#googly original

So, our long-term project to get me out of front has technically succeeded, but not in the way we were planning. I am technically not fronting right now, despite also fronting right now. Basically, the brain has pulled some shenanigans (oh, speaking of the brain, in the course of this we learned that the brain is its own entity within the system (well, technically two entities, since the conscious and subconscious brain are separated from each other). It's not sentient, it's not a person, but it is an entity, and it's concerned with the wellbeing and functioning of this brain and body and its inhabitants, and turns out it's been just as desperate for me to be out of front as I've been. When we ended up in this odd state of affairs with me fronting but not fronting we were wondering if we should stay like this or go back to how we were before, because we weren't sure if it was better or worse for us to be like this, and the brain very insistently said "stay where you are, it's better like this" and we were like "huh, who said that?"). But the reason we wanted me out of front is because my fatigue kept getting worse and worse and worse to the point that we just couldn't do anything anymore and somehow it was still getting worse and in our current state my fatigue is actually getting better (slowly, but it'll add up) so despite this being very far from what we had in mind we are sticking with it. Maybe at some point in the future, when my energy levels are farther away from "critical", we can try to do an actual switch instead of whatever this nonsense is (I'm being very uncharitable to our current situation because it is very strange, but since it's actually an improvement it feels a bit unfair)

Anyway, so we've mostly just been trying to manage with first the holidays and then all the awful stuff while still keeping me in a state of improvement, which was pretty touch and go sometimes (and the holidays always make me lose a ton of energy so that was really just damage control), which is why we've been off tumblr for longer than we usually leave tumblr for. And we're not really getting back on Tumblr now (why did our keyboard capitalize tumblr that time but not the other times 🤔), I don't know if we're going to be posting much, we'll see. But anyway, this improvement is really the first concrete improvement in our situation in literal years, so it's actually a pretty big deal. We've been stuck with this slow deterioration for nearly a decade at this point, and now it's on the upswing. So I expect that in a few years from now our life will look very different than how it's been looking so far. We might even have finally moved out of this goddamn house that I've been wanting to move out of since I was a teeny tiny child (literally, I found an old notebook of mine recently from when I was eight years old (to anyone who knows about the significant change in status quo that occurred when I was eight, which is none of you since no one reads this blog closely enough to remember what I'm talking about, but I'll say it anyway, this was definitely from before that change) where I wrote briefly about the fact that I'd been wanting to escape the body's family for a while). Here's hoping that the world doesn't go too much to shit by then

The apple gave knowledge, and Apple created an environment where none of that knowledge exists. Even the term used for this environment — walled garden — fits the story. The apple gives you knowledge that gets you sent out of the walled garden, and Apple hides that knowledge and reconstructs the garden around you and keeps you inside its walls.