Dear Torn in Two-kun (draft for a love advice column)
gotta like keep this in my head because im gonna forget it, but like
au where haitani kaiki edits for hope's peak school newspaper, and there's a little love column. "Ask the Demiromantic Demigoddess of Love!* *not an actual goddess"
"Good day, Haitani-san.
There's this kid in my class who teases me and my friends a lot.
But while they ruthlessly call my friends names, they seem interested in me. He asks me what my hobbies are, and invites me for tea.
Conversations are great. Maybe a little confusing sometimes... It's just that I can't tell his teasing and his... flirting (?) apart.
Truthfully, he's interesting to me, too. But I wish he'd stop being so cruel to my friends if he likes me. What do I do?
Please help me, Demigoddess. (It's kind of weird to call you that...)
From, Torn in Two"
and of course, kaiki will go like
"Hi, Torn in Two-kun.
Seems you're in a pinch. At his core, do you like this Pestering Prince-kun?
Firstly, disregard what dynamic he and your friends might have for now.
See him as he is. Then analyze him outwards, how he treats your friends.
Maybe this Prince-kun needs some self-analysis on his own end, too. Would you enjoy the presence of somebody who fought your friends always?
That's a concept in the West. "green flags" and "red flags". Green's good, while red's bad.
Will this rose bring you beauty more than he does pain? Think, Torn in Two-kun!
But, to be quite clear. I myself love roses, too. Can't fault your interest~~
Delve into the thorns at your leisure, just always remember your gloves.
(For transparency, I think I know who this is. Ah, that's too honest.)"