#gonighthawks

the service is empty , except for lex and the two year old who has no concept of where she even is. god , lex wishes that were her. it's supposed to be a small thing , a ritual meant for , what ? closure ? there'll never be any closure. she hadn't talked to her mother in 4 years , since at least a year before she even left hatchetfield. and it's not like she'd wanted to. but there's this heaviness she can't shake. this wish that something had could have been different. she's told herself that she doesn't love her mother so many times she almost believed it , but now sitting in the nearly silent room , closed casket in front of her , she knows it's a lie. it's always been a lie. and now any last hopes of the little girl who just wanted to be loved back are shattered.

it's so stupid , she knows. coming back to hatchetfield to bury a woman who hadn't ever given a shit about her. maybe that's why she brought katie along with her. yeah , hannah's still back in minnesota and could've babysat , but-- but lex needs katie with her now. she needs to return to hatchetfield and promise that her kid's life will never be like what her life had been here. with the woman who is now nothing but a corpse.

the two year old squirms in lex's arms and she gives her a soft cooing encouragement to go back to sleep. she's gotten so heavy recently , a reminder of time passing. that soon her baby will be a kid. she wonders if she ever noticed that change in hannah or if lex , being just a child herself , simply always felt that crushing weight. her gaze soften as katie readjusts , eyes closing once more , before lex looks back up at the clock. twelve minutes before the funeral director should be back to take the casket away and bury her in a grave close to the rest of the family lex never knew. grandparents who were always just names and faded photos to her.

at least she won't be alone.

she deserves to be alone.

lex takes a deep breath , closes her eyes , and feels the weight of katie in her arms. focuses only on that. on this child that will never know what it's like to starve for love. because she loves her. she loves her so much it scares her. the moment stretches , measured only in deep breaths when-- the sound of the door opening. oh shit , has it been twelve minutes already ? except when lex's eyes open , the clock tells a different story. quickly , she turns her head. eyes widening when she sees who it is.

@gonighthawks : [TEXT] - can we talk? 

@gonighthawks , from max : "don’t move a fucking muscle ."

@gonighthawks : AHEM!! fill my cup.

emma couldn't stop the double take she gave the customer at the counter. she wasn't always greeted, but demands were certainly not a commonality, even in her food service hell. or, at least, they'd let her initiate before spewing their bullshit. her brow furrowed as she took a step back from where she was wiping down the milk steaming wand.