[ Joe Alwyn, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ ANDREW ‘DREW’ PRESCOTT ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 2 ] days?.  Let the record show you’re [ 34 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ FREELANCE (WRITING AGENT) ].  It’s been told you’re [ CHARMING and MYSTERIOUS ] but rumor has it you can also be [ FROSTY and WHOREISH ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ CHEESY HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES and LIPSTICK STAINS ON COLLARS] or when they hear [ I Think I Like You by The Band CAMINO ].

[ Chandler Kinney, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ HEATHER SOLAR ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 12 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 25 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ SOMETHING WICKED METAPHYSICAL SHOP (TAROT CARD READER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ OTHERWORLDLY and EXPERIMENTAL ] but rumor has it you can also be [ DITZY and FRIVOLOUS ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ COLORFUL SCARVES DRAPED OVER LAMPS and ALWAYS BURNING INCENSE ] or when they hear [ I Bet On Losing Dogs by Mitski ].

[ Owen Painter, nonbinary, he/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JEDIDIAH ‘JET’ THOMPSON ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 8 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 27 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ REDACTED ].  It’s been told you’re [ DARING and PURSUASIVE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ NEEDY and UNTHINKING ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ REVVING YOUR ENGINE AT A STOP LIGHT and STILL HAVING TO SNEAK BEERS BECAUSE YOUR SIBLINGS SEE YOU AS A CHILD ] or when they hear [ Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus ].

[ Elle Fanning, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JINX JENNINGS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 27 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 27 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ BLACK INK REVENGE (PIERCER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ FLIRTY and HONEST ] but rumor has it you can also be [ CRITICAL and EXPLOSIVE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ BEING THE MOST FUCKABLE PERSON AT THE GROCERY STORE and AGGRESSIVE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS ] or when they hear [ Experiment On Me by Halsey ].

[ Kyle Gallner, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JULIAN ‘JULES’ THOMPSON ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 8 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 35 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ REDACTED ].  It’s been told you’re [ PROTECTIVE and METICULIOUS ] but rumor has it you can also be [ ARGUMENTATIVE and CRUDE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ SKULKING AROUND A DARK ALLWEY WAY and DOING WHAT YOU CAN TO KEEP YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER ] or when they hear [ Bad Blood by Silence The City ]

[ anna lambe, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ ARDEN LOOMIS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-FOUR ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 24 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ GET UP AND GLOW SPA (NAIL TECH) ].  It’s been told you’re [ SOCIABLE and CREATIVE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ METICULOUS and FUSSY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ AN EXTENSIVE MAKEUP COLLECTION THAT IS WELL-LOVED and FACE GEMS ON A RANDOM TUESDAY AFTERNOON ] or when they hear [ SPACES by ONE DIRECTION ].

[ priscilla quintana, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CADE MEDINA ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ FIFTEEN ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 33 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ RINK-O-RAMA (OWNER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ GIVING and PROTECTIVE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ TOUGH and NOSY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ THE SOUND OF SKATES SLIDING ACROSS A HARDWOOD FLOOR and MUSIC THAT’S A LITTLE TOO LOUD TO HELP HYPE YOU UP ] or when they hear [ BAD REPUTATION by JOAN JETT & THE BLACKHEARTS ].

[ fred hechinger, nonbinary, he/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ DMITRI KOWALSKI ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-SIX ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 26 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ THE YMCA (HOCKEY COACH AND PLAYER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ GOOFY and KIND ] but rumor has it you can also be [ CLUMSY and LAZY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ BAGS OF FROZEN PEAS HELD UP TO HIS EYES TO PREVENT SWELLING and A STORY FOR EACH AND EVERY SCAR ] or when they hear [ MY FRIENDS OVER YOU by NEW FOUND GLORY ].

[ jacob anderson, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ HUGO VINCENT ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ THIRTY-FIVE ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 35 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ BUTCHER ].  It’s been told you’re [ HOSPITABLE and ACCOMMODATING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SUPERSTITIOUS and INHIBITED ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ WEEKEND VISITS TO THE CITY JUST TO ESCAPE FOR A WHILE and KEEPING THE SHOP OPEN LATE JUST BECAUSE HE CAN ] or when they hear [ (UN)LOST by THE MAINE ].

[ maika monroe, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JEMIMA ‘JEM’ THOMPSON ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ EIGHT ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 32 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ SUDZ LAUNDROMAT (EMPLOYEE) ].  It’s been told you’re [ MATERNAL and PROTECTIVE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SELF-DESTRUCTIVE and JEALOUS ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ STICKING CLOSELY TO HER BROTHERS and CHAIN SMOKING AS A MEANS OF DISTRACTION ] or when they hear [ OH LOVE! by WILLIAM BECKETT ].

[ chloe rose robertson, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JUPITER PRESCOTT ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TWO ] days?.  Let the record show you’re [ 23 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ UNEMPLOYED (FOR NOW)) ].  It’s been told you’re [ WITTY and SUPPORTIVE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ BLUNT and NAGGING ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ COLORFUL BANDAIDS ADORNING EVERY FINGER and INVITING HERSELF ON A ROAD TRIP ] or when they hear [ CLOSE TO YOU by GRACIE ABRAMS ].

[ Natalia Dyer, Cis-Female, She/Her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ Amber Rutherford ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 27 years ].  Let the record show you’re [ 27 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ bridal consultant at forget-me-not bridal & floral shop ].  It’s been told you’re [ GENTLE and INTELLIGENT ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SELF-DESTRUCTIVE and VOLATILE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ Soft blankets and Crying yourself to sleep at night ] or when they hear [ Invitation by Ashnikko ft. Kodie Shane ]. 

[ Liana Liberato, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CHANDLER VOS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 30 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 30 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ MOONLIGHT MOTEL (HOUSEKEEPING) ].  It’s been told you’re [ HYPNOTIC and ACCESSABLE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ FEISTY and INTENSE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ CONVENIENCE STORE RUNS AFTER LAST CALL and SHOCKING PEOPLE WITH YOUR VIDEO GAME SKILLS ] or when they hear [ Die For Me by A Day To Remember ].

[ Paul Dano, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CHRISTIAN CROMWELL ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 32 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 32 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ RINK-O-RAMA (MECHANIC) ].  It’s been told you’re [ MAGNETIC and FUN-LOVING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ IRRESPONSIBLE and AVOIDANT ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ BLACK BOX HAIR DYE and THE LINGERING SCENT OF CIGARETTES CLINGING TO YOUR JACKET ] or when they hear [ Forget by MARINA ].

[ Sophie Thatcher, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JAGGER GATES ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 6 ] months?.  Let the record show you’re [ 25 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ SPIN ME ROUND (EMPLOYEE) ].  It’s been told you’re [ PURSUASIVE and SELF-RELIANT ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SPITEFUL and DISHONEST ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ CUTTING YOUR HAIR IN THE BATHROOM AT 2 AM and BEING THE FIRST TO START A MOSH PIT ] or when they hear [ I Think I'm OKAY by mgk & YUNGBLUD ].

[ Jeremy Allen White, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CHRISTOPHER ‘KIP’ HARKNESS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 7 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 34 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ EBBS & TIDE (BAKER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ INNOVATIVE and AMUSING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ MOODY and WOODEN ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ A SHORT FUSE and SHITTY KNUCKLE TATS DONE BY A FRIEND IN A BATHROOM AT A PARTY ] or when they hear [ This Means War by Marianas Trench ].

[ Hailee Steinfeld, nonbinary, they/she ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ MARLEY BURKE ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 12 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 28 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ THE SIREN’S SONG (BARTENDER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ DRIVEN and SPONTANEOUS ] but rumor has it you can also be [ REACTIVE and JEALOUS ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ GETTING ARRESTED AT PROTESTS and FALLING IN LOVE WITH EVERY GIRL YOU SEE ] or when they hear [ Casual by Chappell Roan ].

[ grace van dien, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ GILLY JENNINGS ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-NINE ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 29 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ SIREN’S SONG (SERVER) ]. It’s been told you’re [ GIGGLY and OPTIMISTIC ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SUBSERVIENT and FRIVOLOUS ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ A WARDROBE FULL OF SUNDRESSES AND SOFT FABRICS and LIPSTICK STAINS LEFT BEHIND ON GLASSES ] or when they hear [ WALDEN POND by ATTA BOY ].

[ melissa collazo, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ IRIS PACHECO ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ TEN ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 25 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ DAVIS & CO. (MECHANIC) ]. It’s been told you’re [ ADAPTABLE and INDEPENDENT ] but rumor has it you can also be [ RECKLESS and SELF-INDULGENT ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ GREASE STAINS ON EVERY PAIR OF JEANS THEY OWN and A WELL-LOVED TOOL BOX GIFTED TO THEM BY THEIR FATHER ] or when they hear [ THE LIARS CLUB by COHEED AND CAMBRIA ].

[ hudson williams, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ MACON DORSEY ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ TWENTY ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 24 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ ZAMBONI DRIVER ]. It’s been told you’re [ COOPERATIVE and MERCIFUL ] but rumor has it you can also be [ INDECISIVE and CATTY ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ A COLLECTION OF WINTER JACKETS JUST FOR VARIETY and SHOVELING LITTLE DESIGNS INTO THE SNOW JUST FOR SOMETHING TO DO ] or when they hear [ I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY by BLUE OCTOBER ].

[ geraldine viswanathan, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ RAMONA ‘MO’ KONAR ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ SIX ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 30 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ THE WITCHING HOUR (EVENT PLANNER) ]. It’s been told you’re [ ORGANIZED and SENSIBLE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ PUSHY and COCKY ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ A BLACK BINDER CAREFULLY ORGANIZED AND NEATLY KEPT and GRABBING A FEW DRINKS AFTER WORK JUST TO UNWIND FOR A BIT ] or when they hear [ GLAD YOU CAME by THE WANTED ].

[ sadie stanley, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ SUTTON HAWTHORNE ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ SEVENTEEN ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 24 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ MONLIGHT MOTEL (FRONT DESK) ]. It’s been told you’re [ SPUNKY and EFFICIENT ] but rumor has it you can also be [ CYNICAL and FOOLISH ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ DIMPLED GRINS USED AS A GREETING and DESPERATELY CLINGING TO HER FATHER FOR DEAR LIFE ] or when they hear [ HOLD MY GIRL by GEORGE EZRA ].

[ cailee spaeny, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ GWENDOLYN ‘WENDY’ CROMWELL ] - welcome home You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-SEVEN ] years?. Let the record show you’re [ 27 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ SOMETHING WICKED METAPHYSICAL SHOP (HERBALIST) ]. It’s been told you’re [ NURTURING and RESPONSIBLE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SELF-DESTRUCTIVE and DEFENSIVE ]. Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ INCENSE ALWAYS BURNING IN THEIR APARTMENT and HAND-WOVEN TAPESTRIES THAT HAVE BEEN PASSED DOWN FOR SEVERAL GENERATIONS ] or when they hear [ FOLLOW by THE CONTORTIONIST ].

[ milo manheim, cisman, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ BANKS MONTGOMERY ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 24 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 24 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ EMPLOYEE AT SPIN ME ROUND RECORDS ].  It’s been told you’re [ PROTECTIVE and QUIRKY ] but rumor has it you can also be [ FRIVOLOUS and SCATTERBRAINED ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ shooting for the stars because the earth is not enough and the dizzying sensation of spinning around with little care in the world ] or when they hear [ ordinary by alex warren ].

[ archie renaux, cisman, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ COLBY BARNS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 1 ] year?.  Let the record show you’re [ 27 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ BARTENDER AT SIREN SONG ].  It’s been told you’re [ LOYAL and TRUSTING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ QUICK TO JUDGE and SHORT TEMPERED ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ dastardly disney prince and a lonely mansion on top of a hill ] or when they hear [ SEROTONIN by lalion ].

[ tom blyth, cisman, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ GRAYSON MEYERS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 30 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 30 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ MECHANIC @ DAVIS & CO ].  It’s been told you’re [ CAUTIOUS and SPONTANEOUS ] but rumor has it you can also be [ WEAK-WILLED and SUBSERVIENT ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ arms too small to hold all those you love close and a loopy smile and an honest heart ] or when they hear [ worst case scenario by set it off ].

[ ciara bravo, ciswomen, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ TAYLOR MONTGOMERY ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 28 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 28 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER ].  It’s been told you’re [ WITTY and ALERT ] but rumor has it you can also be [ PARANOID and ROWDY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ chewing on pencils and running from what frightens you  ] or when they hear [ carnival by john michael howell ].

[ kiernan shipka, gender nonconforming, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CROSBY BAKER ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ THREE ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 26 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ PLAYER ONE ARCADE (EMPLOYEE) ].  It’s been told you’re [ INVITING and CHARISMATIC ] but rumor has it you can also be [ CONVINCING and CHAOTIC ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ BEATEN UP SNEAKERS WITH MORE HOLES THAN SWISS CHEESE and AN OLD DENIM JACKET THAT WAS DEFINITELY STOLEN ] or when they hear [ ALL SIGNS POINT TO LAUDERDALE by A DAY TO REMEMBER ]. 

[ camila mendes, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ FERNANDA ‘FERN’ OLIVEIRA ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ THIRTY-ONE ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 31 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ GRIMWOOD FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY (DIRECTOR) ].  It’s been told you’re [ ORGANIZED and NURTURING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ BLUNT and UNAPPROACHABLE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ CANDLES ILLUMINATING HER OFFICE AND PERMEATING THE AIR and BLACK CATS WANDERING THROUGH THE CEMETERY ] or when they hear [ UNDRESSED by SOMBR ]. 

[ havana rose liu, nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ JOSEPHINE ‘JOEY’ TAN ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ SIX ] months?.  Let the record show you’re [ 28 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ GRIMWOOD TOWN HALL (SECRETARY) ].  It’s been told you’re [ MAGNETIC and CHARMING ] but rumor has it you can also be [ METICULOUS and GOSSIPY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ NEATLY ORGANIZED STATIONARY DECORATING HER DESK and TUCKING HER HANDS INTO THE SLEEVES OF HER SWEATER ] or when they hear [ HOW DO I FEEL by HOKU ].

[ lizzy greene, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ KIT JENNINGS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-TWO ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 22 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ GARDEN GNOME DAYCARE (ATTENDANT) ].  It’s been told you’re [ CHEERFUL and SWEET ] but rumor has it you can also be [ IMPULSIVE and PETTY ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ FRESHLY PICKED FLOWERS BEING WOVEN INTO A FLOWER CROWN and SUNDRESSES PAIRED WITH COMBAT BOOTS ] or when they hear [ SOLID GROUND by VANCE JOY ]. 

[ lili reinhart, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ SAWYER FAUST ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TWENTY-NINE ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 29 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ OFFICE MANAGER FOR A RADIO STATION ].  It’s been told you’re [ ADVENTUROUS and ADAPTABLE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ PERFECTIONIST and EVASIVE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ STACKS OF PAPERWORK ALWAYS HUGGED CLOSE TO HER CHEST and ENJOYING A GLASS OF WINE AFTER AN ANNOYINGLY LONG DAY ] or when they hear [ LOVE OF MY LIFE by HARRY STYLES ]. 

[ mika abdalla,  nonbinary, she/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ WILDE LYKAIOS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ TEN ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 24 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ THE MIDNIGHT CLUB (SERVER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ PLAYFUL and MAGNETIC ] but rumor has it you can also be [ POSSESSIVE and FLIRTATIOUS ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ EYES ROLLING AT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INCONVENIENCE and A FRECKLED NOSE SCRUNCHING UP IN DELIGHT ] or when they hear [ HOLY by PVRIS ].

[ Ethan Hawke, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ ALISTAR REYNOLDS ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 13 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 55 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ INDEPENTAND IT CONSULTANT ].  It’s been told you’re [ PATIENT and SOFT SPOKEN ] but rumor has it you can also be [ OVERBEARING and PARTICULAR ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ KEEPING YOUR OWN PECULIAR SLEEP SCHEDULE and DEDICATING YOUR LIFE TO YOUR CHILDREN ] or when they hear [ How To Save A Life by The Fray ].

[ Emily Alyn Lind, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ BAMBI VALENTINE ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 2 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 23 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ NONE (UNEMPLOYED) ].  It’s been told you’re [ OUTSPOKEN and UNBAISED ] but rumor has it you can also be [ BRATTY and SULLEN ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ WASTING HOURS AT THE MALL SPENDING MONEY YOU DON’T HAVE and LATE NIGHT HEART TO HEARTS ON YOUR BEST FRIEND’S BED ] or when they hear [ Elizabeth Taylor by Taylor Swift ].

[ Tucker Pillsbury, nonbinary, he/they ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ CRAIG CAMERON ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 10 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 28 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ BINDINGS & BEGINNINGS (WRITER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ DYNAMIC and CASUAL ] but rumor has it you can also be [ NILIHISTIC and PARANOID ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ SCATTERED TATTOOS and EXCHANGED LOOKS WITH SIBLINGS WHEN SOMETHING QUESTIONABLE IS SAID AT A FAMILY DINNER ] or when they hear [ Not Gonna Die by Skillet ].

[ Hayden Christensen, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ KIRBY CERULLI ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 44 ] years?.  Let the record show you’re [ 44 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ GRIMWOOD SCHOOL SYSTEM (SHOP TEACHER) ].  It’s been told you’re [ CALM and SOCIABLE ] but rumor has it you can also be [ SELF-SABOTAGING and SNIDE ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ HAIR JUST LONG ENOUGH TO CURL AT THE NAPE OF YOUR NECK and TREATING YOUR SIBLINGS LIKE YOUR CHILDREN ] or when they hear [ I Like Me Better by Lauv ].

[ Bailey Bass, cis woman, she/her ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ LOVIE BLAKE ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 10 ] months?.  Let the record show you’re [ 22 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ EBBS & TIDE CAFE (CAKE DECORATOR) ].  It’s been told you’re [ INNOVATIVE and WHITTY ] but rumor has it you can also be [ POLITICAL and UNSENTIMENTAL ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ FINDING FROSTING IN YOUR HAIR AFTER A LONG SHIFT and PREFERING SAVORY TREATS TO SWEET ONES ] or when they hear [ Trouble by Natalia Kills ].

[ Callum Turner, cis man, he/him ] — Seems like you’ve made your way to Grimwood, [ PYOTR ‘PETYA’ DARLING ] - welcome home  You’ve been here for [ 1 ] week?.  Let the record show you’re [ 35 ] years old, and are currently employed at [ UNEMPLOYED ].  It’s been told you’re [ KNOWLEDGEABLE and CANDID ] but rumor has it you can also be [ APATHETIC and PEDANTIC ].  Don’t be surprised if people think of you when they think of [ FITTING YOUR WHOLE LIFE IN A SUITCASE and BOYISH CHARM ] or when they hear [ Last Night by Morgan Wallen ].