#goodbyebutter

I was so tired with our talk last night. I felt so tired to the point that I cannot wake up early. I randomly woke up with my daily alarm and just checked my friends and just had a small glance with my baby. 

I kept falling back to sleep cause it feels like I’ve been lacking since day one of 2020. Then, I get out of my bed when I felt hungry. We had longganisa and some kikiams fro brekfast. My brother and I went our for grocery. I also pay the  cake for Butter’s birthday. 

I got the cake and its too cute and I don’t want to ruin it. I am so happy with thr design and how it turned out. Jehan and I sent a cake to my office bff and I had it a surprise for her along with her family. Her Mom even asked me, “Who’s the other guy? Is that his boyfriend?” and I kept on laughing on it. We even have a loveteam, #JehIan. 

We just got few chance to talk and I was asking him to call me but he doesn’t like and kept on laughing at me. He is just trying to annoy me again. I just told him that I am not mad. 

I don’t know to him. 

Anyway, I don’t want to stress myself with him. It’s my baby’s special day today and I want it to be special. 

Good night.

Love Always,

It was my officemate’s birthday today and I am so excited to celebrate with them, the jokes, the ayudas, our surprise, it gives me so much excitement and happiness. We are even throwing jokes in the morning.

Until, Jehan chatted me, “Iyaaan”.

I felt some kind of different vibe already yet I don’t want to think of it unless he continued his response. He sent me a convo of him and his cousin saying that my baby Butter passed away already. He sent me a photo of Butter sleeping peacefully. The night before he died, he sent me videos of Butter, he is looking weak, he is just lying on the floor, inactive, weary and sad. He ate a little only and I prayed for his recovery. I know God took him because he might felt more pain and slowly die. Maybe God doesn’t want to see me crying while knowing that Butter is dying. But, I wish he stayed a little longer, cause, I didn’t even managed to play with him, cuddle with him, buy him bed, send him to the vet, paw him, everything that I should be doing if only I was there. 

Maybe, I can make way to save him. Maybe if I was there I can hug him all night so he knows that I will never give up on him. I feel sad knowing that he died without even seeing him. I kept on crying this morning cause I can’t imagine that he passed away already. It was a sad day.

Earlier, in the light of the heavy feeling, we had a short time party earlier and Jehan and I surprised her and sent her a minimalist cake. Some our close friends, teased us because of the gift. It was a good feeling yet I don’t know if its okay that we are doing those kind of things.

He is so happy as well how Ate Fe’s husband surprise her and her reaction when she received the flowers. And in the back of my head, I am thinking about, will he do that to me too? Will he surprise me too? At the same time, I want to stop myself from believing that there’s a chance. I don’t know, but I still keep on praying for us.

Anyway, it was a rollercoaster of emotion today and I’m still sad about what happened to Butter. :(

Good night.

Love Always,