that,” He finally said.

You looked away, jaw clenched. 

He took a step toward you, slow, like he was scared you might push him away. “You’re right, I did. I left. I let you believe that I didn’t care about you. I thought… walking away would make things easier. That it would hurt less, instead of dragging it out, making you wait for me. You had a life of your own waiting. I couldn’t do that to you,” He reasoned. “And look at you! You brought a kid into the world, y/n. You never needed me, or anyone else. You’re strong.”

“I’m not,” You argued. 

“You are,” He said firmly. 

You shook your head, arms tightening around yourself. “I’m not strong. I’m surviving. That’s not the same thing.”

Heeseung didn’t argue this time. He gave you an apologetic look, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t mean to come here and upset you. I wanted… I really did want to help, y/n.”

“You have,” You said, not meeting his eyes. It was hard to speak without your voice shaking, and you didn’t want him to see you cry. 

His voice softened, gaze dropping to the floor. “I know I can’t change the past. And you don’t trust me. But we’re back home until the next album’s finished.”

Your chest tightened. So, he was sticking around. Great, you thought to yourself. Just what you needed on top of everything else you had going on. 

“If you need me, you can call me. You know that, right?”

You said nothing. Heeseung got his things and left, mumbling apologies as the door closed behind him. You had to catch your breath against the doorframe as the sound of his car faded down the street. 

Here you were again. Watching the door swing closed behind him, wishing you were brave enough to ask him to stay. 

That night, you went into Hana's room and curled up in the chair beside her crib. Looking at her—the soft fat of her cheeks, the way her tiny chest rose and fell so steadily without a care in the world—was the only thing that kept you from breaking down completely. 

You watched her silently, the occasional rogue tear slipping down your cheek. Three years worth of emotions had bubbled up to the surface, crashing over you like a tidal wave of memories and regret. The house was empty again. You were alone. 

For the first time, you confronted the hard truth you’d been trying to ignore: no one was coming to save you. You were on your own.

——

Heeseung must have looked upset, because the moment he got back to the dorm, the others were on him.

“Where were you?” Sunoo asked, looking up from his game.

Beside him, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon were sprawled on the couch. Jake watched from the floor, stretched out on his stomach. Niki was curled up in the chair, half asleep. 

“Nowhere,” Heeseung mumbled, kicking his shoes off. 

“You look like shit,” Jay said bluntly.

“Thanks.” 

“I thought you were just stopping at the store?” Jake turned to look at Heeseung over his shoulder. “Geez, you really do look terrible.”

Jungwon looked at him curiously. “Are you okay?”

Heeseung’s mind was still spinning. He could barely form a coherent thought, let alone answer their questions. He brushed them off, wanting nothing more than to disappear into his room in solitude. 

But these were his group members, his best friends, and they always knew when something was wrong. They switched the game off and trailed after Heeseung as he made his way to his room, shoving his door open. It bounced against the wall loudly. 

Heeseung winced, dropping onto his mattress. His body felt worn, his mind foggy, like he’d spent all day on stage instead of laughing with you in your kitchen. He still couldn’t believe he’d spent the day with you. In fact, he could hardly believe anything about what had happened. 

There were no words to describe what Heeseung had felt, seeing you again for the first time. It was like every one of his senses dialed in on your figure crouched in the door, your hair falling over your shoulders. His throat had closed, his fingers curling into his palms by his side. 

His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest completely. 

And then, there was Hana. 

He hoped he didn’t look as surprised as he’d felt, but he knew the chances were small. You’d always been able to read his emotions. You’d been the one to ask him out, after all—sick and tired of how painfully obvious his feelings for you were. No one else had ever came close to understanding him the way you did, not even the guys.

You probably saw right through his easy attitude, straight to the heart of his reaction: seeing you with Hana had scared him shitless. 

He pressed a hand to his face. I’m never offering to go to the store for the others ever again, he thought hopelessly.

Jungwon appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame. The others poked their heads out from behind, waiting for him to say something first. Jungwon might have been younger, but he was their leader, through and through. 

He always knew what each member needed in moments like these. For Heeseung, it was space. And time. Jungwon just stood there for a while, not saying anything. 

Heeseung’s voice was rough when he finally spoke. “I saw y/n.”

More silence. 

He hadn't talked about you in a long time, mostly because it brought his mood down every time someone so much as mentioned your name. Years later and he was still upset about the way you'd left things. 

And now he knew that you were, too.

“I ran into her at the store,” He continued. “Her bag had ripped so her stuff was everywhere, and people were getting pissed.” Fucking assholes. “I couldn’t just— turn the other way, pretend I didn’t know her.”

No one argued with that, but Heeseung still felt the back of his neck go red. 

"So I went up to her. I helped her grab her things. She..." He trailed off. "We went back to her's after." 

Jake shoulders dropped, looking relieved. "So, what's with the long face? Haven't you been dreaming about this since, like, we left?" 

“Yeah, I’m surprised you’re back here,” Jay smirked. “She didn’t want you to stay the night?”

"She has a kid." 

That shut them up. 

She has a kid. The words sounded foreign in Heeseung's ears. He still hadn't fully wrapped his head around it. The girl he’d been hung up on for years was a mom.

Jungwon’s eyebrows shot up. “Like.. has has?”

Heeseung nodded. “A little girl. Her name’s Hana.” 

“So that means she’s…”

“Single,” Heeseung said incredulously, falling backwards onto his mattress. The entire situation was mind boggling. “Hana’s dad isn’t around. Not sure why. All I know is that it was sudden. He just packed up one day and… left.” 

Just like I did, He thought bitterly. God, he’d made a number of mistakes throughout his life, but that had to be the worst of them all. 

“Damn,” Jungwon said under his breath. “That’s a lot.”

Sunghoon shifted his weight anxiously. “How did she seem?” 

Heeseung swallowed. “Tired. She looked so tired. And sad. I could see it in her eyes, even though she was trying not to show it.”

“She didn’t ask for anything?” Jake asked.

“No. She doesn’t want anything from me. She made that pretty clear.” Heeseung dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what to do. I thought I’d moved on, or at least that I was done holding onto her. But seeing her like that…” His voice cracked, and he looked away. “It’s like everything I’ve been trying to forget just—came back all at once.”

Jungwon finally stepped into the room, going to sit beside Heeseung. The others trailed in after him. It was crowded with all of them there, but Heeseung was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that they were with him. That he didn’t have to spend the night alone with his thoughts.

Like you were now. He thought of you alone in that house, working through the motions of your reunion by yourself. It made his chest ache.  

“Shouldn’t have left her,” He mumbled, mostly to himself. 

“Are you going to see her again?” 

“I don’t know,” He mumbled. “We argued. I think she doesn’t want to believe I could ever be there for her. That I’m just going to leave again.” His throat tightened. “I can’t blame her for feeling that way.”

“Are you?”

“I— no, I don’t want to. But she’s afraid to trust me. And I’m scared, too! What if she’s right? She’s always right. I don’t wanna cause her more trouble…” 

Now that he was talking, he couldn’t stop. The others listened intently, nodding along, humming sounds of understanding. 

“I’m scared that the more I try to get closer to her, the further I’m going to push her away. She has enough shit going on in her life right now. I don’t want to add to that. But I can’t just let her be. Not when I know she’s too proud to ask anyone else for help.” 

“No, not y/n.” Sunoo hid a laugh behind his hand. “That girl would rather die than rely on anyone else. She’s always preferred to figure it out on her own.”

“I know. I don’t want to fuck up her life anymore than I already have.” 

“Hey, at least you’re not the asshole who knocked her up,” Jay said lightly.

Heeseung bit his lip, suddenly worried he was going insane.

Worried because the smallest part of him almost wished that he was. He would have never left you alone. And… Well, he’d always liked the idea of you with his kids. He meant what he said earlier—if anyone was going to make a good parent, it was you. 

A baby would have killed his career for sure, but… he almost preferred that to the idea of you struggling through parenthood alone. 

“So what are you going to do?” Jungwon asked. 

“I don’t know,” Heeseung sighed, sitting up. “What if I try to be there for her, and I make things worse? What if she’s right not to trust me? I don’t want to—” He ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “I can’t hurt her again. I’d rather never see her again than have that happen.” 

Jungwon pursed his lips, thinking. “It is true that you’ll have to leave again when the next album is finished.”

The others nodded, murmuring in agreement.

“Tour life isn’t exactly fit for a kid.”

“There’s always the chance that people find out about you two.”

“You’d have to be apart for a long time.”

Jungwon nodded. “But… do you love her?”

Heeseung’s face went red. “What?”

“Quit acting embarrassed. We had to listen to you go on about her for a year straight after we left. I think you can tell us if you’re still in love with her.”

He pursed his lips and frowned, mulling the question over. Was he still in love with you? 

Who was he kidding, of course he was. How else could he explain the way the world seemed to blur when he caught sight of you in the store? How his body was moving to help you before he even had time to think about it?

Heeseung was in love with you. As in love with you as he was the day he left. Why else had he spent all day at your house doing chores, enjoying every minute? The way you moved around each other, the sound of Hana’s voice responding to yours, the way he could see pieces of you in her. God, he’d only known that girl for a day but he was already feeling protective of her.

Of both of you. 

He sighed. “Yes… I do. I am.” He pressed his thumb into his palm, where he’d brushed the back of your hand. “I really missed her,” He mumbled. “But I’m scared to mess everything up. Again.”

 “You’re not gonna do that,” Sunghoon said, leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah, come on. I’ve never seen you make the same mistake twice.”

“Thanks,” He muttered, still unable to shake his fears. 

“If you really love her, you’ll find a way to make it work,” Jungwon assured him. 

Hearing that brought a small amount of relief to Heeseung’s anxiety, but he still wasn’t convinced. “What if she doesn’t want to see me?” He asked quietly.

Sunoo rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic. If she doesn’t want to see you, she’ll tell you. Did she?”

“No… not explicitly…” 

“Then you still have a chance. Don’t screw it up.” 

Heeseung chuckled lightly, feeling slightly better. “I’ll try not to.”

“Screw your feelings, we miss having her around,” Sunghoon joked. 

“Yeah, I wanna meet this kid,” Jake said eagerly. “If she’s anything like y/n, she’ll fit in just fine with us.”

Niki hummed in agreement. “Yeah, we never agreed to your break up.” 

“Mm. Very inconsiderate of you,” Jay said. 

Heeseung laughed, for real this time. He felt his chest untighten for the first time in hours, his shoulders dropping, his jaw unclenching. God, he was grateful for his friends. They were right. 

Heeseung had been losing his mind over what he should do when there was really only one option in front of him: to prove to you how serious he was about you. Whether or not you were able to fix things between you two, that didn’t matter to him. 

All he cared about was showing you that you could trust him. That you weren’t alone in this, no matter how long you’d spent believing otherwise. 

Seeing you today confirmed what he’d known the second he’d left all those years ago: you were the only one for him. And meeting Hana—feeling the warmth of her against his chest, smelling your perfume on her skin, noticing the way her lips curved up in the same shape that yours did—it was the final nail in the coffin. 

His life would never be complete without you in it, one-year-old and all.

——

Heeseung’s reappearance in your life didn’t happen immediately.

In fact, it was a few weeks before you heard from him again. Lost in the throes of trying to find a babysitter so that you could pick up an extra shift at work, his text was left buried in calls from your landlord and notices about upcoming bills.

Heeseung Are u busy this weekend? I have some overexcited friends who are anxious to meet that baby of yours.

It sat unanswered for a day. 

You didn’t know it, but every single one of the 24 hours that passed before you got back to Heeseung was like knives in his skin. The day dragged by, long and torturous, as he sank deeper and deeper into the belief that maybe he’d been wrong, and you didn’t want to hear from him after all. 

He was relieved when his phone buzzed on his desk, your name popping up on his screen for the first time in three years. 

Y/N Oh god.

Y/N Are u really gonna bring them over here??

Heeseung Not if you’re not okay with it.

Y/N It’s not that I’m not okay with it. it’s just… weird

Y/N Never thought I’d be introducing your group members to my kid.

Heeseung Definitely weird.

Heeseung Always figured they’d meet ours first but this works too.

Y/N Heeseung.

Heeseung What? Just saying.

Y/N 🙄

Heeseung I’ll be good. I promise. Saturday?

He chewed the edge of his nail as he watched his screen, heart racing at the base of his throat. Your text came in and he couldn’t help the smile that took over his face. 

Y/N Yeah right.

Y/N See you then.

You had precious little time to clean up before they got there. When you heard Heeseung’s knock at the door, you were part-way through clearing Hana’s things out of the living room. 

Sweaty, hair a mess, sticky toddler on your hip, you pulled the door open to a group of faces you hadn’t seen in years. 

The guys stood there for a second, taking you in. Sunoo was the first to break the silence, his face widening into a grin. “Wow,” he said, “Motherhood really does suit you.”

You rolled your eyes, your face warming as you shifted Hana on your hip. “Shut up, Sunoo.” 

Hana peeked out at them, fists clutching your shirt nervously. 

Jake’s eyes went wide as he crouched down, level with her. “Hi,” He said, his voice going soft. “You’re so cute, oh my god. Mind if we come in?”

Hana smiled shyly, burying her face in your shoulder.

“Sorry about the mess,” You said, stepping aside to let them in. “Can never seem to keep anything clean these days.”

“You should’ve called us,” Sunoo pouted. “We could’ve helped.”

“No way. You guys are busy enough as it is.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jay said. “You should see how these guys live”

“Oh, shut up, Jay. Your room is disgusting. I don’t know how you live in that filth.”

“My room is disgusting!? Should we talk about how you keep the living room—”

“Get out of the way!” Jungwon complained, pushing past them. 

Heeseung was the last to come in, messy-haired and bare-faced. He looked nervous, but his shoulders dropped when he caught sight of you.

He paused in the doorway. “You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah,” You said. “It’s fine. Just… don’t expect her to start doing tricks or anything.”

“Are you sure?” Sunghoon asked, peeking at Hana. “I heard kids can dance these days.”

“Please,” You scoffed. “She can barely get a spoon from her plate to her mouth.”

They laughed as they filed in, avoiding the toys that were scattered around the floor. For a moment, no one wanted to sit down. They crowded around you, pulling funny faces to make Hana laugh, reaching out to pinch her face. 

Heeseung hovered beside you, eyes flicking to yours. It felt good to have him close. You’d never had this many people in your house before, not since having Hana. His presence was steadying. Reassuring. 

You found yourself wanting to stick close to him as well. 

They followed you into the living room, pointing at the photos and finger-painting scribbles hung up on the walls. You noticed Heeseung from the corner of your eye, bending down to grab things from the floor as he went, tossing them into Hana’s toy chest the same way he had when he first came over. 

It was instinctual, that desire to help you, to take some of the load off your shoulders. Always had been. 

“How are you, y/n?” Jungwon asked, “Besides the cute baby and messy living room.”

“Um,” You sighed, “I’m… managing. Getting used to doing all this on my own. It’s hard but rewarding, too.” You smiled at Hana, pressing your lips to her head and breathing in the soft, sweet baby smell of her hair. “She makes it worth it.”

Your voice was easy, your face relaxed, but Heeseung could see the fatigue in your body. Your shoulders drooped, Hana’s weight sagging in your arms. 

Getting used to doing all this on my own. You’d never know how sad it made him to hear you say that. 

“I can’t imagine how tired you are,” Jake said, watching as Hana curled a hand around his finger.

You laughed lightly. “I definitely don’t sleep the way I used to. Or, at all, really,” You admitted. “You don’t even want to know how long it’s been since I’ve showered.” 

“I can see that,” Sunoo teased, gesturing at the myriad of stains across your shirt. “I like the baby food. It’s a good look on you.”

“Glad to know it’s working on you, jerk,” You said playfully. God, you missed having these guys around.  

“Do you want me to take her?” Heeseung asked. The question caught you by surprise. He seemed so easy about it, like it was something he did every day. “You can take a quick shower… if you want.”

“What? No way. You guys are friends, not my babysitters.”

“Not yet,” Niki said, leaning down to coo at Hana’s face. 

“Seriously, we don’t mind,” Heeseung insisted.  

You bit your lip sheepishly. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. We’re professionals.” Sunghoon said seriously. 

“I mean, we are terrible at music,” Jake added, “But picture books and stuffed animals? I think we got it.”

“Go,” Heeseung insisted softly. “We’re here. Let us help.”

You hesitated. It was such a small thing—showering, putting on a fresh t-shirt—but it felt huge. Like accepting their help would mean finally admitting just how worn out you were. 

There was also your protectiveness over Hana, too. You’d never left her with anyone but your parents before. It was why finding a babysitter had become such an ordeal—trusting anyone with your child took an incredible leap of faith.

But then you saw the look in Heeseung’s eyes. The hopeful, almost desperate need to do something for you. He held your gaze, steady, solid. 

As if in answer, Hana reached out for him, squirming away from your grasp. She’d always been good with faces, and he was wearing the same jacket he’d worn the first time he came over. She stretched towards the familiarity of his arms and you surrendered, allowing her to climb into them.

“She likes you,” Jungwon said, a big grin on his face. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung said, unable to hide the pride in his voice. “I like her, too.”

Seeing her in his arms again brought back the same feeling from before. The one that made you want to see Heeseung with your daughter all the time. 

They just looked so… at home together. Like Hana had known him since the start. You hated to admit it, but you were starting to wish that she had.

“All her toys are in there, and there’s snacks in the fridge if she gets fussy. If she gets really upset I’ve got a pacifier in her room—”

Heeseung nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up at your rambling. “She’ll be great.”

You sighed. “Okay, but if she starts crying—”

“We’ve got it,” Jay reassured you.

Sunoo shot you a wink. “Go on, mama. We’ll look after her.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding and slipped down the hall, feeling, for the first time in a long while, that you had people in your corner. It was a good feeling.

——

“She sorta looks like you, Heeseung.”

“Oh, stop teasing him. He’s not gonna let us come back with him next time.”

“You’re so full of it. They don’t look anything alike.”

“She’s got a real Shin Min-a look to her. Old school.”

“She looks like her mom,” Heeseung said, only half-listening to what his idiot friends were debating about. 

His attention was mainly on the tiny human balanced on his thighs, her hands tangling in his hair. She was a stout little thing, skin slipping under the slippery fabric of her shirt as he kept a firm grip on her. 

A Laker’s jersey. Your guys’ favorite team. 

He took a deep breath, trying to steady the emotions rising in him. Just being there—with Hana, with you—it was enough to make him crazy. He tried not to feel dizzy as Hana’s hands moved to his face.

“She missed you,” Jungwon said quietly, fidgeting with a plastic airplane in his lap. 

For a second, Heeseung thought he was talking about Hana, but no. He was talking about you.

Heeseung glanced at him. “You think so?”

“You should’ve seen the way she was looking at you when she opened the door.” 

Jay snickered at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah, she was totally checking you out, man.”

Heeseung rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“It’s true,” Niki chimed in, tossing a stuffed rabbit at Sunghoon. “Don’t act like you didn’t notice.”

Heeseung just shook his head. “She’s just… It’s been a long time.”

Jay shook his head. “Nah, man. You’re still important to her.”

“It’s obvious,” Sunoo agreed. “If Jay noticed it, it’s real.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Well, you’re not the most observant of people, are you?” He said, side-eyeing him.

“That’s rich coming from you.”

Heeseung chuckled, shaking his head. He hoped they were right.

——

The guys started coming around more often after that. They always insisted that they were restless at the dorm and liked having somewhere else to hang out, but you knew it was more than that. 

It became something of a tradition to have a big meal at yours at the end of the week, and as time passed, it became easier to rely on them. It felt good to have a kitchen full of noise, a table that wasn’t empty, a house that shook with laughter and music.

They’d bring bags of groceries over and cook these huge, chaotic dinners to share in your dining room. The kitchen was left a mess but they always cleaned up. 

Weeks went by and Heeseung stayed behind more and more often, tidying up the rest of the house with you, even helping to put Hana to bed. 

Despite your reservations, you liked having him there. You liked the way he’d come through your door unannounced, toting drinks for you and a snack for Hana in his bag. You liked the way he’d get up from the couch when he heard her fussing, and how the others teased him about it in front of you.

“Is that your baby now or what?” Jungwon would laugh, eyes flicking between you and Heeseung with that knowing look.

You’d turn red and Heeseung would just shake his head, smiling. 

Even in your hardest moments, he was still showing up for you. Providing you with the comfort and stability that you were trying so hard to give your daughter. You tried to remind yourself not to get too used to his support, but there was no denying it—it was easier to take care of Hana when there was someone taking care of you, too.

“I don’t know what to do,” You sighed, reaching down to pick her back up from her crib. Your phone was tucked between your cheek and your shoulder, Heeseung on the other end of the line. “I’ve tried everything. She just won’t settle.”

His voice came through rough and scratchy with sleep. It was late, and he probably should’ve been asleep hours ago, but you’d started calling each other. A lot. If he wasn’t there in person, he was on your speaker phone, talking to you and keeping Hana entertained. 

“Do you wanna try feeding her again?” He asked, yawning. 

“I’ve tried. She doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want anything.” You sighed as Hana let out another ear-piercing wail. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. It looked like another all-nighter for you. 

“Can you take her to your bed? I think she just doesn’t like being away from you.”

That was certainly true. Hana was getting clingier and clingier these days, spoiled by all her uncles constantly wanting to hold her. 

“I can’t, I’m scared that I’ll fall asleep,” You said. 

Countless horror stories about parents falling asleep with their babies in their bed had left you anxious to bring her to yours. It was moments like this that you wished her dad was there—that you had someone to take turns staying up with.

“I’ll let you go,” You sighed. “I’m gonna try walking her around the house or something, maybe another bath. Sleep well, okay?”

He hummed as you ended the call, the vibration tickling your ear through the phone. Almost like he was there with you. At least one of you would be able to get some sleep, you thought enviously as you pulled Hana to your chest. 

Only, ten minutes later there was a knock at your door. 

“Heeseung?” You stared at the man in your doorway. Hana scratched at your face as she wailed up at you. “Are you crazy? What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, smiling as he stepped over the threshold. “Wanted to make sure she was okay,” He said, as if that was a reasonable explanation for showing up at your house at 2 a.m.

“She’s fine,” You said, half-stunned as you shut the door behind him. 

Hana let out a disgruntled whine at not having your attention. You raised a brow at her, shaking your head. “You’re such a little drama queen. Look, you’re not even upset anymore.” 

It was true. Hana’s cries had slowed to a sniffle as she gazed at Heeseung with wide, glossy eyes. He held a hand out for her to grab onto.

“Had to make sure mom was okay, too,” He said quietly, thumb brushing over her knuckles.

You looked up at him, your chest tightening. His hair was a mess, poking out from under the hood of his sweatshirt. A rush of emotion washed over you at the sight of him, at the dark circles under his eyes, the tired smile on his mouth. The way he was trying—really trying—to be there for you both.

“You didn’t have to,” You mumbled, averting your eyes. 

God, even in his most sleep-deprived state he was gorgeous. Eyes burning into yours in the low light. His body hummed with that quiet power that had drawn you to him in the first place—that confidence, that steadfastness. How he seemed perfectly at ease no matter where he was or what he was feeling inside. 

Standing next to him, you felt slightly less exhausted. Like simply being around him was enough to energize you. 

“I know,” He said softly, “But I wanted to.” 

He stepped forward, hands slipping under Hana’s arms with a tenderness that made your heart sting. She let out a giggle as he lifted her up, hands smacking against his chest as he settled her against him.

“She’s always happier with you,” You said quietly. It wasn’t a complaint. Hana really was calmer around Heeseung, and that brought you a sense of peace that you weren’t quite sure how to explain. 

He looked at you, his expression softening. “She’s happier when you’re okay,” He murmured. “Come on, let’s try this again.”

Despite his best efforts, Hana was still unhappy in her crib. She clung to his arm as he tried to place her down, voice going up several octaves. You winced at the volume, grateful that you didn’t share walls with your neighbors. They’d have lost their patience hours ago. 

Heeseung didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even flinch as she shrieked, clawing at his hands in frustration. He just scooped her back up, resting her against his shoulder and muttering reassurances over her cries. 

You tried for an entire hour—walking her around the house, reading her favorite books and making sure to do all the funny voices, swaddling and unswaddling her, over and over and over. The best luck you had was in your room, like Heeseung had suggested, which both heartened and annoyed you at the same time. 

How were you supposed to deny a man with such good instincts? 

“You are so dramatic.” You shook your head as Hana hiccupped from your pillow, smiling like she’d never been crying in the first place. 

“I wonder where she gets it,” Heeseung said lightly, sitting down on the other side of her. 

You tried to stifle a yawn as Hana stretched out, both of your eyes drooping. 

Heeseung couldn’t help but smile at the both of you. He’d never met your ex—hadn’t even seen a picture—but he didn’t need to to know that Hana hardly took after him.

 Her smile, her mannerisms, that was all you. She was yours, through and through. 

“Come here,” He said, pulling Hana closer to him to make space for you to lay next to her. 

“I’ll fall asleep,” You protested. 

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

Anyone else, and you would have said no. Anyone but him, and you’d have insisted they leave, resigning yourself to another brutal night of no sleep. 

But it was Heeseung. He propped himself up on one elbow, his arm curved over Hana’s head. 

You sighed in resignation as you settled in on the other side of her, your hand resting over her stomach gently. His hand came down to brush the hair away from your face. His fingers were soft against your temple, the same gentle touch that you used to love so much. 

Anyone else and you would have turned them away, but it was Heeseung, and he watched the two of you sleeping like you were the most precious things to him in the world. 

——

When you woke the next morning, the sun was peeking through your window, filtering through your blinds and washing your room in soft, white light. 

In front of you, Hana was still sound asleep, her fists clenched by her head. On the other side of her, Heeseung was there. Still on his side, shoulders curved inwards protectively. His arm was still stretched out above you both, his hand resting gently against your hair. He’d fallen asleep that way, holding you both like you were his to care for. His to protect. 

And waking up that morning, you realized that maybe you were. Maybe you wanted to be. You slipped out from under his hand, trying not to disturb either of them as you rolled the ache out of your shoulders. 

You padded into your kitchen, warm light spilling across the floor. Leaning against the counter, you finally admitted to yourself that you had a problem. 

Heeseung was doing it. He was making you believe.

You let out a breath. 

The nightly calls, the small gestures, the way Heeseung was there for you, it was working. Are you really falling for this? You thought stubbornly, trying to reason your way out of the way you felt about him. How much of it was real, anyways? And how much had you made up in your desire to have him close? Your mind screamed at you not to trust any of it. 

He was an idea. You didn’t need him. 

But you wanted him so bad. 

Your heart warred against this truth, desperate for something—anything—to convince yourself otherwise. But it wasn’t easy to do. The life he’d painted around you in just under a month was like something out of a dream. One you’d had before the baby, before the breakup, when you still felt like dreams like this had merit.

It was everything you’d ever wanted, and that made you suspicious. What reason did the universe have for giving this to you? When it had been so intent on taking things away? 

Your thoughts were interrupted as Hana came crawling into the kitchen, slapping her hands on the cool floor. Heeseung trailed in after, looking exceptionally tired with his hair sticking up in awkward places. He yawned, scooping Hana up with practiced ease and perching her against his chest. 

“Hey,” He said, bringing her over to you. “Did you sleep well?”

You took her grabbing hand in yours, kissing a good-morning into her hair. “Thanks to you. You’re so good with her,” You said, trying to keep your voice even. Your stomach was fluttering nervously. “I don’t know how you do it.” 

He shrugged, giving her a little bounce that sent her squealing with laughter. “It’s easy. She’s a charmer. Just like her mom.”

Your heart stuttered, and you looked away, fighting the stubborn burn in your chest. Heeseung saw it, though. He always saw it.

“I’m glad I came, y/n. Seriously. I slept great.”

“You slept terribly.”

“Alright, fine, I slept pretty badly, but it was worth it,” He insisted. “And I’d do it again. And again, and again, and again,” He laughed, nuzzling his face into her chest. “Can the guys come over today? Unless you want the day to yourself… I know we’ve been over a lot. I can go home if you want.”

Words could not describe how badly you wanted him to stay. “Yeah, of course. I like having you guys around.”

I like having you around, is what you should have said, but you didn’t have to say it for Heeseung to know what you meant. The smile on his face told you that he understood completely. 

It was already the beginning of the end for you when the other members came over and started teasing you both mercilessly. Weeks of hanging out at yours had made them bold—and it was clear that they wanted you to address what was going on between the two of you.

“Should we start packing your room up?” Sunoo asked, side-eyeing you both as he came in.

“You might as well just move in, bro,” Jay said, clapping his hand on Heeseung’s back.

You scoffed. “Yeah right, not until he starts paying rent.”

Jay smirked. “He’d do it.” 

“Shut up,” Heeseung mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Their banter might have embarrassed you once, but it felt natural now. The way they spilled into your living room, fighting over who got to hold Hana and which toys she wanted to play with more more—it was hard not to feel like this was how it had always been. 

You clung to whatever thin resolve you had left as you watched them all with your daughter. No matter how much you tried not to, your gaze always landed back on Heeseung. The way he lifted Hana into the air, blowing raspberries into her stomach until she was screeching with laughter. The way he handed her off to someone else and insisted on helping you get her lunch ready. 

Things between you and Heeseung became… different. 

It didn’t fluster you as much when the others teased you for being attached at the hip anymore. And you didn’t mind when he’d sit with his arm slung over the back of the couch, fingers brushing the back of your neck.

For every inch you gave, he seemed to take a mile. Eventually, it became commonplace for him to collapse on the couch right next to you, thigh brushing yours, arm stretched behind your shoulders.

The others stopped asking if Heeseung was leaving with them. They knew he’d choose to stay with you. 

“Are you just gonna stand there staring at me all night?” You asked, your back turned as you put your dinner leftovers into the fridge. You could feel his eyes on the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

“Maybe.” He said, “I like watching you.”

“You’re insufferable.”

He smirked, eyes glinting. “You didn’t seem to mind earlier. When I put my arm around you on the couch, you didn’t move.”

Caught. 

“That was different,” You managed, keeping your voice even. He didn’t need to know how much of a rise that simple touch had gotten out of you. 

“Was it?” His voice was low as he came to lean against the counter beside you, arms crossed. “Felt pretty natural to me.”

Weeks passed and lines got blurrier. He touched you. A lot. Practically couldn’t keep his hands off of you—brushing a strand of hair from your face, a hand on your lower back, a stroke of his thumb against your temple. 

By the time you realized it was happening, that you were really, truly falling for him again, it was too late. 

Waking up with your head on his chest, Hana curled between you—it was too late. 

His arms resting on either side of you against the counter, his chest to your back as Hana sat on top of it—it was too late. 

His hand running back through your hair in front of everyone as he tried to find the scar you’d gotten from hitting your head on his dorm door all those years ago—it was too late.

As much as you tried to manage your affinity for him—remind yourself that he had always been friendly, that this was just a passing thing for him while he was bored at home—it was during your weekly dinner as a group that your feelings became impossible to deny any longer. 

You were in the kitchen, putting the dishes away when you heard a sharp crash from the other room—the sound of glass breaking.

Your heart skipped as you dropped the bowl you were holding and ran towards the living room. Someone had knocked a cup from the table, the shards spraying across the floor. 

Heeseung was on his feet in a second, scooping Hana up away from the broken pieces, stepping away as the others got up. 

You paused in the doorway, your breath catching as you watched him. The others stepped around him to clean up, bickering lightly about who was to blame, but Heeseung’s focus never wavered. He murmured something in Hana’s ear, pointing at the broken cup, bouncing her gently as they swept up the shards.

He looked up and caught your eye, and it was suddenly so clear. 

You’d been an idiot. 

Looking at Heeseung now, it was impossible for you to deny any longer. Heeseung loved you. How had you managed to convince yourself otherwise?

Old grudges rose in the back of your mind—he left you. he left like it was nothing, like everyone else does, and he’s going to do it again—but for the first time, you pushed them away with ease. 

They were words. 

And what use were words when there you had actions to prove them otherwise? 

Something about that moment, the way Heeseung had gone for Hana first, letting the others handle the mess while he made sure she was alright, made your doubts melt away. His first instinct wasn’t to scold whoever had knocked the glass over, or even to help clean it up.

It was to keep your daughter safe. 

You spent the rest of the day with a lump in the back of your throat, the awkward ache of all the things you wanted to say to him. He seemed to notice your change in attitude, that something was bothering you, and he stuck even closer than he usually did, stopping to ask you if you were okay multiple times.

“Will you stay behind?” You asked, glancing up at him. “After everyone goes.”

He looked surprised, but nodded. “Of course.”

The others eventually left again, wanting to go out for dinner. Heeseung promised he’d catch up with them but they just rolled their eyes, not believing him for a second. 

With the house empty again, it was impossible for you to dance around it anymore. 

Hana was down for her nap—eased to sleep by Sunghoon and Jake’s rendition of her favorite bedtime story. Heeseung was leaned against the counter, as if half-expecting you to say something. And your words sat heavy in your throat, aching to come out.

“You don’t know how much it means to me,” You murmured finally, looking up to meet his gaze, “Having you and the others here. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.” 

“You don’t have to make it up to us, y/n. We’re happy to help.” 

“No,” You said, shifting uneasily. “I dont know how I’ll make it up… to you.” 

His eyes widened slightly, but you went on before he could answer, afraid that if you didn’t talk now, you’d never be able to again.

“I know…” You started, cringing internally at how difficult this was for you. Your feelings were so strong, why was it so hard to explain them? “I know I was harsh on you when you came over the first time. You were being kind, and I got defensive. I’m not proud of how I behaved at all,” You admitted. 

“Y/n…”

You stopped him. “Just—let me finish.”

He closed his mouth, but you saw the anxious twitch of his brow.

“You didn’t have to come back. You didn’t owe us anything, not after the way we left things and definitely not after the way I spoke to you. But you did anyways.” You crossed your arms, feeling self-concious. “I didn’t think that I would ever have this again,” You said, gesturing at the things left over from their visit. “I really thought I was going to do this by myself. And that was fine, I’d made my peace with it, but now…”

You paused, your eyes flicking to the picture Hana had drawn with the others—a mess of scribbles that resembled a house, and a group of people standing in front of it. “Now it’s different. And that’s hard for me.”

Heeseung swallowed, as if gathering every ounce of his strength to keep his voice steady. “It’s okay if… if you don’t want me here, y/n.” He held your gaze bravely, but you could tell the idea hurt him. “If this is too much, if you’d rather… I can go—”

“I don’t want you to go.”

He blinked, startled. 

“I know I’ve been guarded, and I’ve been pushing you away. But… but seeing you with her, and with me—it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed this. How much I’ve missed you.”

Heeseung’s brow furrowed as if he didn’t quite believe you. You almost smiled. He was so reserved, hands clenched at his sides, braced for what you were going to say. 

“I know I talk a big talk but… I don’t want to do this alone, not if you’re willing to be here. Not if you’re willing to… to be with us. I don’t want you to go.”

“You don’t want me to go.” He said it slowly, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. 

You bit your lip, laughing a little bit at the look on his face. “No, I don’t.” 

Then, his face broke into a grin. His shoulders dropped and he was stepping towards you, pulling you into his chest like he’d been waiting to do it for years. 

And he had. He really had.

His touch was overwhelming. His arms wrapped around you, the heat of his throat warm against your cheek. You buried your face into his neck, breathing in the smell of his cologne and the lingering smell of kid that was all over him. All over both of you. 

You pulled away, giddy with nerves and relief. “Happy?”

“Happy,” He breathed. “So… what now?”

“I don’t know… what do you think?”

He quirked his head, lips twisting into a smile. “I think… I’ve been waiting a long time to kiss you again.”

Your heart skipped. “Then what’s stopping you?”

He smiled lazily, like he was half-dreaming, and brushed his nose against yours before pushing his lips onto yours. You melted against him, so happy you could hardly think straight.

Heeseung pushed you back against the counter, his hands on your waist as yours threaded through his hair. 

“I was an asshole,” He mumbled against your mouth. “I’m sorry” 

You shook your head, breathless beneath his lips. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

Besides, you thought, that was years ago. And the Heeseung in front of you now was not the same one that had left you behind. 

It wasn’t his fault. Your sheets were all soft and smelled like you, the corners bunched from where you’d grabbed them last night. Mixed in was the smell of his cologne, and the lotion you always used. The smell of both of you mingled together drove him crazy, sparking a build of pressure in his stomach.

It was like your room was designed to turn him on.

The miniskirt you’d worn out with him was hanging off the side of your hamper, wrinkled from his grip on your thighs. Your dresser drawer was half open, the one where you kept your vibrator hidden under your underwear. He could see the pink silicone poking out over the edge.

What had started as a half-hearted absentminded touch—just to ease the tension building beneath his sweats—had become a full on over-the-pants rub out. You wouldn’t be home for a little while longer, and you’d be tired from your day. If he could just take care of that gnawing ache beneath his boxers, he’d be able to drift off happily to sleep with you in his arms.

Well, you got home sooner than he’d expected.

“Jake?” You called, your footsteps echoing up the stairs towards your room.

Jake pulled his hand away from his groin, looking up as you came through your door, already exploding into your daily debrief for him.

“You were totally right. The sale ended yesterday.” You pouted. “I stopped by on my way home and everything was back to full price. I’m such a dummy, I should’ve gone last weekend like you said.”

“That’s alright baby,” He said, slightly breathless. His mind was scrambling to return to normal. “I’ll take you next weekend. I can pay, I don’t mind.”

You gave him a shy smile, bending over your bed to give him a kiss to the corner of his mouth. His stomach fluttered, the persistent ache beneath his boxers still there.

You got on with your nightly routine: changing out of your clothes, slipping into the pajamas laid out on your chair. You put your hair up as you spoke, missing a few strands that curled down the nape of your neck.

Jake was going crazy.

He bit his lip as you talked, nodding along to everything you were saying, trying to listen to every word. But he was just so damn into you—it was chemical at this point.

Just the smell of you on your sheets had him in a heated rut, and now you were there in front of him, soft-skinned and basically half-naked.

“Jungwon and Sunoo are going out for dinner on Friday. Do you think we can go?”

“Mm, yeah,” He said absentmindedly, watching the way your back curved under the waistband of your shorts. He shifted slightly, aching for you under his pants.

“Don’t you have solo practice that evening?”

“Hm?”

“Friday. I thought you reserved a studio for that night.”

“Oh, yeah. I did.”

Did what? Jake could hardly focus.

You weren’t oblivious to the way he was adjusting on your bed, his hand going to rest over his crotch nonchalantly. He’d always had a bad poker face.

When your boyfriend wanted you, there was no way to hide it.

“Are you okay?” You half-laughed, watching as he palmed himself slightly through his sweats.

“Mhm,” He said, still not fully paying attention. His hips jutted slightly, chasing the friction of his hand.

“Jakey,” You murmured, raising an eyebrow at him.

He gave you an apologetic smile. “Sorry, baby. I’m listening, I swear.”

You narrowed your eyes at him but went on, talking about which restaurants Sunoo had suggested. But it was obvious Jake’s mind was elsewhere.

He kept shifting where he sat, not-so-subtly pressing his hips up into his hand, eyes tracking you wherever you moved. He was getting more and more flustered—dragging his hand through his hair, tugging on the neck of his hoodie, chewing on his lip until you thought it might actually bleed.

“What’s up with you?” You laughed. “It’s like you’re ovulating or something.”

He smiled, lip between his teeth. “You’re way too hot. It’s fucked up.”

“I’m glad to know the pajama look is doing it for you, weirdo.”

Oh, but it was. Your cute little ass and the squish of your thighs, all on display for him to see. He wanted to devour you right then and there, put his lips all over your body, taste every inch of you.

“You’re the one parading around in those little shorts,” He protested. “It’s not fair.”

“It’s not? I could always… take them off, if they’re bothering you that much?” Your eyes glinted playfully and Jake’s dick throbbed, aching.

He groaned as you hooked your fingers over them, sliding them all the way down your legs and kicking them to the side.

“Baaabe, that’s not fair,” He whined, falling over to bury his face in your comforter. “You’re being mean.”

“You’re the one not listening to anything I’m saying,” You teased.

Jake felt the edge of the bed dip down and he peeked out from the corner of his eye. You’d pulled your shirt off too, tits exposed, stomach bare. The torturous, tantalizing way you preferred to sleep. He cursed under his breath.

“Missed you today,” You said, climbing on top of him.

He rolled under you, flat on his back, as your legs went on either side of his waist. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He lifted his head up as you leaned down to kiss him again, his hands flat on your ass. Fuck, he loved your body. The weight of you on his groin sent a shiver of pleasure up his stomach.

“Y/n,” He protested as you leaned back, grinding your hips down on him.

“What, you don’t want it?”

“Aren’t you tired, baby? You’ve been up all day.”

You shook your head, grabbing onto his shoulders as he sat up beneath you. “Come on, you know me, Jakey. Can’t fall asleep unless I feel you.”

And you felt him alright. The fabric of his sweats were thin—you could feel how stiff he was, dick rubbing deliciously against your core which was getting wetter by the second.

He groaned again as you sped up, hips working beneath his hands. He grabbed ahold of your waist and flipped you both over, digging his hips down into yours as he opened his mouth against you.

“Feels so good, baby,” He said against your lips.

Your underwear was slick, wetting the front of his pants. He didn’t give a fuck. All he cared about was keeping his cock wedged between your folds, chasing the pressure that was building in his stomach.

“Jake,” You panted, reaching out to pull his sweats and boxers down.

He put a hand between your legs, pushing your soaked underwear to the side and pressing his dick up against you, skin to skin.

“Fuck,” He moaned, shivering at how wet and hot you were for him.

“Fuck me?” You asked, pushing your hips up into him.

He obliged, sliding himself inside you until he was buried to the hilt. You stretched around him perfectly, your walls all soft and soaked for him.

It was a quick fuck. He rutted into you, holding your hips down with a ringed hand as his body stuttered, the release of pent-up tension blurring his thoughts momentarily.

You moaned into his mouth while you came, your legs wrapped around his waist to hold him in closer, deeper. His body shook, hips jutting into yours as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, your name spilling from his mouth.

He curled his hips into yours as you both came down, a thin layer of sweat gracing both your faces. Jake was breathing heavily, planting kisses all over your face as you giggled beneath him.

“So.” Kiss.

“Fucking.” Kiss.

“Hot.” Kiss.

After, you curled into his chest in the dark, breathing in the warm smell of his skin.

“Night,” You mumbled into the base of his neck, pressed as close as one could possibly be.

“Good night, baby,” He yawned. “M’gonna fuck you again in the morning.”

You smiled against his throat. “Promise?” You said teasingly.

“On my life.”

——

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ hiiii guys thank you so so much for 100 followers!! I’ve said this before but I’m new to tumblr and really just wanted a place to be an enha freak without anyone irl finding me hehe ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

it makes me so happy when y’all interact with my writing and just warms my heart so much that people like reading my stuff idk idk I’m happy just thinking about it (>⩊<)

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ hiiiiuuu this is my first smut ever on this account. it was meant to be short but we've ended up with almost 10k words ( ╥ ᴗ ╥). i hope u enjoy and lmk if i missed any tags hehe

——

it had been years since you'd added his number to your phone, but thinking back, you weren't sure you'd ever used it before. his name was in the wasteland of your contact list, one without a profile picture or even an emoji to identify him as someone you saw almost every day.

lee heeseung.

that was all it said.

yoona was your very best friend, the only person who still remembered the time you'd cut your own bangs in the 5th grade (which she took care to remind you of all the time), or when you broke your wrist riding a bike for the first time. it was old-school. no you without her.

and with her, came heeseung.

the older brother.

heeseung was two years older than his sister—quiet, careless, indifferent. as long as you'd known yoona, you'd known him, and you were over often enough to be accepted as part of the family.

heeseung was always unfazed by your presence—hanging out in the kitchen, leaning over the counter with yoona as you shoveled cereal into your mouths, or splayed on the couch, stalking one of her exes on instagram. he'd pass by without so much as a 'hello' in your direction, as if you were just as unremarkably part of the house as his little sister was.

he spent most of his time in his room, coming downstairs only to get food or another energy drink from the kitchen. he'd make his way silently to the fridge, the hood of his hoodie pulled up over his head, brown hair poking out messily from underneath, his sleeves pushed up his forearms.

sometimes, you'd find yourself watching him over yoona's phone, nodding to whatever she was saying, but paying more attention to the boy across the room.

heeseung wasn't cute, he was fine. the kind of fine that the other girls at school talked about, which annoyed yoona to no end.

"ugh, if i have to hear about my brother one more time, i'm going to lose it. he's not cool, he's a total loser. you know, y/n. he's like, gross and stupid. i have no idea what anyone sees in him."

"definitely," you agreed.

not definitely.

as much as you sympathized with your friend, you understood why people liked heeseung. he was quiet, sure, and preferred his room to anywhere else in the world, but he was smart. he got amazing grades in school, and was halfway through undergrad at one of the top universities in the country.

he gamed a lot, but he was plenty athletic. you'd seen him without a shirt on almost every summer since you and yoona first met. years ago, he was nothing but a scrawny kid with skin so pale he practically glowed in the sun. now, he was tall, slender but toned, his skin a rich honey-tan.

plus, heeseung might have been soft-spoken, but yoona had complained plenty of times about the girls he snuck into their house after their parents went to bed. the girls at his school were no different than the ones at yours—curious and eager to sidle up next to the quiet kid with the soft voice and dark eyes.

and as much as you pretended otherwise, a part of you was just as curious as they were.

it started over summer break, when heeseung came back home and the lees were set to throw their first barbecue of the season.

you were in the guest bedroom, listening to the sound of yoona's snoring on the other side of the wall. she was a sweet girl, but she tossed and turned something fierce, somehow always managing to land a punch square to your face. it was for your own protection that you slept in the guest bed, where you were safe from her thrashing limbs.

you sighed, glaring up at the ceiling in the dark. you'd tried to sleep—you were meant to be getting up early to help set up—but you were restless.

tossing and turning, you huffed in frustration. a quiet, persistent ache throbbed between your legs, heightened from lack of attention all day. this was what you got for spending nearly every day here, with no privacy to yourself.

you supposed you could do something about it—you were in another room after all... but something about it felt wrong. yoona was on the other side of the wall. it wasn't like she'd wake up, but still...

suddenly, a sound from beyond your room made you freeze, your heart stuttering to what felt like a complete stop. it drifted from across the hall, barely audible but for the way you were holding your breath.

maybe you'd imagined it. maybe it was the result of your late-night craving, just a figment of your own—

the sound came again. a moan.

blood rushed to your face as you realized what you were hearing. across the hall, heeseung was in his room, clearly still awake despite it being well past 2am.

you weren't sure if he had someone there with him, but the sound was unmistakable. he moaned again, louder this time, the sound reverberating against your eardrums. your breath hitched, the twist of desire between your legs swelling against your will.

your mind betrayed you, conjuring all kinds of images before you could even stop them. was he with a girl? his lips attached to her neck as he dug his hips into hers, bottomed out inside of her? or was he alone? head tossed back, lip caught between his teeth, those dark brows furrowed as he—

your face burned.

you squeezed your thighs together, desperately trying to think of anything other than what heeseung might look like right now. it was no use.

another groan drifted in under your door and you matched the sound, groaning to yourself in frustration. your thoughts seemed to have a mind of their own, replaying moments that should have seemed completely ordinary to you:

heeseung coming back from playing basketball with his friends, his hair plastered to his forehead, neck dripping in sweat.

heeseung lounging in the backyard, his shirt tossed over the back of his chair as he fiddled with his guitar.

heeseung making breakfast in the morning, hair a mess, lips red and pouty with sleep, his hand brushing yours as he handed you a plate.

you found yourself arching your back slightly, hips chasing the friction of your thighs as you pictured him. what would he do if he knew you could hear him? how would he touch you if you were inside his room?

your hand wandered beneath your shorts, pussy aching for some kind—any kind of touch. you were wetter than you thought, which was embarrassing and hot at the same time.

what would he do if he knew how wet you were just from hearing the sound of his voice from the other room?

you whined lightly as your fingers circled your clit, conjuring the image of his hand between your legs. your hips bucked upwards, jolts of pleasure shooting through your sensitive nerves.

outside, heeseung moaned again, louder this time, as if he were close to finishing. you slid your fingers inside of yourself, mouth dropping open. the sound of his voice mixed in with yours sent your heart fluttering.

you were disgusting. this was wrong on so many levels. yoona would never forgive you if she knew what you were doing, jacking off to the thought of her brother inside you. the vulgarity of it only made you more desperate, fingers working in and out of your leaking cunt with a hastened speed.

half-dazed you heard the sound of heeseung grunt, as if biting his lip in an effort to keep quiet. maybe you were imagining it, lost in the haze of your own dirty fantasy, or maybe he wanted you to hear it.

that thought was even more ludicrious, but it made your cunt twitch, throbbing, aching to feel him there. what would he say if he could see you? legs spread under his family's blanket, knuckle-deep in your own pussy to the thought of him.

you groaned, mouth open, head tossed back as the bundle of nerves in your stomach tightened.

"f-fuck," you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut. your wrist was slick with arousal that dripped down the back of your hand.

"heeseung," you whined quietly, grinding your hips against your hand as you imagined him leaning over you, grinning down at the way your legs began to shake.

heeseung's moans grew concerningly loud. didn't he care that people might hear? his parents were downstairs, sure, but what about yoona?

she was a heavy sleeper, you reminded yourself. he probably knew it, too. fuck, was he coming this loud every night? why hadn't you ever heard it before?

your voice scratched against your throat as you moved your other hand to your clit, rubbing tight circles above where your fingers were.

"ugh, heeseung," you said through gritted teeth, barely able to contain the sound of your voice. god, you wished he was there, wrist deep inside you, biting his lip while you moaned for him.

across the hall, his muffled voice grew frantic and desperate, the pitch rising, tone cracking. you moaned with him, for him, the feeling of your own orgasm chasing after you like a dog after its own tail.

"ah, ah, yes. yes. please— please hee— fuck!"

you shuddered, back arched up off the futon, pleasure rolling over your body. you fell back against the bed, both hands slick and shining in the dark. your chest heaved, the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears, loud enough to—

wait.

you paused, holding your breath. the hall had gone silent. eerily silent.

that made sense, right? from the sound of things, heeseung had been close to finishing, and in your momentary loss of awareness, maybe you'd missed the sound of it.

right?

as if in answer, your phone buzzed from under your blanket. you pulled it out and felt your heart catapult up your throat.

lee heeseung 04:12am hey 04:12am r u up?

you stared at your screen, mind completely and utterly blank.

fuck.

you scrambled for the most sensible thing to do in the situation, but it was difficult to think straight. did he know that you heard him? worse, had he heard you? your heart sank and sped up simultaneously at the implication of either of those things being true.

what would he think if he'd heard you jacking off across the hall from him? oh my god, what if he'd heard you say his name!? would he say something to you? would he say something to yoona?

you tossed your phone across the room, pulling your blanket up to your chin. just ignore it, you thought, panicked. just pretend like you've been asleep this whole time. you groaned internally at the idea of facing him the next day.

it would probably amount to nothing. heeseung was reserved. definitely not the type to approach his sister's best friend and ask if she'd come to the thought of him last night. you had no reason to worry.

he was your best friend's brother. he was off limits. always had been, always would be.

——

you tried to remind yourself of this as you sat in the kitchen the next morning, waiting for everyone else to wake up so you could start setting things up in the back. you'd slept... poorly. too anxious and too horny to get a good night's rest.

the light came in, pale and soft, through the kitchen windows, which looked out over the backyard. you were perched at the counter, feet brushing the cool tile beneath your seat, when heeseung wandered in.

you glanced at him before looking away, trying not to look guilty of anything. "didn't think anyone else was up," you said. cool. collected. perfectly nonchalant, just like you always were.

"heard the kettle," he said, voice scratchy with sleep. "didn't expect to see you, though."

"what? why not?"

he grabbed a mug from the cupboard. "you seemed tired last night. thought you'd sleep in."

something about the way he said last night made your stomach twist, your palms growing sweaty around your cup.

you looked away. "yeah... well, you know. hard to sleep sometimes."

"mm," he hummed, rifling through the cabinet for a pack of instant coffee. then, "you always talk in your sleep?"

you froze. he threw a glance back at you, one that you couldn't quite read. it wasn't accusatory, it was... curious. amused. the corner of his mouth twitched just slightly, and it took everything in you to ignore the twinge in your lower abdomen.

you swallowed. tried to play it cool. "i don't know what you mean." your voice was steady, but your hand shook slightly as you brought your mug to your mouth.

he nodded, pursing his lips as he turned away. "sure," he said, tearing the coffee packet open and dumping it into his cup. "guess i imagined it."

something about being there, alone, with him–the slope of his shoulders under his tank top, the soft hair at the nape of his neck—you were hungry, but not for any of the food he began pulling out of the fridge.

the muscles in his arms flexed as he grabbed a pan from overhead, shirt riding up to expose the tan skin at his midrift. calvin klein peeked out in black lettering over his sweats. you felt strangely bold.

"what did i say?"

heeseung looked back towards you, a hint of surprise on his face, as if he hadn't expected you to continue this conversation.

"uh, i don't know," he answered, turning away. his neck looked faintly pink. "couldn't quite catch anything from my room."

it was your time to hum, as if you didn't know exactly what you were doing. "i saw your texts this morning," you lied. "hope i didn't wake you up."

he laughed lightly, shaking his head. "nope. was still up."

"really?" you feigned, widening your eyes. "it was so late... what were you doing?"

whatever he'd expected you to say, it wasn't that.

he turned, a half smile on his lips. his mouth opened to say something when yoona bounded into the kitchen, interrupting him before he could start.

"mom's out of the shower," she said, coming to sit beside you.

heeseung closed his mouth and turned back to his breakfast.

"hey, not gonna share?" yoona complained, eyeing her brother's plate.

"eggs are right there, make it yourself."

"whatever," she scowled, muttering under her breath about what a lowsy brother he was. "dad says you have to help him with the grill. y/n, we're supposed to run to the store. my mom forgot some stuff yesterday."

"alright," you agreed. "what time is everyone getting here?"

"12, i think. so we'd better get a move on."

you downed the rest of your coffee and got up, making a point not to look at heeseung as you trailed after his sister.

yoona called over her shoulder as she grabbed her keys, "text me if mom remembers anything else!"

——

lee heeseung 09:37am mom wants pineapple 09:37am for the grill

you were surprised to see another set of texts from heeseung on your phone, only a few minutes after getting to the store.

"here," you showed yoona. "he probably meant to text you."

she nodded, adding pineapple to the list on her phone as you sent him a text back.

you 09:39am got it. yoona has the list if u think of anything else

you drop your phone into the cart, laughing about something dumb yoona said about the pineapple display. you spent half the time dutifully tracking down the things her mom had requested you pick up, and the other half goofing off in the aisles, falling into your usual giggly banter.

your phone buzzed again from the cart, hidden under a bag of corn.

lee heeseung 09:58am we're out of butter too 09:58am and eggs

you stared at the message, your chest fluttering. heeseung was texting you on purpose? he'd never done that.

you 10:00am yoona's still got the list lol

lee heeseung 10:01am i know 10:01am figured you’d see it faster

you read it twice, thumb hovering over the keyboard. technically true, but still, heeseung was texting you. your stomach did a flip as you typed out a reply.

you 10:02am i’m not as organized as her tho 10:02am might come back with ice cream instead of eggs

lee heeseung 10:03am not the worst trade 10:03am as long as it’s rainbow sherbert

you paused, smiling a little.

you 10:04am that’s a controversial opinion

lee heeseung 10:05am yeah? 10:05am you really gonna argue with the guy in charge of the grill?

you 10:05am depends 10:05am you gonna burn everything like last year?

he didn’t respond right away. you glanced over and caught yoona watching you, suspicious.

“what?”

“you’re smiling at your phone.”

you looked away. “heeseung wants butter and eggs.”

she narrowed her eyes. “right.”

you tossed a carton of rainbow sherbet in the cart. just in case.

the texts didn't stop there. everyone was busy from the moment you and yoona returned home, but heeseung still found reasons to message you with requests or snide comments—something he'd never done before, not even when you were younger and he still lived at home.

as you hurried around the house, prepping food and taking plates out, your phone buzzed continuously in your back pocket.

lee heeseung 10:44am can you bring the chairs from downstairs out

lee heeseung 11:23am does yoona have her speaker? mine's dead

lee heeseung 11:36am you still listen to this band??????

lee heeseung 11:40am mmmm they're kinda good actually 11:41am send me this playlist

lee heeseung 12:03pm i think that's jay and the guys can you let them in? helping my dad w something rn

"i'll get it!" yoona exclaimed cheerily, smoothing her hair down as she ran towards the door.

behind it were all of heeseung's friends from high school. jay was the first to come through, ruffling his hand on the top of yoona's head.

"hey yoonie, long time no see."

she glowered at him, knocking his arm away. her face brightened back up as jungwon came through the door, the color rising to her cheeks. "jungwon!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

"hey yoona," he grinned.

niki stepped around them, toting a box of beer under his arm.

"don't let mrs. lee catch you with that," you said as he held his hand up to high-five you.

"oh, true... shit— umm... here," he said, shoving the box towards jake, whose hands were already full with a colorful bouquet of flowers.

the dark-haired boy stumbled, catching the box before it dropped. "oh, sure, make me the bad influence."

"i think you have enough mom points to cancel out," you smiled, nodding down at the flowers as they shed petals over the floor.

"it’s good to see you, y/n" jake smiled.

"can you guys move! i'm starving!" sunoo exclaimed, standing on his tiptoes to see what the holdup was. he and jungwon followed yoona towards the backyard, chatting excitedly.

"hi sunghoon," you grinned, reaching up to pull the tall boy in for a hug.

"y/nnn," he cooed, eyes crinkling at the sides. "still flunking chem?"

"only 'cuz you're not around to help me anymore."

"you could call, you know."

you smiled sheepishly. "mm, yeah... but i don't wanna bother you guys. you have a lot going on, i'm sure."

sunghoon scoffed. “just because heeseung acts like he has no time for anything outside of school doesn't mean same for the rest of us.”

you hummed, following him through the house to the backyard.

outside, the air smelled of smoke and grilled meat. yoona appeared by your side, her face flushed and happy. "hey," she said. "jungwon looks good, huh." she was giddy, her schoolgirl crush back in full swing for the summer.

"he does," you agreed, following her gaze to where he and sunoo were already picking at the skewers on the grill. heeseung laughed at them, sucking sauce from his thumb as jungwon burned his hand on one.

"do you think..." she started, her cheeks going even redder.

"that you should say something?"

she looked at you sheepishly.

"hm, let me think, what have i said to you every summer since the eighth grade?"

she laughed, head tilted back. "i know, i know. maybe one day i'll be brave like you."

your stomach flipped as you looked back at heeseung. you remembered the sound of his voice in the hall last night, and the sound of yours mixed with it.

"guess i imagined it." he'd said, a knowing look on his face.

you shook your head, turning back to your friend. "come on," you said, dragging her inside. "let's get changed."

——

heeseung pretended not to notice that you’d gone, but he noticed.

his hand itched to go to his phone, to send you another text that’d send you blushing like crazy, the way you had been all day.

you and his sister had disappeared inside, presumably to change into your swimsuits, and heeseung had to mentally prepare himself for your return. to see you prancing around the backyard with all your exposed skin, and to not be moved in any way, shape, or form.

yesterday, that would’ve been simple. easy.

yesterday, heeseung had never heard his name moaned from your mouth before. he’d never considered the idea of you fantasizing about him before, but now that he had, everything had changed.

he tried to focus on the story jay was telling, but all he could think about was your pretty little hands wedged between your legs, the thought of him playing in your mind. he hadn’t intended for you to hear him, honestly; he figured you were fast asleep the same as everyone else in the house. how wrong he’d been.

his body shivered at the memory of hearing your voice for the first time, the desperate whine that was barely audible from his room. he’d never come faster in his life.

“feels like so much has changed since we were here for christmas,” sunghoon pointed out, pulling a piece of beef from its skewer with his teeth.

“they tore down the old dance studio,” sunoo said, pouting sadly. “i wish i could’ve visited one last time.”

“i know,” heeseung said, cracking a can of beer open and taking a drink. “should’ve seen my mom, she threw a fit.”

“it always feels weird being back for the summer.”

“mm,” heeseung agreed, mind wandering back to you and how long he’d have to wait to see you come back downstairs.

you wore the same swimsuit every year, a modest little one piece that, now that he really thought about it, still somehow looked unbearably sexy on you. he said a silent ‘thank you’ that you only had the one. he didn’t think he could take it if you wore anything more revealing. 

“seriously, everyone looks so different,” sunoo laughed. “i ran into beomgyu yesterday. he’s got, like, four new piercings.”

“oh, yeah. i’m pretty sure yeonjun got a tattoo when he went to cabo for spring break.”

"yoona got hot," jake said casually, tossing a chip into his mouth.

"dude, shut up," heeseung cringed.

“well obviously not to you,” sunghoon teased, nudging him with his shoulder.

jungwon shrugged. “no, he’s right. she’s gotten really pretty.”

“then why don’t you ask her out?” heeseung elbowed the younger boy, grimacing at the idea of anyone finding his sister attractive. she was weird as hell, and totally immature. not at all what he’d consider ‘really pretty’.

jake nodded. “yeah jungwon, it’d be about time. you’ve liked her for, what, five years?”

“tell ya what,” jay said, holding his hand out, “you ask yoona out, i’ll ask y/n out. double date.”

“dude, ew, that’s heeseung’s sister,” sunghoon said, making a face.

“y/n’s not!”

“they’re like the same age!”

“not even,” heeseung interjected, growing tense. “y/n’s older than yoon is.”

“so what? they’re inseparable. they might as well be related, too.”

“will you shut up?” heeseung complained, quieting the others. he rubbed at his temple frustratedly. “don’t compare them,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

he didn't like it when people compared you to his sister. you weren’t like her at all. you weren’t weird or immature. you were funny and intelligent, and plenty charming even without considering how pretty you were.

and yeah, you were almost the same age as his sister, but that didn’t matter. not when you’d always been the more grounded of the two—more responsible, more even-tempered, more grown up.

and he definitely didn’t need jay of all people thinking he had a chance. it was his name on your lips last night, his teasing that had you fumbling your words that morning.

“touchy,” sunoo remarked, stealing a chip from the bowl in jake’s hand.

“didn’t realize she made you so defensive,” jake smirked, handing the bowl back for him and jungwon to finish off. “if you don’t want anyone talking to her, maybe you should—“

“dude.” heeseung glared.

jay raised his brows, a knowing smirk tugging at the side of his mouth.

sunghoon let out a low whistle, tossing a ping pong ball in jake’s direction. “way to piss off your host,” he teased.

“damn, alright,” jake surrendered, holding his hands up. “possessive much?”

he has no idea, heeseung thought to himself. yes, he was possessive. it had taken one night to completely alter the way heeseung thought about you, but there was no going back now.

he wanted you.

he wanted you bad.

luckily for him, you were spending the night again, and heeseung was going to get you.

——

“jungwon said this one was pretty last summer,” yoona said cheerily, admiring herself in the mirror that hung on the back of her door. “do you think he’ll remember it?”

you glanced up from your own swimsuit, fumbling with the strings. “oh, definitely. no guy in his right mind would ever forget the way you look in that.”

“but do you think he’ll think it’s tacky? wearing the same one? maybe i should’ve gone shopping with you last week after all...”

“no way,” you assured her. “stop checking yourself out and help me with this.”

she begrudgingly left her reflection behind and took the strings out of your hands, smirking at you. “finally ditched the one piece, huh. trying to impress someone?”

you flushed. “no,” you said pointedly. “just thought it was time to change things up. m’not in high school anymore,” you mumbled.

it was the truth—you honest to god hadn’t been trying to impress anyone when you bought the bikini the week before. now, though… all you could think about was what heeseung would think about it.

a twinge of guilt rose as yoona finished with the strings, giving you an affectionate slap on the ass. “well you look amazing.” she grinned.

your stomach felt unbelievably bare as you skipped down the stairs behind yoona. thankfully, the two of you had hit the beach almost every day since getting off school for the summer, and your skin was bronzed and glowing. yoona’s sunblock smelled like coconut butter, but you still opted to put your perfume on, the familiar scent seeping into your skin.

yoona threw the back door open and you stepped out into the sunlight, eyes blurring as they adjusted to the change in light. as the world came back into view, you caught someone’s eye from across the pool.

heeseung.

you felt every muscle in your stomach clench, heat rising up your neck. his eyes were dark, greedy, barely contained. he dragged them down your body shamelessly, as if picturing what lay beneath your swimsuit, which already left little to the imagination.

it felt like his gaze was burning your skin. oh, he wanted you. there was no talking yourself out of it anymore. it was obvious from the look on his face—heeseung wanted to fuck you.

you tilted your head suggestively, holding his gaze long enough to make your stomach flutter. jay hit him on the arm, trying to get his attention back to whatever they were talking about. heeseung tore his eyes away from you, smiling. he shook his head lightly, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

the rest of the day passed in a hazy blur of heat and commotion. you and yoona managed to convince the guys to go swimming, even though sunghoon was the only one who’d come prepared with a swimsuit.

heeseung, ever the rebellious older brother, stood with his hands behind his back, flashing two beers as he conversed with jake and his mom. you and yoona smiled at mrs. lee over his shoulder as you took them, sneaking around the side of the house to where niki had snuck off with one of his own.

you didn’t really talk to heeseung. you hardly looked at him, but you felt his eyes on you. sometimes you’d glance at him and see him already looking, or his fingers flying over his phone. yours would buzz in your hand, his name popping up on your screen.

lee heeseung 04:12pm is it weird if i say you look good in my backyard

you 04:12pm yes 04:12pm but i’ll allow it 04:12pm good to know new swimsuit is a success

lee heeseung 04:13pm wasn’t talking about the outfit but now that u bring it up… yeah. that too.

your face burned at the way he spoke to you, knowing his sister was sitting right next to you and could look over at your phone at any moment. it felt risky, dangerous, like a secret shared only between the two of you.

heeseung wasn’t the only one who liked the way you looked. jay had always flirted shamelessly with you, and did so even more now. even jake paid you a few compliments, grinning as he bit his lip teasingly. none of them mattered to you, though it seemed to bother heeseung plenty.

as jay cracked another joke, causing you to throw your head back in laughter, your phone vibrated again against your leg. you glanced down at it.

lee heeseung 05:03pm it can’t have been that funny

you pretended not to notice the notification, smile widening as jay went on.

lee heeseung 05:05pm mmm like it when u ignore me 05:05pm keep letting him think he has a chance

you 05:06pm hm jealous much?

you typed out, half-listening.

lee heeseung 05:08pm nah 05:09pm don’t need to be

you watched his text bubble appear and disappear again, a third message popping into view.

lee heeseung 05:10pm i know who u think abt when ur cumming

that wiped the smile clean off your face. you slammed your phone down, aware of the color rising up your face. across the backyard, heeseung pretended not to see you, nodding along to whatever sunghoon was saying, the ghost of a smile on his face.

you excused yourself from the table. yoona called after you as you ducked back inside, cheeks burning with equal parts embarrassment and arousal. you’d been texting heeseung all day, flirting even, but you hadn’t expected him to be that direct.

so he knew what he did to you. and he seemed to get a kick out of it, too.

you closed the bathroom door behind you, leaning against the counter as you read the message again. i know who you think about when you’re cumming. it was so vulgar, so direct, it sent a jolt of desire shooting straight down your body.

the door opened in front of you, taking you by surprise. before you could announce yourself, heeseung was sliding into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“heeseung—” you started, scrambling for something—anything—normal to say that wouldn’t reveal that you were looking at his texts.

he didn’t wait for you to finish.

you tensed as he closed the small gap between you, pressing you back into the edge of the counter, hands grabbing your hips. a small yelp escaped your mouth as he came closer, tilting his head to kiss you—to kiss you!—against the sink.

his mouth was soft and warm, opening against yours with a sense of urgency and desperation, as if he’d been holding himself back from grabbing and kissing you all day. your hands snaked around his neck, fingers digging into the back of his hair, earned a shaky breath from him, his grip on your hips tightening.

he groaned frustratedly. “i was gonna be good,” he grumbled, chasing the heat of your mouth. “was gonna wait.”

“then why didn’t you?” you asked, the pressure of his lower body pressed sending your head spinning.

“because you laughed at jay’s stupid joke like that. and tried to act like i wasn’t driving you crazy,” he said breathily. he smirked at you. “like you weren’t moaning my name last night.”

you whined against his lips, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him closer. his skin was hot under your fingers, warm from the sun beating down on him all day. he smelled like chlorine and grill smoke, lips sweet with the sugary taste of pineapple and beer. your thighs squeezed together, desire bubbling up your stomach and wetting the inside of your bikini bottoms.

“you really think i didn’t see you looking at me when yoona wasn’t around?”

“heeesung,” you whined, pressing your thighs together needily.

he pressed his lips to your neck, sucking harshly at your skin, followed by a rough bite. you hissed. that was definitely going to leave a mark, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop him.

“you think i don’t know who this swimsuit is for?” he said, voice low and growling, possessive.

you shivered as his hands slid up your waist, pushing under the strings that tied behind your back. his palms were cool against the heat of your skin, sending goosebumps rising up your arms.

“didn’t know you were such a tease, y/n,” he said against your neck, digging his fingers into your back. “walking around and smiling all pretty at everyone here. sunghoon likes you, did you know that?”

you did. he’d told you years ago how much he enjoyed spending time with you. it wasn’t a big deal. he wasn’t hung up on you or anything, but the way heeseung’s fingers pressed into you, you’d have thought sunghoon had challenged him about you.

“but he’s not the one you get off to, is he?”

“mmhm.” you shook your head, stabling yourself against the counter as heeseung’s knee pushed between your legs.

“no,” he purred, dragging his tongue across your skin. “it’s me. you moan all pretty just for me. can you do it again? wanna hear your voice, just like last night.”

your ground your hips forward, the pressure of his leg between your thighs sending your head falling back in pleasure. “heeseung,” you moaned, brows furrowing. “want you.”

“what’s that?”

“i want you,” you repeated, bringing your head up to look at him. he was watching you with his lip in his teeth, pupils blown as he took in the sight of your body grinding against his. “i want you really bad. didn’t… didn’t get enough last night.”

“of course not,” he said. “getting off to the sound of my voice isn’t enough for a pretty slut like you, is it? you just couldn’t help yourself, huh? the sound of your best friend’s brother coming in the other room got you all horny. did you touch yourself?”

he already knew the answer to that, but he wanted to hear you say it. you nodded, gripping his shoulders like they were the only thing keeping you standing. the way your thighs shook around his leg, they might have been.

“how?” he demanded, watching his hands on your waist in the mirror. the line down your spine twisted as you worked your hips against him, those cute little dimples in your back rising and falling above the waistline of your swimsuit.

“my hands,” you answered breathily.

“both of them?”

“mhm.” you nodded.

“fuck,” he whispered, moving his hands down to your hips, dragging your hips harder against his thigh. “you wanted it that bad?”

you nodded again as your upper half fell back over the sink, your elbows propped on the counter. he watched your stomach stretch and contort, the fabric of your bikini sliding over your skin.

“mmm,” he hummed, pressing his mouth to your chest. “so pretty. don’t remember you being this fucking pretty.” he kissed his way up your throat, stamping his lips over your jaw and cheek.

“heeseung,” you said quietly, looking up at him with that adorable twist in your brows. “i want— i need to feel you. want you. now. please?”

he smirked. “can’t even wait for my friends to go home? or maybe you want them here. want them to hear me make you say my name again?”

“i don’t care,” you complained, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck. “just want you.”

his lips curved into a smile. “yeah?” his hand trailed down your stomach, squeezing into the small space between your hips and his leg. “just had to ask, baby. been waiting all day for you to ask.”

you growled impatiently, pushing his hand beneath the fabric of your swimsuit where you were burning hot and soaked. he groaned, lips tickling over your neck—

knock, knock.

you both froze.

another knock came, louder this time.

“heeseung?” sunghoon’s voice floated through the door. “are you in there? jake fucked something up with the grill."

you felt heeseung’s breath hitch against your skin. you were still wrapped halfway around him, his hand still between your thighs.

he swore under his breath. “yeah, two seconds,” he called, voice wavering slightly.

you smirked, finding the situation funnier than you probably should have given how seriously fucked you’d both be if you were discovered. just to tease him, you pressed your hips against his hand again. it was just an inch, but he hissed, eyes darting up to yours. “you’re the worst,” he whispered.

you grinned, gaze going from his lips to his eyes. “that’s what you get,” you replied. “messing around with a—what was it you said? ‘pretty slut like me’?”

he kissed you once—a firm, frustrated press to your lips—then straightened, dragging his hand through his hair as if it might help calm him down. “coming,” he grumbled, opening the door just wide enough to slip through without sunghoon seeing you.

you watched him go, half-dazed, as the door clicked shut behind him. you didn’t dare breathe until you heard his voice outside again, casual and unbothered, fade down the hall. “yeah, yeah, i got it.”

——

the evening came and went in a blur. you were distracted—you knew it, the others knew it. yoona had to repeat things multiple times, snapping to get your attention, teasing you about what a blockhead you could be at times.

“seriously, what’s up with you?” she asked, crossing her arms suspiciously.

you gave her a sorry look, trying to ignore the way your swimsuit bottoms clung to your skin, sticky and wet from how turned on heeseung made you. “i’m sorry, i think i’m just tired.” you lied. “didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“you’re a champ, y/n,” yoona’s dad said, clapping a hand on your shoulder as he passed with a pile of dishes. “thanks for helping out all day. don’t know what we’d do without you.”

 and if you knew i was about to fuck your son in the bathroom ten minutes ago? you thought, smiling up at him. hopefully, you’d never know the answer to that question.

the boys helped clean up like the good friends they were, arguing over who got to take the leftovers home. mrs. lee laughed at their eagerness, promising to make more for everyone to take home.

“are you guys going to the beach?” she asked, handing you another stack of plates to put away.

“hell yes,” yoona interjected, staring them all down. “we have to. it’s a tradition.” 

“actually, yoona…” jungwon said, looking up from the sink. “i was wondering… well, that new disney reboot is out. it’ll probably be pretty bad,” he chuckled, cheeks pink. “but the last showing is tonight… do you want to see it with me?”

the way yoona’s face lit up, her eyes going wide like two saucers, you’d have thought jungwon had gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry him. she agreed eagerly, scrambling upstairs to change clothes, dishes forgotten.

“lame,” jay drawled. “you’re really ditching us for a girl, wonie?”

“am not,” jungwon shot back, tsking as he turned back to the sink. “it’s not a girl,” he muttered seriously. “it’s yoona.”

“well, we’re going anyways,” jake decided. he turned to heeseung’s parents. “you guys wanna come with?”

mrs. lee smiled. “that’s sweet of you, jake, but no. we have plans in town.”

mr. lee wiggled his eyebrows. “take notes boys. thirty-four years and i still take her out on dates. you know what they say—”

“yeah, yeah, happy wife, happy life,” heeseung finished for his father. “you say it too often for us to forget.”

“you’re coming with, right, heeseung?” jay prompted, emptying the contents of a chip bag into his mouth before tossing it in the trash.

your throat tightened. his eyes were on you, you could feel the burn of them on your skin.

“i don’t know, i’ve got school stuff,” he said casually.

“dude, it’s the first week of summer. what could you possibly have to do?”

heeseung raised a brow. “and this is why i go to the school i do, and you go to the one you do.”

“oh, whatever. piss off, ivy league.”

“language,” mrs. lee reminded him, raising her brows. jay mumbled an apology, making a face at heeseung as she turned to you. “i guess you’ll be staying behind too then, y/n?”

you looked up, eyes wide. “what?”

“i thought i heard you say you were tired. you’re welcome to stay here while we’re gone, get an early night.”

“although, i cant promise yoona won’t wake you when she gets back. i’m sure she’ll have lots to tell you,” mr. lee said, winking at jungwon, who turned bright red.

“right, okay,” you said simply, ignoring the feeling of heeseung’s eyes on you. “thanks, guys.”

“you guys get out of here, we’ll finish up,” mr. lee said, ushering you out of the kitchen. “thanks for your help today.”

people started peeling off after that, jake and sunghoon racing to see which one got to the car first. yoona held you hostage upstairs as she tried outfit after outfit on, growing more despaired by the minute.

at one point, jungwon poked his head in the door. “you almost ready, yoona?”

“jungwon!” she shrieked, pushing him out of her room. “get out of here! i still haven’t figured out what i’m gonna wear.”

he gave her a confused look as she shoved him down the hall. “why does it matter?” he exclaimed, “you look pretty regardless.”

“god! out! out! wait downstairs!”

you laughed as she came back in. “you’re gonna scare him off, yoon.”

“good. then i don’t have to worry about acting like a total idiot tonight,” she cried, clearly distressed.

“you’re not going to act like an idiot. even if you did, jungwon has known you too long to be surprised.”

“thanks,” she smiled, pulling a sweet little black sundress out of her closet. “you’re not mad?”

“why would i be mad?”

“because i’m ditching you…”

you shook your head, smiling at the stupidity that. “of course not. i’ve been waiting for this to happen for years, yoona. i’m happy for you.”

her concern melted away. “okay, good. sorry i’m dumping you with my brother. maybe some of the guys will stay around and you won’t have to hang out with just him.”

“maybe,” you answered. hopefully not.

her parents were gone by the time yoona was ready to leave with jungwon. you waved bye to them before padding quietly through the house, searching for anyone who was still around.

by the time you made it back outside, the sun had dipped fully below the trees, turning the backyard a dusky purple.

heeseung was already there, sitting at the edge, legs dangling in the water. he didn’t say anything when you stepped out, just turned to watch you, taking a sip of his beer.

“everyone’s gone?” you asked.

“yup. just you and me now.”

you sat down beside him, grabbing the bottle from his hand and taking a drink. “kind of nice like this,” you said, relaxing into a state of silence you hadn’t had since the early morning, when he’d first come into the kitchen.

heeseung didn’t say anything at first. the sky went to navy, the light from the pool the only thing that illuminated his face in the dark. then he looked at you, nodding towards the water. “come on.”

“what?” you asked, watching as he stood and pulled his shirt over his head. you exclaimed as he dove in, splashing you with water.

“come on,” he insisted, breaking the surface and shaking the water from his hair.

you raised a brow at him. “thought you were trying to be good.”

he hummed, the light glinting off his earrings. “i said i was. doesn’t mean i still am.”

you sucked in a breath as he waded to your legs, sliding his hands up the side of your thighs. you let him pull you into the water, the feeling of his arms wrapping around you sending heat up your abdomen.

he grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, leaning forward to press his mouth onto yours again. it was slower this time, more deliberate. his tongue curled against your lips, teasing them further apart to kiss you deeper.

hours of pent-up tension rose inside you, a soft sigh escaping you as he kissed you harder—sloppy and desperate.

“fucking pretty,” he mumbled, bringing his lips down your neck. “couldn’t stop looking at you all day.” 

you gasped as his teeth scraped gently against your skin, arms tightening around his shoulders. the water lapped at you gently, cool against your skin. you shivered, though not from the chill. heeseung’s body was burning hot against yours, his skin flushed red from spending all day in the sun.

your fingers trailed up the nape of his neck, tangling in the damp hair there. “heeseung…”

he groaned against your collarbone, his arms wrapped around your waist. “wanted to fuck you so bad in the bathroom. fucking sunghoon—” he complained, kneeding your skin with his hands.

“leave him alone,” you laughed, pushing the wet hair back from his face. “not his fault you decided to take on grill master today.”

“yeah, well, i could hardly contain myself the rest of the day. never wanted to fuck anyone this bad before,” he mumbled, and your heart fluttered.

heeseung had been with plenty of girls before, and maybe he’d said the same thing to them, too, but you didn’t care. his words sent chills up your spine. he kissed you again breathlessly, pulling your body flush against his as his hands wandered down your body.

“could’ve— ah!” you gasped as he sucked a deep red mark into your neck. “—could’ve done something about it,” you said.

“i wanted to,” he answered, voice low. all his attention was on your neck now, pressing soft, pretty kisses into your skin, as if to make up for the teeth marks he’d left before. “wanted to drag you upstairs, or into the garage. fuck—” he paused to grin up at you. “—would’ve dragged you behind the grill if i had to.”

“mm, classy” you said. “i’m sure yoona would’ve loved that. your parents, too.”

you meant to tease him, but the fact that you two weren't supposed to be together, couldn't be seen together, seemed to turn him on even more.

his grip hardened on you, pressing you against the edge of the pool. it would’ve scraped at your back if it weren’t for his hands, providing a barrier between your skin and the rough stone.

with one smooth lift, he had you perched back on the concrete, his hands smoothing their way up your inner thighs. “they’re not here now.” he growled, pushing your legs apart.

you leaned back on your hands, watching giddily as heeseung pressed his open mouth against the wet fabric of your bikini bottons. his breath was hot on your thighs, the pressure of his tongue through your swimsuit had your eyes rolling back, body lying flat on the ground.  

heeseung never actually touched you, he ate you out over your swim bottoms, mouth separated from your cunt by that flimsy little stretch of fabric. but it didn’t matter, you were a moaning mess under his tongue. your back arched, legs lifting from the edge of the pool as he pressed his face into you, lapping hungrily at your pussy.

“hee— heeseung,” you cried, fingers clawing at the concrete beneath you. your thighs trembled on either side of his head, hips grinding against his mouth.

he pulled away, wrapping a hand around your thigh as he kissed the skin next to your cunt. “so wet, baby. want you to be totally soaked before i take you upstairs and fuck the shit out of you.”

“now,” you spluttered. “now, please, don’t make me wait any longer.”

you yelped as he bit the sensitive skin on your inner thigh, hoisting himself out of the water, dripping in streams down his chest. you stumbled upstairs together, drunk on the knowledge that you had the entire house to yourself.

heeseung pushed you backwards into his room, his door bouncing off the wall as he picked you up and dropped you onto his mattress. he stood back to admire the way you looked, splayed on top of his comforter, begging him to come closer.

“how did i not notice!?” he exclaimed, crawling over you, nipping at your stomach, chest, and shoulders. “how did i never notice how fucking hot you are?”

a laugh bubbled up your throat—at him, at the absurdity of this, at how much his words delighted you. “shut up,” you giggled.

“i’m being serious,” he said, grabbing your wrists and pinning them down by your head. “how the fuck was i so fucking blind?”

“hmm, too busy sleeping with the girls at your school, i suppose,” you teased.

“fuck the girls at school,” he muttered, pulling your swim bottoms down your legs. he groaned, kissing your hips. “so fucking pretty.”

this time, when he disappeared between your legs, you felt it all. the laugh died in your throat as he curled his tongue against you, your smile turning to a gasp.

“oh, fuck, heeseung,” you moaned, twisting your fingers into his hair.

he pushed your legs back, lapping at your cunt like he was trying to lick everything up, like he couldn’t let a single drop go to waste. “say my name again, baby. wanna hear your pretty voice.”

you did as he asked, moans growing louder and louder, surely audible from outside his room. you didn’t care. you clawed at him as he sucked your clit, the cold metal of his rings bumping against your skin as he slid a finger inside you.

“mmm, nice and wet for me,” he praised, licking his lips. “what am i supposed to do with you? all needy for me. you want it that bad?” he asked.

you nodded, digging your nails into his skin.

“you’re gonna sound even prettier when i’m inside of you.”

“mhm, i’m ready,” you whined. “needed you since i heard you last night.”

“yeah?” he asked, sitting back to pull his trunks down. his cock sprang up, long and flushed and beautiful.

you nodded again. “sounded s— so pretty. never wanted to fuck you before.”

“what did you think about?”

you groaned as he pressed himself against you, coating his length in your wetness. your hips bucked, desperate for more, desperate to just get him inside of you already.

“y-you watching me,” you admitted, inching your hips towards him. “what you’d say, if you saw me.”

“oh yeah? what did you think i’d say, princess?”

you bit your lip. “that i was filthy. touching myself with my best friend in the room next to mine. that i was a filthy mess.”

he angled himself between your thighs, the head of his cock pressing against your pussy. “mm, not filthy, baby,” he said, bending down to kiss you again. “pretty.”

you arched your back, fingers trailing up his spine. 

“but i can make you filthy. you want that, pretty girl? want me to fuck you filthy?”

you nodded, tears pricking the corner of your eyes. you wanted him so bad. you needed him. he was taking his sweet time, teasing you with his words, but you couldn’t wait any longer. you clawed at him, trying to pull him into you.

heeseung groaned, head dropping between his shoulders, as he slid inside you.

“fuck,” he said, pushing his hips into yours roughly. you were so wet, juices dripping down his thighs as he fucked into you, groaning.

you wriggled needily beneath him, curling your hips up to meet him at every stroke, swimsuit straps falling down your shoulders. he leaned forward and pressed his lips to your neck, admiring the series of red marks he’d left down the sides. those would be nasty the next day, but the thought of it made heeseung harden inside you.

let everyone see them, he thought. let the whole world see how good you’d been for him.

“ah— ah, fuck, yes,” you cried, digging your nails into his shoulders.

“mm, feels so fucking good,” he gasped, reaching a hand back to grab the back of your thigh. “feel so fucking good, y/n. if i’d known—” he hissed, biting his lip. “if i’d known you felt this good, would’ve fucked you a long time ago.”

“please, heesung,” you whimpered, scratching down his back until his skin stung.

“should’ve been my first,” he panted, curling his fingers into his blanket. “wouldn’t have known what to do with you, all wet for me like this. would’ve finished the second i was inside.”

you reached your hands out to rake them through his hair, fingers curling around the soft strands and tugging, needing more. he moaned, hips stuttering into yours as your mouth attached to the side of his neck, your tongue soft and wet on his skin.

his mouth fell open, a moan scratching out the back of his throat as you stretched around him, taking him so well.

he rocked forward, buried so deep inside you that your waist stretched, head pressing back into his mattress. he filled you just right, making sure to give you every single inch until you were crying out, gripping his arms.

he watched hungrily as your face twisted, eyes squeezed shut, those pink lips of yours parted in ecstasy. it was like he couldn’t even feel you on his cock, he was too preoccupied with watching every subtle change in your expression. he felt like he could watch you for hours, panting, tongue lolling as he buried himself deeper inside you.

you clamped a hand over your mouth, thighs squeezing him on either side as he bottomed out inside of you. he snatched your wrist away from your face.

“don’t do that,” he warned, breathless. “let me hear you. tell me how good you feel, baby.”

“heeseung, i’m—” you wailed, twisting your head to the side. "feels so good."

“that’s right, show me how filthy that pussy is, princess. make a mess on me.”

your brows furrowed, beautiful, as he leaned down, swallowing the sound of your cries. you groaned against his tongue, grinding your hips against his, the friction against your clit sending your head reeling.

“come on, baby,” he coaxed. “i’m right here. take what you want.”

you moaned, low and guttural.

he grinned gleefully at the way your voice broke, thighs shaking around him. your body tensed under him as he pressed his forehead against yours, pulling him closer by the neck.

surely, the neighbors could hear you now. heeseung didn’t give a fuck. he wanted to see you all the way undone. wanted to see how loud you could be for him.

“i’m—” you gasped, “i’m gonna—”

“good girl,” he praised, “wanna feel you come all over my cock. i’m not pulling out, need to feel you.”

his words sent you hurdling over the edge, your hips lifting off the mattress as pleasure crashed over your body. your mind went blank, hands scrambling up his back as you moaned his name, over and over.

heeseung’s stomach tightened at the sound of your babbling, at the way your fingers fluttered over his shoulders. he ground his teeth together, groaning longingly as he snapped his hips into yours. your pussy clenched around him, riding out the height your orgasm in a way that sent stars bouncing around the edges of his vision.

he panted, hips stuttering, arms shaking, as the tension boiling in his stomach finally snapped, cum spilling out of his cock.

“f—fuck, fuck, y/n,” he moaned, grabbing the side of your face as he kissed you. you drank the sound in.

his moans vibrated against your lips, so needy and pretty, just like the night before. only this time, he was on top of you, face buried in your neck, dick still hard inside of you.

“fuck,” he drawled, pushing himself inside of you one more time, reveling at the feeling of cum leaking out around him. “stay here,” he said, eyes still closed, brows furrowed. “stay with me tonight. please?”

you laughed. “and how do you want me to explain that to yoona.”

“fuck yoona.”

“hey,” you said, frowning at him.

he shook his head. “fine. hang out with her all you want. but when she falls asleep, come here. don’t go to the guest room.”

you bit your lip, trailing your finger across his collarbone. “fine… but we have to wake up early. she can’t know i slept here.”

“No,” You answered honestly, kicking the bark chips underfoot with your shoe. “It’s not a big deal, though. I don’t see what all the commotion is about. They die anyways.”

Your boyfriend leaned into the chain of his swing, tilting forward to look at you in the face. He looked… angry.

“So what if they die?” He said. “It’s about the thought.”

“Come on,” You laughed, “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Babe.” He looked genuinely hurt. His face twisted to a frown, bottom lip jutting out in an upset pout. “If I’d have known that, I would’ve brought flowers with me today. Fuck, I would’ve brought flowers every single day this week!”

“No, Jake, don’t,” You insisted. “Flowers are expensive! Don’t waste your money like that.”

“It’s not about the money, y/n, it’s about showing you that I care. That I think about you when you’re not there, and want you to have nice things.”

“But I already know you d—“

“What a piece of shit!” He exclaimed, getting to his feet.

You bit back a laugh, surprised at how serious he was taking this. To you, the lack of flowers from your ex had been normal. No one had ever gotten you flowers, except for the bouquet your mom had bought you for your graduation.

You’d secretly always prided yourself on the fact that you didn’t care about material things. Your ex had praised you for it. Now, you felt slightly self-conscious. Jake was judging you for something you never felt was wrong, and that made you feel a little bit insecure.

Jake was still fuming to himself. “Did he even know what he had in front of him? He should’ve been lining the ground with flowers for you! What a total dick!”

You looked down at your hands in your lap, your voice small. “It’s not a big deal, Jake. I never did anything to deserve them anyways. We were both young—he was a shit boyfriend, I was a shit girlfriend—“

Jake whipped around, looking like his eyes were about to pop out of his skull. “What!? Baby, you a shouldn’t have to do anything to be treated well by your partner. Come on.” He grabbed your hand, pulling you up from the swing set.

“What are you talking about?” You exclaimed, trailing behind him.

“Getting you flowers right now. Buying you the whole damn flower shop! Come on, babe, let’s go.”

You groaned behind him. “Jake,” You whined, “Please don’t. I don’t even care about that stuff.”

“Well, I do. You’re my girlfriend—mine—and I’ll be damned if you go another day having never had a bouquet before. Jesus Christ. Asshole,” He muttered.

That night, Jake bought you a huge bunch of big, bright flowers. He made you wait outside, so you wouldn’t be tempted to talk him out of it.

“You’re so dramatic,” You said as he got down on his knee and gallantly held them out for you.

“You’re so beautiful,” He responded, jumping up excitedly as you took them.

They did smell nice… and people smiled at the two of you as they passed by. Jake looked so proud, practically beaming as you leaned in to smell them. Your heart fluttered lightly as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

Across the street, an elderly couple called out to you.

“Atta boy!” The man said, elbow bent for his wife to hold onto. He winked. “Nothing quite like getting flowers for the lady.”

“Best feeling in the world,” Jake agreed, grinning.

The next day, you opened your door to find a bundle of roses on your stoop, tied together with the bracelet you’d left at Jake’s the last time you’d slept over.

Thus, the tradition was started. Every first week of the month, Jake left flowers at your door, like clockwork. You shook your head every time, insisting that he was too over the top and should’ve been saving that money for something else.

bestfriend!jake who was always taking you out on dates and threatening to beat up your shitty boyfriends if they treated you badly. who never once forgot a plan, a birthday, an anniversary—even ones that had nothing to do with him.

jake, who was so obviously head-over-heels for you that people always assumed you were together, just from the way he spoke about you. who liked it when your boyfriends got pissed about it.

“you wouldn’t happen to know why two separate people asked me if we were dating today, jake, would you?”

he looked up from his phone, smiling innocently at you. “i dunno, probably cuz we should be.”

“i was with y/bf/n.”

“okay?”

“he was pissed. he doesn’t like you, you know. like, not even a little.”

jake, who’d just smile and say, “good.”

bestfriend!jake who was begrudging but accepting when you started taking things more seriously with someone. who was willing to be patient. you’d come around someday, both of you knew it.

your relationships never lasted very long anyways. couldn’t stand being away from your best friend’s mouth for that long.

“f-fuck, we can’t ke-keep doing this, jake,” you panted, rocking your hips upwards.

jake kept his hand steady between your legs, angling his palm to give you something up to grind on. he watched your expression with his lip between his teeth, trying to memorize every micro-expression that crossed your face as you got off on his fingers.

“i disagree,” he said, leaning down to suck on your collarbone. “you could just go out with me, then we could keep doing this forever.”

“i’m— ah! m’not gonna go out with you, loser,” you said stubbornly, tilting your head back as he dug his fingers into the soft velvet of your cunt.

“mhm, okay,” he said contentedly, drawing his hand away from you. “whatever you want, y/n.”

He sighed, that familiar ache settling in his lower stomach. It didn’t help that you liked to sleep as close as humanly possible, that every time you adjusted your hips, he felt your ass brush up against his dick beneath his sweatpants. 

And you were still shirtless. Still in nothing but the underwear he'd hastily pushed to the side last night. Having you in his arms like this, the way you were so at ease with him, it drove him crazy. 

He slid a lazy hand up the length of your thigh, dragging it up the side of your hip and across your stomach. You sighed gently at his touch, goosebumps rising across your shoulders. Jake squeezed the flesh of your waist gently, pushing his hips into yours as the ache in his groin grew. 

There was no way he was falling back asleep. Not anymore.

He propped himself up on his elbow, hair falling into his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss your shoulder, your arm, the inside of your neck. 

His other hand slid up your stomach to palm your chest, squeezing as he bit down on the crook of your neck gently. Mine, he thought lazily. Mine, mine, mine.

You let out a soft moan, still lost in sleep as you rotated onto your back. Jake was propped above you with an arm on either side of yours. His hair tickled your face as he leaned down to kiss you again—the base of your throat, your tits, your jaw. 

He slid his tongue against your collarbone, dragging it up the length of your neck. Covering the wet stripe with a line of feather-soft kisses. He kissed his way down your chest, all the way across your sternum and down to your belly button. 

You stirred again as he settled down between your legs, where he could kiss the sensitive skin between your thighs. You loved when he did this. Woke you up with his tongue between your legs. 

“Mmm,” You hummed, voice scratchy with sleep. 

“Morning, baby,” He said softly, grazing his teeth against the inside of your thigh. 

You didn’t say anything. Just the small movement of your hips, pushing up towards his mouth, was enough of an answer for him. 

He curled his tongue against your skin, leaving gentle bite marks in a trail that got closer and closer to where you were beginning to ache for him. 

That was the thing with Jake. He loved foreplay. Loved to make sure you were soaking wet before he even touched you where you wanted him most. And by the look of things, you were getting there. 

He loved to mark you up in the morning. Leave you with something of his to carry around all day until he could fuck you again later that night. He took his time on your thighs, sucking red bruises into your skin as you twitched beneath him. 

Once satisfied with the smattering of hickeys he’d left behind, Jake hooked a finger over the waist band of your underwear, which were still slightly damp from when he’d finished in you the night before. The thought of it sent a jolt of sensitivity through his body. 

Fucking his cum from the night before into you the next morning? Gross. Absolutely disgusting. It turned him on just to think about it. 

He attached his lips to your hip bone as he slid your panties down your legs, tossing them to the floor carelessly. All he cared about was right there, burning hot under his lips, already shining with arousal. 

Jake watched you as he striped his tongue between your folds, your back arching up to meet his mouth. You tasted so sweet in the mornings, dripping for him before you’d even opened your eyes. 

He curled his tongue against you, sucking gently at your clit as he buried his face between your legs. God, Jake loved eating you out. Who needed breakfast when he could have his girlfriend spread open in front of him like this? 

You whined gently as he lapped across your pussy, dipping his tongue into the well of your cunt. His arms curled under your open legs, palms resting flat against your stomach as you wound your hips against his mouth. 

He hummed against you, the vibrations shooting up your lower stomach in the most agonizingly delicious way. You finally peeked an eye open just to moan at the sight of him, messy-hair and all, devouring your clenching pussy. 

“Jakey,” You murmured, dragging a hand back through your hair. “Feels so good… but I—” 

You groaned, arching your back as he slid his tongue inside you. 

“You what, baby?” He asked, his breath tickling your skin. 

“I want you here now.” You reached a hand out, brushing the hair back from his face. 

He gazed up at you, savoring the taste of your cunt before pulling back. 

“All the way?” He asked.

“All the way.” 

Jake let you pull him up by the collar of his hoodie, whining as he rested in the heat between your legs. You kissed him sloppily, not caring about the fact that neither of you had brushed your teeth or that he tasted like your cunt.

Some people liked coffee in the morning. You liked tasting yourself on your boyfriend’s tongue. 

Jake was stiff now, pressing against you through his sweats as he pushed his hips against yours. It was all lazy sensuality between you—raking your fingers through his hair, his hands grazing over your skin until you were practically shivering under them. 

He sat back to pull his hoodie over his head, exposing the soft skin of his chest and stomach. You bit your lip, watching eagerly as he slid out of his sweats, dick springing up against his stomach. 

You hadn’t even touched him, and he was that hard. Just from the feeling of eating you out. 

Your bodies fit together perfectly, the way they had a million times. Jake tucked an arm under your leg as he pushed the tip of his dick inside you, just enough to make you both groan in unison. 

“So good, baby,” He said, then laughed. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum right here.” 

“Mmhm.” You shook your head, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him all the way on top of you. 

He slid into you with a hiss, burying all the way inside where you were warm and wet and pulsing. Jake’s mouth fell open, his eyes squeezing shut, as you attached your lips to his throat. 

It was your turn to mark him up now. You were more eager than he’d been, biting and sucking harshly until he was stuttering. 

“E-easy, babe, I ha— have to go into the office today,” He said, moaning as his hips began dragging in and out of yours. 

You ignored him, and he couldn’t bring it in himself to stop you. He looked down between your bodies, watching hungrily as his dick slid out of you and disappeared back in. Your belly tensed every time he pushed all the way in, breathy moans hot on his neck. 

You took your time together, as much as the morning would allow. Jake hardly cared that he was inside of you, he was more preoccupied by how beautiful you always looked first thing. 

You blushed under his gaze, heart swelling as he brushed his fingers against your face, pressing soft sweet kisses to your temples and forehead. 

“Pretty,” He mumbled against your skin, moaning breathily. “Love you, baby. I’m gonna miss you today.” 

You buried your face in his neck, craving a way to be even closer than you were already. “Do you have to go?” You whined, curling your legs around his waist as if that might keep him there with you forever. 

He ran his hand down the outside of your thigh, grabbing hold of it as he fucked into you harder. “Aren’t you sick of me yet?”

“No,” You mumbled against his mouth. “Wanna spend all day with you.” 

He hummed achingly, eyes closed as he pressed his forehead against yours. This was your favorite part, the moment he lost all control. 

“Fuck, y/n,” He groaned, biting his lip as his thrusts became sloppier. 

“Come on, baby,” You encouraged, swiping your tongue under his jaw. “Wanna have you inside me all day.” 

Jake could have finished from your words alone. But the sound of your voice mixed with the feeling of you tightening around him sent him over the edge. He jutted his hips into yours, pubic bone pressing down on your clit just right to make you tumble over the edge with him. 

He opened his mouth against yours, spilling whiny moans into your throat as he finished inside you, arms shaking slightly as they held him up. 

You curled your fingers into his hair, tugging gently as your hips tensed and then shook, your climax ripping through your body and chasing away the last of your tiredness. 

Jake gave you a few last strokes, teasing out his sensitivity on the warm, soft velvet of your cunt. Then, he press his lips to yours, humming against your mouth as he pulled away. 

“Can I take you out tonight?” He asked cheerily, gathering his sweats and sweatshirt from the floor. He was always in a good mood like this after.

He disappeared into your bathroom as he spoke. “Are you craving anything? We could try that restaurant that opened last month. I think Heeseung said it was good.” 

The sound of your showerhead turning on drifted into your room. You smiled to yourself, waiting for him to notice that you weren’t behind him.

“Or we could go back to that Mexican place. I’m down for tacos. Always down for tacos.”

“Jake?” You called lightly, head resting on your hand. 

He popped out from behind the bathroom door. “Oh, sorry, baby.” He crossed your room and in one fell swoop, had your body up in his arms as you giggled into his shoulder. “Can’t leave you a mess like this, can I?”

You disappeared into the shower together, giggling through the steam and soap bubbles, most definitely late but entirely too happy to care. 

__

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ i started this and then tumblr deleted the whole thing ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ🔪

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ this was so freaking fun to write and made my heart literally flutter the entire time. GOD. I LOVE JAKE. anyways. enjoy <333

——

Jake loved everything about you.

The smell of your shampoo in his room when you got out of the shower. Finding your lost hair ties amongst his dirty laundry. The sound of you mumbling to yourself in your sleep.

He loved you, and he loved being your boyfriend. Doing all the boyfriend things he was meant to. Silly, stupid things like opening doors and giving you a steady hand as you leaned down to put your shoes on.

He loved the feeling of you on his arm, or that excited skip in your step when he picked you up. Your crinkled eyes when he said something funny. Even the way you grumbled in the morning before you had your coffee, he just couldn’t get enough of it.

Being your boyfriend meant Jake had responsibilities, ones that he took very seriously. To care for you, to keep you safe, to make sure you were happy, these things mattered a lot to him, and he took care in demonstrating just how much.

This kind of love and respect extended to your sex life as well.

Jake knew you were a virgin. Of course, he knew. He knew everything about you: your favorite foods, your guilty pleasures, all the words to your favorite songs. He knew that you’d had a few short-term relationships before him and that you hadn’t had sex with any of them.

They just weren’t right, you’d explained early on. None of them made you feel important, or special. You knew you wouldn’t sleep with any of them. You wanted to feel desired and respected, that someone had truly earned their right to your body.

Jake liked the way you’d said that—so matter of fact and confident. He liked that you knew yourself well enough to wait. Sex was important to you, and there was nothing that Jake wanted more than to prove he was worthy.

Despite your inexperience, you had a sexual appetite that rivaled his at times. You were a kisser — a sat-on-the-counter-with-him-between-your-legs, grabbing-him-by-the-collar kisser. You liked to pull him in close, dragging your hips against his as you slid your tongue into his mouth.

You’d pant and grind against each other until, eventually, you’d pull away, hand to your chest, face blushing bright red. It drove him crazy.

But Jake was patient, and utterly devoted to you. If you wanted to wait, he would wait. Hell, if you wanted a ring on your finger first, he had no objections. He had a design picked out halfway through your second date.

It was real for him, realer than anything had ever been in his life. He was ready to remain very patient and very devoted for a long time, right until you were ready to trust him with this part of yourself.

It just so happened that, on the most random of late afternoons at his place, you were ready.

——

At first, Jake thought he was hallucinating.

The way you looked at him—open, sure, no sense of hesitation—it knocked the breath from his chest.

"What did you say?" He breathed.

You blushed. Your face—your sweet, adorable, beautiful face—turned several shades redder.

"Don't make me say it again," You whined, fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of your sweater.

"Please, baby?" He insisted, inching closer to you. "I need to know that I heard you right because if I didn't—if you didn't just say what I think you just said, I'm officially going crazy."

You laughed. "Jake. Will you please, pretty please, have sex with me tonight?"

Jake looked like you'd smacked him straight across the face.

You tried insisting that it didn't have to be a big deal. That all you really wanted was to be with him, to take the next step in your relationship together because, damn it, Jake Sim was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

You didn't need roses or candles, just the feeling of having him close. For real this time.

And in typical Jake fashion, he wasn't having any of it.

He leapt up from the couch, running his hands through his hair a few times as he paced back and forth. "Right," He murmured. "Right, right, right."

Then, he took off down the hall, disappearing into his room.

"Where are you going!?" You called after him.

"Phone! Restaurant! Taking you out and buying you the nicest fucking dinner you've ever had in your life!"

You got all done up. Jake fucking loved it. Watching you in the bathroom mirror, bent forward as you put your makeup on, it drove him wild. He couldn't keep his hands off you, stopping to kiss you every time he came into the room. Hell, coming in just to kiss you.

He felt like he was dreaming. Like this was one, long, unending delusion that he'd somehow slipped into. He put a finger to his pulse, checking to make sure he hadn't accidentally died and ended up in some kind of amazingly strange afterlife.

But, nope. His heart thrummed against his finger, and his beautiful, perfect, way out of his league girlfriend was in the bathroom, putting her hair up to go out.

And she wanted him to fuck her.

Good god.

Jake beamed all night long, getting your car door and pulling your chair out for you as you sat down at your table. You giggled. He was always a gentleman, but now he was really dialing it up—insisting that you order whatever you wanted, refilling your wine glass the moment it was empty, complimenting the way you looked.

"Your makeup looks so good, baby," He said cheerfully. "I like the sparkly stuff on your eyes."

You laughed. "I wear it like this every day."

He shrugged, giving you that dopey grin. "Well, you look beautiful. Gorgeous. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jake."

Whether it was the wine, or the candlelight, or the way Jake's knee brushed up against yours as you ate, you could hardly contain yourself the whole drive home.

Jake tried to keep a steady eye on the road, but the way your hands were roaming up and down his chest, fingers playing with the buttons of his jacket, he found it nearly impossible to focus.

You barely made it through the front door before his lips were on yours, hands scrambling for your waist. You giggled against his mouth, pulling him through the door by the collar and slamming the door shut behind you.

He groaned frustratedly into your mouth, dizzy with the knowledge that he was about to have you completely to himself, that you trusted him enough for this. He could hardly think straight as he picked you up and carried you down the hall to his room.

Your moans grew softer as he laid you down, your hands nervously fidgeting with his shirt. He pulled back, taking in the sight of you—your cheeks flushed all pink, your lips swollen from kissing him. Your eyes darted around his face nervously, not quite sure where to look.

Everything else seemed to fall away. It was like the world began and ended with his bedroom, everyone beyond it ceasing to exist. All that mattered in that moment was you.

He leaned down. "Hey," He said softly, brushing his fingers against your cheek. "You okay?"

You nodded, biting your lip. Your voice was small as you replied. "I'm nervous," You whispered, looking up at him with those big, round eyes of yours.

His heart felt like it was melting inside his chest. "You can change your mind," He said, matching the volume of your voice.

You shook your head. "No, I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm." You gazed up at him determinedly, still chewing anxiously at your bottom lip.

God, he fucking loved you. You were so cute, so sweet, exactly the kind of girl he always felt like he'd never deserve. You smiled, and he felt his mind go to mush. You laughed, and the rest of the world seemed to go quiet.

Jake took his time. Kissing you slowly, rubbing soothing circles on your hip with his thumb. You sighed into his touch, marveling at the way even the lightest brush of his fingers made your stomach tighten with desire. Long overdue desire.

"Gonna take this off, baby," He said, pushing your dress up your legs.

You'd been naked around him plenty of times—changing out of your swimsuit, getting out of the shower, sharing the shower on the rare instances that you both woke up late for work—but this felt different.

Your body temperature seemed to go up several degrees as he pulled your dress over your head, tossing it to the floor.

"Mmm," He murmured, bending down to kiss the skin on your chest. "You're so beautiful."

His kisses were feather-soft, brushing against your collarbones, your shoulders, your jaw.

He was always telling you how perfect you were, how pretty you looked, how smart you were—but he was all of those things and more. You admired him as he moved down your body, strands of dark hair falling over his face.

"I love you," You said suddenly, prompting him to look up.

"I love you, too, baby."

"No," You insisted, reaching down to grab his face and haul him back up to you. "I love you. I don't ever wanna be away from you. Like, ever."

He grinned. "Good. Because you're never getting rid of me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," You said breathily, tensing as his hand lowered between your legs.

His breath hitched and he froze, biting his lower lip.

"What is it?" You asked, heart quickening at the feeling of his fingers against your underwear.

"Mmm." He shook his head, dropping it onto your chest.

"You can say it, what is it?"

"You're so wet," He whined, voice muffled against your skin. "Fuck, baby. Fuck."

"Will that mess things up?" You asked, unsure. You didn't think being too wet was a problem, but what did you know? All of your knowlege had been based off of explicit movie scenes and poorly written internet blog porn.

"No," He gasped, looking up at you with wide eyes. "No, baby, you're perfect. So perfect, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asked.

Your stomach twisted with nerves, but he was so needy, staring at you with his lip between his teeth. You could've said no, and Jake would have moved on, no questions asked. But something about the look on his face, the way he was waiting so diligently for your answer, all movement paused until he heard what you had to say...

"Yeah," You nodded sheepishly.

He let out a deep groan, coming up to kiss you again before hooking his fingers over your underwear and pulling them down your legs.

It was a foreign feeling, having him so close to this part of your body. You were still nervous, a little self-conscious, but it was hard to stay that way with Jake talking like you were the most perfect thing he'd ever seen in his life.

"God, what am I gonna do," He muttered anxiously, lips tickling the inside of your thigh. "I'm not gonna last a fucking second. Jesus Christ, baby."

You giggled as his mouth brushed your skin again, sending shivers up your body.

"So sensitive," He teased, pressing his mouth to your inner thigh and nibbling gently with his teeth. "I'm gonna kiss you, baby. Tell me what feels good."

"Okay," You said breathlessly.

You ached painfully for him, overwhelmed by the feeling of his breath on your core, his fingers digging into your thighs. He pushed his face between your legs, making contact with his full, pouty lips, and you gasped, your entire body tensing.

"Okay?" He asked, glancing up at you.

You nodded, sitting up on your elbows to watch in wonder as he opened his mouth against your cunt, dragging his tongue between your folds like you were the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted.

"Oh, Jake," You whined, letting your head fall against your shoulder as your brows furrowed.

He responded with a hum, the sound vibrating against your skin as he pushed his mouth further onto you. It was, by far, the most erotic thing you'd ever experienced.

Jake had an incredible voice. Hearing it always put you at ease, no matter the kind of day you'd had or what mood you were in. But feeling it? Feeling the shiver of his voice against your sensitive skin?

Your legs trembled with how badly you wanted more.

It was overwhelming. His sloppy kisses, the soft swipes of his tongue, the way he moaned into you like this was the only thing he'd ever wanted in his life—it left you speechless.

You could hardly make any noise at all, too consumed in the feeling of him curling his tongue against you. It was the hottest thing you'd ever seen. Hotter than getting to watch him work out. Hotter than his voice first thing in the morning. Hotter than all the times he'd confronted rude or handsy men at bars.

This was sexy. The way his hair fell against your skin, his face disappearing into your cunt. The bunch of muscles around his shoulder blades, tensed as he leaned in for more, more, more.

Jake, who had no way of knowing just how unraveled your thoughts were becoming, looked up from between your legs, a concerned expression on his face.

"You okay?" He asked, kissing the inside of your knee.

You nodded eagerly, pushing your hips up towards his mouth. You needed more. You needed to grind into his tongue until you were shaking.

The little action sent Jake over the edge, like gasoline on an already lit fire. He went in again, his tentative demeanor from before disappearing.

You moaned, arching your back as his tongue swirled around your clit, dipping into the well of your pussy with a delcious "mmmm" that reverberated up your body.

"Jake," You cried, hips grinding down on his tongue. "Can you come here? I'm ready, really. Want you now."

He stilled your hips with his hand, holding them in place so he could drag another wet stripe up your cunt. "Not yet," He cooed, kissing you sloppily. "It'll be better this way, trust me."

You struggled to see how anything could get better than this, until your stomach clenched violently at the feeling of his lips massaging your clit. You stuttered, looking down to see your legs shaking around his head.

Your body bucked upwards, hips chasing the feeling that was building in your lower abdomen. Jake's face was slick, your arousal mixing with his saliva as it dripped down his chin. He drank in the taste of you, dick hard beneath his jeans at how whiny you were, twitching under his tongue like you could barely take it anymore.

Every touch made you shiver, each puppy-lick to your clit caused your voice to rise an octave. He devoured you, savouring the knowledge that no one, no one, had ever given you this feeling before.

When it seemed like you could take no more—your hips shaking, your voice cracking under the weight of your moans—he pulled away.

You watched him with a dazed expression on your face, sweaty and already spent. His stomach twisted protectively at the sight of you, the ache of his erection the very last thing on his mind. All he wanted was to make you feel good. To get you over the edge.

To feel you cum around his cock.

He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor where your dress lay, forgotten about. He trailed his hand up the side of your body as he crawled over you, admiring the way your muscles tensed under his touch.

You hastily reached for his buckle, pulling the clasp apart and unbuttoning his pants. His chest tightened, still half-disbelieving that this was really happening. The rest of your clothes were discarded as he settled between your legs, the heat of your bodies spreading like fire.

You pulled him in, hands on either side of his face. His mouth tasted bittersweet, still hot from being buried between your thighs. Your pussy clenched desperately, missing the feeling of his lips, aching for something to fill it.

"Gonna go slow, okay?" Jake said, his voice wavering slightly. His heart was pounding in his chest at the heat between your legs. "You ready?"

You'd never been more ready for anything in your life. "Stay right here," You said, your lips barely hovering over his.

He nodded as he lined himself up, the slick warmth of your entrance sending a mind-numbing shiver through his body.

You hardly blinked. You watched, lip trapped between your teeth, as Jake's brows furrowed, his mouth falling open.

You gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders as he pushed himself inside of you. It hurt, but not like you expected. It stretched you, slipping deeper inside as you leaked around him, the sensation reaching all the way up to the base of your stomach.

Jake's breath hitched, his whines getting trapped in his throat as he fit all the way inside you.

"Fuck," He breathed, eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't move. If he did, he'd lose it. If he moved even an inch, he'd lose all self-control. And once he started to fuck you, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop.

Unfortunately for him, you had plans of your own.

You twisted under him, pushing your hips up in an effort to get him to satisfy the burning desire that had tangled itself up in your lower abdomen.

Jake moaned, his head falling into the crook of your neck as you slid against him, your cunt sucking him in even deeper.

"Babe," He growled, trying to get a hold on himself. "Give me— just a second. Need a second or m'gonna fuck you," He said through gritted teeth.

"Do it," You murmured against his mouth, dragging your fingers over his skin.

"Won't be able to stop," He whined, kissing you again.

You didn't care. You needed to feel him moving inside you or you were going to scream.

Slowly, carefully, he started to move, ignoring the stars that were bouncing around the edges of his vision. His body was tense, barely controlled, as he pressed himself all the way down on you.

To take his mind off how unbearably good you felt, he turned his attention back to you, kissing your neck and sucking harshly at your skin to alleviate some of the pressure building in his stomach.

"Jake," You moaned, tangling your fingers in his hair. Your breath heaved unevenly.

He pulled away. "You okay?"

You nodded, stuttering. "Y-yeah, don't..."

"Don't what, baby?"

"Don't stop."

Jake practically fell apart right then and there. He collapsed into you, driving his hips so hard that the bed began to rock beneath you. You arched your back as he filled you up, your throat exposed for him to drag his tongue across and mark up as he wished.

Mine, mine, mine, he thought, digging his teeth into your skin. "Jake, can you..." You bit your lip, squeezing your legs tighter around him. "Can you t-talk to me?" He obliged, kissing you furiously as words tumbled from his mouth onto your lips. "You feel so good, baby, so fucking good. Jesus—I could come right now. Taking it so good, baby. Wanna stay like this forever. Wanna drown in you."

His words were like a drug, injected directly into your bloodstream. The way he touched you, like you were the most precious thing he'd ever laid his hands on, how he praised you for being so good for him, it all made the tension in your stomach threaten to spill over.

"I'm close, Jake," You said against his mouth, tilting your head to bite his lower lip.

He groaned.

"You feel so good," You echoed, watching desperately as he bit his lip, brows furrowed. "You're so big— I didn't think you'd fit at first."

"Mmm, knew it would," He said, reaching a hand between your bodies to thumb at your clit. "Knew you'd take me perfectly. Such a good girl. So wet for me—I hardly had to touch you and you were soaked."

You moaned, grinding your hips against his hand. A tightness formed in your abdomen, rising up like a wave threatening to crash over your entire body.

Jake talked you through it, relishing in every rough stroke you took from him, drinking in the sound of your pretty voice as it called his name, begging to finish.

"Please, fuck, please, Jake," You cried.

"That's it, baby, just like that. Do I make you feel good?"

"Yes," You whined desperately.

"You wanna come?"

"Yes," You repeated.

His breath shuddered, his muscles going tense under your hands. "Cum with me, baby. I'm right here."

You bucked your hips into his, muscles aching with how tense you were, as the nerves in your stomach unwound entirely. He whimpered as he stuttered into you, fingers pressed into your waist so hard it ached.

"Fuck! Fuck— y/n, god, oh my god."

His whiny moans fell against your lips, cock twitching inside of you as he shuddered through his orgasm. You gasped into his mouth, the feeling of him finishing spurring your own climax.

He held you through it, kissing the length of your neck as your body shook, his name falling from your lips. Your body slow beneath his, cum dripping onto his thighs as your pussy clenched around him.

"That's it. Good job, y/n. So pretty. So pretty. Could watch you cum on me forever."

You whined, face buried in his neck as the last of it rolled over you. He leaned his head down to look at you, his pupils blown, expression equal parts concerned and exhausted.

"Jake..." You mumbled, pressing a hand to your face.

He pulled back, eyes darting over your face hesitantly. “Yeah? You okay? Did I hurt you?”

"That was… the best thing that has ever happened to me. In my whole life." Your eyes were bright, skin flushed and glowing with satisfaction and affection for your boyfriend. “If I’d have known— Fuck, that was good, baby.”

He released the breath he'd been holding and laughed. "Good, I was worried for a second."

You looked up at him, pursing your lips. "Was it for you? Good, I mean."

Jake widened his eyes. "Was it... Babe, today is the best day of my life."

He cleaned you up after, carrying you to the shower and covering your face in a smattering of happy kisses. He washed your hair, and your shoulders, and your neck, admiring all the marks he'd left behind.

He was tender with your lower body, kissing your cheeks gently as the water rained down his chest, forming little rivers that lined his muscles. You'd never felt so tired and so rewarded at the same time.

You fell asleep curled into his chest, the sound of your breath slow and steady. Jake kept his arms wrapped around you protectively, a new feeling taking root at the very base of his heart. The very core of his being.

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ so. desire: unleash. what the fuck. ummmm the english version of bad desire had me quaking in my boots, so i needed to write a little something something to ease my..... afflictions..... please enjoy this late-night nonsense. heeseung. jake. when i catch you.......

——

People often teased you and Jake for being, well, boring.

The others loved to rib him whenever you were around, playfully suggesting that your time together behind closed doors was "too vanilla."

"I doubt you guys have even made it past first base," Sunoo would tease, snickering behind his hand.

"Yeah, come on, y/n. You can tell us," Jay smirked. "Is he boring or what?"

Your face burned when they joked about your sex life, but you were used to it by now. Jake always came to your defense, his fingers finding yours reassuringly as the others laughed to themselves.

"You guys have serious boundary issues," He complained.

"Bo-ring."

Jake rolled his eyes. "What, 'cuz I don't like slapping my girlfriend around? You're a freak."

"Just saying, a little pain never hurt anybody," Jay said, wiggling his eyebrows.

You scoffed. "That's the definition of pain, genius. Maybe we're just smart enough not to share the details of our sex life with nosy idiots like you."

He raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. But if you ever need advice—"

"Shut it," Jake cut in, throwing a pillow in Jay's direction. "You wouldn't last five minutes with her."

Your face flushed at that.

It didn't matter how much they teased you. Deep down, you both knew how wrong they were. You didn't need fancy toys or props to have a good time; Jake gave that to you all on his own.

"Good girl, baby," He panted, his voice tickling your ear. "Keep taking it for me. Mhm, just like that."

You whined, face pressed against your mattress. Jake had your ass in the air, his body bent over yours to whisper filth into your ear as he fucked you, nice and slow, feeling every inch like it was a mile.

Your voice was hoarse, limbs aching, pussy convulsing around his cock as he dragged in and out of you. Three orgasms in, and your legs were starting to give out, your thighs trembling as he ran his hand up the inside of them.

"Can you talk, baby? Say my name."

"Jake," You moaned, pushing your hips back into his.

His lips brushed the back of your neck, trailing down your spine. It sent shivers up your body, only adding to the way you were quivering under him.

"You're shaking," He murmured. "Too tired? Should I stop?"

You shook your head. Insistent. Stubborn. Jake loved that about you—how you'd let him take you all the way to the edge, until you could hardly move or speak. He loved pushing your limits. Finding out just how much you could take before you were completely spent.

He pulled out of you slowly, hissing at how sensitive his cock was. He hadn't come yet; he wanted to ruin you first.

Jake pressed his mouth to yours as he pulled you up from the bed, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. You groaned, legs shaking, as he walked you backwards towards the two mirrors that slid in front of your closet.

He liked fucking you against them. Watching the panes fog up around your skin, how your fingers would slip and slide against the glass. Mostly, he liked making you watch as he pushed you past the point of no return, until you were drooling all over your reflection.

"So pretty," He mumbled into your neck, turning you so your back was flat against his chest. He reached a hand around to slide between your legs, teasing your aching cunt with his fingers. "Look, baby. Look how fucking hot you are."

You could hardly see, too fucked out to be able to truly appreciate the way you looked, but Jake drank it all in. The glitter of your skin, the flushed color of your cheeks. He fingered you harder, earning an exhausted groan from you, your head back against his shoulder.

"Can I come, baby? Think you can take me one more time?"

"Mmm," You hummed, your pretty face scrunching into a frown. "W-wanna feel you again, Jakey."

He laughed lightly. "You're shaking, princess."

"I can do it. Please?"

Fuck, you were so good for him. Always wanting to take more even after he'd spent hours inside of you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and sank his teeth into your shoulder, digging his fingers into your hips.

"Gonna feel so good," He breathed, angling himself at your entrance. "You're doing so well. One more time. Come for me one more time, princess."

You let out a moan as he slid back inside you, so stiff it almost hurt. You propped your elbows up on the mirror, head falling down between your shoulders as he fucked into you, hissing at how tight you were around his cock.

"Mmmmm, this pussy's so good. You're such a good girl, y/n. Still so wet for me."

Jake's strength was waning by the second. He couldn't keep his hands off you, not now that he was chasing his own orgasm. He ran his palms up the slope of your back, admiring the line stretching down your spine. Gripping your shoulders, he snapped his hips against yours, watching with his lip between his teeth as your ass bounced against his thighs.

"Jake," You moaned, "F-fuck, don't stop."

"I'm not gonna stop," He groaned, sliding his hands down your arms. He pulled you backwards, holding your wrists down by your sides as he jerked into you, filling you up just right.

"M'not stopping, y/n," He moaned, "I'm gonna cum— gonna make a mess in you just like I promsied."

Tears pricked your eyes. That was all you'd wanted. To feel Jake shaking on top of you as he spilled, his breathy moans filling the room.

But Jake was a giver. He hated cumming before you did. Oh, and you did. Once, twice, three times. He needed to see you undone before he could give you the satisfaction of filling you up.

You came on his cock for a fourth time, barely able to hold yourself up as your pussy tightened, sucking him in even deeper.

"Oh, fuck," He breathed, feeling the stuttering sensation of his own climax catching up on him.

He reached an arm around you to grab your throat, pressing lightly at the sides. You whimpered, knees buckling as he fucked his orgasm out on you. If it weren't for his grip around your waist, you'd have been on the floor.

"Fuck, y/n," He gasped, pressing you into the mirror. The panes shook as he jutted into you, your fingers fogging up your reflection.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. God, baby, I'm— fuck!"

Jake buried himself all the way inside you, cock twitching as he came. Deep. Brutal. Long overdue.

You both shuddered, bodies sliding against each other with sweat and saliva. Exhaustion was creeping up on Jake, but you were already gone, body sinking as your legs went out.

Jake lowered to the ground, supporting most of your weight as you turned in his lap. You managed to keep him inside you as you rotated to face him, your legs going on either side of his, arms wrapping around his neck.

"You okay?" He asked gently, his chest heaving against yours

You nodded against his neck, digging your fingers into his hair, relishing in the ache of your muscles. God, you were gonna sleep well tonight. Only...

He inhaled sharply as you moved your hips, walls clenching around him. "Really, baby? Still not done?"

You shook your head, winding your hips against him. Jake hissed, still so sensitive, but didn't stop you. Fuck, he loved how horny you were for him. He'd fuck you all day if he could.

"You're gonna pass out," He said gently, lifting your head to look at you. "Look at you, so tired."

You smiled at him lazily, cheek pressed into his palm. "Feels so good, Jake."

He was already half-hard again, slipping around inside you. You ground your hips on him, trying to commit the feeling of him pushing up against your bruised cunt to memory.

"Want more."

He kissed you, gentle. Tender. "Are you sure, honey?"

You nodded tiredly, completely cock-drunk, entirely fucked out. But that was typical you, begging him for just one more. And who was Jake to say no?