#good bellatrix

Tw magicnazis, light horror, sexism, homophobia, loads of grey morality

Featuring NotEntirelyEvil!Bellatrix/Author (f/f), Original Characters, Horcrux and Soul Theory as well as magical theory in general, Dumbledore-bashing, Snape-ignoring and a distinct lack of importance in Harry Potter.

IF SOMEONE WANTS TO WRITE THIS INTO A FULL FLEDGED STORY YES PLEASE BC I DON'T HAVE THE TIME, JUST LET ME KNOW OK

Anyways

I am an involuntary time- or universe-traveller (I do not know which, I cannot control my power properly, I have been given no information in regards to it, I just feel a /pull/ and when I give in I end up in a different location and time and possibly universe) and at some point I end up in the late 1960s or so of the Harry Potter world (while in full possession of the memory of the Harry Potter books, leading me to believe that they are not, indeed, fictional, but either some kind of prophecy- which would btw fit into lverse mentality- or a historical document).

Knowing p much exactly what's going on (and what else might be going on due to fanfic character analysis and fandom lore) I'm of course invaluable to The Light Side ™ (lead by Dumbledore who I pretty much Despise ™ with his condescending wannabe-god attitude) and when in 1972 they are discussing different battle plans and come to an idea that would have otherwise probably been dismissed, I grasp at the opportunity to get away from them and Dumbles in particular while still doing my part against Voldy: I'm going to go on a mission infiltrating the Death Eaters, I'm perfect for it as noone knows of me yet, and I can pretend to be upper class or sth so I will even get into the things .

So I go Deep Cover undercover in the death eater ranks. Of course, I can't go in there immediately- I have to build a story, I actually travel to the US and France to leave a bit of a paper trail of someone originally from Britain who was just Away a lot in the past. I turn up again and try to get connected: going to the known meeting places of high-society purebloods and blood supremacists- not the actual death eater meeting points, that would be too obvious, but the ones their families, their friends and some of the actual death eaters frequent.

I get to meet the Black Sisters for the first time in 1974: Narcissa and Bellatrix, joined at the hip despite the four-year age difference (Bella is 23 to Cissa's 19) while their husbands are off doing whatever they are busy doing. I am surprised by how much less insane Bellatrix is than book and movie portrayed her (although maybe that just came from Azkaban, which she hasn't seen the inside of yet) and by how intelligent she and Narcissa both are. They aren't just somebodies' wives, they are their own people, and only the strict gender rules of pureblood society forces them to their stand, or even to their marriages in general, although I only suspect that much for the moment.

Another thing I am stunned by is their beauty, and how different they look. Narcissa is pale and blonde as described, but not by being a white girl ™ but through albinism, while Bellatrix is darker skinned and has dark curls. Narcissa straightens and styles her hair with magic to look like the women in the Malfoy portrait gallery, the family she married into. Bellatrix does not care for or about her husband enough to do any such things- it is whispered that Rudolphus, the man she married almost four years ago when she had barely turned twenty, is not actually interested in the fairer sex at all. While male homosexuality seems to be acceptable amongst purebloods, it is not done openly and most certainly not in a public relationship (not that these seem to exist at all- it is all about marriages, whire are unions of pure-blood houses, and illicit affairs that better not sprout any bastard children), and people would talk less about Bellatrix' and Rudolphus' lack of interest in each other if they were to have an heir already. Bellatrix used to privately joke about getting someone to hit her with an infertility curse just in case Rudolphus would ever actually lie with her, and when Narcissas first gets pregnant in 1975- only to miscarry a few months later- these 'jokes' turn more urgent and less insincere. While Narcissa would love to have a child, pregnancy is ugly and painful, and even Narcissa had planned to leave the child to the nurses as often as possible to still have time for herself in-between childcare, managing the Malfoy finances and social occasions that her husband often neglects for his new friendgroup, that she and Bellatrix are also invited to more and more often- it is even said that Bellatrix is one the Lord favors. They don't call themselves the death eaters yet.

When I see the fear in Bellatrix' eyes regarding the topic of pregnancy and children, I offer to just get rid of the problem by getting rid of the husband for her. Rudolphus is a ruthless, dangerous and chaotic man, a thorn in the eyes of the Light side for a while now, and while no crimes can officially be pinned on him, I have heard him talk enough to know that he is by no means innocent, and I know I would not feel guilty for his death by my hand. First, Bellatrix laughs- says they would just find her a new husband within a year, probably one more inclined to actually have sex with her. She knows her Lord- who she is increasingly creeped out by, and I do wonder about that- is not interested in physical matters, but while she is one of his favorites he would also not bind himself to her in a marriage.

I don't know why- later, I tell the Order that it was the perfect opening for me to get into the Death Eater ranks, but in that moment I don't think that far at all- but I ask her whether her Lord would oppose her being with a woman. Being with me. I know these people can't actively oppose the Lord's favorite, so as long as it wouldn't endanger her position as just that...

Bellatrix takes her time to consult the Lord, and he is, apparently, all in favor of her ensuring that she will not be burdened down by a family. Apparently, he considers her quite important for the War. When she comes back from him, there is a dark glint in her eyes, and while at that moment I only think it is because of the impending demise of her husband, I soon wonder about it, as that glint doesn't seem to go away... it will be years later that I find out what is going on. For now, I take down Rudolphus- it turns into an actual duel, and I end it with a harsh slashing jinx, not the killing curse. He is not the first to die by my hands (I had ended up in even crueler worlds in the past, and I am not as young as the twenty years I look), but a part of me is still glad that it was done in battle and not as an execution. I start to wonder just how much my cover of being what I would have considered to be evil is affecting me already.

I start to attend pureblood balls that I actually get personally invited to. People know me- by whispers of having killed ruthlessly over a man having wronged a friend (whether they believe that I killed Rudolphus because he wanted or because he /didn't/ want to sleep with Bellatrix varies, either way I am glad that my assessment of the situation was correct and spreading the rumor helped my position in their ranks). On many of these balls, I meet Bellatrix, and after a while we start attending them together, as well as meeting up- just the two of us- in the semi-private ambiance of upper-class restaurants in magical London and Paris.

She is a strange woman, this Bellatrix. I'm not sure I knew her at all, back when we were just casual acquaintances and not formally curting the way we now are, in 1977. She has a cruel streak I hadn't seen before (and that makes me think more clearly about what I know about this woman from the story I read, and about the fact that this is really all just part of my cover, not my own life to live) and the joyfulness and easy laughter at silly and genuinely funny thing has gotten less frequent. Instead, there is this- dark glint in her beautiful eyes, way too often to ignore. I usually believe that magic is not truly light or dark, every spell is neutral and depends on what you do with it (apart from the unforgivables that are called that for the plain reason of there not being a good way to use them), but watching her... I wonder if there is really some Dark Side sucking her in, destroying the woman I actually liked (I will admit that much to me, but not more).

Of course I always knew that she was a blood supremacist. But until then, it was more a distant, theoretic little fact- while before I was undercover, I wouldn't even consider myself friends with people whose political ideology I didn't know just in case I didn't agree with them, now I have to be friends with these people, act the part, and not even discuss the topic. A part of me always kind of thought that if I just had the chance to really talk to her about it, to be open about my own allegiance without endangering my position as a spy, I could convince her of how silly her family's and the Dark Lord's beliefs really were. Now that I saw her go to Deatheater meetings (that I still wasn't often invited to, a fact I both hated and was immensely relieved by), laugh with literal murderers, it got harder to ignore the fact that She Really Is Like Them.

I don't think she entirely trusts me, with my fabricated past that really only stands up under that much scrutiny. I'm not sure what she believes me to be exactly, but we never quite find the trust a relationship should be built on, neither from her to me nor, of course, the other way around. We still follow the traditional ways of courting, even exchanging promise rings- and on that afternoon, away from prying eyes, in the privacy of her home, I feel so connected to her once more as her playful side is coming through again as she hides the promise ring first in her hair, then in a dessert: unhygienic, Bella! I call as she laughs, badly wipes down the ring instead of using her wand to get it properly clean before placing it on my hand, whipped cream and all.

By the beginning of 1978, people already expect to see us together. We are not sneered at anymore (at least not openly so) since a man by the name of Davies lost a high position in Voldemort's ranks- he is calling himself by that title now, and while he doesn't want others to address him with anything but 'The Dark Lord', as far as I'm aware there isn't a magical alert on the name yet, but the Order is of course already warned of the possibility- by talking unfavorably about one Bellatrix née Black. We are still the only openly lesbian couple at the soirees and balls we attend, but we are viewed more as an eccentric little oddity that has grown almost boring over time by most.

In spring of 1978, the Deatheater attacks get worse, the Ban on the name Voldemort leads to literal slaughters, the Order is constantly in uproar and I am barely able to contact them anymore.

In summer 1978, the war that so far had been fought quietly in the shadows gets very open and loud very fast. Former Hogwarts Students, still children in my eyes, are forced to pick sides and fight to the death- or flee the country.

In 1978, I am afraid of losing my Bella entirely- until one day, a quiet day of reprieve from fighting and 'meetings' and death, at least for the two of us- gives me new hope: Bella had been growing more and more unhinged in the weeks prior, neglecting herself and her hygiene as she fought more and more ruthlessly, truly turning into the Dark Lord's right hand woman. As I return home on that day- my home now, too, although we are not legally married we are seen as an item, a union, by the people that matter- I am ready to be ignored once again or let another near-insane rant wash over me, half ignoring it while half hoping to hear something, anything useful for the Light- when instead, I find Bellatrix standing in the hallway, in front of the full length mirror and the picture of her mother that Bella had turned immobile as soon as her husband had died and no-one had been there to tell her not to anymore. When she notices me, she turns around, and I am gratified to see that for the moment, the mad glint in her eyes has gone. "Am I turning into her?" she asks, "Or into /him/?" and she doesn't have to specify whom she means. She really does look a little like a mixture of the Dark Lord and her mother's portrait now- the curls in disarray, the lines of a permanent half-grin-half-sneer on her face, the clothes of an Important Pure-Blood Woman with her own personal touches on her body, now torn and covered in enemies' blood. "I don't know" I say. "Isn't he all you aspire to be?" I really wish I could talk freely with her in that moment. "I don't know" she echoes. "I thought he would bring us power- I think he- /does something/ to me, sometimes." at my alarmed look: "nothing- physical, not like that. But I get so- different, I don't know how to think anymore- and he's gone out of the country yesterday and suddenly I can /feel/ again, I remember /you/ again... and yet it's still dulled! It's like the only thing I can feel anymore is death!" she starts shouting in the end, and she is shaking as I draw her into my arms.

In 1979, my attention is devided threefold: keeping my cover amongst the monsters amongst which I live, communicating with and helping the Order and trying to find a cure for whatever has befallen Bellatrix. She really is the crazy person from the Stories, now, not changed by Azkaban the way I first thought but by Him. And she is not the only one: after careful deliberation, I can classify His followers in three ways: the ones that follow him absolutely willingly, either believing in his cause and in the fact that he truly believes in it, too (they tend to not have much brain and not live long, either) or because they see some personal gain in it, the way Lucius does, whom I am truly coming to hate; the ones who are bound to him by means of threat, not having anywhere else to go or through other people, like Narcissa is through Lucius, Bellatrix, and by proxy myself- and the ones that might turn from him- if he didn't turn them evil and insane. It's not the imperius- barely anyone is under the imperius curse, and never for long, it takes the entire mental focus of most people to make someone act convincingly human under the curse, so it is only used for specific missions when a specific person is needed to for example gain access to something or someone- I really have to wonder whether and if yes how, the fuck, people like Lucius would really be able to plead not guilty by claiming the curse in the future. No, Voldemort certainly has better things to do than using the curse himself and making his followers do it would keep the number of people who can actually work for him unchanged while also weakening their power. I work on magical theory, mind spells, potions and, on a hunch, soul magic- as I know Voldemort has made Horkruxes, it can be assumed that he has more expertise on this area as well, covertly contacting experts in different countries, and under a pen name befriending the magical theory expert of the United states, Melodenia. The friendship is a saving grace in these dark days- I barely manage to do anything to change the war, only hoping that my tips on locations of Horcruxes, Deatheater raids and Illegal shipments are helping the order at all and often cursing the fact that I ended up in the first wizarding war instead of the second, despite knowing that in that case, all the victims from the first war would already be dead.

In 1980, the next generation of Malfoys begins: on the fifth of June, Narcissa finally gives birth to an heir, a baby boy, Draco Malfoy. I am to be his godmother. At a Malfoy soirée held solely to show off their new heir, I am introduced to Severus Snape- still a child himself, really, finishing his mastery now at nineteen and having made quite a name for himself, in the potioneer world, leading to him being courted outright aggressively by the deatheaters, some going quite far to win him over in order to win themselves favor with the Dark Lord, Lucius Malfoy going the furthest: he has made him godfather of his son. I wonder what path Snape will chose, whether it can really be called making a decision at all. It doesn't take long for me to find out...

Not much later that year, we gain another double spy: yes, Severus Snape. Dumbledore isn't half as kind to him as he would have been, if I hadn't been around- I'm the more valuable spy, Snape, who I have come to known as quite a Sad Boi ™ and honestly less evil than I would have expected from his description in the books and my interpretation of it. Despite Deatheaters trying to convince him to join them since his last two years at Hogwarts, he held out until he finished his Mastery, and even then only was with them for about a week. Yes, the prophecy about his friend Lily was what pushed him to leave, but even when he hears that yes, we know all about that already and got it covered, he doesn't just fuck off again but sticks around to help instead, willing to work penance for ever helping the blood supremacists at all) won't get into many of the high society functions I frequent because he's a halfblood and also of lower social class.

The prophecy has been made as expected, and I am just glad that I have already tipped the Order off about Wormtails connections to low-level Deatheaters a year prior. I have no idea how deep in he had been at that point, but I know that he has been in contact with Lucius, and that together with the way his character betrayed the Potters in the books is enough for me to sell him out. The Potters go into hiding, and I expect them to live. I don't see Harry Potter when he is born, and for a moment a thought flickers through my head: how funny, how detached my life in this story from its supposed protagonist.

But every person is the protagonist of their own story- and the Potter boy is just a baby, born to people I barely talked two sentences with privately.

I know, however, that Dumbledore wants the prophecy to play out, that he /wants/ Voldemort to mark Harry his equal. Can't he just focus on taking down the guy himself, instead? Now I have to keep an eye on the old codger again, too. Not like I didn't have enough to do already.

Later that year, the Dark Lord is growing uneasy when he can't get to the Potters or the Longbottoms. He had focused on the Potters first, then switched to the Longbottoms when he couldn't find them to at least get something done, and now... The man, if he can still be called one, is a dangerous, dangerous mess.

In a meeting of all Deatheaters and their spouses, I come face to face with the Dark Lord for the first time since I started my research into whatever is destroying my Bella's very being: the- aura, or whatever it is, that is coming off the Dark Lord in waves is startingly similar to Bellatrix' and the ones of the other people I identified to have the same problem- the one of the Dark Lord just happens to be a lot worse.

What is the one thing I know that Voldemort did to himself that could explain such an aura, such a way for a soul to project?

Horcruxes.

Horcruxes, plural- and one, I suppose, for each of his not-so-loyal followers he needed to bind to himself more properly.

I wonder, in a detached kind of way and hidden behind an occlumency shield of obedience and only half-faked devotion to Bellatrix, which objects he used for these Horcruxes, and where he keeps them.