#goodbye mark

Tomorrow or should I say later on since it 2am right now

I-I really don't want to be sleep (I dont feel sleepy yet) and wake up knowing that tomorrow, or technically today is the final closure. I have been avoiding this topic, but some of my friends know anyway. Tomorrow morning is the day of funeral. Honestly I really don't know what to feel in that situation. I guess I just let the emotion take over, and just let it go. I hope I don't get called out to the microphone and say some speech but we will see how it goes. I'm not really good at dealing with a room feel with depressing mood. 

Part of it is I hate feeling this way, and I know it is part of life. I don't want to feel sad anymore but it can't be helped. I don't usually allow myself to cry in public,mostly for embarrassing reason, also making everyone worry unless I just feel overwhelming on certain things. Judging myself I think i will start sobbing hahahah.  I'm sure my uncle isn't either, if anything I know he wants us to be happy, and stop worrying. 

I'm sorry, I'm just bad at coping on handling things specially it my first time attending a funeral. I tend to distract myself, find distraction to stop myself from stopping and just think about the whole situation because I know once I stop, I'll be crying forever. haha I try to be as less crybaby as possible. I know it can sound rude, or inappropriate. In the end I can't avoid forever because it is the reality. 

also thank you lis and jii for the hangout. I have fun despite we didn't hang out for a long time. Thank you jason and william for sticking around, and marlena for worrying. I'm not okay yet but just getting there.