đ / SNAIL MAIL / ACCEPTING
âthe top of the paper has been torn off, as if she already chose to start over.
I feel real akward writing this and Iâm sure youâl laugh at your old self for saying that when you read this in whatever time, but here I go, right. Guns blazing.
And I donât really wanna say any of this because it feels⊠well shit if I know how it feels, you know Iâm not good at this sort of thing. I donât wanna admit it, I guess. I spend so much time keeping this sort of thoughts away. Even if no oneâll read this letter, I⊠donât want to have blackmail matterial? I guess. But itâs probably that line of thinking thatâs stoping me in the first place. I hope you know how sinsere Iâm being, by the way. (Is that the word? Lin told me it the other day. Tell me if thatâs the right one. Tell me what Linâs like then, too. Tell me what all my friends are like. Do I get any new ones?)
Anyway, I really hope youâre happy. I hope youâve got a family and stuff. I, uh⊠I do miss my family. I wish my dad had been I wish I could still talk to mom. I still want to find my brother. Theyâre not important, I want to say, but⊠sometimes I still remember Lilli and it makes me kinda sad. I want my city hideout back. Did you ever get to go back to that?
I hope youâre S+, too. Or at least LV. 50. Reshaâs getting closer every day. I donât talk to her too much anymore, Iâve been, focused on Dustin. Does Dustin still talk to you? I feel like heâs ignoring me now. I want to do something about it but Iâm
âat this point, the dulled pencil marks turn sharper. there are smudges on the paper, as if sheâd taken her time to brush the shavings off the page.
I donât want to be scared. Iâm tired of being scared. Iâm tired of being angry and I donât know the word but it always feels like somethingâs after me nowadays. Ever since the whole run in with Max and stuff. Are those people still important? I want to kill Max, I really do. I canât do anything against him. I donât know anything about Splatlings. Not good against them. Not good ones, anyway. I shot one at point blank the other day with the rg. He makes me feel helpless. So does Dustin. I want to say I hate Dustin, I really do. I⊠this is fucking stupid but I hope you end up with him, future me. I donât want him mad at me. He doesnât get mad. I donât know what I did wrong.
I mean Iâve done a lot of things wrong. But to him. I just⊠when itâs him, heâs different, heâs mine, heâs always been mine, itâs been about me and him. I lost him once. I canât do that again. But I donât know what to do. Iâm scared.
I really hope youâre not scared.
I donât kn I feel like this is Iâm running out of room so I should stop writing. But I hope you donât laugh at me for this. I hope youâve been nice and youâve fixed all your problems and youâre not scared and youâre a good person. I want to be a good person. I donât know how to fix it. I need Dustin to help me with that, and he wonât. I hope he helped you.
âthe paper is torn again, cutting off room to write when there should have been more. itâs been crumpled and undone multiple times, edges frayed and covered in idle pen marks. finally, it has been folded into thirds, with bold lettering demanding âDO NOT OPENâ on one side.