#greyface.

☑ - my muse wants to know better

     “ I’ll name the ones that I can remember the fastest. Pandora. Daisy - she seems so kind. Khadijah is such a mystery. Davina. Frank! Um, Cyrus. And Castor, because I don’t trust him. ”

Attractiveness:

repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || sexy || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || would tap that || perfect || godlike || holy fuck there are no words

Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous brave || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || upbeat || peaceful laidback || calming || badass || flexible

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || fuck buddies || bosom buddies || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them || I’m afraid of them

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || makes me moan || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed (no thanks.)

🌀 / SNAIL MAIL / ACCEPTING

DEAR FUT

—the top of the paper has been torn off, as if she already chose to start over.

dear future me,

I feel real akward writing this and I’m sure you’l laugh at your old self for saying that when you read this in whatever time, but here I go, right. Guns blazing.

And I don’t really wanna say any of this because it feels… well shit if I know how it feels, you know I’m not good at this sort of thing. I don’t wanna admit it, I guess. I spend so much time keeping this sort of thoughts away. Even if no one’ll read this letter, I… don’t want to have blackmail matterial? I guess. But it’s probably that line of thinking that’s stoping me in the first place. I hope you know how sinsere I’m being, by the way. (Is that the word? Lin told me it the other day. Tell me if that’s the right one. Tell me what Lin’s like then, too. Tell me what all my friends are like. Do I get any new ones?)

Anyway, I really hope you’re happy. I hope you’ve got a family and stuff. I, uh… I do miss my family. I wish my dad had been I wish I could still talk to mom. I still want to find my brother. They’re not important, I want to say, but… sometimes I still remember Lilli and it makes me kinda sad. I want my city hideout back. Did you ever get to go back to that?

I hope you’re S+, too. Or at least LV. 50. Resha’s getting closer every day. I don’t talk to her too much anymore, I’ve been, focused on Dustin. Does Dustin still talk to you? I feel like he’s ignoring me now. I want to do something about it but I’m

—at this point, the dulled pencil marks turn sharper. there are smudges on the paper, as if she’d taken her time to brush the shavings off the page.

scared to say anything.

I don’t want to be scared. I’m tired of being scared. I’m tired of being angry and I don’t know the word but it always feels like something’s after me nowadays. Ever since the whole run in with Max and stuff. Are those people still important? I want to kill Max, I really do. I can’t do anything against him. I don’t know anything about Splatlings. Not good against them. Not good ones, anyway. I shot one at point blank the other day with the rg. He makes me feel helpless. So does Dustin. I want to say I hate Dustin, I really do. I… this is fucking stupid but I hope you end up with him, future me. I don’t want him mad at me. He doesn’t get mad. I don’t know what I did wrong.

I mean I’ve done a lot of things wrong. But to him. I just… when it’s him, he’s different, he’s mine, he’s always been mine, it’s been about me and him. I lost him once. I can’t do that again. But I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

I really hope you’re not scared.

I don’t kn I feel like this is I’m running out of room so I should stop writing. But I hope you don’t laugh at me for this. I hope you’ve been nice and you’ve fixed all your problems and you’re not scared and you’re a good person. I want to be a good person. I don’t know how to fix it. I need Dustin to help me with that, and he won’t. I hope he helped you.

sodsigned, lilli coste

🌀 / CRYSTALS TELL ALL(?) / NOT ACCEPTING

abalone: what kind of situations compromise my muse emotionally

whether it’s obvious or not, soda isn’t exactly emotionally stable.   ( not that she’s stable in much of anything, so… )   a lot of things worm themselves farther into her brain than they should. having said that, it’s generally the ones that compromise her perception of something    ( usually herself )    that hit the hardest. a few examples are as follows:

●    another person inciting conflict.    ( this actually messes with her identity. soda was raised to be subservient and averse to conflict, despite how she acts now – so being in an argument where she’s not controlling the pace and/or winning reminds her that she’s doing something wrong. )●     someone blaming her for something she takes pride in.●     being accused of being selfish and/or abusive in relationships, even though that’s completely valid.●     generally, being forced to realize she’s not as good and right as she thinks she is.

this is because soda has a pathological need to always be right. when she was a child, her parents never let her be right   ( sometimes for valid reasons, sometimes not ). defeating dj octavio was the first thing that made her feel indisputably good, and so she clings incredibly tightly to that concept. the only problem with that is the fact that she never grew out of that childish ‘wrongness’; only her perception and reasoning has changed and strengthened until it’s almost impossible to make her think she’s done wrong in that regard. make no mistake: soda is no more a hero. she only acts like it for the sake of her sanity.

agate: how my muse calms down

soda… doesn’t really make an effort to calm down. she likes feeling things strongly; it’s empowering. one of the reasons soda is so devastating in her fits is that she doesn’t bother to rein herself in.

despite not seeming so, soda can be quite manipulative, whether actively or not. her emotions serve that as well. if she’s distraught over something, she indirectly uses that wave of emotion to guilt-trip others   ( looking at you, dustin );   if she’s so furious, she uses it to intimidate legitimate threats that she wouldn’t otherwise be able to beat. any situation in which being volatile will not further her simply doesn’t necessarily ruffle her in the first place.

other people giving into her is the fastest way to stop one of her fits. if that doesn’t happen, it compromises her   ( see above answer ).   at that point, it becomes less an issue of “calming down” and moreso one of “regaining mental stability”, which is obviously a much larger problem and requires different coping mechanisms.

🌀 / CRYSTALS TELL ALL(?) / NOT ACCEPTING

lapis lazuli: where ‘home’ is to my muse

soda has very little concept of a home, if it wasn’t obvious. she never really had one, after all – her houses changed every year, and they didn’t provide the sort of peace that a home should. she always felt the most at ‘home’ in her own places: her city-hideout, clearings in forests, hideaways and things like them that she carved out and ground her name into its atoms. it was where she could do what she wanted, without her parents to drag her back to the house saying it was “too dangerous” or “too selfish” or her brother demanding they “play his way”.

having said that, those places barely exist in her memory any longer. soda might consider her original house – the farmhouse on the cliff overlooking the sea – ‘home’, if she hadn’t been three when they left. after that, all the places blended together. the only place that sticks out to her is the slums, and that wasn’t so much the place being memorable as the connection she made there.

even that has a catch, however. she didn’t remember the slums either, until she met that connection back in inkopolis – a blue inkling boy who just happened to be a little bit pretty and a little bit sunny and a little bit dreamy. finding him again meant— well, let me put it this way. her pretty boy represented such an important part of her childhood that she’s not quite the same without him.

so as cliche as it sounds, home isn’t a place to soda – it’s a person, by the little-known name of dustin lee.

rubellite: if my muse has any 'triggers’ that inspire painful memories

indeed she does! any “hero replica” generally doesn’t sit well with her. it’s to a much lesser extent with the hero roller and hero charger, as she never used them – soda feels disconnected from them.   ( it’s the reason my muse is groaning very loudly at the ability to use a much larger variety of weapons in splat2n – “what, now i’m not going to be able to wield or fight any of these things?” )   although, i will say, soda won’t use chargers and blasters   ( weapons that her mother and brother used )   so she wasn’t exactly happy to learn there was a hero charger. it just seemed to ingrain the idea that her mother was more heroic and more selfless than her.

hero shot replicas are easy to ignore, so she doesn’t mind those quite as much; she can just pretend they’re a splattershot. the gear is where it gets hard to keep her cool. regular hero gear? not so much. bad memories, yes, but she had as many good moments with it as she did bad. the hero armor, on the other hand – anyone wearing it in battle is almost enough to make her dissociate. she very vividly remembers how hot and clunky it was while fighting octavio, and it’s not something she’s keen on remembering.