#goodbye2016

OOTD: Cheers to the New Year!

This past year was very… taxing to say the least, for me and for many. But, like I had shared in my testimony, it’s enduring through suffering that produces character, not the suffering itself. Thus, in the difficulties lied opportunities for growth and development of character so instead of focusing on the struggles, I will reflect on things I learned and ways I matured:

I saw the church for what it was but also learned to love the church for what it was. Yes, it is a group of broken, imperfect, and often immature people, but it is my group of broken, imperfect, and immature people which I very much fit into also. I got hurt, felt betrayed and grew bitter for a season, but God allowed me to take people off the pedestal I put them on to see them as human, not as god. Only God is God so I can’t put my expectations of God on others.

God showed me so much grace in my arrogance. While I stood proudly in my own self-righteousness, he revealed the hypocrisy hidden in my heart, holding people to standards I myself could not live up to. 

During the days when I could only sob and weep and simply survive through the day, my friends covered me in their love, lent me their ears without time restrictions, prayed for me when I couldn’t, and showered me with affirmations of who I was and how much God loves me. Good friends are gold, but godly friends are priceless, and I’d never be able to afford this many.

I experienced a greater dependency on God. When I couldn’t sleep, I lost my appetite, I couldn’t stop crying, I felt so angry, hurt, bitter, pathetic, betrayed, God was with me every moment. He never lost patience but was always big enough to absorb my anger and hurt and frustration. His presence and His Word sustained me and I had a chance to lay a stronger foundation of myself in His truth.

I finished applying to grad school! And even got accepted to one already! Never would I ever have thought I would go to grad school. Writing those personal statements gave me a better understanding of myself and the reasons I want to pursue my MSW and I’m so excited to see how God will use this to build His Kingdom! This is just the beginning.

I took a great risk in friendship to love someone and though it didn’t work out, I’m glad I had the courage to love without reservation. I loved so deeply, and hurt so intensely (and even renounced dating indefinitely), but I also have hope that I can one day take the risk to love again. Love is worth it, and I’m grateful to have taken the chance and would do it all over again.

Setting boundaries– I’m starting to get the hang of it! With family, with men, with strangers, with friends. It’s still a long journey but I’m developing the ability to set boundaries... somewhat gracefully. 

Two new cars in one year? What a privilege! Albeit, my first one was stolen after two months but hey, I learned an important lesson with that one: You won’t reach something if you think it’s unattainable. I excluded SUV’s as possible vehicles to purchase, because I always thought that they were out of my price range and impractical for a single person like me. However, once I realized they weren’t too costly and the MPG wasn’t preposterous, I attained what I once thought was implausible! What an incredible lesson to learn, only at the cost of $27K. (Jk, through insurance I got most of that back, praise the Lord for that, too!)

Pre-DT. I met incredible people within my church that accepted me and loved as family, especially in a time when I felt so misunderstood and alone. Even through the material, I learned a lot of poignant and relevant lessons. AND I got to share my testimony in front of my church family on the last day of the year! Still in amazement that God can use an imperfect person like me to bless others.