#guiltskates

⋆　　 ˚　　 ࿔ can you see how many fingers i’m holding up?

❛ ouch, ❜ not the answer max is looking for, but it's the only thing he can articulate as the clouded image of his friend comes into view. ❛ —told you i'd be bad at it. ❜ it doesn't take long before the lingering pain turns into something else, entire body convulsing with silent laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. ( this is what life is supposed to look like. two friends, standing in the middle of a sunlit street, laughing at each other. ) ❛ i don't know how you make it look so easy. ❜ something else to add to the ever-growing list of things he admired about max mayfield. will stays there for a few lingering seconds, enjoying the remaining rays of sunshine on his face and the pleasant ache on his cheeks that came from laughing too much. the kind of ache that was worth having, for once. moments like these are becoming more frequent. it's a constant reminder of what they've gained in between so much loss. it doesn't make it all worth it, but it makes it feel bearable. ❛ can we play video games now? ❜

forrest hills, it's the poor part of hawkin's. i think there is a lot of pre-set assumptions about the people in the trailer part, how they're white trash, the broke families who could barely afford getting by. while some of it may be true to an extent, there are some genuinely good families that reside there. i do believe eddie and wayne are part of that group. ( now max and her mother too. ) so when she moved across from him wayne noticed immediately. he was always been the better brother, the kinder one, never had the same characteristics as al or caused the problems he had. i'm confident he saw max's mom and wanted to extend a helping hand. he knows the trailers aren't in the best shape, probably have a leaky pipe or two. maybe a torn window screen. after fixing those the little things i know he told eddie to keep an eye out for her and max. i still stand firm by him fixing her car one day, not accepting what little cash she had in her purse even though he definitely needed it too.

THERE IS NO EFFORT MADE TO STIFLE THE GRIN BLOOMING ON HER LIPS, though for max's sake, and her pinched frown like she's still deciding between annoyance and mild regret, she does turn away until it softens to a fond smile. flattens the rising laughter to a gentle exhale. but the shine in her eyes doesn't dim, too much --- WHAT'S THE WORD? when you like love someone so much, there is a feeling in your chest that never goes away when you're around them. light and hopeful and warm. ENAMORED.

“ yes, you can. ” jane answers with an affirmative nod, smile growing despite herself as she approaches max and winds an arm around her shoulders: half pulling her in, half leaning into her. not attempting to pull her off balance. “ but you're my jerk. ” nose brushing freckled cheek, fingers trail lightly through the curled ends of copper strands that trail max's shoulder, and a corner of her grin hitches a little higher as her gaze flickers toward the lanky silhouette sulking in the opposite direction. if mike were truly hurt, jane would feel just a little differently about it. but she knows the difference between his heartbreak and his grumpiness. “ besides, he kind of deserved it this time. ” picking a fight of quips and wit with one maxine mayfield is a FOOL'S GAME, he really ought to know better by now. he does. for the better part of it, she thinks, some part of mike enjoys it. “ no reason for him to be in such a mood on a beautiful day. ”

even  as  a  firm  passenger,  @guiltskates  made  him  nervous  in  his  car.  his  hands  drummed  idly  on  the  steering  wheel  at  the  stop  sign.  he  couldn't  believe  he'd  agreed  to  give  her  driving  lessons,  but  he  was  a  man  of  his  word.  whatever  high  he  was  on  when  he  said  it,  it  was  done  and  here  he  was  standing  by  it.  or…  sitting.  while  he  was  on  the  lookout  for  a  good  and  empty  lot  to  practice  in,  steve  glanced  over  at  her.  ❝  what's  with  the  long  face,  huh?  didn't  get  many  valentines  at  school  today?  ❞  (  dustin  and  lucas  were  particularly  adament  to  tag  along,  but  steve  did  allow  the  occasional  and  necessary  white  lie.  fearing  their  presence  would  be  stressful  to  say  the  least,  steve  said  he'd  pick  them  up  when  his  plan  was  to…  not  do  that  until  after  the  lesson  concluded.  )

he'd  given  the  guys  a  little  pep  talk  to  wooing  their  sweethearts  the  day  before.  in  lieu  of  paper  hearts  with  checkboxes  scribbled  under  DO  YOU  LIKE  ME?  or  whatever,  steve  suggested  tokens  instead.  chocolates,  flowers,  stuffed  animals  were  the  basic  starter  pack,  of  course.  he  didn't  think  he'd  have  to  worry  about  the  gals  of  the  party.  suddenly,  the  nervousness  of  having  mad  max  back  behind  the  wheel  of  his  precious  bmw  didn't  seem  so  high  up  on  his  list.  ❝  you  know,  kids  are  kinda  dumb  when  it  comes  to  this  kind  of  thing.  everyone  expects  something  in  their  little  mailbox,  but  rarely  do  they  remember  someone  else  might  like  something  from  them  first.  ❞  one  hand  on  the  wheel,  steve  gestured  with  the  other.  his  eyes  wide  trying  to  find  the  right  words,  there  was  a  thin  veil  of  panic  to  his  face  when  he  turned  his  head  momentarily  to  note  max's  reaction  to  any  of  this.  ❝  you're  great.  you  know  that.  don't  you?  you  know  you're…  anyway,  don't  worry  about  it.  it's  not  about  you.  you  just  have  to  be,  i  don't  know,  patient.  it'll  all  click  one  day,  and  then  you'll  have  to  beat  'em  off  with  a  stick.  ❞  his  laughter  came  out  through  his  nose. 

jane startles when a cold palm lays on the inner crook of her elbow, light as a brush of insect's wings, unintentionally jumping from max's touch. the fear strikes her swiftly, not of harm but that ... that max could disappear the moment jane tries to hold onto her. it surprises her, how harshly it stabs through her gut and then finally materializes itself to her mind. ever since she released max from her arms after she first glimpsed her wake, SHE HAS BEEN AFRAID THAT SHE WOULD SLIP BACK INTO THAT TERRIBLE SLEEP. never to be found.

you know i would never hurt you, right? ― @guiltskates.

guilt is a funny thing, heavy and aching and dreadful all at once, overlapping in a strange knot in her stomach as her eyes drag to max's face. the uncertainty and hurt huddled there, sharp enough to puncture her heart and she realizes --- oh, she has given max a very, very wrong impression. that she may not want to be touched, or acknowledged by her. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. it was just ... she's ... she feels the phantom of a searching touch still on her skin, real, real, real, and the steel slides into the lock of her jaw, determines to scramble ahead of that silly fear. ( SHE WON'T LET HENRY HAVE HER. NOT EVER AGAIN. ) she presses her hand down over max's on the cushion, gentle enough not to crush appendages still shaky in strength but firm enough that she can slip her fingers around her palm and hold on. ( she's not disappearing. ) “ no. ” it starts solid, unquestioning, and then her brows pinch and frustration takes her mouth on a rocky, downwards curve. “ i mean, no, never. yes, i know. i'm -- ” a huff sounds like an avalanche in her own ears, this bunker is so quiet between the two of them. did she let it get this weird?

she    glances    around    the    room ,    as    if    the    belongings    scattered    about    might    give    her    more    answers ,    even    though    in    reality ,    her    brain    is    spinning    too    much    try    and    psychoanalyze    her    new    friend .    her    hand    grasps    at    the    silver    chain    around    her    neck ,    pressing    the    cross    into    her    palm ,    a    familiar    weight .    ❝    scary    and    lonely .    i’m    sorry ,    max .    i    really    am .... how did you win ?   ❞