#graphic language

"Kacchan! I- Uh, I didn't think you'd be back yet," Deku fiddled with his bracelet, the way he always does when he's nervous. Katsuki had always felt quietly proud whenever he saw that nervous tick. He liked to think that he was lending him strength through time and space via the power of a 15-year old friendship bracelet. But if he was, the nerd wouldn't be packing up and leaving in the most cowardly way possible.

"Well, I'm back. And I'm wondering what the fuck my boyfriend is doing trying to fucking ghost me like we haven't been living together for years. You even packed up the fucking Silver?!" Walking through the apartment was like touring a fucking ghost town. Deku had taken down the squad photos from the entryway. Packed up his half of the closet. And most of what was technically Deku’s bedroom (but was in reality the All Might shrine) was already stuffed into the half-full duffel bag in his hands.

Deku had been so quiet after the altercation with Shigaraki at that stupid award show. He stopped flooding Katsuki’s notifs with random memes. Stopped nagging him about his shoes. Stopped stealing from his “secret” candy stash. Deku was pulling away, and he knew it. Everyone had always said their time would run out. Even Katsuki’s closest friends wondered how Deku put up with him. Katsuki didn’t really know either, but he knew for damn sure he’d never give him up without the fight of his life. And Katsuki was really good at fighting.

“Don’t worry, I’m clearing out all my Nerd Shit.” Deku held up the duffel he was packing. “I won’t take up anymore of your space.”

“What the fuck do you mean your space? Everything that’s mine is yours, dumbass!” Katsuki hated feeling helpless, but he didn’t fucking know what to do.

His eyes roved over the rolling suitcase in the corner with an already full duffel beside it. How the fuck did Deku fit his entire life into a suitcase and two duffels? Katsuki felt nauseous. Was their life together so easy to leave behind?

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Kacchan,” Deku gently chided. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore. I’m gonna go back to my mother’s in Musutafu.” Deku’s hands flexed, and he spun around to continue packing. He pressed on, “She’s been trying to set me up at the shop for months now. You know Iida is in the area, and he’ll make sure Shigaraki doesn’t cause any trouble. You don’t have to protect me anymore…”

Katsuki shook his head, like that would change the words he was hearing. Did Deku really feel like an accessory to his life and not his central sun? A sun that both warms and centers him. The object he revolves around, without whom his movements make no sense.

He knew his reputation, but hearing Deku lay out his plan so calmly didn’t make him mad or jealous, so much as unmoored. Deku was the most constant thing in his life. Always cheering him on, always applauding his achievements, yes. But also, always pushing him to be better. Demanding it, even. His north star, his moral compass. Deku would spiral into his crazy rabbit holes and resurface to point him in exactly the right direction. Who would Kacchan be without Deku?

“I’ll still be cheering you from afar! And I’ll buy every album you put out and everything. But everyone says it would be better if I left you alone and I know tha-”

“What does that mean, ‘better if you left me alone’ ?” He’s not exactly surprised to hear that. Everyone they know has said a variation of that at one time or another. But he thought they were together in shoving other people’s noses out of their business. If Deku needs to go find better, then fine, Katsuki will maybe die inside but he’ll fucking deal. But if Deku is leaving for any reasons other than his own…

“Well, you know,” Deku hedged, pausing in rolling up the All Might 2 movie poster. “That whole thing last month … it uh, got a little out of hand. I swear, I wasn’t trying to make it worse, but-”

“You didn’t fucking make it worse. You stopped me from ending that motherfucker’s life.” Deku was entirely blameless in Katsuki’s eyes. That handsy motherfucker, on the other hand … if he got within 100 feet of Deku again, he was gonna fucking meet Katsuki’s fists again. And they didn’t get along so well the first time.

Deku set down the poster solemnly, looking down at the ground. “I know. Kacchan, I’m so sorry-”

“Sorry for what?” Katsuki was extremely lost here. It’s not his fucking fault Shigaraki doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself. Or that Katsuki took it upon himself to show him where his hands belong.

What was Deku even apologizing for? He had to know Katsuki of all people would never hold anything against him. Deku could pull his heart out of his chest, and Katsuki would thank him for the privilege to be held so tightly.

Deku spun around, tears brimming in his eyes. “I’m sorry I was even there that night! If it wasn’t for me, you never would have gotten into that fight and gotten into so much trouble! I knew I should have been lying low, but I just couldn’t miss watching you accept that award! And now your career might never recover!” Deku curled in on himself, in obvious distress.

Katsuki couldn’t believe what he heard. “Deku … please tell me you’re not trying to leave me for my career.” He had fucking failed as a boyfriend if Deku thinks he’d choose anything over him. Fame, fortune, fucking food … none of it compares.

Deku sniffed. “It’s your childhood dream. I-I wouldn’t dare take that away from you.” He shook his head, shrinking in on himself. He did that so often. Trying to erase himself, like he doesn't even exist.

“So … you were just gonna run?” Katsuki got still and quiet. “Just pack everything up and leave?”

“I-” Deku trailed off, at a loss for words for once.

Katsuki clenched his fists so tightly, he was surprised they didn’t explode. This fucking nerd really thought he could leave without a trace? Just disentangle himself entirely? As if he wouldn't rip out a part of Katsuki by leaving?

Katsuki was practically a god of music, and his career would survive much worse controversies than this. It’s not a choice between his boyfriend and his career. And if it was? Fuck his career! He's had more than plenty minutes of fame, and the hordes of adoring masses have nothing on the stars in Deku's eyes when Katsuki cooks up a new dish or kills a bug for him or rearranges the furniture or whatever.

How could he possibly think Katsuki would choose a fucking job over him! He almost lost Deku once, he's never fucking losing him again!

He was lucky enough Deku was willing to forgive him once he got his head out of his ass in high school. Katsuki won't leave Deku's side until both of their hearts stop. He'll either figure out a way to keep Deku's ashes with him or to fucking haunt him in the afterlife, depending on which one of them goes first.

“You really thought you could just disappear from my life, just like that?”

Deku nodded hesitantly. “Jeanist has it all figured out. The public barely knows I exist, just what the tabloids said about the award show. Jeanist said he’ll figure out how to spin it for the public, and you can do an interview. Maybe you can say I’m a stalker, or an acquaintance from middle school-”

“An ‘acquaintance?’ Fuck the public! They don't get to have the real me. Only you. If you want me.” Katsuki locked his gaze on Deku’s, heart in his throat.

“Oh, Kacchan." Deku's eyes went real soft. "You know you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I spent my entire childhood chasing after you, worried I would never catch up. You knew, even back then, that I would only bring you down, hold you back, and I chased you anyway." Deku dashed tears away, volume rising as he got more upset. “But you were right. I’m jeopardizing your career. You’ve worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get this far! I can’t ruin your life!” Deku yelled.

“You’re not ruining my life!” Katsuki yelled back. He was still mad and worried, but at the same time, felt so fucking relieved. He hasn’t lost him, not yet. Not ever, if I can help it.

“Kacchan,” Deku shook his head. “Your childhood dream is at stake!”

“Yeah, my childhood dream. I already achieved it. Because of you! And yeah, it's been great and like the best job ever. I’m amazing at it. But I don't dream about the adoring fans, the crowdsurfing, the big stadium tours or what the fuck ever anymore. I dream about you, nerd. Our life together. So what, if they cancel me or drop me? I don't need a label to write songs. I was made to sing, and I’m gonna sing until the day I die, no matter what happens. I can just put that shit on MeTube or whatever the fuck Sparky’s always going on about.”

“But your career-”

“Will never be as important to me as you, dumbass.” Katsuki grabbed his shoulders firmly, ducking to catch his gaze. “Deku, you could slice open my vocal cords right now, I could never sing another note in my life, and I would still want you in it.”

Deku burst into tears anew. “Kacchan,” he huffed a laugh, wiping at his red eyes. “That's a little fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Kacchan shrugged. He stood behind his words though. “You knew that about me, though.”

“Yeah, I did,” Deku gave him a watery smile. “Kacchan, I just want what's best for you. Jeanist said I bring out the worst in you, and you’d-”

“Fuck Jeanist,” Katsuki spat, finally wrapping Deku in a hug. “I need a new manager anyway. And you’re what's best for me. Don't listen to child me. He was a punk.”

Deku laughed brokenly. “Don't say that. He was pretty cool.”

“He was also extremely stupid in some key ways. He was dead fucking wrong about you, in more ways than one. And he might have been right about the singing career, but the idiot thought it was the most important thing in the world.” Katsuki squeezed him tighter. “I can always get another job. I'll never get another you.”

“Yeah, I’m limited edition,” Deku joked.

“Fuck yeah you are. Fucking priceless.”