#graulbrencedale

one big similarity between gray and lawrencedale is the way their universes are constructed out of the homophobic myths that made them who they are, ones they were forced to believe and live by, they become the actual laws of their worlds to keep them trapped, so lawrence is made straight by siring a child, grayson is kept gay by not being able to in the proper way <- when paul first night questions why he’s married to perdy he asks “is it because you want children? because it is possible without being married, even without being in the same room as the woman” and gray replies “i love children, but i’d prefer to have them in the conventional manner” <- but he ends up not doing that, he does it through surrogacy, then fucks paul the day after <- too busy being at it with ronnie :DDDD never actually had to fuck a woman to have a child, he did but god didn’t let it work bc he was too gay, vs lawrence isn’t totally gay bc god allowed it to work just the once, maybe to stop him being gay, bc the baby’s why he fails at gayness, vs gray’s gayness with paul makes him fail at the baby <- lawrence though does actually Try to succeed at gayness while gray never does, but then lawrence isn’t allowed to succeed while gray accidentally does, they want different things, they both get the opposite of what they want, they both get ruined, there is no succeeding, bc when lawrence tries to break out of his homophobic world he gets beaten back into it bc having built a life out of it has made it inescapable, gray then similarly manifests his own demise through his continued belief in it. (begs the question of if gray had escaped without succeeding first would he have then still been punished and brought back in, what degree of participation makes you too far gone, could we answer that with remains to be seen robert bc he’s managed to succeed at both so we maybe could invert that maybe not whatever anyway.) it’s gray fucking paul in place of his failed straight impregnation vs lawrence not getting to fuck robert bc of his Successful straight impregnation, and those each meaning that gray doesn’t get his baby which is all he wants and lawrence doesn’t get his gay sex which is all he wants. degree of gayness determined by paternal success, the two pitted as a strict binary and kept as such by the construction of the story/world, their dabbling in both slash attempted marriage of the two is what ultimately breaks them, at that point whatever side they settle on has been destabilised/rotted by their life in the other. paul and gray actually begin to properly bond after this perdy miscarriage, vs robrence are broken up by seb’s birth, the miscarried baby was called sebastian. The miscarried baby was called Sebastian. its death enabled graul sex, its life prevented robrence sex. it was then also that subsequent graul sex that took the final chance of sebastian from gray in the end. successful sebastian took the final chance of robrence sex from lawrence in the end. you get one or the other. not totally gay then dad universe. god’s way of saying men like me shouldn’t be fathers world

fault for sex lies with the predator, but robert’s lying vs gray’s speaking the truth (kinda), bc lawrence was drugged into unconsciousness vs paul actually was the initiator (of the kiss, and gray then said maybe we shouldn’t:3 but paul doubled down, gray made him the initiator, knowing what he could then do with it), robert gray and paul all act the prey whilst actually being (to different extents and in different ways) the predator, vs lawrence is the only one painted as Complete predator whilst also being the only one who isn’t one at all. robert and gray hide their desire to exploit behind making lawrence and paul the one at traditional fault, but graul was built on real love now ruined by its lack of Good place in the world, paul’s bedroom turned into the pub toilets, while robert manufactured a false real love to control lawrence then controlled him doubly through situating it in that same(/worse) Bad place, he doesn’t have just lawrence’s love to exploit but lawrence’s perversity, gray similarly pins the blame on paul by identifying(/creating) that same perversity, following him into the toilets but reminding him that he found his way in there first, gray and robert are both aware of the Scenes, against lawrence and paul’s history of largely direct and innocent love that’s never been really about how Gay it is, gray and robert meanwhile have engaged in the more traditional underground gayness, and have made themselves Powerfully gay within it, lawrence and paul then have no knowledge of how to defend themselves or their real loves against gray and robert’s accusations of perversity, paul tries to lift their sex out of its scandal, gray pushes it back in, lawrence wants to be able to have sex that isn’t scandalous, robert tells him he had sex that was Worse than that, graybert are both trying to be the worst sex lawrence and paul have ever had, but gray’s doing it to bring paul out of his homonormativity and into being a gay outlaw with hopes they can cottage basically, robert’s trying to put lawrence back in gay prison with hopes that lawrence to try and regain his legality will do anything his victim wants, paul and lawrence both desire a world where homophobia doesn’t affect them, gray and robert both try and drag them into the evil gay world created by homophobia, paul made a pervert by simply wanting to sleep with gray, lawrence made a pervert by preying/raping, severity of crime needing to increase with the world’s homophobia decreasing, both paul and lawrence are in pursuit of Innocent love but both are dragged into gay prison by being painted as the Predator, when that concept only exists in the world gray and robert have now dragged them into, for their own personal gain, for the power they get to wield within it