#gonetooearly

It's been few years since you passed and it has got better. it doesn't hurt as much as it did before.  when i used to remember you all the time and broke down in tears. It's better now but i still do remember you and i wish that you were here. Every time i look at your daughter i see you, every time she smiles, i remember your beautiful smile. It hurts, because you are not here to see how beautiful she is, it hurts so much because you are not here to see how she smiles just like you and most of all she is growing up and you are missing out on everything and it really sucks to know that.

Sometimes i try to imagine you siting with us, having a meal, i imagine you having a drink whilst dancing to your favorite tunes, sometimes i imagine you sitting on the passenger seat and telling me how to drive. Oh how much i wish you were here. I would do anything if i could bring you back.  

we have gone through so much together and you have taken care of me ever since i was a baby. i remember waiting for you to pick me up after school and training. I remember how you hated to go shopping so you would give money to us to buy anything whilst you stay in the car. I miss how you could drive home in the middle of the night and plan to go on road trips. I miss how you used to get so drunk at a party and try to dance with everyone to make sure they are having a good time. 

Every time i think of you, i hate myself for the things i said to you, i hate myself for talking back at you and i hate myself for yelling at you when you were drunk. I really wish i could take them back.....

I know you loved me so much and so did i! you meant the world to me and we had our differences. we had so many arguments. but every time i argued you it was honestly to get you on the right track. to see what a beautiful life you could have, if you stopped drinking and smoking. It was because i wanted you to have live to see amashi grow up. To take her to the kindergarten on the first day, to take her to school, to tell her that it's ok to fail in life, but also to tell her not to give up cuz you love her so much and that you believe in her every step of the way. 

I asked her about you today, I asked her if she remembered you and she barely remembers you. and it sucks to know that you are being replaced by her step dad. he is a good man but he wont love her as much as you did. i wish she remembered what an amazing person you were, how you always tried to make everyone happy even though you were down! i really wish you were here! its been 3 years now....3 years since you left us.... i wish you were here! 

i have a boyfriend now how i love the most....and he loves me so much more. and i really wish you were here so i could introduce him to you. you two would have gotten along so well! you would have loved him!

i really wish you were here, i wish you were alive!

i miss you so much and i can't stop crying right now.

i hope you are looking down at me and amashi. i miss you so much!

i know you will be with both of us!

i try not to be sad but it hurts....i miss you