#graybylitter4

Phil was by my side every day. When I lost Widget and Arya, I did not expect to have another bond like that. Phil was attached to my ankles, or always trying to be by my face. He would reach his little paws out. He was also delicate and sensitive on his paws, he did NOT like stepping on crumbs or sand feeling. He would kick his back little feet to get the dust off. One time he limped and I took him to the vet only to discover that he had a small cut that was causing him distress.

It healed just fine, and he had an otherwise healthy and fun life. One morning, he got out, without me seeing him or knowing. I like to tell them to be careful and that I love them whenever they leave (just-ocd-things). I did not do that with Phil this day.

I looked for him for a week. I printed signs. I printed more signs. I mailed signs to all my neighbors. To this day, there are still some signs up.

I was in therapy at the time, and I was expressing all of the steps I was taking, and how I was feeling. One day, I thought to myself that, no matter what condition he was in, that I was ready to have him home. I kept feeling, the whole time I was looking for him, that he was near the house. Well, that was right, since he was very close outside the window I was sleeping near (waiting for him to come home, I slept on the living room couch that week), but he was passed away.

I went outside that day, the day I felt ready, and I found him. I saw his feet, and the healed cut. His body was scanned for a chip and it matched his.

While he was missing, some people called me, they found the flyer online and used his details to try to scam me out of money. They told me that they found him, that he would be ok with life saving surgery, that I would get a grant for the money to cover the surgery, but I would have to put money down. I almost fell for it, since I was so blinded with love for my cat. It was an emotional rollercoaster. I did not pay them anything. They yelled at me and insulted me, even threatened me.

I wish I had more time with Phil, and I feel so sick that he was able to get outside. After that, no one was allowed outside for a very long time (which is how Vivi got pee pad trained).

The day I took him to the vet, it was a Friday, which I think impacted the way his issue was handled. The vet even told me I could come get him, but on the way to get him, they told me I would need to put him down. When I asked about amputation of the injured leg, most of the staff seemed to be unaware of the vet's decision to end his life due to the assumed injury, and told me he'd be a great candidate for it.

When I brought this up to the vet, she shut the idea down very quickly. It felt super rushed and very stressful. I regret not taking him home and seeing if he would be able to go to the bathroom, but he would have to live with a broken leg.

I listened to the vet, and this is now the euthanasia story that I feel the most regret about. I think part of it was also that I did not want to put him through what Arya went through just days before. On the way to the vet to put him down, I was unable to breathe.

Fuzzy was a very sweet, restful baby boy. He was curious about the world, and would love to sit in a lap and nap the day away. His coat was as soft as a cloud, and he also had a large skull like Gidget. A nice big brain probably lived in there. I really miss this guy. His urn does not have a photo frame on it, so there is a picture near it. I hope that if there is an afterlife, that he and his brother Phil are together again.