#gringainterview

On Sunday while riding the metro, it happened yet again. A man standing next to my gringa friends and I began glancing at us. Then I noticed the dictionary in his hands. Oh shit. But then I noticed that his dictionary was Spanish-Portuguese!!  Hurray!!!

But then all hope was quickly erased as he looked up and said in stilted English, "where are you from?." I knew it was all over at that point, there was no escape.  I couldn't bear going through the interview again, and I found myself lying, saying I was from the UK, the northwest in fact. When he asked if I "liked the Colombian people" I deliberately gave him an answer that there was no way he would understand, something like "yes I find them absolutely positively mind baffling beyond all comparison awesome" as an attempt to deflect the question and highlight the ridiculousness of asking if I liked 47.7 million people .

I know it sounds mean. They're just trying to be nice. Or maybe they need to practice their English. But I'm sorry to say that I am only a gringa and I just can't take it anymore.

For four years I have been given the gringa interview by strangers on a daily basis. Here are the most common questions and what I have always wanted to say, but didn't:

Q1: Where am I from?

Well on Mondays I am from the UK and Tuesdays South Africa. On Wednesdays it's Australia and Thursdays it's Germany. Fridays are Holland and the weekends are a toss up between the Scandinavian countries.

Q2: What do I think of the Colombian people?

A: As stated above, the population of Colombia is 47.7 million people. Therefore, I am not able to form an opinion as of yet, but if I had to take a guess, I would say that they are people and like all people there are good ones and bad ones. Although I think what you expect me to say is that they are the most extraordinary race of human beings I have yet to come across.

Q3: Am I amañada (settled in)?

A: YES. After 4 years I believe I have managed to settle in.

Q4: Which language is harder to learn, Spanish or English?

A: Considering that English is my first language, I'd have to say hands down the more difficult language is Spanish.

Q5: Why are words in English spelled differently than pronounced?

A: Because it gives us magical powers.  Or maybe the answer is HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW. They just are.

Q6: Why do I talk weird in Spanish?

A: It's called an accent.  This is my second language. Yes, I speak two languages and for this I am going to speak one of them with a little accent because I am not an idiot savant. 

Q7: Isn't everyone in Medellin so friendly?

A: Hmmmm, not really. I mean, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Like everyone else in the world.

Q8: Did I come here to find a husband?

A: I'd say that is an absolutely positively without a doubt no.

  Q9: Do I like your country?