#gowonloona

The airport was bustling with people from all over the world. People with hoods up, a neck pillows around their neck, sweatshirts on and power banks at hand. Your arms wrap around you, tightening around you as you walk alongside Changkyun and Kihyun. Changkyun rolls his suitcases along side him, his hood looming over his head and his airpods in his ears ready for his departure. The atmosphere was tense but you knew what you heart was feeling. Kihyun tried to initiate conversation and Changkyun tried to keep his composure too since his mind was hectic enough after what happened a month or so ago. He stood still and turned around ready to say goodbye to his two best friends. You coudnt be mad at him, he was following his dream, something you encouraged so you took a deep breath and gave him once last hug. Who knew when he’d come back, today was the last day. “Hey, I’ll message you and talk to you and we can still play you know?” his hand rests at the back of your head and you felt serenity when he did so. You nod your head, feeling your eyes pool with tears already; “I value our friendship and trust me, it will never change!” he forces a smile knowing how much it pained him to formulate what came out of his mouth. Kihyun gently patted your back as you stepped away from Changkyun, your cheeks wet from your tears. “Your hoodies wet, sorry.” You sniffle as Changkyun just smiles at you reassuringly. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” He looks down in despair. Changkyun hugs Kihyun however this time it felt apologetic and empathetic; “I’m sorry if I caused you any pain Kihyun, take care of her well, I’ll see you again sometime soon,” His lips stretch into a smile before he grabs his suitcase to make his journey to the States. Who knew when the trio would meet again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kihyun asks you. He could tell from the empty stare that you were hurt but you turn to him smiling as you’d always do, “yeah, I’m okay just… wouldn’t have expected him to leave you know?” you shrug before linking your arm with Kihyun’s. Changkyun pondered in the aircraft, his head leaning against the interior of the plane, staring to the nothingness outside. He was off to the states with his parents to start a new life, to experience new things. You and Kihyun took the bus home but instead Kihyun stopped off at the mall. “why did you stop here?” you ask looking at yourself in your compact mirror. “Maybe get you something to eat since you didn’t eat anything?” He grabs your hand and looks back up at your again and stops for a moment. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea? He gently takes his hand away from yours and waits for you to get off before he followed. Kihyun tried his best on this occasion to make you happy, paying for food and also buying some ice cream. The sky was progressively getting darker as you both walked home together the sweetness of the ice cream setting on your tastebuds. “are you feeling slightly better now?” he asks you as he holds the empty ice cream cup in his left hand leaving his right hand unoccupied. “a little bit, I guess I just have to accept it right?” you smile at him, “besides I’m moving onto campus in a couple days so it’s just the matter of getting on with it.” You clear you throat before a downpour spewed from the darkened sky. Instinctively, you latch onto Kihyun’s arm but that was when he’d have an umbrella on him. “it didn’t say it’d rain today?” Kihyun looks over at you shivering from the rain. He takes his long bomber jacket off from his body and drapes it over your shoulders to keep you as warm as possible. “What are you doing Kihyun?” the exclamation in your voice startling him. “You’re cold and I gave you my jacket,” Kihyun’s head tilts, stating what he was doing. “I mean, thank you I do appreciate it,” you smile, “if you had other ideas in your head, don’t..” Kihyun panicked. You smiled at his light-hearted teasing but Kihyun looked ahead whilst walking. You approached your house first and gave Kihyun a hug; “thank you for walking me home and comforting me this evening,” You say as your head was leaning into his shoulder, his arms were around your waist respectively. “I’ll be here for you and Changkyun will be there for you to regardless of time zones,” he speaks softly as you part from the embrace, “I know, I hope we can still keep in touch when we move to university.” You say as you make eye contact with Kihyun’s . You remove the jacket from the shoulders and hand it to Kihyun; “please get home safely, message me when you’re home,” You smile at Kihyun. It was like old times, where you used to prove you cared for me…“I will, I promise,” Kihyun puts his hand on your shoulder before he turns around and leaves through the gates and disappears around the corner. My heart never skipped beats like this before, get a hold of yourself. He puts his jacket back on and makes the rest of the journey home with the bus.

“Are you home yet?” you type in then delete the message. Your phone rests in your hand and you think what to write. You didn’t want to sound obsessive or too protective but you wanted to sound protective enough. “hey, are you home safe and sound?”

Kihyun looks down at his phone, taking it out of his pocket as he takes his shoes off and hangs his wet jacket to dry. “Yeah, just walked in,” Kihyun types, it felt weird how you’d message him only when you didn’t have Changkyun’s attention but he shook his head to forget the absurd thoughts since his mind was making things up to mess with him. “you okay?” he messages back.

“Yeah especially after this evening, thank you so much Kihyun,” you reply to him as you sit at your dining table with your family for dinner; “do you wanna maybe help out with me moving out?” you type then delete it again because he must be doing the same. “when will you be moving to your uni campus?” You ask him since you didn’t know where he was going but assumed it wasn’t to yours. “I’m packing on Thursday for Saturday.” Kihyun replies,

The blinking line in the text box blinks to the rhythm of your heart. You felt stupid for asking but you were curious. Your evening was spent with your family, enjoying and celebrating your acceptance to Seoul University; you wondered how these wondrous dorms looked like and if you were going to have a room mate, you thought about making new friends and going to university events and having unlimited access to the library that was radiating knowledge. It was all so new and it was exciting to you. You messaged Changkyun just so he knew you were thinking about him and you waited for his response although you knew he wouldn’t reply until tomorrow. You had to begin packing so you went to scavenge for some boxes which were in the attic. Your father helped bring the ladder down and you both went up to grab some boxes and to your surprise you found a few things that your forgot about. There were some photo albums and multiple boxes of trinkets and items which you went through. They were photos of you and Kihyun from your preschool days, some toys and presents that were made by Kihyun and a his glove that he left at your house when he was 6 years old. It brought a smile to you face. “hey, are these all you need?” your father asks holding up some flat boxes; “huh? Oh, yeah those are it!” you leave the stuff in the box and put it back into its place and going back down to pack your items. During the process, it felt nauseating to leave your family and voyage on this journey alone. How would you cope without your mother and father there to help you when you needed them, your mothers cooking, your puppy? It should be fine right? Your desk was almost all cleared away and you grabbed the final two things; the photo of you Changkyun and Kihyun and the stuffed bunny. You couldn’t leave them behind you had to take them with you.

Moving out day arrived shortly and you sat in the car with your father going to your campus to move in. “did you check your accommodation?” your father asks. “I did and it looked good!” you smile confidently. Little did you know photos and real life are two different things. You arrived to your accommodation; it was a tall building looming over on the street that had other accommodation complexes; the prices were astronomical and almost unaffordable so you stayed safe with the cheaper option. You fiddle with the keycard between your sweaty palms, why were you so nervous? You got to your dorm and you swiped the card to let you in although, despite the technology, the interior was cold and almost damp. “oh god, why is it like this in here?” your father asks as he takes a look around. The gas pipes trailed along the skirting of the walls, the paint was chipped and had minor stains on them which you didn’t want to question, not to mention the tattered curtains and dark carpets. “these carpets were supposed to be a light brown,” your father gulped “I have a carpet cleaner at home, we can clean this place up a bit before you settle?” he suggests and you just nod to him, not feeling very satisfied with what you have witnessed. You check the bathroom; the tiles were a rusty brown and there was limescale covering the shower head, taps and sink. God… you thought to yourself, you had a lot of cleaning to do. You didn’t have a private kitchen so the communal kitchen was something you had to get used to as well as sharing a fridge and cupboards. From this day on, you began to get your dorm into shape, cleaning and restoring the dorm as much as you could and investing in some slippers just to be extra clean! You set up your computer at your desk and brought in your items to move in peacefully. The windows were large and opened wide enough to let out the aroma of bleach and chemicals waft out as you spray some air freshener so you could respirate in your own living space. After your father left, you tried to get used to your dorm before there was a knock just as you sat down. You didn’t know if you should open the door so you just yelled: “ I didn’t order anything, I just moved in!”

“We’re not here for delivery!” one of the voices called out. It was a cheerful, higher pitched voice. She sounded cute and friendly so you stood up and took the risk to open the door. The girl had a blue hair that was looking seafoam green in the hallway lighting. He eyes were rounder and her dark almost like a puppy. “Hello floor mate, I’m Gowon!” she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life – you thought to yourself. “ I moved in a couple weeks ago and I thought we could get to know each other!” She smiles, her pink tinted lips turn into a wholesome smile. You nervously chuckle, “ahah yeah! That’d be nice. I’m trying to get used to me dorm right now,” your hand rests on the back of your neck. “ you’ll get used to it in no time!” she smiles at you, “what are you going to major in?” she asks. God, I’m a Business and Management major, does that make me boring? “Business and Management..” your tone lowers, embarrassed at what you were saying. “Oh my god really! My friend does that, I’m super interested in fashion so fashion designing was quite interesting!” who was her friend? “do you have anyone from your school here?” Gowon asks and you shake your head. “what can you do,” you let your lips curl into a smile, “ one of my friends moved to the states because he wanted to go to university there and my other friend is staying here but I don’t know where he’s going, he hasn’t told me and I don’t wanna ask him because what if he did tell me and I wasn’t listening, I’d feel bad.” Your thoughts where going hectic. Gowon puts her hand on your shoulder, “hey! It’s okay if you keep in contact that’s all that matters and besides you can meet new people here!”

Gowon was so sweet and you could see yourself become really close friends with her. You text Kihyun; “hey! I moved in.” you type and add a smile emoticon to make it seem less dry than looked. You notice the bubble with the three dots appear – he was typing- and you sat on your bed waiting for his reply. “that’s cool! How is it?” he replied. He wanted to know what conditions you were living in hoping it was too bad. “it’s okay, there were a few problems but it’s okay, it’s all sorted out… kinda.”

You spoke to Kihyun for a few minutes before he had to go offline since he was busy. You first university day starts in a couple weeks so you had time to get used to your environment and make some friends while you were at it but it wasn’t easy since everyone was in their rooms most the time. Only Gowon was out on walks or getting some coffee or going for a small food shop. You thought it’d be a good opportunity to hang out with her for a while to get comfortable and become closer friends.

[a couple weeks later]

Your alarm buzzed at 6am. You haven’t heard that for a while and it was infuriating to hear the annoying sound at your ears when it was still dark outside. You grab your phone and sit up in your bed, tossing aside your phone which decided it would like it better on the floor. You groaned tiredly and slip on you slippers and grab a hoodie to make your way to the bathroom to freshen up. You look around for the toothbrush and toothpaste wondering where they were. Of course, you didn’t turn the light on, so your pushed the light switch to find them on your sink. Your tiredness was getting the best of you. You got dressed and decided today wasn’t the day for breakfast, grabbed your bad, phone, purse and key card to make your way to campus. It was cold but it was refreshing to walk in. Usually you’d walk with Kihyun but of course, he wasn’t here to walk with you every morning.

Gowon runs up behind you; “bOO!” she yells which startles you. “oh my-” you raise your voice only to realise it was Gowon. “did I scare you?” he nudged. Your connection to her felt familiar, like you knew her for a long time and it was comforting. You see behind her there was another person; His hair was blond and wavey, stopping just under is brows, lips tinted a light pink and his smooth, glass like skin illuminated by the winter sun. “This is Minhyuk, he helped me out when we both moved on the same day!” Gowon introduces and Minhyuk waves at you, smiling at you charmingly. You raise your hand and introduce yourself before you all go to campus. Who knew how easy it was to make new friends? Two already? 

You think how Kihyun was doing but to your little knowledge, he was already in his first class getting to know everyone. He looked at his phone, swiping up to unlock it then pressing the green speech bubble to message you. “Hey, you in uni yet?” he asks you. “hey Kihyun, I am. Why are you messaging me?” you sounded a little passive aggressive you you send the ‘x’ kiss. “you do know I got to the same university as you but someonewas too excited to even ask me :/” you gasped and held the screen closer to your face. “have you seen a ghost?” Gowon asks “or did someone send you an early morning naughty photo” Minhyuk snickers behind her looking over her should just to see a series of texts. “boyfriend?” he asks. You shake your head; “no no, it’s just my best friend apparently he goes here too but-” you were interrupted by Gowon’s gas, “you didn’t ask him! Girl, were you dating someone and forgot about him?” you stood there silently biting your lip. “I take that as a yes, tell us about him, what does he do, where does he go, introduce us to him plea-” Gowon paused after seeing how dismal it made you feel talking about him. “he left to the states and I guess I have to move on,” you force a smile, “lets go shall we?”

Why did Kihyun make it hard for you. Now they think you’re in a love triangle, you hope they didn’t at least. Your introductory day went well and you met a lot of people who are doing the same degree as you. “Hey,” Kihyun waves with a smile whislt walking over to you. “Wow how have you not fallen for him?” Gowon asks you and you don’t respond. “what’s up man, your bestie here has said a lot about you!” Lies. Absolute lies. I don’t hate him but you don’t want people to get the wrong idea. “oh really? I must be the centre of your conversations then.” He looks down at you and ruffles your hair and you smile back. “well me and Kihyun have know each other since we were born pretty much,” you giggle before someone interrupted yet again, “hey, you four coming to the freshers party?” he asks. You all look at each other. “oh um, sure why not!” Minhyuk smiles from ear to ear. Freshers parties are for the new students to interact and get to know each other often organised by the senior students. “when is it?” Kihyun and Gowon ask simultaneously. “it’s actually going to be next month since the uni team are free then, it’ll be at a share house just a few minutes away from the campus, but I hope you guys can come!” the guy smiles and waves. “OI wait, what time?” Minhyuk hollers. “Probably 7pm and you can leave by the early hours of the morning, see ya!”

“damn so much freedom and responsibility, how does it feel to be so free?” Gowon asks. “My parents allowed me to do things reasonably, but this is a lot of responsibility,” you twiddled your thumbs, “she never got drunk, a good little bunny she is.” Kihyun smiles and chuckles teasing you. “you guys seem like a couple” Gowon giggles, “what a shame girly, I quite liked the look of your best friend Kihyun.” Gowon pouted. You felt a bit sick; “ew, this guy? Did you know he-” Kihyun’s hand covers your mouth, “now now, I am a man of many mysteries,” he raises a brow. You scoff.

Later that evening you hung out with the three friends you have, and you were invited to Minhyuk’s dorm. “Damn you have everything sorted here, your lights are cool!” Kihyun points out, “and a games console, alright turn it on let’s play!”

You and Gowon sit on Minhyuk’s bed and talk to each other. You glance at the boys and your heart does flips. No stop it don’t do that. You tell yourself, Gowon’s voice muffling until you were shaken out of it – quite literally. You try to divert the attention and soon after you decide to go back to your dorm. The trio seemed disheartened that you had to leave first but you just had to go.

You lay in your bed staring at the leak stain on your ceiling before turning away to the side, watching the screen of your phone glow blue. You gasped; “Hey, how are you?” it was Changkyun and he finally messaged you since he left. “I’m okay-” you think to type ‘I miss you’ but you didn’t want to sound .. well you know. “I’m okay, I made a couple friends!”

You and Changkyun spoke for a little bit until he stopped replying. It seems like he fell asleep; you knew he was enjoying his time there, Changkyun never turns down a party. You sigh loudly in your room before the heating stops and your room temperature drops rapidly. “no no no-“ you go to your heating dial trying to fix it. There was no hope; why is it your dorm room with all these problems? You let it be and tried to go to sleep with layers of blankets to keep you warm.

-

“Hey, are you excited for the party?” Gowon asks. “so excited,” you smile and look at Minhyuk and Kihyun talking about something, “how about you guys?” You ask. “awh yeah, I think it’d be so cool!” Minhyuk smiled; his soft puppy like features not matching up with his ‘rebellious bad boy’ vibes was something that entranced you, just how? “Yeah, It’s a new experience so that’s cool,” Kihyun added.

Throughout the day you and Gowon and Minhyuk became closer as did Kihyun. “yo, so where does your girlfriend go?” Minhyuk asks assuming Kihyun had one. Kihyub smiles and sighs, “I never dated anyone..” Gowon gasped at his remark. “I mean I tried to set him up with my friend Irene but he just refused,” you shrug “what a shame, she was a nice girl.” You say as you stand beside him. “she actually refused me, did she tell you otherwise?” he asks you, his voice low. What’s gotten in to him? “I mean, no I just assumed that-“ you were interrupted by him, “heres a life lesson, assuming things isn’t very safe it can lead to many problems,” He patted your head and smiled “she refused me politely so now you know.”

Gowon stared at him in disbelief. “have you ever had feeling for anyone?” she was interested to know. He shook his head; it was a blatant lie. “Woow…” she looked away in disbelief. Kihyun laughed already predicting their reactions but he brushed it off it was no big deal, sometimes it was best to move on, right? [later that evening] The room was cramped with students new and old dancing and drinking with their friends in the kitchen, standing in the hallways and sitting on stairs. The music was blaring out so loud that you could barely even hear your thoughts which was a good thing. You approached a small group of people who seemed to be a year older; “hey! You’re a new student here right, first year?” one of the guys spoke out to you from the other end of the room and he seemed to be approaching you at a quick pace with a drink in his hand. “want some help getting to know some people?” he seemed super friendly and draped an arm around you and escorted you around the place. You already lost the others, usually Kihyun would be beside you regardless but he left with Minhyuk somewhere. You took a sip of the liquid which gave your tongue a burning sensation; “new to drinking I see, you’ll get used to it,” he smiles at you his arm tightening around your shoulder. “so out here are all the kids who were a part of some drama and they’re quite daring too, I must say I am a part of that group,” he chuckles “no worries though because in the kitchen are the 2nd year business and management lot.. they’re a bit boring but there’s that,” he tuts and passes them as your heart sank since you saw Minhyuk and Kihyun together with Gowon and someone else they befriended whilst you were being taken around by some random student. You felt a little dizzy as he was showing you around until you asked to sit down to which you were sat down on a couch with that guy. Voices began to muffle slowly, your world a haze; what was that drink? Or what was IN that drink?

You open your eyes, gasping for air finding yourself still on the couch although your head was in someone’s lap. You look up to see it was Kihyun and you gulped, nervous to even ask what happened. He looked rather angry and out of character, Minhyuk sitting with his hands in his hands and Gowon sitting on the arm of the seat. “she’s up guys there really was no reason to act up like that was it?” She looked at the boys. What even happened?

–      Minhyuk and Kihyun both saw you passed out on the couch with the older boys surrounding you with cameras out facing the ‘nice guy’ trying to do something that wasn’t right. They were both furious but they were confused as to why each other reacted the way they did. Charging in absolute anger, Minhyuk threw the guy off you and Kihyun lifted your head up to check up on you. “Leave her alone!” Minhyuk grunted as the guy held him by the collar throwing a punch and leaving him on the floor. Kihyun checked if you were hurt and luckily you weren’t but he thought why Minhyuk go so angry so quick. It reminded him of how protective Changkyun was of you and it made his stomach churn. –

“let’s take you home..” Kihyun sighs “ I don’t think right now is the best time to come to parties..” he knew something would happen if he left you alone. “taking advantage of people is so shit,” Minhyuk scoffs as Gowon pats his back. “Let’s all just go and make sure she’s okay,” Gowon picks up your stuff. Only 3 hours in and this is what happens, what a vibe killer.

Your dorm has a leaking ceiling so when you opened your door your bed was wet. “you must be joking..” you whisper. “are you okay?” Kihyun asks. “yeah I’m fine thanks, you can go now, sorry for the trouble,” you look down in disappointment. “no problem, I’m here for you whenever you need me okay, my apartment is a few minutes away from your dorm,” he writes down his address on a text message and sends it to you. You nod and thank him before shutting the door and looking at the leak and open your door heading out again. “oh hey, you alright?” Minhyuk comes back with a plastic bag of things he bought from the convenience store; “why are you outside?” he asks “leak in my ceiling again…” you respond. “ahh, wanna hang at mine before you decide what to do?” you think for a moment. Maybe going to Kihyun’s was a good idea. “I think I might visit Kihyun now,” you nod.

You felt awful. You created such a scene yet Kihyun was still there for you. You get to his apartment and knock at the door and he opens knowing it was you. “welcome, good thing I’m making food” he smiles grabbing your hand to pull your inside “come here it’s cold out there”

“I’m sorry for what I did today,” you gulp and avoid eye contact. “sorry for what? Being an idiot and taking a drink from someone else? Yeah don’t worry you didn’t know but next time don’t get lost you have a phone for a reason,” he says laying a bowl of ramen in front of you, “anyway eat up,” he says going for it as soon as he sat down. “why are you here?” he asks. You stare at him, there was genuine concern in his eyes. “I have a leak in my dorm and my bed is wet,” Kihyun laughs, “what a lame excuse to hang out with me AND stay with me,” he jokes “I’m joking of course.” He hands you one of his hoodies since you seemed cold. “well you can stay here until someone fixes that leak in your dorm,” he smiles softly. I want to tell her right here right now… he opens his mouth then stops. “what were you going to say?”

“it doesn’t matter don’t worry…” he held back, no matter how hard it was. He tucked a bit of hair that dangled down the side of your face back. “don’t eat your hair too?” he jokes and laughs. “since when were you so cocky Kihyun?” you asked him since you noticed a shift in behaviour. I have no competition… “Oh I guess new school new me?” he shrugs. “right,” you nod.

You and Kihyun sit on his bed watching something on youtube, laughing at a show you both like until he drifted off leaning back on his headboard. You thought it was an uncomfortable position, so you moved his head to your shoulder and threw a blanket over him. This felt like the good old days. Your eyes also began to get heavy, so you thought to close your eyes for only a few seconds. Although, seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours, by the time you knew it you were both asleep. Fast asleep.