#gopher-guts

Writing a book is fucking difficult. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Its not hard to come up with ideas and concepts and inspiration. that part is natural. the difficulty is actually admitting to yourself that you're ready to start, and the maturity to recognize when a section is finished. Its taxing on your time and patience and life, but it is a reality you can breathe life into when the one around you is crumbling, and a skill you can hone that allowed you to transmute your wildest dreams into the realms of the tangible and the relatable. It is far more than a cure for loneliness, it is the joy of actualizing the 3 pound universe that already exists behind your eyes but that you can never seem to articulate or understand completely through reflecting and conversing with other people. it demands dedication, but if you're willing to give it that then it will shape you into the creature you have always known you were, and more importantly, it will allow your vision to break free from the mold of abstractions and inexpressible leylines of doubt like the statue of David being broken free from a slab of marble. It is not a test of skill to write a book, but a test of willpower. because there will be a milion times when you'll read what you've written and say to yourself "its not good enough yet", then delete or edit days worth of work. I say again, its fucking difficult. But I've yet to find any earthly or heavenly joy that compares to the sensation of looking back on a competed work and acknowledging that it is up to the highest standard of what you are capable of. And then from there to have your previous standards smashed and re-established for the harder and more elaborate challenges of the future. My book is eating away at me sometimes, but I love every second of it, because not only does it force me to raise my personal bar of what I believe I'm capable of and then fucking reach for it, but there is literally nothing else that fills me with the same sense of accomplishment and pride as being able to articulate a good story. Period. 

1. The only one coming to mind is "Red and Ugly" - Eskimeaux 2. "5 Years from Now"- Noah and the Whale 3. "Summer in the City"- Regina Spektor 4. "La Vi en Rose"...  And Maybe "Like the Dawn" by The Oh Hello's 5. "Ohisama" - Amesaki Annainin 6. "Triadzz"- Rustie 7. "Last Dinosaur" -The Pillows 8. "Two Ativan today"- Florist 9. "First day of my life" - Bright Eyes 10. Jeez a lot of songs make me saad... mmm Bright eyes songs??? "Landlocked Blues" 11. I was lookin' everywhere for it, but there's a version of "Someday my Prince will come" played by Bill Evans. It's just him on piano, and there's this solemn, stoic, solitary feeling to it. It's complex and I can't find it, but it's beautiful and my favorite. I don't know if it's on an album or not, but if anyone can find it, please tell me~ 12. I dunno, Hakkunah Mattata?? Sang that all 7th Grade, like a fuckin anthem. 13. Hmm, be lying if i didn't say Ghost Busters, but... Karma Chameleon?...no...."Man in the Mirror"???? God damn... Don't you by simple minds. I'll go with that. Subject to change. 14. Moon River- Audrey Hepburn 15. "Sprawl II" (Arcade Fire) - Hey, Ocean! 16. Erik Satie- "Gymnopiedie" or, what was the ending to Swan Lake? 17. "Ain't No Mountain High enough" 18. "Can you feel the love tonight" 19. Shit mannn..... "What I'm lookin for" Brendan Benson (Tentative answer) 20. Hnnngnnng "Best Wishes" Iwasaki Taku (tentative answer) 21. Riiight now I'm thinking of Kirby's adventure in Ream land. Seriously though, Bella- Jack Johnson 22. "The World Spins Madly On" - The Weepies. Actually could answer 19 and 20 with this one. 23. refer to 11. 24. Hmmmmm, I dunno, of the top of my head, I think the beatles, but I also feel they've run their course. Well I'll say Yesterday, beatles. 25. Mmmm, who's dead??? Seriously, there are way more people in the ground than on it. Hmmm "All along the Watchtower" Jimi Hendrix. Wait, is bob dylan dead? Leonard Cohen? Cause then "Make you feel my love" or Chelsea Hotel. 26. I really don't know what to put down. "Think about me" Daniela Andrade. 27. SHit. A lot of the ones here? Very recently Space Odyssey by David Bowie made me cry, I can't figure why. God, Balmorhea isn't even on this list, what a fool am i.   28. God dammit, gaps in my memory prevent me from putting down what I really want, but I'll put down Ray Charles- "Am I blue" 29. GO GO POWER RANGERS! RNNN NNNN NNNN NNNN NNN~ 30. A nice tie between Arctic monkey- Only ones who know and "Nobody knows me at all" - The weepies. The post in question.

Aesop Rock - Gopher Guts

:3265- Ahh… The most terrifying dream would be one where I was alone, in my house. No one else was there. I tried turning on the lights, but they wouldn’t light up. I tried calling everyone I knew but each of them would pick up for a mere second before hanging up on me… I went on the internet only to find insults plastered all over the screen. I eventually just began ripping myself apart in the middle of the living room before waking up in a sweat. Pretty scary ^^261- I hope I will be happy. I don’t really care how much money I’m making or who I’m with or if I’m successful or not. I just hope that I can achieve some sort of happiness and pride in what I do.253- “My cat is purring, it scratches my skin”233- That’s…. A very good question. I guess I really have to build up confidence in myself. If I believe I’m going somewhere and believe in myself I can achieve anything. The only issue… is that it rarely happens. :/231- There is a small spotTiny, but always in viewUnable to leaveAlways in my viewThe spot resides inside mePlease, just leaveSo I am able to achieve217- I do to some degree. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. But I also believe that each person has the power to alter and change their destiny. 216- Half empty. 211- Yes. But I want to shower first.187- “She’s a bit of a fixer-upper”186- “JUKE. BOX. HERO. he’s got stars in his eyes JUKE. BOX. HERO.” I was always more of an 80’s girl than a 90’s.183- Ahhh. Sometimes. I guess it depends on my mood. And the type of dancing.182- All kinds, except country. Although there are a few exceptions to that. But very, very few.181- All the time. On the bus, during school, on the bus home, at home, before I go to bed, rinse and repeat. 

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