#gunblades

Fiendtearer

A gift given to Brandt by a Xaelan villager as payment, which kickstarted his interest in Gunblades. Despite it's age, the blade is as sharp and sturdy as ever. Being a relic, it more often than not stays on display at the office.

Proto-Ironworks Gunblade

An early prototype of a High-Tech Gunblade created by the Garlond Ironworks, Brandt's most recent employer. Features two triggers for simultaneous activation of the shells it uses for ammunition. Requires no external source of aether, being powered instead by Ironworks magitek.

Val Magiatrigger Mk.I, II & III

The Crucible wishes to make an impassioned plea to the public. As you may be aware, the rate at which Garlean rampages occur has spiked in recent days, and we lead the world in rates of Gunblade killings by a wide margin. Even in places of Garlean occupation, reported figures fall far below the recent rates in Thanalan. In fact, it’s not inaccurate to say that the total number of deaths to Gunblades this year outstrips all previous recorded years in all other Eorzean cities combined. This is clearly a tragedy - but why is it happening to begin with?

The “Blue Steel” model is particularly popular, for its quick reload and high power.

Due to a legal loophole, the list of items considered implements of murder for legal purposes include both guns and swords - but weapons combining the two were never accounted for. In short, the Brass Blades are forced to stand by and watch as Garleans rampage through the streets, cutting down and shooting every victim they come across. The death toll is mounting. Something must be done.

Why Garleans are allowed inside the city while holding Gunblades, but only while holding them, is another sign of how confusing our legal system has become. Did you know that there is hot debate about whether Lalafell are legally classified as mammets?

The Crucible reached out to Shootyslash Killingfix, the head of the Native Reaping Association, who provided us with this statement, written by a translator:

“Gobbies support boom and slash, stab and bang. Death toll is bad - but all citizens can carry Gunblades with current law. If we outlaw Gunblades, then it only means people with them now will keep killing! The law will not be enforced. Instead, buy Gunblades! Native Reaping Association is happy to sell to all - Ul’dahn man, woman or child! If everyone has Gunblades, same as if none do! There are too many to recall, too many to stop, so fill our coffers and fill your life with a brand new shiny Gunblade!”

Garleans often operate under a variant of the famous Limsan ‘snitches get stitches’ protocol, except it’s more ‘snitches get an early grave, along with everyone else in my way’, signified by the gesture shown.

Detractors from the organization point out the clear conflict of interest shown when an organization directly profiting from the killing is advocating for its continuation, with chants such as “No Gunblades With No Gunshields!” and “For Fuck’s Sakes, I’m Sick Of My Family Members Dying!” Thus far the office of the Syndicate has advised the people visit the Temple of Nald’Thal, where they assure the populace that if enough think on this, and pray, a solution will present itself.

That said, change may be coming sooner rather than later - while the Church’s official stance was previously that they are in favor of anything which sends more people to meet Thal, they are now advocating for the regulation of Gunblades which mount flamethrowers after a recent incident in the Thaumaturge’s Guild.

For now, The Crucible advises keeping an eye and ear out, and fleeing immediately if you detect a gunblade attack. Trying to purchase and use your own will only add to the confusion - a pack of well-meaning individuals drawing their gunblades are just as likely to shoot one another as they are a rampaging maniac.

Edel Geraldine took Mountain Dew’s drawings of this situation and wrote this article for him. The other eggheads on staff couldn’t be bothered.

I love how when Final Fantasy 8 came out everyone complained that “Gunblades” as a concept were fucking stupid so Square Enix just made them even stupider and now everyone loves them.